Ex says good things

[Chen12]

Hey guys , so my ex broke up with exactly a month from today and I decided to go no contact and have been in no contact for a week even though he has been messaging me (not constantly just twice). I know his facebook password and I logged in a few times after we broke up to find out what he up to. Turns out he has this friends with benefits (girl from work). I was hurt so bad to the point that I was shaking and felt physically ill ( found out a week after he broke up with me). After that I made a conscious effort to move and have been doing very well. I've been happier more recently and Im talking to a few new guys that I really like. All my memories of him are there and I do think about him a lot but everything is "muted". When I say that I mean that there is no dull ache in my chest anymore, mental anguish or physical pain anymore. I just think "Yeah, that was nice but its over and I can move on to bigger and better things now." and then I start getting happy again knowing that that toxic relationship is over and that my ex did me a favor. So yesterday I was bored and thinking about him. I thought about looking at his Facebook to see what hes been up to... I know I shouldn't have done it because even though I am pretty far into the moving on process I feel like it would set me back in some way... but curiosity won and I found myself looking through his messages. He was just talking to his FWB about how much he wanted her and stuff. A few weeks ago I would have been so mentally out of it I would have probably passed out but I was fine I didn't feel hurt... Just indifference but then she started to ask him about me and he was saying that he missed me and that I was an amazing person in a lot of ways. When she ask how he said that it was a lot to type so he'll just call her.

 

This completely threw me for a loop. Never really expected him to talk to her about me much less tell her that he misses me. I don't know what to think about this. The thing is that Im very happy that we are not together but I miss him. I wouldn't go back if he asked me to because I just know it wouldn't work... I don't really have thoughts about this. I don't feel happy or sad about this fact but I always felt that sometime in the future he would reach out to me and try to make it work again.. I don't know if this means anything because we are broke up and I want us to stay that way...... What do you guys think about the situation?

Do you think my actions say that I haven't moved on?

 

 

Edit: Also we are a good match relationship wise. But the stress of a long distance relationship and money issues tore us apart. He also has commitment issues

[keiji]

Hey guys , so my ex broke up with exactly a month from today and I decided to go no contact and have been in no contact for a week even though he has been messaging me (not constantly just twice). I know his facebook password and I logged in a few times after we broke up to find out what he up to. Turns out he has this friends with benefits (girl from work). I was hurt so bad to the point that I was shaking and felt physically ill ( found out a week after he broke up with me). After that I made a conscious effort to move and have been doing very well. I've been happier more recently and Im talking to a few new guys that I really like. All my memories of him are there and I do think about him a lot but everything is "muted". When I say that I mean that there is no dull ache in my chest anymore, mental anguish or physical pain anymore. I just think "Yeah, that was nice but its over and I can move on to bigger and better things now." and then I start getting happy again knowing that that toxic relationship is over and that my ex did me a favor. So yesterday I was bored and thinking about him. I thought about looking at his Facebook to see what hes been up to... I know I shouldn't have done it because even though I am pretty far into the moving on process I feel like it would set me back in some way... but curiosity won and I found myself looking through his messages. He was just talking to his FWB about how much he wanted her and stuff. A few weeks ago I would have been so mentally out of it I would have probably passed out but I was fine I didn't feel hurt... Just indifference but then she started to ask him about me and he was saying that he missed me and that I was an amazing person in a lot of ways. When she ask how he said that it was a lot to type so he'll just call her.

 

This completely threw me for a loop. Never really expected him to talk to her about me much less tell her that he misses me. I don't know what to think about this. The thing is that Im very happy that we are not together but I miss him. I wouldn't go back if he asked me to because I just know it wouldn't work... I don't really have thoughts about this. I don't feel happy or sad about this fact but I always felt that sometime in the future he would reach out to me and try to make it work again.. I don't know if this means anything because we are broke up and I want us to stay that way...... What do you guys think about the situation?

Do you think my actions say that I haven't moved on?

 

 

Edit: Also we are a good match relationship wise. But the stress of a long distance relationship and money issues tore us apart. He also has commitment issues

 

I think it's pretty obvious you're still not over him at all. It's also natural that he still misses you. I don't know how long your relationship was, but it's only been a month after BU. That doesn't necessarily mean he wants to fix things up. You said yourself that you're happy to have broken up and yet you miss him. Could be the same in his case.

