How Does A 30 Year Old Shy Girl Date

[Shy Girl]

Hello, new poster here,

 

I was hoping to get some thoughts and opinions on something I've been wondering about. How does a shy 30 year old woman find someone to date? I am not currently ready to find someone at this moment, but I am wondering for the future.

 

To give a little back story and info about me, I have had two serious long term relationships. The first guy I met in high school and started dating when we were 18. We were together for 8 years, but I broke it off after realizing that we had grown apart and I was simply with him out of routine. We were just different people compared to when we first met. When we first started dating he was the one that pursued me. I actually wasn't interested in him that way at first and turned him down when he asked me out. After I turned him down, he didn't change towards me or push the issue, he simply continued to be my friend. He put in the time and effort to get to know me and eventually I fell for him. I just randomly kissed him one night as we were hanging out and that was the start of our relationship.

 

After I broke up with him I got into another relationship way too soon, out of fear of being alone I think. I met this second guy online in a totally non dating related way. Again we became friends and he became interested in me first. He lived extremely far away and I told him he was crazy for thinking that it would work between us. Evenually I agreed to give the long distance relationship a shot with him. For 6 months we dated via phone calls and skype video calls, then he came to visit me for a month. Even during the long distance portion, many signs pointed to this guy not being right for me. I contined to feel this way even after his visit, but I still ended up moving to where he lived. After moving in with him he was possessive and very controlling and I was miserable. Still, I tried for 3 years to make it work. I didn't let him control me, but things never felt right for me. I think I only stayed with him out of fear of being alone, which I know is not right and not healthy.

 

Anyway, that brings me to now. I finally had the courage to break it off and accept that it's ok to be single. Well, it wasn't exactly being single that worried me...it was being single forever. I am extremely shy and I don't put myself into social situations so I had no idea how I was going to meet someone. And why should they want to put up with the exhausting process of drawing me out of my shell?

 

I don't drink and I don't go to bars or parties...that's just not who I am. All of my old friends have moved out of my town and I haven't really made new ones. I don't view myself as pretty or ugly, but I have been told by total strangers that I'm really pretty. The one thing that I do believe is pretty about me is that I have really pretty, vibrant blue eyes. Sometimes guys try to flirt with me, but I don't really know how to react. And sometimes they seem to do a kind of 'hit and run' flirt as I have started calling it. Like at work, punching me in the shoulder or a playful shove and saying 'hey trouble' as he's walking past. I'm a little bit clumsy and sometimes drop or bump into things and there is one guy that always laughs at me when I do, but I don't think he's being mean. It's almost like he thinks it's cute.

 

But other than work, all I really do is go shopping or I like to go on walks by myself on a public trail. I am cosidering going back to school for nursing, so of course there will be people there, but I still don't know how to interact with them. My first ex, who is now my good friend, has told me that I'm pretty enough to where nice guys are nervous to approach me, but I think he's just being kind.

 

So I guess basically, how do I put myself into a situation that gives guys the opportunity to approach me, and how do I make myself seem more approachable. At the start I'm very polite and shy...but once a person gets to know me there is so much more to me than that. With the right person I can really open up and be myself...kindhearted and caring, but also really funny and even silly at times...I love to laugh. The problem is, I wonder if guys would get tired of trying to get me to the point of opening up.

[preraph]

When in any social situation or even just shopping, just put a big smile on your face even if you don't feel like it and that's really what makes most guys think you're approachable.

 

If you date online, put in there that you're shy and also that you're not a drinker and don't go to bars. That will discourage a lot of the men. But since you're 30, it won't be that bad because you're not at the age when it seems like that's all people do. A lot of guys like shy women, so that in itself isn't a turnoff, although if a shy guy is attracted by the statement, you very well may find yourself in a stalemate....

 

Online, if you like a guy who can be the leader and take charge, mention that, so you don't attract ones who can't be that. Or if you prefer the ones who are just as shy as you are and not good at leading, be sure and mention that because there's a load of them out there. It takes both kinds for the world to go round.

