Ex of 5 Years Still Hurts and in Contact

[Kelsy]

Ok...you are like friends. I think he may feel it like you guys are different people. He likes this party, drugs life and you value something more. Iam just guessing here Is he immature? He may have some feelings for sure but not enough and its not your fault. And in life we may have a very good chemistry with someone but other things (values) dont match that well. And like they say sometimes love isnt enough. Its sad I know. But you may find another partner with who you have chemistry and same values

And you can always ask him whats his purpose with all these nice words. But really some people do hold you in backburner just in case...I still think about why my ex said all these nice words, put me on hold and disappeared. I guess I will never find an answer for that. But you have to value yourself more and believe you deserve better treatment. This feeling is much better when a guy really wants to win your heart.

[Searchin81]

I just need to let go but its so hard. I know its been years, i dont know why im like this. I feel that he really loves me and that the issue is he doesnt want to change his lifestyle so is trying to find someone that will be an enabler. But he keeps contacting me i feel something is there.. Maybe im wrong.

[Kelsy]

I know its so hard to let someone go. I have never felt this kind of pain in my life. My heart refused to let him go. I am still struggeling but it is getting better. But we have to choose our happiness and you really have to train your mind. You never know what future brings...Maybe he will come back. But at first you should concentrate yourself. It makes you stronger person and if he returns you may not what him back anymore coz you know you deserve healthier partner. I dont know but they say that these bonds may stay there forever with exes but it changes.

If you really feel this strange feeling and cant handle it, dont u want to talk to him heart to heart?

Or are you scared?

[TaraMaiden2]

I just need to let go but its so hard. I know its been years, i dont know why im like this. I feel that he really loves me and that the issue is he doesnt want to change his lifestyle so is trying to find someone that will be an enabler. But he keeps contacting me i feel something is there.. Maybe im wrong.

No, you're not wrong.

But simply because 'something is there' does not mean it's either healthy, or right.

There may well be 'something there' but the fact is, it's not doing you any favours, and it's certainly doing you no good.

 

You DO need to let go, because while he can cast is line and hook you with ease, he will always be playing you, letting you out, reeling you back...

 

Ask yourself this:

Are these thoughts and memories, of this situation, what you want to be quietly thinking about, in your twilight years?

When you are old, and infirm, and nursing your silent thoughts - are these thoughts the ones you wish to have surface?

How happy, serene and peaceful is your old age going to be, when you have time to ruminate and reflect?

 

I'd hate to have this as a memory of failing, heartbreak, and toxic, dysfunctional possibilities....

[BC1980]

I just need to let go but its so hard. I know its been years, i dont know why im like this. I feel that he really loves me and that the issue is he doesnt want to change his lifestyle so is trying to find someone that will be an enabler. But he keeps contacting me i feel something is there.. Maybe im wrong.

 

I'm going to be really honest with you. I don't think he cares that much if you cut contact with him. I think will be just fine and can live without you. I don't think he has nearly the same feelings you have for him. Honestly, I don't based on his actions. I think a hard part of letting go is that we don't want to accept that the other person will be okay without us. We want them to be special and to need us in a way that is different. I think a lot of your reticence to let go may be based on those kinds of thoughts. I get it because I was at that place at one point in time. If you cut contact with him today, I promise you that he would move on and be fine. How does that make you feel?

[Searchin81]

Well more bad news.. Seen the ex out and he was with this new person and he pretended not to see me! I waited to see what he would do, I didn't approach him but I know he seen me, looked high with those trashy type friends too, so left. As I was walking to car I defriended him on fb, sent him a text saying simply "I'm done". No response as of yet, doubt I'll get any or if I do he will either turn it around on me and say good riddance or that I didn't say hi to him either, or he will say he has no idea what I'm talking about and say he didn't see me at all. Just to think two weeks ago when I seen him, he was with this very same person and said goodbye to me and said "I love u" and I said u don't mean it, then wanted me to let him know when I got home.. And now two weeks later he doesn't even aknowlege me when he seen me out, yet earlier in the day made a comment on my fb page! just unreal. I'm tempted to block his number from curious to see if he will say anything. I don't even feel sad right now, but how could I have been so dumb.

