He's married. I love him.

[privategal]

This is not a joke.

Im unsure of why your flippant "lol" replies but you are sleeping with another womans husband and father of her children.

If you dont care and think its funny or lighthearted then why are you HERE?

What advice specifically do you need fron these boards?

I dont think its sweet, cute, lighthearted or funny.

Its real life, there are hearts to be broken here.

When I left my 1st husband we had no children, we amicably divorced and we bith sobbed after our divorce was over because we broke our vows, we made promises and it was over.

Divorce is crushing, brutal, carries a stigma, it HURTS.

Dont dare come here and laugh while you are involved in indidelity and breaking a home.

His wifes dreams of a happy family, of a 2 parent home and vacations and warm holidays are being put through a blender.

Its no laughing matter.

[loveisanaction]

This is not a joke.

Im unsure of why your flippant "lol" replies but you are sleeping with another womans husband and father of her children.

If you dont care and think its funny or lighthearted then why are you HERE?

What advice specifically do you need fron these boards?

I dont think its sweet, cute, lighthearted or funny.

Its real life, there are hearts to be broken here.

When I left my 1st husband we had no children, we amicably divorced and we bith sobbed after our divorce was over because we broke our vows, we made promises and it was over.

Divorce is crushing, brutal, carries a stigma, it HURTS.

Dont dare come here and laugh while you are involved in indidelity and breaking a home.

His wifes dreams of a happy family, of a 2 parent home and vacations and warm holidays are being put through a blender.

Its no laughing matter.

 

If i could like this post a thousand times i would.

[2016forme]

This is not a joke.

Im unsure of why your flippant "lol" replies but you are sleeping with another womans husband and father of her children.

If you dont care and think its funny or lighthearted then why are you HERE?

What advice specifically do you need fron these boards?

I dont think its sweet, cute, lighthearted or funny.

Its real life, there are hearts to be broken here.

When I left my 1st husband we had no children, we amicably divorced and we bith sobbed after our divorce was over because we broke our vows, we made promises and it was over.

Divorce is crushing, brutal, carries a stigma, it HURTS.

Dont dare come here and laugh while you are involved in indidelity and breaking a home.

His wifes dreams of a happy family, of a 2 parent home and vacations and warm holidays are being put through a blender.

Its no laughing matter.

 

Yes! I agree! This ain't no joke! Her MM will take her on a bumpy ride!

 

Tell it like it is!

[ladydesigner]

I have a feeling OP won't be laughing for much longer.

[LindsayxoScarth]

This is not a joke.

Im unsure of why your flippant "lol" replies but you are sleeping with another womans husband and father of her children.

If you dont care and think its funny or lighthearted then why are you HERE?

What advice specifically do you need fron these boards?

I dont think its sweet, cute, lighthearted or funny.

Its real life, there are hearts to be broken here.

When I left my 1st husband we had no children, we amicably divorced and we bith sobbed after our divorce was over because we broke our vows, we made promises and it was over.

Divorce is crushing, brutal, carries a stigma, it HURTS.

Dont dare come here and laugh while you are involved in indidelity and breaking a home.

His wifes dreams of a happy family, of a 2 parent home and vacations and warm holidays are being put through a blender.

Its no laughing matter.

 

 

Where exactly am I laughing?? The one post made me laugh the way she worded it. Sorry.

 

I guess his wife shouldnt have cheated to begin with. I'm playing for keeps. I'm just confused because I've never been with a man who's still in the middle of leaving.

 

JP rxt - It really is a better talk in person... but everyone felt i settled, she cheated .. things have been bad for far too long. ... and this has been a long time coming... so i don't consider this a rebound just fyi

[Quiet Storm]

This guy was actively seeking to cheat on his wife on a dating website. This isn't a situation where he let his boundaries down or let a friendship go too far. He decided to cheat, and you were the one willing to participate.

 

You are feeling very attracted and connected, & that feeling of comfort is influencing the way you read him. A married guy on a dating website is a giant red flag. It shows his character.

 

Instead of separating or working on his marriage, he handled his dissatisfaction with his marriage by advertising himself on a website. Many people in unhappy marriages don't cheat (even those with spouses who no longer deserve their love or loyalty). Not because they aren't lonely or unhappy, but because they aren't liars or cheaters. His choices reflect his character, his issues as a man- not his circumstances.

 

Guys like this know OW will be done with them eventually, so they prolong the situation as long as possible He'll tell you what you want to hear, to keep you connected and trusting him, so that you will continue to be that breath of fresh air for him. Until you can't be the fresh air anymore because you notice the lack of action, and start questioning him & having expectations.

 

Many MM do genuinely feel connected to an OW, but this doesn't mean they will get a divorce. They usually don't. Love and romance aren't that important to them in the grand scheme of things.