 

Do lots of activities you like. Make a point of it every week. You can't meet anyone sitting in your house and it's not very likely shopping either unless you're shopping for electronics. Start a new hobby, take lessons or classes, something men like to do, or a sport. Good luck.

[losangelena]

My biggest piece of advice would be to go make some new friends. I find dating is easier with a social circle, and social isolation can lead to potentially bad decision making as it pertains to relationships, since there's no one there to tell you, "hold up, this dude is janky."

 

If you don't go to bars and parties, how did you previously make friends?

 

Start there. See who they know.

 

I got knocked on my a$$ when my ex broke up with me last year. I am still too tired to get back into the rigamarole of OLD. However, the two guys I've had interest in since the break up have been friends of friends, and it's so much more relaxed and natural.

[Shy Girl]

When in any social situation or even just shopping, just put a big smile on your face even if you don't feel like it and that's really what makes most guys think you're approachable.

 

I definitely agree with you here, and have been trying to tell myself this. I'm working on getting over my shy urge to "avoid eye contact" haha.

 

 

If you date online, put in there that you're shy and also that you're not a drinker and don't go to bars. That will discourage a lot of the men. But since you're 30, it won't be that bad because you're not at the age when it seems like that's all people do. A lot of guys like shy women, so that in itself isn't a turnoff, although if a shy guy is attracted by the statement, you very well may find yourself in a stalemate....

 

In this case I don't think it would be a bad thing if my non drinking discouraged a lot of men, since I'm not a good match for the "hang out in bar" types anyway, it just helps to make sure we would be more compatable. I think shy guys can be cute, and would definitely prefer that to a "hot guy" who is really full of himself...but like you said...two shy people can be trouble, haha.

 

Online, if you like a guy who can be the leader and take charge, mention that, so you don't attract ones who can't be that. Or if you prefer the ones who are just as shy as you are and not good at leading, be sure and mention that because there's a load of them out there. It takes both kinds for the world to go round.

 

The problem with this is, I feel like I'm the type of girl that definitely needs the guy to make the first move...simply because I'm a big chicken, haha. But I don't want to give the impression that I'm submissive in a relationship. Equality is something that is important to me, and once I'm actually in a relationship with a guy I am a strong equal partner.

 

Do lots of activities you like. Make a point of it every week. You can't meet anyone sitting in your house and it's not very likely shopping either unless you're shopping for electronics. Start a new hobby, take lessons or classes, something men like to do, or a sport. Good luck.

 

Acutally it's funny you mention electronics, since I am very much into electronics. I frequently just go to Best Buy or Gamestop to browse for fun, even if I'm not planning on buying anything. Those two along with Barnes and Noble are probably my favorite places to just browse around for fun. I like to do online gaming on Xbox and stuff sometimes and have made some friends that way.

 

As for other activities I enjoy, they all seem to be more "group activities." I love kayaking, but only really go with my family (stepdad, sister, aunts, cousins), because my step dad is very experienced on the river and of course it's not really safe to go alone, especially if you are not very experienced. I also like skiing and hiking, but those are also more group activity type things. I've actually been wanting to try out archery for a long time and have been thinking of seeing if I can find some kind of class for it. I'm also interested in possibly taking photography class one of these days too

[Shy Girl]

My biggest piece of advice would be to go make some new friends. I find dating is easier with a social circle, and social isolation can lead to potentially bad decision making as it pertains to relationships, since there's no one there to tell you, "hold up, this dude is janky."

 

If you don't go to bars and parties, how did you previously make friends?

 

Start there. See who they know.

 

I got knocked on my a$$ when my ex broke up with me last year. I am still too tired to get back into the rigamarole of OLD. However, the two guys I've had interest in since the break up have been friends of friends, and it's so much more relaxed and natural.

 

The few friends I did still have were left over friends from high school that would "catch up" every once in a while. But I've pretty much been in constant relationships for the past 10 or so years and both myself and my boyfriend at the time, were content to pretty much just spend time with eacho other. Now I feel like I don't even know how to make new friends anymore.

