He's married. I love him.

[LindsayxoScarth]

Tell me why it would take two years to finalize it? Most states 6-12 months after filing.

 

I think you know he hasn't even filed yet, right?

 

 

 

I don't know if he has filed:( I'm in Canada. I give him his space. Maybe to much after everyone's input I'm going to not be as easy going. I'll be requesting facts I think I'm leaning towards telling him Ill give him the space he needs.. call me when you have your own place. I'm not worried about the finalized divorce as much as I am about him having his own place.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Sorry from Canada little more laid back. I call her that long with my friends. I'm a easy going fun loving girl. I'm certain I know how to keep a man I'm not worried about him being a repeated offender. If he is my lesson. My worry.

 

If you know how to KEEP a man, you know how to get your own! Keeping a man doesn't involve an affair. Let him know who you are and what you expect! Draw the line so that he had to make a clear decision.

[LindsayxoScarth]

Tell me why it would take two years to finalize it? Most states 6-12 months after filing.

 

I think you know he hasn't even filed yet, right?

 

I honestly don't have clue.. I can remember him saying they filed. I'm going to ask for evidence. I'm just looking back at our conversations now, sorry for the double reply ......it's so difficult to know what's wrong when it feels so right.

[S2B]

I don't know if he has filed:( I'm in Canada. I give him his space. Maybe to much after everyone's input I'm going to not be as easy going. I'll be requesting facts I think I'm leaning towards telling him Ill give him the space he needs.. call me when you have your own place. I'm not worried about the finalized divorce as much as I am about him having his own place.

 

You have every right to have answers as this is YOUR future! Not knowing for sure just means he could be playing you as his fool.

 

There is no reason to be easy on him - do what's right for you because you deserve to know what's real - so you can make solid decisions based on truth.

 

Do some research and find out how long a divorce should take from filing to finalizing. Google should give you that info. Then ask him to see the filed papers.

 

 

I've dated many men who said they were single even - and turns out they were very much married. It's terrible - but I verify after the first date...because if I don't then I'm being setup to be hurt based on lies.

 

You won't get solid answers if you don't ask. If he doesn't provide that peace of mind to you right away that's a BIG red flag.

 

Stay strong! :-)

[anika99]

The part that makes this relationship hard to read, would have to be the fact I've met his closest friends, his brother.... Im invited for a weekend out at his friends cabin.

 

I'm no secret it's like a regular relationship. His brother and friends say "JP is into you, JP lives separate lives from his ex/wife" I feel like I'm reading it right. He's totally my kind of a guy. I guess we will see by June. I gave a deadline. He doesn't know about it, but if he doesn't know what's right on his own I'll move along.

 

He has been living separate *under the same house* she's downstairs he's up... I don't understand it. I do believe him. I can tell when I'm dealing with a liar.

 

Again, pay attention to what you are seeing. The fact that you hang out with his brother and his friends while his wife knows nothing simply means that he surrounds himself with like minded people who have no problem with infidelity and deceit. Birds of a feather flock together and all that. You are actually seeing things about this man that most women wouldn't see while dating a single man. It's like your own crystal ball. You know that should he ever become unhappy with you he will have know problem getting back on POF to line up your replacement before he ditches you. You also know that his friends and his brother will have no problem with this and will actually approve of his cheating on you on you while welcoming his new squeeze into their little circle.

 

Of course this is assuming that he is actually leaving his wife and divorcing. It all sounds pretty odd to me as it seems a divorcing man would be moving out and filing, not trolling for an affair on POF. I'm in Canada too (and I don't use phrases like "baby mama" to refer to someone's wife, so that's definitely not a Canadian thing, it's just a low class way to talk) and I believe there must be a legal and physical separation of 12 months before a divorce will be granted.

[Grapesofwrath]

I told JP to keep her in the dark so the divorce goes over smooth. She is right now agreeing and bring reasonable. I said once she knows about me she won't play nice.

So it was my request. He has no problem talking about me or bringing me around people.

 

To what is she agreeing? Are they legally separated? He mentions they are seeing a mortgage broker. This doesn't make much difference vis a vis a divorce. If they are planning to re-finance, then they are just signing more legal paperwork together, further cementing the union. His assertion that he doesn't want her to know so she will "play nice" is also not that credible. In most states, the laws are the laws. The division of assets is the division of assets. If she is also a cheater, then his cheating will not affect the outcome. So why does he need her to "play nice?"

 

These messages looks like appeasement to me. Is he legally separated? Do they have a plan in place for separation? Are their children aware that separation is coming? These are the signs. A vague promise that mediation is "the next step" tells you nothing.

[bewell]

This is not going to end well for you. I know it's hard but the best thing for you is to cut ties with him and move on. I'm saying this to you because I wish I had the sense to do it when I was starting out with xMM. It's only going to get ugly from here on out. And even if you end up with him, I can guarantee you that you won't be happy.

[LindsayxoScarth]

This is not going to end well for you. I know it's hard but the best thing for you is to cut ties with him and move on. I'm saying this to you because I wish I had the sense to do it when I was starting out with xMM. It's only going to get ugly from here on out. And even if you end up with him, I can guarantee you that you won't be happy.

 

 

I am so happy I found this forum... I broke it down to him today. He was not having it.. he was in fact laughing.

 

He told me there is no way Im the "other women" he had proof of legal separation. He has proof it's in motion. It was me who never asked or questioned. I have now questioned! He's prvoided and proved. 2 years of being 100% checked out 8 months of separation. He spends all the time he can with me. We are best friends!!!!!! He's 100% my kind of dude. I would have never questioned if it wasn't for this forum. I feel 100% better.. can't wait to see him!