 

As to the online stalking, it's totally wrong. Not only because you're not respecting his privacy, but also because you've been lucky so far, but one day you may come out of one of those little FB excursions covered in bruises. You don't want to know what he's up to. It could be incredibly painful to read certain things. Why do you expose yourself to such potential pain? Gather some willpower, memorize "War and Peace" until you forget his password or do whatever it takes, but I really think you should stop it. You'll end up burning yourself.

[Zahara]

Edit: Also we are a good match relationship wise. But the stress of a long distance relationship and money issues tore us apart. He also has commitment issues

 

You mentioned he was emotionally abusive to you in your past thread. As well as the fact the this was a tumultuous on and off relationship. No, you weren't a good match relationship wise.

 

I think you're in a whole lot of denial.

 

Your actions say you haven't moved on. Snooping is wrong and I hope you gain the willpower not only to do the right thing, but to actually take the steps to properly heal and truly move on.

 

You both had history. I'm sure he still thinks fondly of you but that doesn't mean anything more than what it is. His actions have shown you in terms of investment, he was never really there.

[Chen12]

When I said good match I mean that our personalities worked well together.... It wasn't until later on he got emotionally abusive. Am I in denial? hmmm... doesn't feel like it, I feel no emotional attachment to my ex. I don't long to be in his arms anymore. I don't want to be with him anymore. Sure I miss him but thats it. I'm taking to a couple of guys I really like and I'm happy... Does that sound like I havent moved on? Sure I'm curious about him once and decided to give in and look.. does that mean I'm not over him or does that mean I'm just curious? When someone has moved on does it mean that they don't think to acknowledge that that person existed?

 

Im asking if Im on the right path. He broke up with me a month ago after an on and off two year relationship... I read of people still being attached to their ex as long as years after the relationship is over. Considering that it has only been a month and I've cut lose emotionally ties I think I've done a pretty damn good job. Cut me some slack . The guy was my first Love... Jesus....

 

 

.. I know the invasion of privacy was wrong but that just my personality. Curiosity over rules everything for me. I also wanted to see how I would react to the messages. The fact that I didn't feel hurt, sad, or anything other than indifference made me happy. Like I was progressing. That comment just threw me off.

Edited May 2, 2016 by Chen12

[Zahara]

Does that sound like I haven't moved on? Sure I'm curious about him once and decided to give in and look.. does that mean I'm not over him or does that mean I'm just curious? When someone has moved on does it mean that they don't think to acknowledge that that person existed?

 

Your relationship ended a month ago so I can't attest to whether in that time frame one is actually capable of moving on so quickly unless you were already detaching emotionally prior to your ending. Maybe on some level you are accepting that it is over mentally but emotionally, not fully and that is why you're curious and questioning his words. I had an ex who was a blogger and he mentioned some things about me in his blog a year after our ending. My gf told me about it and it didn't phase me. Didn't analyze. Didn't create a thread. Didn't even think twice about it. Didn't check his blog. So, "moving on" can vary -- you're at some level of "moving on" but not at a stage where you're completely indifferent and not affected or interested in what, when, who, how. It's going to take time to fully let go.

 

I'm sure when someone has moved on, the past still crosses their mind but with a level of indifference -- not desiring to snoop, not desiring to analyze the words and what it means, etc. I think you're doing a two steps forward one step back. Which is fine, since it's still all very fresh. Moving ahead but stopping to look over your shoulder every now and then. It's your choice to do that but it isn't in your best interest to open yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt. Self-preservation.

 

Im asking if Im on the right path. He broke up with me a month ago after an on and off two year relationship... I read of people still being attached to their ex as long as years after the relationship is over. Considering that it has only been a month and I've cut lose emotionally ties I think I've done a pretty damn good job. Cut me some slack. The guy was my first Love... Jesus....

 

From experience, it would be in your best interest to find the discipline to stop checking his FB. If you truly want to move on, and if you want to be on the right path.

 

I know the invasion of privacy was wrong but that just my personality. Curiosity over rules everything for me. I also wanted to see how I would react to the messages. The fact that I didn't feel hurt, sad, or anything other than indifference made me happy. Like I was progressing. That comment just threw me off.

 

Now that you know that you're moving and what he's doing and who he is seeing does not affect you anymore, there is no more need to snoop. Look ahead and focus on dating and meeting new people.