[TaraMaiden2]

Block his number!!

 

Jeesh, how much more agony do you want to pile on??

You had the last word on Fb, don't even speculate on how he will react!

 

Block delete, deny.

Leave him well alone, do not give him the opportunity to pollute your head further.

 

You were already a doormat, don't give him any more wriggle-room, for goodness' sake!

 

Just blow him off and live your life.

You actually have been neglecting it something chronic.

Get it back.

[Searchin81]

Curious to see what he will say if anything , but you're right I should deny him because I have a feeling he will turn on me and try to deny me

[TaraMaiden2]

After 5 years, you don't 'think'. You 'know' that's precisely what he will do.

[Searchin81]

Your Right. And it's a lousy feeling, I tried doing it before and he turned it all around on me. Always tries to beat me to the punch then I feel like crap and he has the power.

 

 

I'm afraid if I block him I'll always wonder what he said.

Edited May 7, 2016 by Searchin81

[TaraMaiden2]

No you won't. You'll know what he said. or at least the gist of it.

"I'm an arsehole and this is all your fault."

 

Why would that make you feel better, reading it?

All it will tempt you to do is to engage in an argument with him, which will indubitably make you feel even worse. Even if you 'win' it you'll lose because he will jab you with his unjust attacks.

 

Leave it.

Block, delete, deny.

That will actually affect him a whole lot more, and more deeply, than continued bitch-batch bantering.

[Kelsy]

It is better for your health to leave this rollercoaster ride. It is like endless game for him. People who use drugs are in very unhealthy place. They dont think clearly.

[Searchin81]

It is better for your health to leave this rollercoaster ride. It is like endless game for him. People who use drugs are in very unhealthy place. They dont think clearly.

 

I agree with you he's not thinking clearly and making the right decisions. He would never admit that. I don't know why he ignored me like that he didn't even do that when he was with wife, she would actually say hi. So this is surprising that 2 Weeks ago he seen me while he was with this Same person and said hi and that he loved me ect now acts like he didn't see me. What changed in two weeks?!??!? Even writing on my fb earlier in the day! Maybe this person didn't want him talking to me.

Edited May 7, 2016 by Searchin81

[BC1980]

I agree with you he's not thinking clearly and making the right decisions. He would never admit that. I don't know why he ignored me like that he didn't even do that when he was with wife, she would actually say hi. So this is surprising that 2 Weeks ago he seen me while he was with this Same person and said hi and that he loved me ect now acts like he didn't see me. What changed in two weeks?!??!? Even writing on my fb earlier in the day! Maybe this person didn't want him talking to me.

 

You're projecting what you think is the right decision onto him. You don't hold the same value system as him. Apparently, he likes his life enough to stay in it. He might say random things, here and there, about changing, but, when it comes down to it, he likes where he's at. For all you know, he might feel he is thinking clearly and making the right decisions.

 

As for what has changed in 2 weeks? Nothing has changed in 5 years. He still won't commit to you. He still strings you along because you allow it. He has you all upset that he ignored you, and he's out having a good time with another woman. And here you sit, upset. And still waiting to see what his reaction will be. Still waiting on him.

 

This man does not offer enough positives to keep him in your life, and loving someone is not a good enough reason to stay in his life. All the man does is hurt you. You are banking on some potential that he might change because you want him to.

[Searchin81]

Agreed with everything. I don't see then why he's being two-faced And won't just let me go.

[BC1980]

Agreed with everything. I don't see then why he's being two-faced And won't just let me go.