 

Thanks all for your posts. But if this is being the other women. Call it game on. He's a prize!! From the way he talks to how real he is with me... I'm not stupid I know what I got can't wait to keep him one day #****ingwinning

 

6 months of talking and making a connection! 3 months of actual dating being out in public we are together 3-5 times a week. Public or bed. I'll keep on with my fairytale.. wives.. don't cheat. There are "other women" like myself ready to catch that ball.

[bewell]

I am so happy I found this forum... I broke it down to him today. He was not having it.. he was in fact laughing.

 

He told me there is no way Im the "other women" he had proof of legal separation. He has proof it's in motion. It was me who never asked or questioned. I have now questioned! He's prvoided and proved. 2 years of being 100% checked out 8 months of separation. He spends all the time he can with me. We are best friends!!!!!! He's 100% my kind of dude. I would have never questioned if it wasn't for this forum. I feel 100% better.. can't wait to see him!

 

Thanks all for your posts. But if this is being the other women. Call it game on. He's a prize!! From the way he talks to how real he is with me... I'm not stupid I know what I got can't wait to keep him one day #****ingwinning

 

6 months of talking and making a connection! 3 months of actual dating being out in public we are together 3-5 times a week. Public or bed. I'll keep on with my fairytale.. wives.. don't cheat. There are "other women" like myself ready to catch that ball.

 

Oh lovely, I totally understand your feelings and share your sentiments. I've been sold the same bull**** by my xMM and none of it came into fruition. He's just telling you stuff you want to hear to appease you. Go NC and remain there until he can show you a divorce decree.

Edited May 5, 2016 by bewell

[LindsayxoScarth]

Oh lovely, I totally understand your feelings and share your sentiments. I've been sold the same bull**** by my xMM and none of it came into fruition. He's just telling you stuff you want to hear to appease you. Go NC and remain there until he can show you a divorce decree.

 

 

 

I'm. Not worried about a finalized divorce. As much as I am wanting it in motion. I just want him to be separated and on his way.!! And he is.. I'll update in June:)

[bewell]

I'm. Not worried about a finalized divorce. As much as I am wanting it in motion. I just want him to be separated and on his way.!! And he is.. I'll update in June:)

 

It still doesn't exclude you from pain. This doesn't look and sound good. I was in denial and in a fog for 2.5 years with my MM because we were both so crazy in love with each other. I'm sure you know what's at stake for you. Just don't act surprised at any outcomes that may come your way and I guarantee you, it will NOT be a happy ending.

[Lady Hamilton]

Nobody can guarantee there will or won't be a happy ending.

 

Period.

 

Maybe it'll work out. Maybe it'll be like most relationships and not work out. You won't know until you choose to jump in with both feet.

 

Sounds like you've chosen to jump in, so good luck and check back in if you need support or have questions.

 

Also... I just figure I'd throw out there that it took my husband 2-3 years for his divorce to come through. It took my divorce two weeks to come through. We both filed same state, same court, same way. My ex-husband and I had to divide property but we had no kids. My husband had to settle custody issues but they had no joint property.

 

The difference was I filed during the holidays, when almost nobody files, and he filed during the spring (the busiest time to file) after two judges quit. He also had to wait for the court to order his child intervention class date, then had to wait for the order for the mediator, then they had to wait 6 months for a judge to become available to sign off on their settlement. A year of their divorce was waiting for dates from the court.

 

There's no way to predict just how long it will take for a divorce to come through.

Edited May 6, 2016 by Lady Hamilton

[S2B]

I'm. Not worried about a finalized divorce. As much as I am wanting it in motion. I just want him to be separated and on his way.!! And he is.. I'll update in June:)

 

Did he show you evidence? When did he say he's moving out in his own?

[ShatteredLady]

Please. PLEASE remember that his children are going to be experiencing a lot of change in their little lives. You are going to be a stepmother. The maturity & understanding that you give could make all the difference for them.

 

It really doesn't matter how you or your MM feel about his wife she is & will ALWAYS be their mother.

Edited May 6, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[anika99]

I am so happy I found this forum... I broke it down to him today. He was not having it.. he was in fact laughing.

 

He told me there is no way Im the "other women" he had proof of legal separation. He has proof it's in motion. It was me who never asked or questioned. I have now questioned! He's prvoided and proved. 2 years of being 100% checked out 8 months of separation. He spends all the time he can with me. We are best friends!!!!!! He's 100% my kind of dude. I would have never questioned if it wasn't for this forum. I feel 100% better.. can't wait to see him!

 

Thanks all for your posts. But if this is being the other women. Call it game on. He's a prize!! From the way he talks to how real he is with me... I'm not stupid I know what I got can't wait to keep him one day #****ingwinning

 

6 months of talking and making a connection! 3 months of actual dating being out in public we are together 3-5 times a week. Public or bed. I'll keep on with my fairytale.. wives.. don't cheat. There are "other women" like myself ready to catch that ball.

 

 

 

I'm confused. Are you saying you actually saw a separation agreement signed by both he and his wife? I'm including a link in regards to marital separation in Canada. According to this page everything in regards to custody, property division and spousal support is decided and included in the separation agreement. Since your first post seemed to indicate that they have not come to any agreement on these things yet, how can there be a signed agreement already?

 

 

Marriage Separation in Canada

 

 

I'm not sure if anyone asked this yet, but why exactly is he still living with his wife? If he's so eager to be divorced and starting a new life with you then why doesn't he just move out?

[William]

Folks, I cleaned up a marked meta-discussion which had sprung up and will remind all members to be respectful in their comments. Thanks in advance for your cooperation!

[DevotedBaker54]

My mom always said "guard your heart." This means don't invest your time and love into something that isn't going to love you in return. You're giving your heart away to a man who promised to love his wife until death and he now wants a divorce. Maybe slow down until he's officially divorced? Be careful with your heart!