Girlfriend & weight gain

[PrettyEmily77]

Quitting smoking is a trigger for weight gain - that is pretty common and rooted in the withdrawal effects of cigarette addiction. Any health professional would agree that the health benefits from quitting smoking greatly outweigh the health risks of gaining 25 lbs. So if the main concern is her health, then I do think she made the right choice. Assuming you're a non-smoker, her quitting is great for YOUR health as well, as living with a smoker predisposes you to lung cancer, stroke, etc as well.

 

That being said, ideally of course she would go back to her normal weight after the withdrawal is over. It will be harder for her now than it was before (that is unfortunately why lots of people smoke - it keeps them skinny, they just don't realize or care that they're killing themselves and everyone around them). But it should be doable.

 

I think you should just carry on being supportive and encouraging her to eat healthy meals with you and work out together.

 

Any health professional also knows that putting weight on after quitting cigarettes is entirely preventable ; some do put weight one (4 to 10 lbs on average) but quitting cigarettes is no excuse at all. A junk food diet really is no better than smoking in the long run anyway.

 

The body burns calories slower than when smoking, so exercise definitely helps in that regard.

[Els]

Any health professional also knows that putting weight on after quitting cigarettes is entirely preventable ; some do put weight one (4 to 10 lbs on average) but quitting cigarettes is no excuse at all.

 

Sure, most things are preventable or doable. Heck a double amputee can run a marathon. We're talking about easy vs difficult here, not 'possible vs not possible'. Not saying she shouldn't try to lose weight, just that I think the focus might be misplaced - so many posts about her weight, almost none about the smoking. If a partner of mine wanted to quit smoking and feared they would put on weight, my response would overwhelmingly be "Quit the smokes first, we'll work on the weight later."

 

A junk food diet really is no better than smoking in the long run anyway.

Not really - a 'junk food' diet (that we don't know if she's on?) only kills the person him/herself. Smoking kills everyone in the house.

 

The body burns calories slower than when smoking, so exercise definitely helps in that regard.

Agreed. Edited May 4, 2016 by Elswyth

[jsmith92]

When i asked her why she thinks she has put on 24pounds since we have been in a relationship, she just said she has got too comfortable and that quitting smoking hasnt helped. I asked her if she missed smoking or if she was thinking of starting again and she said no, she smoked since she was 15 and she is 22 now so she done enough damage to herself there.

 

We have spoke about it, she knows she has to start living heathier, by cutting out junk or exercising or both. I am not forcing her to do it, just advising her and saying i will help her.

[Liam1]

Any health professional also knows that putting weight on after quitting cigarettes is entirely preventable ; some do put weight one (4 to 10 lbs on average) but quitting cigarettes is no excuse at all. A junk food diet really is no better than smoking in the long run anyway.

 

The body burns calories slower than when smoking, so exercise definitely helps in that regard.

 

I agree. I quit smoking cold turkey years ago, and I did not put on a lot of weight.

 

Unlike an amputee who was likely in an ACCIDENT they did not expect or plan for. I had full knowledge that quitting cigarettes is known to trigger eating as a substitute.

 

So I planned for it. I ate healthier foods and moved my butt more at the gym.

[SwordofFlame]

You two have a lifestyle compatibility issue here. You eat healthy and exercise, she's lazy and fat. Diets rarely work. She needs to change her lifestyle.

[PrettyEmily77]

Sure, most things are preventable or doable. Heck a double amputee can run a marathon. We're talking about easy vs difficult here, not 'possible vs not possible'. Not saying she shouldn't try to lose weight, just that I think the focus might be misplaced - so many posts about her weight, almost none about the smoking. If a partner of mine wanted to quit smoking and feared they would put on weight, my response would overwhelmingly be "Quit the smokes first, we'll work on the weight later."

 

Not really - a 'junk food' diet (that we don't know if she's on?) only kills the person him/herself. Smoking kills everyone in the house.

 

Agreed.

