He's married. I love him.

[LindsayxoScarth]

Before we get excited please read.

 

I was on a dating site called plenty of fish. I have dated a few men off pof. I am.picky. JP msged me and it was an instant connection. He was fresh on checking out the waters....

 

(JP's wife had cheated on him... he tried to work it out with her. He is social she's a homebody. They have no connection married young 2 children. He does not love her)

 

We started talking and we got the the topic he was still technically married. They live in a split house. We remained only talking as friends for 5 MONTHS* going on to 6.

 

He finally started to call me a catfish... we connected have so much in commen... so after a few times he called me catfish I said alright. Let's meet.

 

Meeting JP after our 5 month penpalship.

Hes a libra (I semi believe in horoscopes) he brought 4 close friends with him who knew of me very well!!! *blushing* I brought a good girl friend along.

 

Instant connection. I knew he was everything I want. I fell hard instantly. His facial expression when we met was my favorite he was in shock..

 

So it's now getting to the point it's time to leave wife.. we have been together for 2 months (in real daylight lol) ive met his friends and brother* I feel like a real person to him* I do not feel like a dirty Lil secret.

 

Wife doesn't want him to leave. He's been kinda slow... but I believe he will leave.

 

Here is his last text.... help me.. please do I wait or go?? I know I love him... he doesn't know that yet*

 

"Well my soon-to-be ex wife is ridiculous and starting to try and make my life harder. So everything thing goes smooth until she tries to change the plans... but we currently work opposite shifts so it's really slow going....we're going to mortgage broker sort out the mortgage, and we still haven't booked mediation yet but that's the next step. ... but as far as me, I'm good! the kids are the hardest part for sure.

 

We're not going through lawyers. .. just mediation at this point, because we're both agreeable and I'm giving up WAY more than any lawyer is gonna get for her. So she's good with the money side, it's the loss of me that's making her goofy now

 

She's had nothing but time and chance after chance to right the ship and she hasn't... just pretended everything was fine. We're not right for each other at all! It's a realization that's been going on for two years now"

 

Honestly, please help... my friends think im limiting myself... I've never been connected to someone like I am to him!

[d0nnivain]

You got involved before he was truly free. If you see real progress in the divorce, fine stick around. If you don't you have to assume he's lying to you & stringing you along.

[Lois_Griffin]

I met a sleazy married man on POF who claimed to be separated, too.

 

Except he wasn't.

 

At least, not that his WIFE knew of.

 

Contact Romeo's wife. I'd be willing to bet she has a totally different story to tell than he does. After all, you're only getting his version of this supposed separation.

[elaine567]

Just remember that the exit affair partner is often called "a bridge" as they are the one carrying the married person through the divorce and onto their new single life on the other side. The "bridge" then gets forgotten about.

It is also never a good idea to get involved with anyone who has "unfinished business" with an ex.

Here he has not even left the house yet, AND he has two young children... Chances of him going through with it may be slim.

Even after the divorce, if he goes through with it, many will then ditch "the rebound" and go mad playing the field or quickly then find the "love of their life".

Getting involved with separated people is not often recommended here, too many sad stories.

 

Be aware.

Do not get too involved, protect your heart, hold back a bit, do not assume anything.

[Mrin]

I met a sleazy married man on POF who claimed to be separated, too.

 

Except he wasn't.

 

At least, not that his WIFE knew of.

 

Contact Romeo's wife. I'd be willing to bet she has a totally different story to tell than he does. After all, you're only getting his version of this supposed separation.

 

I dunno Lois. She's met his family and their relationship seems to be out in the open. Sometimes these things just take time. I know my divorced dragged on for a long long time. And it wasn't a contested divorce.

 

OP: what he's saying sounds pretty reasonable. I am pretty much sure I said the same thing about the logistics. The one thing that tingles my spidey sense is that there still living in the same house. For me that would be a deal breaker.

[SomethingToSay]

So I assume the wife knows all about you since you are all out in the open?

 

If not, ask yourself why.

[WasOtherWoman]

So - when my MM was going through his divorce (although I have to say, we were a very low drama affair) on the few occasions that he asked me things I pointed out nicely that I am not a therapist or a divorce lawyer and unfortunately I could not help him. Nor, did I want to know the details.

 

Here's why.... lets's assume your man really does leave. And, as someone mentioned, you are indeed an exit affair. You do not want to be associated with his divorce, the fighting with his XW, etc. Those things are all his issues.