[HillValley]

I'm very similar to you in terms of being shy and at an "older" age.

 

The thing that sticks out most about your post is that it's all conjecture based on fear.

 

If you really aren't currently looking for someone then none of your fears about meeting a guy matters. Just meet people and live your life. Whether it's dating, friends, or extracurricular activities you'll make new connections and build a new life with new confidence.

[Shy Girl]

I'm very similar to you in terms of being shy and at an "older" age.

 

The thing that sticks out most about your post is that it's all conjecture based on fear.

 

If you really aren't currently looking for someone then none of your fears about meeting a guy matters. Just meet people and live your life. Whether it's dating, friends, or extracurricular activities you'll make new connections and build a new life with new confidence.

 

It's not really something important to me right at this moment...more like getting prepared for how to go about it in the future. I've really focused on "me" lately and have made some personal changes that I'm really happy with (new job, saving money, paying things off, etc). And I've been happy so far, but I know I'll want a relationship in the future and I'd like to think about how I'll go about "putting myself out there. "

[HillValley]

It's not really something important to me right at this moment...more like getting prepared for how to go about it in the future. I've really focused on "me" lately and have made some personal changes that I'm really happy with (new job, saving money, paying things off, etc). And I've been happy so far, but I know I'll want a relationship in the future and I'd like to think about how I'll go about "putting myself out there. "

Being a shy female isn't as much a hinderance as it is for guys. Especially if you're pretty. How you respond to the attention is more on you than it is on whether you'll get guys hitting on you.

 

You haven't been unsuccessful in finding relationships before(even if the outcome wasn't great), so what exactly makes you think you need change how you meet someone? You're obviously comfortable being friends first and the guys being interested enough till you come around. Making new friends is easier.

 

Have you ever been attracted to a guy without being friends?

Edited May 3, 2016 by HillValley

[d0nnivain]

Are you passionate about anything? If so volunteer to do something to help your cause.

 

 

Consider joining a group like ToastMasters. It's primary mission is to help people learn to be better at public speaking but it can build confidence to overcome shyness.

 

 

Since you like to walk, look into joining a MeetUp group that walks or hikes.

[Shy Girl]

You haven't been unsuccessful in finding relationships before(even if the outcome wasn't great), so what exactly makes you think you need change how you meet someone? You're obviously comfortable being friends first and the guys being interested enough till you come around. Making new friends is easier.

 

Have you ever been attracted to a guy without being friends?

 

Well the thing was the first relationship was in high school which is definitely a more social setting, even if you yourself are not social. The second one was a strange, unexpected online meeting...which I was honestly pretty stupid to jump into. At that time I was scared and I think that's why I went for it. So with school being long over and me not being social, I just wonder how I'll put myself into the right setting.

 

Attraction for me is based more on personality than looks. Like one of the guys at work who flirts with me is widely considered "hot" by all the girls at work. But I'm not attracted to him because HE thinks he's hot stuff. Right away i got the impression that he's not a "relationship type of guy". Then not long after, a gIrl I work with fell for him, slept with him, and got blown off.

 

On the flip side...a guy I never noticed based on his looks might all of a sudden look attractive to me if he is nice or funny.

[Shy Girl]

Are you passionate about anything? If so volunteer to do something to help your cause.

 

 

Consider joining a group like ToastMasters. It's primary mission is to help people learn to be better at public speaking but it can build confidence to overcome shyness.

 

 

Since you like to walk, look into joining a MeetUp group that walks or hikes.

 

Thank you these are all good ideas. I've never heard of ToastMasters, but it sounds like a good idea (terrifying but a good idea nonetheless).

 

I don't know what volunteer options are available in my area but definitely something to look into.

 

The MeetUp group sounds like a great idea too. Do you get a chance to talk at all in an online setting first? I would like to be able to tell people that I'm shy but really interested in making an effort to be social. Maybe I'll find a friend wIth a more outgoing personality that isn't afraid to prompt me or lead the conversation.