 

 

The thing is, putting on more than 10 lbs of weight after quitting cigarettes is not medically justifiable; it's not a question of 'easy' vs 'difficult' - it's really down to choice and forward planning. I think it would do her a very big disservice than to use quitting smoking as a cause or a reason for her weight gain because it's simply not the case. These are 2 separate issues that should be dealt with separately.

 

 

OP, hopefully your GF will show the same will-power and strength in losing the weight as she has shown quitting cigarettes, if that's what she genuinely wants to do for herself.

[jsmith92]

You two have a lifestyle compatibility issue here. You eat healthy and exercise, she's lazy and fat. Diets rarely work. She needs to change her lifestyle.

 

To put it simply yes that is it. She said today when she woke up that she is going to take is seriously, i keep telling her that what i have said about it is not a dig, i want her to be happy and confident and healthier and she has to realise she has to make sacrifices or make more effort if she wants that. She says she wants it, we will just have to wait and see if she means it.

[Liam1]

To put it simply yes that is it. She said today when she woke up that she is going to take is seriously, i keep telling her that what i have said about it is not a dig, i want her to be happy and confident and healthier and she has to realise she has to make sacrifices or make more effort if she wants that. She says she wants it, we will just have to wait and see if she means it.

 

Just a thought.

 

Can you ask her to go to an endocrinologist to have her thyroid checked.

 

Hypothyroid people often become slovenly about their appearance because they feel exhausted all the time.

 

Thyroid meds, if she needs them, won't help her lose a lot of weight, but they may help her lose a little, and, if she is hypothyroid, correcting that will give her more energy.

[PrettyEmily77]

To put it simply yes that is it. She said today when she woke up that she is going to take is seriously, i keep telling her that what i have said about it is not a dig, i want her to be happy and confident and healthier and she has to realise she has to make sacrifices or make more effort if she wants that. She says she wants it, we will just have to wait and see if she means it.

 

Just a question though: you want her to be happy and healthy and confident for herself first and foremost without any pressure or expectations of quick results, right?

[jsmith92]

Just a question though: you want her to be happy and healthy and confident for herself first and foremost without any pressure or expectations of quick results, right?

 

Yeah of course. She has put on weight throughout our one year relationship but i have only brought it up on a serious note this week due to the fact she has reached 184pounds and doesnt show any sign of getting healthier or changing her ways reguarding her diet and exercise levels.

 

Its like she knows she has put on the weight, she has days where she gets down about it but would then say she will diet and less then a week later she gives up and is back on the junk food again doing no exercise.

 

I know she isnt going to lose it overnight however if she is serious about losing about 15pounds by time we go away in september then she has to see she got to work for it. I have always trained at home and i think this gym opening will be good for both of us, she said she is looking forward to it and sounding positive so thats a good sign at least.

[PrettyEmily77]

Yeah of course. She has put on weight throughout our one year relationship but i have only brought it up on a serious note this week due to the fact she has reached 184pounds and doesnt show any sign of getting healthier or changing her ways reguarding her diet and exercise levels.

 

Its like she knows she has put on the weight, she has days where she gets down about it but would then say she will diet and less then a week later she gives up and is back on the junk food again doing no exercise.

 

I know she isnt going to lose it overnight however if she is serious about losing about 15pounds by time we go away in september then she has to see she got to work for it. I have always trained at home and i think this gym opening will be good for both of us, she said she is looking forward to it and sounding positive so thats a good sign at least.

 

What's happening in September that it requires a 15 lbs weight loss? You don't have to answer this but what happens if she can't manage it by the deadline?

[jsmith92]

We have a holiday booked to Lanzarote. She said herself she wants to lose 14pounds minimum by then, it should be easy with hard work sticking to it, its just how much she wants it. Ill be happy for her if she lost 10pounds as i know how much she hates working out and how much she loves her sugary foods, but this is the sacrifice she wants to make if she is serious about getting healthy again. I have a target of 6 pounds weight gain and she has target of 10pounds to lose, hopefully it will motivate her us both having goals.

