SixxChick Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 This is phenomenon to me too. I did everything for this guy. When he got evicted and his business was flailing, I paid for him to take his kids to Disneyland, paid for their Halloween constumes ($300+ through the Chaising Fireflys catalog), bought his new business cards, made candle-lit breakfests (not talking about weekends ... waking up early on random Mondays, Thursdays and maybe a Tuesday), etc. But when I refused to be the supply source anymore, there were random new people in his life who he paid more attention to than me. On the internet, at Hooters (because kids eat for free on Sundays), ad nauseum. You will probably just tell me he was an *******. He is, and he admits it. But, what is it about love that makes us so stupid? Just having a hard time dealing with the fact that what you put forward is not always reciprocated in an intimate relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 I'm guessing that since he admits to being an a**hole, he didn't treat you very well in the relationship? Rather than love, maybe it's our own deep rooted issues that make us stay in bad situations even when we know it isn't healthy for us. I know I stayed in a relationship just like yours because I was co-dependent -- needing his validation, wanting to be loved, desiring a partner in my life, my fear of being alone. Even when he was an a**hole, I stayed. Even when I knew deep down inside I was giving more than I was receiving, I stayed. Even when I knew I didn't really love him, I stayed. Dig deep and figure out your motivations for doing so much in the relationship. In the future, have boundaries and seek balance. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 That sucks. Some people are just vacuums and only there to suck the life out of others. Only when we close those doors and actually want something back from them do they show their true colours. Sometimes it can be hard though to walk away, especially once we start investing so much time, energy, love and money into someone. It's like gambling - the more you spend, the more you find it difficult to walk away as you're sure that any time now, you're going to win. Like you're owed it after all the effort. That's not how life is. Despite all the effort sometimes there's never a payout and all we can do is cut our losses and walk away. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SixxChick Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 smudge21's signature says it all. I never knew how much it could hurt to lose something I never really had... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 Try this one: "He who cares the least, controls the most." Or even "We teach people how to treat us". Well, at least you now know what you refuse to put up with. You were over-compensating. Doing all those things in such a way as to demonstrate that that is how you wanted to be treated. Kerrist, you dropped enough hints. Oh, he saw them. Damned if he could be bothered to reciprocate though. Never put in more than you'll get out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SixxChick Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 (edited) Never put in more than you'll get out. It goes against my nature. But, unfortunately, I have now learned this lesson. Edited May 2, 2016 by SixxChick Link to post Share on other sites
TimmyC Posted May 14, 2016 Share Posted May 14, 2016 (edited) I know how you feel. I wish I could tell you why people behave the way they do but I myself don't have the awnser. You sound like a really sweet and generous person, thats an amazing trait, but your downfall I see is trying so hard to understand what will never be understood. You have to let him go. I was in a similar situation with a women much older than me. I was so done with dating girls in my age group (early 20's) because I was tired of the games. And not knowing what they want. And I found her, she took care of me like no other woman had. In some ways I see why they say it's dangerous to date a cougar. Anyways long story short I did what you did, I took care of her, I helped her pay rent, when she was in the verge of being homeless I got her a hotel for a week, and bought her a laptop for school. We ended up falling in love...well at least I thought but she said some aweful things to me when we broke up. I spent so much time trying to understand how someone could say those things. Then when I couldn't find an awnser I blamed myself. And that lead to suicide attempts. And eventually I came to the understanding that I would never know why she did or said those things. Sometimes the thoughts cross my mind but I try to move past them as best as I can because continuously convincing myself everyday to live everytime I think of her gets old. I'm sure you will find someone much better. Your too good of a person. Just guard your heart, and remember to stay strong. Edited May 14, 2016 by TimmyC Link to post Share on other sites
Author SixxChick Posted May 14, 2016 Author Share Posted May 14, 2016 You sound like a really sweet and generous person, thats an amazing trait, but your downfall I see is trying so hard to understand what will never be understood. Yep. Do not search for logic where logic does not exist. And, follow your heart, but take your brain with you. Thank you for your kind words. And best wishes to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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