 

He won't let you go completely because he is getting something out of the relationship. He is getting his ego stroked for one. Also, he knows you will probably be in the background should he want to revisit things with you one day. You also have to consider that he is probably not as emotionally attached as you, so contact with you doesn't affect him. He can take it or leave it because his emotions don't run as deep.

[Searchin81]

He won't let you go completely because he is getting something out of the relationship. He is getting his ego stroked for one. Also, he knows you will probably be in the background should he want to revisit things with you one day. You also have to consider that he is probably not as emotionally attached as you, so contact with you doesn't affect him. He can take it or leave it because his emotions don't run as deep.

 

 

Agreed. That time he called me said i was the one that got away and should have married me and maybe some day ect.. But told me not to soon. like not right away lol Thats when i was like wow, he must want to see what else is out there. But i dont see how anyone can be so cruel. and i really do think alot of it has to do with the drugs.. He wants someone that is into that stuff and i know his wife was and i know the person now is to. Kind of needs someone to have a codependent relationship with to party. And i think he probably is more emotionally attached to me than he is these new people, thats why he cant let go..but his need to party trumps that. but im sure they dont run as deep as i think either. Like what did i do to deserve this? Years of torture and leaving me hanging? I treated him better than anyone he was with. That what i have a hard time understanding. why just do this to me, does he have any remorse or conscious?

[Searchin81]

I'm so distraught. I can't even do anything today. Of course still no reply from him. I am wondering why all of a sudden he is doin this? Last week he even said hi and now a week later nothing? What happened in a week? What did I do?

 

Could he be mad that I didn't say goodbye to him last week? Buy still comment on my fb?

[Kelsy]

I red your other threads. Did he cheat on you? You mentioned that you got cheated. Or did you fall out of love? If he did cheat and have been with 2 other woman (married and now the new girlfriend) ....then there is something very wrong. And its been 6? years already. Girl, please dont do it to yourself. He doesnt love you the way you (think) want and deserve. You kind of want the old relationship back (when he was caring etc) but you may wait for it forever. He dont act upon his words. I hope you do want a healty relationship but as you can see he doesnt, please believe him.

[Trinity_84]

I'm so distraught. I can't even do anything today. Of course still no reply from him. I am wondering why all of a sudden he is doin this? Last week he even said hi and now a week later nothing? What happened in a week? What did I do?

 

Could he be mad that I didn't say goodbye to him last week? Buy still comment on my fb?

 

You told him in your last message you were "done". You clearly aren't. Why did you even text him that? To get a reaction out of him? To play games with him?

 

This man doesn't care enough about you, he's clearly playing games with you too, maybe you enjoy the back and forth?

 

Love yourself a little bit more. Let this person go and move on to greater things.

 

Good luck, x

[Searchin81]

I didn't say "done" I just sent a Pic that insinuated that

What game u think he playing?

[Miss Clavel]

He always makes me feel like there is still a chance. Then i feel like maybe im not trying hard enough or reaching out to him and meeting him halfway and he thinks im not interested. He asked me once if i loved him and I think i was unable to answer because i was afraid to. Then another time he said no one would love him the way i did and this and that. So i always wonder if im not doing enough.

 

that's what he wants. he wants you to dance.

[Searchin81]

How is this ever going to stop? Even if I go nc I'm gonna wonder and think about what he meant and what I could do different.

[Kelsy]

It seems like you obsess over this guy. I dont know you but maybe there is a bigger issue in you. Do you have a social circle? Do you feel lonely? Job? Activities?

[Miss Clavel]

How is this ever going to stop? Even if I go nc I'm gonna wonder and think about what he meant and what I could do different.

he meant to placate you, as in, don't go away mad, just go away.

 

let go sweetie, then move on.

 

he does drugs, most of which are illegal and there is a strong possibility that he will become addicted.

 

addicts hurt themselves, they hurt others, they never stop choosing their drug of choice over anyone and anything else. no matter how beautiful, how wonderful you are, his drug of choice is not you.

 

good luck.