 

If you can truly read people well, then you know it is not smart to allow your feelings to cloud your logic. Logically, you know it's really easy to send a text about planning to divorce. After all, they are just typed words. But your emotions are leading you to empathize with him. Plus, you love these feelings and you want so bad for it to be true.

 

It's also really easy to say he wants to divorce and be with you. Logically, you know they are only words, but you can see it in his eyes and feel it in his words (emotions). You love him and know you both feel so happy around each other (emotions). You really want this to be real and you have faith in the connection that you feel.

 

I'm not saying emotions and feelings are meaningless, but the reality is that they are strongly influencing your "people reading" skills. Be aware of that, and be careful to give more weight to his actions (like moving out, filing divorce papers, being married on a dating site), than his words.

 

Emotions are powerful and exciting, but they are also the reason why many smart, successful, talented and beautiful women make bad decisions in their love lives. Don't blindly trust that he has your best interests at heart.

[S2B]

Have you checked on court records to see IF the divorce has actually been filed? When was it filed?

 

You see, IF it was filed he can finalize it without her approving everything - some things can be settled after the divorce is technically finished.

 

And what is a "split house"? Are they still living under one roof?

 

Based on what you've typed - I don't see him doing everything he can to get the divorce finished = you are not his top priority.

 

Well, did you check the court records for your county?

 

He wouldn't be the first MM to lie to his OW.

 

And since he has plenty of money - why hasn't he moved out?

[LindsayxoScarth]

Well, did you check the court records for your county?

 

He wouldn't be the first MM to lie to his OW.

 

And since he has plenty of money - why hasn't he moved out?

 

 

 

I haven't asked, so far he's got as far as figuring out the Financials and getting a mediator. I have a dead line for him June 30... if he's not moving then I am.

[whichwayisup]

I told JP to keep her in the dark so the divorce goes over smooth. She is right now agreeing and bring reasonable. I said once she knows about me she won't play nice.

So it was my request. He has no problem talking about me or bringing me around people.

 

And that's how she's going to find out he's having an A with you.

 

sorry but you don't get to dictate the end of his marriage and what he says or does with his wife and their divorce. HE needs to be a man and own up to why their marriage is ending and tell her the truth. Why should she play 'nice' in a divorce when he is leaving her for another woman? Hiding the truth is going to blow up in his face.

[LindsayxoScarth]

The part that makes this relationship hard to read, would have to be the fact I've met his closest friends, his brother.... Im invited for a weekend out at his friends cabin.

 

I'm no secret it's like a regular relationship. His brother and friends say "JP is into you, JP lives separate lives from his ex/wife" I feel like I'm reading it right. He's totally my kind of a guy. I guess we will see by June. I gave a deadline. He doesn't know about it, but if he doesn't know what's right on his own I'll move along.

 

He has been living separate *under the same house* she's downstairs he's up... I don't understand it. I do believe him. I can tell when I'm dealing with a liar.

[LindsayxoScarth]

And that's how she's going to find out he's having an A with you.

 

sorry but you don't get to dictate the end of his marriage and what he says or does with his wife and their divorce. HE needs to be a man and own up to why their marriage is ending and tell her the truth. Why should she play 'nice' in a divorce when he is leaving her for another woman? Hiding the truth is going to blow up in his face.

 

 

Yeah I appreciate everyone's input. I'll definitely push a bit more start asking what's going on... I'll pread harder. Anytime I've asked or said something he's done more.. as far as looking for a new place and sitting down with their financial advisors getting the break up/off ready

[whichwayisup]

Yeah I appreciate everyone's input. I'll definitely push a bit more start asking what's going on... I'll pread harder. Anytime I've asked or said something he's done more.. as far as looking for a new place and sitting down with their financial advisors getting the break up/off ready

 

The only thing you should do is encourage him to come clean. He knew about her cheating, it's only fair now for her to know HE cheated too.

 

The rest is NONE of your business so please stay out of the details of the demise of their marriage. It's not for you to know what alimony she gets etc. He owes her since she was SAHM raising their 3 children.

 

Speaking of their children, DO NOT try to replace their mom. Wait at least a year if not more to meet them. Their world is about to be turned upside down and the last thing they need is a step mom so quickly.

[ladydesigner]

The part that makes this relationship hard to read, would have to be the fact I've met his closest friends, his brother.... Im invited for a weekend out at his friends cabin.

 

I'm no secret it's like a regular relationship. His brother and friends say "JP is into you, JP lives separate lives from his ex/wife" I feel like I'm reading it right. He's totally my kind of a guy. I guess we will see by June. I gave a deadline. He doesn't know about it, but if he doesn't know what's right on his own I'll move along.

 

He has been living separate *under the same house* she's downstairs he's up... I don't understand it. I do believe him. I can tell when I'm dealing with a liar.

 

They may be ending like you say and it could very well be an exit affair but the fact that he's hiding you to her means HE IS A LIAR.