[PrettyEmily77]

We have a holiday booked to Lanzarote. She said herself she wants to lose 14pounds minimum by then, it should be easy with hard work sticking to it, its just how much she wants it. Ill be happy for her if she lost 10pounds as i know how much she hates working out and how much she loves her sugary foods, but this is the sacrifice she wants to make if she is serious about getting healthy again. I have a target of 6 pounds weight gain and she has target of 10pounds to lose, hopefully it will motivate her us both having goals.

 

Other factors will most liking get into play - if it was just down to 'wanting it', it'd be great.

 

 

Either way, I hope it works out for you both.

[sandylee1]

Pure gym, its £19.99 a month with no contract. She said today she has asked a few of her mates to join with her so thats good and will hopefully help her stick to it.

 

I've got one of them near me as well.

 

They are full of equipment... lots of CV gear and you'll never have to wait to use anything there. Open 24 hours a day.... I actually thought of you when I saw a married couple at my pure gym today.

 

The man was encouraging his wife and showing her how to use the resistance machinery.... but it was clear he was really the one into the fitness. That said she was quite slim.

 

It's not like other gyms I've been to.... so unless she really wants to trim down. ... or is motivated...She'll find it more of a chore.

They have personal trainers to push you along as well.... but she has to WANT it for herself.

 

If exercise is not her thing ... would she do a sport...like badminton with you ?

 

Otherwise she has to go on a calorie controlled diet. There's no other way round it.

[Gloria25]

Just a thought.

 

Can you ask her to go to an endocrinologist to have her thyroid checked.

 

Hypothyroid people often become slovenly about their appearance because they feel exhausted all the time.

 

Thyroid meds, if she needs them, won't help her lose a lot of weight, but they may help her lose a little, and, if she is hypothyroid, correcting that will give her more energy.

 

Oh, an aunt of mine is on treatment for thyroid...oh, and she fries everything, no physical activity, and everyone in her immediate family is obsese (with the exception of of one child who refuses to eat what they cook and calls herself a vegetarian).

 

Go figure

[Jabron1]

I've got one of them near me as well.

 

They are full of equipment... lots of CV gear and you'll never have to wait to use anything there. Open 24 hours a day.... I actually thought of you when I saw a married couple at my pure gym today.

 

The man was encouraging his wife and showing her how to use the resistance machinery.... but it was clear he was really the one into the fitness. That said she was quite slim.

 

It's not like other gyms I've been to.... so unless she really wants to trim down. ... or is motivated...She'll find it more of a chore.

They have personal trainers to push you along as well.... but she has to WANT it for herself.

 

If exercise is not her thing ... would she do a sport...like badminton with you ?

 

Otherwise she has to go on a calorie controlled diet. There's no other way round it.

 

A lot of women in the UK enjoy taking zumba classes. Perhaps that could be an option.

 

Oh, an aunt of mine is on treatment for thyroid...oh, and she fries everything, no physical activity, and everyone in her immediate family is obsese (with the exception of of one child who refuses to eat what they cook and calls herself a vegetarian).

 

Go figure

 

There are as many excuses as there are lazy/fat people.

 

It's simple: drink less beer, eat less crap, exercise more.

 

Weight is so simple to deal with. I'm not even a 'fitness freak' either. It's just common sense.

 

Common sense isn't so common anymore though

[getsmartie]

Seriously don't understand why people are coming up with ways she can lose weight. This is totally on her. Someone who puts this kind of weight on has little value for themselves and the relationship.

 

I get that she quit smoking and that's a huge achievement towards better health but my daughter also quit smoking last year, gained 5 pounds because of it. She also got serious about losing that extra bit and she did. She also just had a baby and was careful about weight gain. She gained 40 and has almost gotten back to her prepregancy weight. The baby is 3 months old.

 

Your gf' is the one that needs to do the work, you can be a support but you can't be in the drivers seat.

[jsmith92]

This gym we are going to have many free classes so maybe her and her mates can get into one of them. I have always enjoyed gym, have thought about becoming a personal trainer myself at times so maybe my girlfriend just feels pressure of going out with someone who is really into fitness i dont know.

 

We have had the talk, now it is time for her to put her words into action, i will help her where i can but i wont push her too much, will keep this updated every now and then with how she is doing.