[HillValley]

Well the thing was the first relationship was in high school which is definitely a more social setting, even if you yourself are not social. The second one was a strange, unexpected online meeting...which I was honestly pretty stupid to jump into. At that time I was scared and I think that's why I went for it. So with school being long over and me not being social, I just wonder how I'll put myself into the right setting.

 

Attraction for me is based more on personality than looks. Like one of the guys at work who flirts with me is widely considered "hot" by all the girls at work. But I'm not attracted to him because HE thinks he's hot stuff. Right away i got the impression that he's not a "relationship type of guy". Then not long after, a gIrl I work with fell for him, slept with him, and got blown off.

 

On the flip side...a guy I never noticed based on his looks might all of a sudden look attractive to me if he is nice or funny.

So you know you probably need to be around the guy for a while, so build friendships.

 

You don't have to go after guy friends, make female friends first. Females have eligible/single/seperated guy friends they can vet for you.

 

Go out to a summer concert in the park and meet some women you can maybe hang with more. If you live in a small city, go to a nearby bigger city.

[redbaron007]

As a guy seeking a GF, I'm on the other side of the looking-glass, so to speak....to approach women, I try to frequent venues like:

- Dance studios (bachata till very recently for me)...you may want to try salsa

- Barnes and Noble is great....if your area has the right demographics(in my area the women I see hanging out at B&N are far too young 17-18 for my LTR requirements, so doesn't work for me)

- Starbucks with a book, but do remember to look around once in a while or guys like me will think you won't like to be bothered

- photography class is a cool idea...I'm thinking of joining one in my area actually

- if you live near a large metro, street festivals, outdoor music events, etc...I've tried to recently combine my new street photography project with events so I can approach and talk to women, and take their photos (sort of like Humans of NY)....I expect a lot of single dudes to be at such events

- Online dating I guess...(never worked for me, but I'm an outlier...)

- People here have recommended Meetups to me too, but I'm finding it hard to find some that match my interest as well as convenient from a time/venue perspective..

Good luck!

[Justanaverageguy]

The few friends I did still have were left over friends from high school that would "catch up" every once in a while. But I've pretty much been in constant relationships for the past 10 or so years and both myself and my boyfriend at the time, were content to pretty much just spend time with eacho other. Now I feel like I don't even know how to make new friends anymore.

 

So in the past it sounds like you and your ex's were a little bit codependent and lived in your own little bubble + in the second instance you stayed with a partner you didn't really like/love. Both these situations were at least partially caused because it enabled you to avoid having to face or deal with your shyness. When two people are so isolated it causes issues in relationships. Its great to be close .... but you have to let some fresh air into the relationship if you want it to last. Otherwise it just gets boring and stale.

 

The inevitable thing about life is it has a way of pushing you outside your comfortable boundaries. That's kind of the point - to grow and expand. So if you don't want to go down the same path way with your next relationship instead of focusing on "How does a shy girl meet a guy" try and ask yourself a slightly different question: How does a shy girl work on herself to become more outgoing and comfortable meeting new people ?

The second question answers the first and it will also make it more likely you form a relationship with someone you actually like and with more potential to last

Edited May 3, 2016 by Justanaverageguy

[d0nnivain]

The MeetUp group sounds like a great idea too. Do you get a chance to talk at all in an online setting first? I would like to be able to tell people that I'm shy but really interested in making an effort to be social. Maybe I'll find a friend wIth a more outgoing personality that isn't afraid to prompt me or lead the conversation.

 

 

I don't think there is much of an OL opportunity. As the name implies this is about getting people together IRL.

[GunslingerRoland]

First it sounds like you spent a lot of time with two guys you didn't really like all that much. You need to figure out what you do actually like in a man. Girls can usually find relationships easier than man, but the bigger issue is that you've wasted most of your adult life to date with guys just for the sake of being with someone.

 

 

Sometimes rather than working around your shyness you need to try and get out of your shell a bit. You sound like you lead a pretty sheltered life. BF or not it doesn't sound like a lot of fun. And if you no life, it puts pressure on whatever relationship you do find.