 

I very deliberately distanced myself from all of that (but I did not distance myself from him). I was still very much his girlfriend, we had fun, etc., but I did not want to be entangled in all of that.

 

It was a good decision. Just something to think about.

[S2B]

Have you checked on court records to see IF the divorce has actually been filed? When was it filed?

 

You see, IF it was filed he can finalize it without her approving everything - some things can be settled after the divorce is technically finished.

 

And what is a "split house"? Are they still living under one roof?

 

Based on what you've typed - I don't see him doing everything he can to get the divorce finished = you are not his top priority.

[Lady Hamilton]

It's a question of what you're willing to put up with.

 

I will say being with somebody as they go through a divorce is a huge, huge thing to go with somebody through. It's long, it'd drawn out, it's expensive, and from the sounds of it, it's going to be messy. And if he's with you, if he was separated or not when you started up, at some point you'll be dragged into it.

 

What you need to now know is:

 

1. There is nothing you can do to speed the process up, and that process could take years. All you can do is ride along with it. In fact, a huge part of your life will now be simply "riding along" on drama that he or she are involved in related to the divorce and/or the kids. You'll be doing so much riding along you'll want to buy a saddle and change your name to Tonto.

 

2. Her being a pain in the butt is about to be your pain in the butt. If she's so inclined, she may make it her business to be a huge and constant pain in our butt. One of the magical parts of divorce is that in the process of being less involved with her life, she will be more involved in yours personally. And since there's kids involved, you'll be involved in her life too.

 

3. Establish some boundaries with your partner now about what you are and aren't willing to do or put up with. Be prepared to have this conversation a lot. I've been with my husband almost 10 years and even just last week because of some things going on I said "Here's my limit, here's what's happening if they cross it."

 

4. Work out now when he's moving out and where he's going. That's when it's going to hit the fan.

 

You're in for a long road and only you can decide if it's worth it. If it is, it is, but if it's not then you'd best say so soon because if you express reservations and he truly is leaving for you, your relationship with him will never recover with him even if you do stay.

 

In my case, I decided it was worth it and from when he filed to when he was divorced was 2 insanely long years with a lot of crap. It was ridiculously hard. Harder than I can even put into words. I thought it'd be easier after the divorce, in many ways it is, but in many ways it isn't. There is no finish line that you cross, take a deep breath, and say "now it's smooth sailing."

Edited May 3, 2016 by Lady Hamilton

[2016forme]

Before we get excited please read.

 

I was on a dating site called plenty of fish. I have dated a few men off pof. I am.picky. JP msged me and it was an instant connection. He was fresh on checking out the waters....

 

(JP's wife had cheated on him... he tried to work it out with her. He is social she's a homebody. They have no connection married young 2 children. He does not love her)

 

We started talking and we got the the topic he was still technically married. They live in a split house. We remained only talking as friends for 5 MONTHS* going on to 6.

 

He finally started to call me a catfish... we connected have so much in commen... so after a few times he called me catfish I said alright. Let's meet.

 

Meeting JP after our 5 month penpalship.

Hes a libra (I semi believe in horoscopes) he brought 4 close friends with him who knew of me very well!!! *blushing* I brought a good girl friend along.

 

Instant connection. I knew he was everything I want. I fell hard instantly. His facial expression when we met was my favorite he was in shock..

 

So it's now getting to the point it's time to leave wife.. we have been together for 2 months (in real daylight lol) ive met his friends and brother* I feel like a real person to him* I do not feel like a dirty Lil secret.

 

Wife doesn't want him to leave. He's been kinda slow... but I believe he will leave.

 

Here is his last text.... help me.. please do I wait or go?? I know I love him... he doesn't know that yet*

 

"Well my soon-to-be ex wife is ridiculous and starting to try and make my life harder. So everything thing goes smooth until she tries to change the plans... but we currently work opposite shifts so it's really slow going....we're going to mortgage broker sort out the mortgage, and we still haven't booked mediation yet but that's the next step. ... but as far as me, I'm good! the kids are the hardest part for sure.

 

We're not going through lawyers. .. just mediation at this point, because we're both agreeable and I'm giving up WAY more than any lawyer is gonna get for her. So she's good with the money side, it's the loss of me that's making her goofy now

 

She's had nothing but time and chance after chance to right the ship and she hasn't... just pretended everything was fine. We're not right for each other at all! It's a realization that's been going on for two years now"

 

Honestly, please help... my friends think im limiting myself... I've never been connected to someone like I am to him!

 

 

You said that your man is a MM! That is the exit cue for you to GET OFF STAGE!

