Why did she invite me to her birthday?

[Sam1986]

There is this girl I've been kind of on and off with for a little more than a year now. Things are a bit complicated now, especially over last weekend when she invited me to her birthday party, and I'd certainly appreciate some feedback here.

 

Some background info:

We used to be childhood friends from the age of 6 to 10, until I moved away to a different part of the contry. We reconnected a few years ago as friends, and occasionally had some regular friendly conversation (especially during a time, like 6 years ago, when Things weren't too good With her then current boyfriend and her. Last year I was really depressed about a bad breakup on With some other girl, and was reaching out to old friends to get my mind off the Whole situation, and since the current girl was frequently liking a bunch of my facebook posts, I chatted With her and we agreed to meet up the next time she was in town (she lives on the other side of the country right now). Initially Our meetup was just a friendly meetup on my part, but when we met we really hit it off in Our conversation and I found her really cute actually.

 

During last spring and summer, we kept in contact and would chat for hours, and even had a date last summer where we initially planned to see a Movie together (we have quite a lot of common interests), but due to bad timing of the screening we ended up instead walking through the city for four hours straight and just talking. Some deep stuff really. It seemed Things were going quite well, and she acted really interested afterwards and would text me quite a bit. Then, after my birthday, she suddenly and for no reason as far as I could tell, she stopped showing any interest and started to take days before replying to me, and any contact was initiated by me only. Now I'm no idiot anymore when it comes to dating, so I naturally assumed that she had no interest even though the sudden shift kind of interest of baffled me. However, I did ask her directly about it, and she then replied that due to some anti-depressant medication she had recently started taking, she admitted that she had started taking some anti-depressant medication, which she believed had made her less interest in "social contact With other People". I told her that I respected that and that I would make no further moves on my part to stay in touch, but that she should Reach out to me if she felt like hanging out or staying in touch again.

 

Fast forward to last week, I texted her a "happy birthday" since she turned 30, and she then replied by inviting me to her birthday party whch was on last Saturday. I was kind of weirded out by it, and asked if she really wanted me to come, and she gave a strange reply along the lines of "I just haven't been talking to you much lately". Whatever that means. So I went to her birthday party, and initially she didn't speak much to me apart from some occasional small-talk. Initially I was really outgoing towards her friends at the party, but after like 5 hours of small-talk With her friends, I burned out completely (I am somewhat of an introvert, and gatherings like these drain me over time). So right before I was leaving, 7 hours into the party, she starts talking to me, apologizing for not talking too much With me and trying to small-talk more about my New job and if I had any preferences on the Music played. At that point I was completely socially drained and barely able to hold much of a conversation. Half an hour later I left, and later texted her and apologized for not being more social and talkative With her, and explained how these gatherings With lots of people tend to drain me, but adding that I hoped it wouldn't be as long until we spoke the next time. She replied With some random formalities ("it was Nice of you to come", etc.), and that was the end of that. I texted her once more and tried to get a conversation started, but no reply as of yet.

 

 

My question is, why did she bother inviting me to her birthday in the first Place? Having dated before, I kind of get it when People brush me off or otherwise are disinterested. I'm not asking "does she like me" or anything, I clearly get it that she doesn't. However, the experience kind of angered me, as I really used to like this girl but would rather be left alone than face the draining process of back-and-forth-games With someone who isn't interested to begin with. And her treating me like some distant small-talk acquaintance this weekend just annoyed me more in this case, especially since I could have done more interesting stuff than going to a party where I felt like I wasn't appreciated much by the host. In fact, I felt that it was quite rude. If she wants to be "just friends", she could have told me or acted like a friend. Or not invite me to begin with. What's going on here?

Edited May 2, 2016 by Sam1986

[TaraMaiden2]

I think what's going on is that your perception of what's going on may be different to hers.

You guys have known each other a long time, but perhaps you really don't know each other at all.

Her anti-depressants changed her personality, you had to explain you find it hard to deal with extended social gatherings... did none of this factor into your and her comprehension? Did she not know about your experienced difficulty?

 

 

Frankly, I think it pointless to ponder this.

Everything has a beginning, a middle and an end,.

I think there is a certain amount of obligation felt here.

She felt (as some women view 30 as a bit of a milestone) she HAD to invite you, because of your connection.

 

But - and I'm sorry if this smarts - she may not actually have WANTED to invite you.

 

After periods of on/off seeing each other, it's natural your paths diverged.

Simply because you've known someone 'for ever' doesn't mean you have to stay connected, or even like each other.

FTR, I don't actually always like my brother, and I have no intention of socialising with him any time soon...So, see, it's the same with acquaintances.

 

I'd slowly drop off her radar, if I were you, put it down to experience, and just move on.

 

Like I said: Beginning, middle, end.

 

Looks that way, doesn't it?

[Erik30]

Sometimes at a birthday party you barely get to speak to the person who invited you, because they're just way too busy. I'm sure it wasn't intentional of her. She's probably someone who likes to have as many friends as possible at her party.

 

It seems she wanted you to be there because she thinks you're a nice guy who she likes to talk to. I think it's just a friendship, nothing more. You've been "on and off with her," but you were never dating. If I'm reading this right you were always only talking. There doesn't appear to be any romantic interest on her part.

 

So you have to decide if you want to keep this friendship.

[Sam1986]

Mmh, two somehow different answer to my post. Appreciate any feedback though.

 

We did meet up in person last year though, and it seemed to be clear that it was a date since she specifically wanted to pay for the dinner as "It wasn't fair to me be paying for the date (she said the word "date" specifically) since I had paid for the drinks the last time, and she liked the idea of gender equality when paying for stuff".

 

Hence I didn't really like the slow-fade she pulled on me after we were getting closer, and even less the strange behaviour last Saturday. No explanation given either, she's apparently not touching the subject. Apart from the "anti-depressants"-story she gave half a year ago.

 

 

I could probably be cool With keeping the friendship, but right now I dont really feel like a friend even. In either case, I'd like to clarify things when engaging in a friendship, instead of being presented With half-assed excuses followed by radio silence and then some really weird behaviour where I feel like a distant aquaintance from work. That stuff just keeps me on the edge.

Edited May 2, 2016 by Sam1986