[sandylee1]

Seriously don't understand why people are coming up with ways she can lose weight. This is totally on her. Someone who puts this kind of weight on has little value for themselves and the relationship.

 

I get that she quit smoking and that's a huge achievement towards better health but my daughter also quit smoking last year, gained 5 pounds because of it. She also got serious about losing that extra bit and she did. She also just had a baby and was careful about weight gain. She gained 40 and has almost gotten back to her prepregancy weight. The baby is 3 months old.

 

Your gf' is the one that needs to do the work, you can be a support but you can't be in the drivers seat.

 

Some things come more naturally to some people and because your daughter lost weight successfully doesn't mean everybody can

 

It's much like saying it's easy to stop drinking/smoking or controlling any other addiction. I could live the rest of my life without alcohol ....not everyone can do that....and excess alcohol is equally harmful to one..as an excess of junk food... it just doesn't show on your body the same way.

 

Of course in theory loosing weight is a no brained. .. eat less..exercise more and you WILL shed the pounds. If it were that simple there would not be any obese people in the world.

.. and nobody likes being overweight.

[Liam1]

Oh, an aunt of mine is on treatment for thyroid...oh, and she fries everything, no physical activity, and everyone in her immediate family is obsese (with the exception of of one child who refuses to eat what they cook and calls herself a vegetarian).

 

Go figure

 

 

It's a myth that thyroid hormone automatically brings weight loss.

 

It may cause some minor weight loss due to speeding up your metabolism, but it is typically minor weight loss, if the supplementation brings one to a normal thyroid level. As you note, if someone on thyroid meds still eats an unhealthy diet they will still be fat.

 

Bringing the thyroid to a normal level will make someone healthier in general and will make them feel less sluggish.

 

HYPERthyroidism does cause weight loss but that is only because it speeds up the metabolism to a very high and very unhealthy level. It can also cause high blood pressure and heart disease.

[jsmith92]

Back to this again guys. She is still the same weight as when I posted this around a month ago. She went on a few runs but then gave up and we are now waiting for the gym to open on Monday to get back into it.

 

We just came back from a 5 day break and we had sex 4 times, i climaxed twice and she did every time. It has started bothering me how lazy and not interested in pleasing me she has become again. I brought it up this morning and she says she just has no confidence at the minute and feels like she is not good enough. She hasnt given me oral in around two months, she says she doesnt feel there is any point as i struggle to get off from it but its that type of attitude as to why i do struggle, have never had a girl who enjoys giving oral and wants to please me, its a big turn off when i feel it it just a chore for them.

 

Is her having no confidence a good enough reason to not seem bothered in wanting to please me? Im getting pretty bored of me doing all the pleasing without getting anything back and i said this to her and she just said until she loses the weight she wont have the confidence to please me.

[Emilia]

I suspect you are going to go in circles until a) you get so bored, the sex stops or b) you meet another girl.

[jsmith92]

I suspect you are going to go in circles until a) you get so bored, the sex stops or b) you meet another girl.

 

I dont want that to happen but yes sounds like it at the moment. She said to me just now that she also feels i expect too much of her in bed. I get hardly any effort at all and she says its because she feels i want her to be something she is not, that she isnt a pornstar. I dont want her to be a pornstar but the last few months she has been the opposite, i just want her to be willing to try things and keep it interesting like i do with her but instead she just makes no effort. I get she isnt confident in herself at the minute but that is what is causing problems between us at the moment.

[Emilia]

I dont want that to happen but yes sounds like it at the moment. She said to me just now that she also feels i expect too much of her in bed. I get hardly any effort at all and she says its because she feels i want her to be something she is not, that she isnt a pornstar. I dont want her to be a pornstar but the last few months she has been the opposite, i just want her to be willing to try things and keep it interesting like i do with her but instead she just makes no effort. I get she isnt confident in herself at the minute but that is what is causing problems between us at the moment.

Then break up with her??? Why is this so hard? The whole thing would have been over ages ago if you took the advice given here.

[jsmith92]

Becauase I am not one to just break up over something that can be worked on. We have spoke about it now and then if nothing was to change then yes it will be a problem.