 

Your MM is only fooling you! He and his wife are not going to divorce! PERIOD!

 

The lies and bullsh@t your MM is telling you is so that he can buy time.

 

He has no intention of going anywhere! You believe that your MM is going to leave? ! That's the worst thing I've ever heard!

 

He and his wife have two children together! So he is not going to up and walk out just like that.

 

You can be a fool, be strung along and continue to believe the nonsense your MM is telling you!

 

And you mentioned that you have been"together" for a few months? ! Not only are you being catfish, you are being PLAYED!

 

Unless you see evidence of him getting a divorce, the outcome for you is very slim!

 

You can live in a bubble for as long as you want, but you are fooling yourself and wasting your time with someone else's husband!

 

Girl, YOUR MAN is MARRIED!

 

Get on with your life!

 

Andale! Arriba!

[2016forme]

Have you checked on court records to see IF the divorce has actually been filed? When was it filed?

 

You see, IF it was filed he can finalize it without her approving everything - some things can be settled after the divorce is technically finished.

 

And what is a "split house"? Are they still living under one roof?

 

Based on what you've typed - I don't see him doing everything he can to get the divorce finished = you are not his top priority.

 

You took the words right out of my mouth! LOL!

 

It doesn't matter what type of house they are living in.

 

It's like you said, they are still married no matter what.

 

So, yeah you hit the nail right on the dot!

 

Have a great day!

[Bufo]

Haven't even booked the mediation yet???!!! The so called divorce isn't beyond the talk/threat stage yet. And it may never go beyond that stage

 

Maybe an astrologer can tell you how that spat will end. But nobody else can.

 

Do you want to be his side woman for an unknown length of time?

 

Tell him you'll be happy to see him when the final divorce decree is in his hand. If you don't meet another guy in the meantime. That will either cause him to get off the fence or cause him to disappear. In any event it will end the uncertainty you are in.

[Tayla]

Hmmmm.... Well by law , you are not connected.

 

As to the perceived "attraction", what's attractive about a father who is cheating on his kids mom? Think about that next time you interact, there are other ppl indirectly affected by this young loves folly.

[anika99]

Any relationship that includes hearing the intimate details about the feelings and thoughts of a SO who is currently involved with your romantic partner is not healthy and most likely destined to fail, whether he leaves his wife or not. While reading that email did it occur to you that should you actually land this prize of a man that you will probably be on the receiving end of this behaviour one day? Should he ever want to leave you he won't be honest with you but instead he will line up your replacement first and then coldly describe your hurt and your feelings as ridiculous to the new girl who is just waiting to step into your place.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I couldn't get past the fact that this "homebody" MM brought along 5 friends who he had already told about you. Doesn't really go along with the homebody MO. I don't think I would be all that pleased with the fact that he was sharing that with people that I'd never met. Sounds kinda like bragging rights or showing you off. That's a player MO in my opinion.

 

Also, if his text was verbatim I'd say he's placating you. Sounds more like an excuse than honest sharing frustration. I'd be really cautious about buying in if I were you.

[elaine567]

I couldn't get past the fact that this "homebody" MM brought along 5 friends who he had already told about you. Doesn't really go along with the homebody MO. I don't think I would be all that pleased with the fact that he was sharing that with people that I'd never met. Sounds kinda like bragging rights or showing you off. That's a player MO in my opinion.

 

Also, if his text was verbatim I'd say he's placating you. Sounds more like an excuse than honest sharing frustration. I'd be really cautious about buying in if I were you.

 

The wife is the homebody, I guess he is the one "out on the town"...

[IfWishesWereHorses]

The wife is the homebody, I guess he is the one "out on the town"...

 

Disregard my post. My brain is foggy!

[LindsayxoScarth]

I dunno Lois. She's met his family and their relationship seems to be out in the open. Sometimes these things just take time. I know my divorced dragged on for a long long time. And it wasn't a contested divorce.

 

OP: what he's saying sounds pretty reasonable. I am pretty much sure I said the same thing about the logistics. The one thing that tingles my spidey sense is that there still living in the same house. For me that would be a deal breaker.

 

 

My friends always told me I can read people well, I've had great relationships... I do feel like a person. It's just I've never been with a man who's been married/in a mess

 

Thank you for your input

[LindsayxoScarth]

So I assume the wife knows all about you since you are all out in the open?

 

If not, ask yourself why.

 

 

I told JP to keep her in the dark so the divorce goes over smooth. She is right now agreeing and bring reasonable. I said once she knows about me she won't play nice.

