How Does A 30 Year Old Shy Girl Date

[Els]

For example, you bring up paying for yourself on dates. I'm a guy and in my life experience, a girl paying for herself is code for I don't care to see you again.

 

I'm a girl and this has been my experience as well. We would offer, but not insist, and if the guy was interested he would always turn our offer down. At the early stage, anyway. Obviously, after you are in an established R and the other person wants to treat, you should always let them do so regardless of gender.

 

Though it really depends on where the OP lives, and the culture of the people she mingles with. This was a 'signal' in the culture I dated in, but it might not be the case in other cultures. She would need to see how it's done in her culture, I figure.

[Shy Girl]

Yup. What you said would totally leave it up to the guy. I don't agree with people who are saying a certain vibe would be sent out if you offered to pay. I just don't follow that, so I never commented on it.

 

"We can split it if you want."

-Haha, are you kidding? I'm taking you out!

"Are you sure? I don't mind."

-Yes, of course I'm sure! :proceeds to make it rain:

 

Hahaha, thanks Blue. I appreciate your thoughts on this. I would not think badly of the guy if he accepted my offer to split it, but your scenario would definitely make me feel special. I can see what people are saying about the woman paying sending a certain signal, but I think that's more if she insists on paying and refuses to let him pay for her. I think an offer to split it is totally different.

[Shy Girl]

I'm a girl and this has been my experience as well. We would offer, but not insist, and if the guy was interested he would always turn our offer down. At the early stage, anyway. Obviously, after you are in an established R and the other person wants to treat, you should always let them do so regardless of gender.

 

Though it really depends on where the OP lives, and the culture of the people she mingles with. This was a 'signal' in the culture I dated in, but it might not be the case in other cultures. She would need to see how it's done in her culture, I figure.

 

Yeah, I'm only talking about at least offering to pay, not insisting. I really think that I would do it in such a way that he would not take it as a sign of not being interested. And just like you said, once in a relationship I would definitely want to be able to treat sometimes, or pitch in.

[Shy Girl]

This post is just me sharing my recent experience of actively trying to be social, so I understand if not everyone is interested in hearing it.

 

So yesterday I decided to really put an effort into being more social. First, my boss approached me with the offer of a position that would normally be outside my comfort zone. I told her I was very intetested and think that it would be a very good experience for me. Right now they are considering a few people for the position and next week she will meet with our Lab Director and make a decision. If I get it great, if not at least I put myself out there and expressed my interest.

 

Secondly, I knew I was going to Gamestop to pick up a game I had pre ordered. I told myself that I would try my best to make a little conversation and be social. Since I had this goal in mind I was a little nervous to go in...I even quickly brushed my hair in the car out of nervousness (I had just finished work). I took a deep breath and walked to the door, but when I tried to open it, it stuck a little and made a really loud sound. Normally that would have embarassed me and made me enter and leave as quickly as possible, but this time I forced myself to look at the employees behind the counter and I laugh, and they laughed too.

 

When I got up to the counter I told him that I had the game pre ordered and gave him my reciept. He went to grab the game for me and came back with the normal copy. I said..."actually, I pre ordered the collectors edition that comes with the statue." He said, "Oh yeah I see, cool! Let me grab it for you." I apologized for making him have to switch it out and the second guy said "Don't apologize to him, he should apologize to you for trying to charge you that much for the standard copy!" Then we all laughed. I also asked for the guide book that comes with it, which was supposed to come with a little pirate coin thingy. I knew the coin was in there, but I asked anyway, just to practice conversation. The second guy asked if we could open it after I bought it to check out the coin and then said..."wait is it for you or is it a gift for your boyfriend or something?" I said it was for me and that I didn't mind if he opened it. So he opened it and we checked it out and talked about how it looked cool. Then he put the game into a big bag and came around the counter to hand it to me. As I reached for it he pulled it back a little before handing it over and said "Take care of the statue, pleeease." I laughed and said, "Don't worry, this is one of my favorite games, it's in good hands. As I was leaving I turned around and to both of them said, "Thanks guys, have a good day."

 

Now, this may not seem like much to a social person, but it was a big step for me. Normally I would have been in and out quickly. I would have responded to them politely but briefly if they talked to me, and I would not have added anything on my own. Everyone who has been posting on this thread has helped me to realize that the real issue is just learning to be social in general, making friends, and learning how to interact with people.

[Shining One]

The second guy asked if we could open it after I bought it to check out the coin and then said..."wait is it for you or is it a gift for your boyfriend or something?" I said it was for me and that I didn't mind if he opened it.

Did you indicate to him in any way that you don't have a boyfriend? He might have been expressing interest.

[Shy Girl]

Did you indicate to him in any way that you don't have a boyfriend? He might have been expressing interest.

 

No, since I'm not looking to date right at this moment I didn't feel the need to do that.. I did wonder that myself though and am not sure how I would have responded if I had been intersted. Just coming out and saying "No, I don't have a boyfriend" sounds embarassing and risky if he was not fishing for the answer to that particular question.

[bluefeather]

That's awesome! I can totally relate to how much effort that must have taken. Good for you As a side note, when a guy asks something like, "is it for you, or for your boyfriend?" it's sometimes a way to find out if you're available.

 

I thought this up about the whole tab paying situation... what if the waiter totally ruins the "offer" by asking at the beginning of your date "Is this together or separate?" hahahaha

[Shy Girl]

That's awesome! I can totally relate to how much effort that must have taken. Good for you As a side note, when a guy asks something like, "is it for you, or for your boyfriend?" it's sometimes a way to find out if you're available.

 

I thought this up about the whole tab paying situation... what if the waiter totally ruins the "offer" by asking at the beginning of your date "Is this together or separate?" hahahaha

 

Haha, thank you for appreciating that my experience was not as simple as it may sound to some people!

 

As for the tab situation, I woud probably look at the guy, laugh a bit awkwardly and say something like "Umm, do you want to split it? Or...?"

[bluefeather]

Haha, thank you for appreciating that my experience was not as simple as it may sound to some people!

 

I do, believe me. I've had some pretty epic battles in my head just to get words out like, "I like that band.. on your shirt."

 

As for the tab situation, I woud probably look at the guy, laugh a bit awkwardly and say something like "Umm, do you want to split it? Or...?"

 

Nice save. ha!

[Shy Girl]

I do, believe me. I've had some pretty epic battles in my head just to get words out like, "I like that band.. on your shirt."

 

 

Hahaha I can totally relate to that too. Sometimes in my head I'm like, "Wow, cool shirt" Then I'm like, ok just say that outloud, you can do it. Two words. Cool shirt. Just say it! And then by the time I think I'm going to say it, the person is walking away.

 

It reminds me of a kid working up the courage to jump off the diving board. They're like...ok 1, 2, 3....go! Wait, I'm not ready! By the time they actually jump, nobody is watching them anymore.

[bluefeather]

Hahaha I can totally relate to that too. Sometimes in my head I'm like, "Wow, cool shirt" Then I'm like, ok just say that outloud, you can do it. Two words. Cool shirt. Just say it! And then by the time I think I'm going to say it, the person is walking away.

 

It reminds me of a kid working up the courage to jump off the diving board. They're like...ok 1, 2, 3....go! Wait, I'm not ready! By the time they actually jump, nobody is watching them anymore.

 

lol yup! I think it's a good exercise, though. I mean, in addition to saying hello and other kinds of small talk. A genuine compliment is good for conversation too, in my experience. As long as they're nice people too! Sometimes, it doesn't always work out that way. But yes, good practice!