[LindsayxoScarth]

The only thing you should do is encourage him to come clean. He knew about her cheating, it's only fair now for her to know HE cheated too.

 

The rest is NONE of your business so please stay out of the details of the demise of their marriage. It's not for you to know what alimony she gets etc. He owes her since she was SAHM raising their 3 children.

 

Speaking of their children, DO NOT try to replace their mom. Wait at least a year if not more to meet them. Their world is about to be turned upside down and the last thing they need is a step mom so quickly.

 

 

I agree with you 10000% I told him when it comes down to it you look after baby mama... he knows how I feel about the kids and their mother. I'd never replace. I have 2 children of my own. Ill respect her as a mother for sure. I'm not worried about what she gets and how much. I'm a sole and main provider. I make money I've never been married. Very independent.

[loveisanaction]

It never seizes to amaze me that a woman would feel completely comfortable (and entitled) to hang onto a married man wanting him to leave his wife for her.

 

To attach myself to a married man expecting him to leave his wife for me with no regards for his wife and children...Wow!

 

I don't care how miserable he is in his marriage .

 

You've got to be some kind of different to be okay with that.

[LindsayxoScarth]

They may be ending like you say and it could very well be an exit affair but the fact that he's hiding you to her means HE IS A LIAR.

 

 

You think I should encourage him to tell her about me? I don't want to upset him, or seem forceful or pry.

[ladydesigner]

You think I should encourage him to tell her about me? I don't want to upset him, or seem forceful or pry.

 

I think if this is an exit affair at some point he does need to tell her. I feel she will find out anyways and it would be better coming from him.

[LindsayxoScarth]

It never seizes to amaze me that a woman would feel completely comfortable (and entitled) to hang onto a married man wanting him to leave his wife for her.

 

To attach myself to a married man expecting him to leave his wife for me with no regards for his wife and children...Wow!

 

I don't care how miserable he is in his marriage .

 

 

 

 

You've got to be some kind of different to be okay with that.

 

 

 

 

I sure am some kind of different, he msged me. We connected. Im playing for myself. I've been told by him family and his friends. He is over her, they were married for 12 years she cheated on him and hasn't changed..

 

I show loyalty and I'm everything he wants in a relationship. It's just been different. He's so charming and supportive

[LindsayxoScarth]

I think if this is an exit affair at some point he does need to tell her. I feel she will find out anyways and it would be better coming

 

 

I'll. Suggest it for sure.. ThAnka for your input. On a side note

 

He always says he's leaving cause she's cheated. I told him I don't want to hear that excuse anymore. He's even as far as cheating goes

 

 

Once again... he doesn't sleep with her or talk to her much. They are a couple or gun slinger

[MsJayne]

Where do I start? Please stop flattering and amusing yourself at the expense of another woman's marriage. There's nothing wrong with being a second wife, but there's plenty wrong with being a home-wrecker, and that's what you're aiming for. This guy has no respect for you, and you don't have any respect for you either. Find some, and flick this lowlife off like the blowfly he is.

[ladydesigner]

I sure am some kind of different, he msged me. We connected. Im playing for myself. I've been told by him family and his friends. He is over her, they were married for 12 years she cheated on him and hasn't changed..

 

I show loyalty and I'm everything he wants in a relationship. It's just been different. He's so charming and supportive

 

Just keep to a deadline for yourself. As long as his actions show you more than his words then you might be an exception. It certainly sounds luke an exit A.

[whichwayisup]

I agree with you 10000% I told him when it comes down to it you look after baby mama... he knows how I feel about the kids and their mother. I'd never replace. I have 2 children of my own. Ill respect her as a mother for sure. I'm not worried about what she gets and how much. I'm a sole and main provider. I make money I've never been married. Very independent.

 

Please don't refer to her as 'baby mama'. I'm sure you wouldn't want to be referred that way.

 

Good to hear you have respect for her, because she will always be in your lives IF you two end up together. they have to be on good terms and co parent together.

 

The way he is treating her, the mother of his children is no different how he'll treat you in the future. Now you know he's capable of being a great liar and manipulator. Just saying sometimes what goes around, comes around...

[loveisanaction]

He told you that she cheated on him and to think that he was the one on a dating site.

 

I'll make a mental note of your name because by June you'll be here again posting...'Still waiting for that divorce'..

 

Oh! and by the way...Some kind of different is not a compliment.

[Quiet Storm]

I can tell when I'm dealing with a liar.

 

Can you see how your emotions are influencing your thoughts about him?

 

He's a proven liar. You know that, but are overlooking it. You are even telling him to lie to his wife.

[LindsayxoScarth]

Thanks for the input, I refuse to take in the ridea remarks.

But to take the information that yes it's definitely not a good situation, there needs to be a deadline, respect for his wife and children.. also he needs to come clean. I can only suggest that action