[HillValley]

So in the past it sounds like you and your ex's were a little bit codependent and lived in your own little bubble + in the second instance you stayed with a partner you didn't really like/love. Both these situations were at least partially caused because it enabled you to avoid having to face or deal with your shyness. When two people are so isolated it causes issues in relationships. Its great to be close .... but you have to let some fresh air into the relationship if you want it to last. Otherwise it just gets boring and stale.

 

 

This is what I was hoping to get at, but you put it much more elegantly.

 

People use shyness as a catch-all term but there are major differences.

 

My shyness only becomes pronounced around women I'm interested in. If I know someone is married or in a relationship, then she's off-limits to me so my shyness tames down and I stop worrying.

 

The fact she had two relationships without trying the dating world path and neither were guys she was initially "excited" speaks more to her shyness as simply not being comfortable with figuring herself out at a young age.

[Shy Girl]

So in the past it sounds like you and your ex's were a little bit codependent and lived in your own little bubble + in the second instance you stayed with a partner you didn't really like/love. Both these situations were at least partially caused because it enabled you to avoid having to face or deal with your shyness. When two people are so isolated it causes issues in relationships. Its great to be close .... but you have to let some fresh air into the relationship if you want it to last. Otherwise it just gets boring and stale.

 

The inevitable thing about life is it has a way of pushing you outside your comfortable boundaries. That's kind of the point - to grow and expand. So if you don't want to go down the same path way with your next relationship instead of focusing on "How does a shy girl meet a guy" try and ask yourself a slightly different question: How does a shy girl work on herself to become more outgoing and comfortable meeting new people ?

The second question answers the first and it will also make it more likely you form a relationship with someone you actually like and with more potential to last

 

In my first relationship, we kept in touch with high school friends in the beginning, but eventually slipped into just spending time with each other. I didn't really see the harm in that at the time, but I do now.

 

 

Since I've posted this thread and recieved some of these answers I've actually come to think of my situation much more like your bolded question. As I've said, I'm not ready to date just yet...but I am ready to try to make friends and to get out and do things. All of the suggestions I have recieved have been great so far and are making me actually feel really excited to try and make some friends. I welcome any more suggestions anyone has to offer me about just meeting people in general

[Shy Girl]

First it sounds like you spent a lot of time with two guys you didn't really like all that much. You need to figure out what you do actually like in a man. Girls can usually find relationships easier than man, but the bigger issue is that you've wasted most of your adult life to date with guys just for the sake of being with someone.

 

 

Sometimes rather than working around your shyness you need to try and get out of your shell a bit. You sound like you lead a pretty sheltered life. BF or not it doesn't sound like a lot of fun. And if you no life, it puts pressure on whatever relationship you do find.

 

The first guy I did like a lot in the beginning and even loved a lot. Just initially I wasn't attracted to him, but I became attracted to him based on personality. We had many good years, but sort of just grew apart as people. I still like and care about him, I just don't love him that way. The second guy I did have things in common with and had fun with, but he was just...not a very nice guy. I tried to make it work much longer than I should have and ignored many red flags in the beginning. I fully admit that the second relationship was just me being too afraid of being alone.

[preraph]

...The problem with this is, I feel like I'm the type of girl that definitely needs the guy to make the first move...simply because I'm a big chicken, haha. But I don't want to give the impression that I'm submissive in a relationship. Equality is something that is important to me, and once I'm actually in a relationship with a guy I am a strong equal partner. ....

 

Acutally it's funny you mention electronics, since I am very much into electronics. I frequently just go to Best Buy or Gamestop to browse for fun, even if I'm not planning on buying anything. Those two along with Barnes and Noble are probably my favorite places to just browse around for fun. I like to do online gaming on Xbox and stuff sometimes and have made some friends that way. ....