So it was my request. He has no problem talking about me or bringing me around people.

[LindsayxoScarth]

So - when my MM was going through his divorce (although I have to say, we were a very low drama affair) on the few occasions that he asked me things I pointed out nicely that I am not a therapist or a divorce lawyer and unfortunately I could not help him. Nor, did I want to know the details.

 

Here's why.... lets's assume your man really does leave. And, as someone mentioned, you are indeed an exit affair. You do not want to be associated with his divorce, the fighting with his XW, etc. Those things are all his issues.

 

I very deliberately distanced myself from all of that (but I did not distance myself from him). I was still very much his girlfriend, we had fun, etc., but I did not want to be entangled in all of that.

 

It was a good decision. Just something to think about.

 

 

 

Yes we are drama free and he doesn't tell me anything unless it's something I ask. I agree. We are happy fun I'm the breathe of fresh air for sure

[LindsayxoScarth]

It's a question of what you're willing to put up with.

 

I will say being with somebody as they go through a divorce is a huge, huge thing to go with somebody through. It's long, it'd drawn out, it's expensive, and from the sounds of it, it's going to be messy. And if he's with you, if he was separated or not when you started up, at some point you'll be dragged into it.

 

What you need to now know is:

 

1. There is nothing you can do to speed the process up, and that process could take years. All you can do is ride along with it. In fact, a huge part of your life will now be simply "riding along" on drama that he or she are involved in related to the divorce and/or the kids. You'll be doing so much riding along you'll want to buy a saddle and change your name to Tonto.

 

2. Her being a pain in the butt is about to be your pain in the butt. If she's so inclined, she may make it her business to be a huge and constant pain in our butt. One of the magical parts of divorce is that in the process of being less involved with her life, she will be more involved in yours personally. And since there's kids involved, you'll be involved in her life too.

 

3. Establish some boundaries with your partner now about what you are and aren't willing to do or put up with. Be prepared to have this conversation a lot. I've been with my husband almost 10 years and even just last week because of some things going on I said "Here's my limit, here's what's happening if they cross it."

 

4. Work out now when he's moving out and where he's going. That's when it's going to hit the fan.

 

You're in for a long road and only you can decide if it's worth it. If it is, it is, but if it's not then you'd best say so soon because if you express reservations and he truly is leaving for you, your relationship with him will never recover with him even if you do stay.

 

In my case, I decided it was worth it and from when he filed to when he was divorced was 2 insanely long years with a lot of crap. It was ridiculously hard. Harder than I can even put into words. I thought it'd be easier after the divorce, in many ways it is, but in many ways it isn't. There is no finish line that you cross, take a deep breath, and say "now it's smooth sailing."

 

 

Thanks for your input... I'm the kind of girl who doesn't settle.. but I'm sooooo into him and I'm down for the ride! You made me laugh. Thank you

[elaine567]

I told JP to keep her in the dark so the divorce goes over smooth. She is right now agreeing and bring reasonable. I said once she knows about me she won't play nice.

So it was my request. He has no problem talking about me or bringing me around people.

 

OK, so she is not to know, yet he is parading you around all over the place. Surely she will find out.

I thought according to him she was being "ridiculous", that doesn't sound particularly reasonable.

He hasn't even managed to move out or find himself his own place and they haven't even booked mediation... Sounds like stalling tactics.

I am just concerned he is spinning you a yarn here, and he is actually in a complex game of trying to get her to "right the ship", by threatening divorce.

Marriages often go through bad patches when the kids are little, big life changes make for warring couples, but they often then get back on track as the kids get older.

Do not put all your eggs in one basket here, you could get very hurt.

[LindsayxoScarth]

I couldn't get past the fact that this "homebody" MM brought along 5 friends who he had already told about you. Doesn't really go along with the homebody MO. I don't think I would be all that pleased with the fact that he was sharing that with people that I'd never met. Sounds kinda like bragging rights or showing you off. That's a player MO in my opinion.

 

Also, if his text was verbatim I'd say he's placating you. Sounds more like an excuse than honest sharing frustration. I'd be really cautious about buying in if I were you.

 

We

 

 

 

She's wife is a homebody... he's a social butterfly

I requested the friend setting.. it was more a friend flirty connection. He assured me it was over/just working it out.

[stillafool]

So he's a Libra, what are you and what is his wife?

[LindsayxoScarth]

So he's a Libra, what are you and what is his wife?

 

 

 

I don't know what his wife is? haha I never ask haha I think he would think I'm weird... I'm Leo