 

As for other activities I enjoy, they all seem to be more "group activities." I love kayaking, but only really go with my family (stepdad, sister, aunts, cousins), because my step dad is very experienced on the river and of course it's not really safe to go alone, especially if you are not very experienced. I also like skiing and hiking, but those are also more group activity type things. I've actually been wanting to try out archery for a long time and have been thinking of seeing if I can find some kind of class for it. I'm also interested in possibly taking photography class one of these days too

 

You wanting the man to make the first move is perfectly normal. Most of us are that way, and there are practical reasons for it besides just being shy. You don't want to give a guy, if you don't know him at all, the impression you are hitting on him for sex, and that is an assumption a lot of guys will make in hopes that it is true. You want to know he's got enough oomph to at least ask a woman out, which you will have problems with with the shy guys that you like. They are not so much shy as fearful, and it does bleed into other areas of the relationship, like daily living, being assertive enough to help run a household, being social enough to deal with your relatives and friends visiting at holidays, or whatever. So you have to keep all that in mind.

 

Don't be afraid a man will get the idea you are totally passive just because you want them to make the first move. That is an accepted standard most places. It's tradition. One other reason it's practical is because of, yes, them paying for first date. It's a way to assess them a little, and if you're looking for a mate, it's perfectly fine to want to get an idea how they live, if the're solvent enough to be a partner. So how they entertain you, where and how their manners are on a first date are legitimately important. And if they don't have money and they can still entertain you on an inexpensive date, then at least you know they're enterprising.

 

On your Kayaking, or other group activities, you should join a local kayaking group. There's no better way to meet some people and see them over and over and get to know them. Just search on google for whatever activity and "meetup."

[bluefeather]

interesting stuff. I don't use it and would not normally suggest this, but have you considered online dating? if anything, you would probably get a lot of guys reaching out to you.

 

it would be totally cool to meet a girl to potentially date at a gamestop or a barnes and noble.. or even just to become friends that way. Isn't that like every geek's dream? maybe it's just me.

 

I might be on a similar boat, but a guy. Sometimes I am shy. The best advice I can give atm is, if you see someone you might be interested in, smile and be nice. man I wish it was that easy for me, lol.. but no, it's ok. If you're out there and are nice, I would totally try to talk to you. So I'm sure someone else will too.

 

edit: maybe go out more? I am trying to do this too. I hardly go out, but now I am trying to. even if it's just a book store... frequent it.

[Shy Girl]

You wanting the man to make the first move is perfectly normal. Most of us are that way, and there are practical reasons for it besides just being shy. You don't want to give a guy, if you don't know him at all, the impression you are hitting on him for sex, and that is an assumption a lot of guys will make in hopes that it is true. You want to know he's got enough oomph to at least ask a woman out, which you will have problems with with the shy guys that you like. They are not so much shy as fearful, and it does bleed into other areas of the relationship, like daily living, being assertive enough to help run a household, being social enough to deal with your relatives and friends visiting at holidays, or whatever. So you have to keep all that in mind.

 

Don't be afraid a man will get the idea you are totally passive just because you want them to make the first move. That is an accepted standard most places. It's tradition. One other reason it's practical is because of, yes, them paying for first date. It's a way to assess them a little, and if you're looking for a mate, it's perfectly fine to want to get an idea how they live, if the're solvent enough to be a partner. So how they entertain you, where and how their manners are on a first date are legitimately important. And if they don't have money and they can still entertain you on an inexpensive date, then at least you know they're enterprising.

 

On your Kayaking, or other group activities, you should join a local kayaking group. There's no better way to meet some people and see them over and over and get to know them. Just search on google for whatever activity and "meetup."

 

I don't feel like men should be expected to make the first move, but due to my shyness it's pretty much the only way anything would happen. I also wouldn't expect him to pay for everything on dates. I think probably the nicest situation is that he offers, but accepts my offer to pay half. I just feel really bad for guys who are struggling in the dating world..who have to keep asking all the girls and feeling expected to pay for everything.

 

Really interested in the 'meetup' approach to making friends and meeting people...I had never even thought of that before.

[Miss Peach]

As a woman wanting to meet a guy, I don't think the idea of being passive will turn most men off necessarily as that is an accepted social norm that a lot of women observe. Just make sure you flirt so they know there is interest. Smiling and eye contact is all that takes.

 

I have met a lot of people in my social circle through meetups. I also met my last 2 BFs there.

 

Even if not really ready to date I would keep yourself open to meeting men. It's good experience talking to them and trying to figure out what about them you like and dislike. That's good information to have when going into a relationship and knowing what you like and don't ahead of time before you get attached.

[SwordofFlame]

I recommend dating a guy that is not shy and has good "people" skills for lack of a better term. Doesn't matter if they're an introvert or extrovert, but just avoid the shy guys.

[Shy Girl]

interesting stuff. I don't use it and would not normally suggest this, but have you considered online dating? if anything, you would probably get a lot of guys reaching out to you.

 

it would be totally cool to meet a girl to potentially date at a gamestop or a barnes and noble.. or even just to become friends that way. Isn't that like every geek's dream? maybe it's just me.

 

I might be on a similar boat, but a guy. Sometimes I am shy. The best advice I can give atm is, if you see someone you might be interested in, smile and be nice. man I wish it was that easy for me, lol.. but no, it's ok. If you're out there and are nice, I would totally try to talk to you. So I'm sure someone else will too.

 

edit: maybe go out more? I am trying to do this too. I hardly go out, but now I am trying to. even if it's just a book store... frequent it.

 

I don't really know about online dating...I have never tried it, but have wondered if it is something I would be willing to try in the future. I just feel really unsure about it. The single girls at work are pretty much hooked on Tinder, but it doesn't seem like they're having much success if they're still using it. Plus I get the idea that Tinder is more for "hook ups" than dating, is this true?

 

As for meeting people at Gamestop or B&N I think it would be a totally cool situation too. Like you said, for friends or as someone to potentially date. You saying that reminds me of something that happened not long ago, but I was not single at the time. I was making a return at Gamestop, but forgot my wallet in my car. I had to run back out and get it, and the guy who had just paid in front of me was getting into his car next to me. There was the whole..."Are you a gamer? I don't run into very many girl gamers" conversation which ended in him telling me his PSN and saying to find him if I ever wanted to game with him. Since I was not single I guess I tried to portray "polite, but not available". But say I had been single or something like this happens again and I am interested...should I just say something like "Ok cool, how do you spell your PSN?" That way it shows that I actually care enough to make sure I can find him?

 

Another similar situation is also from when I was not single. I was grabbing myself some takeout lunch. On my way into the place a guy held the door open for me. But it wasn't a normal siituation of arriving at the door at almost the same time and him opening it for me. Like, he got to it a good while before me and held it open and waited for me to walk in. I was polite and said thank you since that is just me. I got into line and he got in line behind me. Because of the door situation and how long he actually stood there and held it open waiting for me, I had a feeling that he might be interested or try to talk to me. Since I was both in a relationship at the time AND uncomfortable with social interaction, I just pretended to be busy on my phone to avoid any awkwardness.

 

Even with the phone distraction he tried to talk to me. From behind me he said "Hey do you think that guy is talking to us?" I looked behind me and said "Sorry, what?" He gestured to the guy in front of me who was wearing a shirt that said "Put down your phone and drive." The guy talking to me also had his cell out. I smiled and sort of laughed politely and then went back to my phone. So in this situation, if I had actually been interested, how do I show it? Obviously I woudn't go straight back to my phone...but I would need to have some kind of response, right? As I'm writing this now and actually have time to think about it a response that comes to mind is laughing and saying something like "at least I don't text while I'm actually driving." But that sounds kind of lame to me...and in the moment I feel like my mind would blank out.

 

 

In any situation out and about, is making eye contact and smiling really enough to give a guy an "opening"?

 

The more replies I read, the more I feel excited to just try branching out socially in general, meetups and things like that. When I am ready to date in the future, it seems like friends introducing me to single friends would be an ideal situation. But at the same time I appreciate more advice on how to look available or seem interested...just in case of those random type meetings I listed above.