How do I get my boyfriend to spend time with me and his family

[pteromom]

What would be the best way to take a little vacation? Taxi? Leave a note? I dontv want to be secretive about it. I wanted him to just spend time with us. I am really sad for the kids. I want them to have a nice summer with nice memories.

 

Start scheduling it. Tell him you want him to join you and hope he will. Keep him in the loop about what you are doing and when you are going by text or email - keep records of this. If he starts blowing up and threatening the police, call him on it. Going on vacation isn't a crime. You want him to come too. It's his choice if he doesn't.

[Readandwrite]

Thank you. I plan to.

 

I tried again last night to tell him I am planning it. Didn't go well.

 

I tried to be nice...how I know how hard it us for him and that I appreciate him...

 

He basically says that working 80- 90 hours a week is too bad. It happens. Like me getting cancer. Deal with it or get out. Says that it's like having a military spouse. Really???? He gas it all planned out if I take the kids without him. He's an idiot. I really just tuned him out.

Slept on couch.

 

Lol...he just texted me to plan something for us to do on my birthday together. I just ...I don't have any more chances in me. I know he will be on his phone the whole time...as usual. My life is too short to have to beg and cry...that's not happiness.

[NTV]

So what's stopping you from leaving and filing for child support? It would essentially amount to the same as what you're getting now right? Plus he might actually spend MORE time with his kids.

[Emilia]

Is this the environment you want your kids to grow up in?

[Readandwrite]

Thanks all. Appreciate it.

 

Like I mentioned, he said he will give me all day on my birthday to go out for a long drive or something. So I guess he is tfying. Most years he says he going to do something and forgets. He remembers after I get a zillion calls. I just feel like it's too little too late. If he dies dobs ok me thing with us...he isn't "present"...he is on his phone searching bf or supplies...texting...etc. If he does something for a day it means he will work 15 hours the day before and the day after. He us a workaholic. I just feel like it's an addict saying I won't do it for a day (but doubling up before and after.) Maybe I'm never happy...b ut I want him to change his ways...not do a "birthday" with me after I cry and beg for years.

 

Me and the kids are doing our own things this summer. If that ends the "relationship" then so be it. I've considered taking them to Florida to spend time with my family. ..all summer.

 

Thx

[NTV]

I know it sounds like my input was encouraging you to separate, but that wasn't necessarily the intent. I see several things in your post that I think you should act on.

 

 

The first, is that his involvement is minimal and damaging. Not just to your relationship, but your relationship is also setting the model for the kids. It really needs to be addressed and he needs to be more involved.

 

 

The second, is that the power dynamic in your relationship leans almost entirely towards him. He holds the cards. This isn't many relationships that can survive that now that slavery is illegal.

 

 

So my advice is that you begin the separation process for multiple reasons. To address the first, a lot of people don't really what they stand to lose until it's gone or almost gone. This could include the opportunity to spend time with his kids. The risk of losing something he values but doesn't recognized may jumpstart increased involvement. To address the second, you doing this shows that he can't take you for granted and you take back some of the power in the relationship.

 

 

Additionally, it forces him to make a decision to change from absentee father/husband to involved one or to separate.

 

 

Now, keep in mind that this advice is ONLY based on what you've told us. If you guys are in debt up to your eyeballs and he's working so much because otherwise there is no house or food? Then I wouldn't recommend it. So there are many other circumstances and factors that may come into play here.

 

 

Either way, good luck!

[Readandwrite]

Nrv

 

Yes. Thanks so much. I agree completely. He won't change what is "working for him." I'd feel differently if he didn't have about 30 to 40k in his pocket... at all times. His Sportscar payment is a thousand dollars a month...not to mention insurance.

 

I can pretty much do my work from anywhere and if I have some actual help from family I should be able to make even more money. Plus I won't have to buy groceries for bf...who can eat an entire taco dinner plus some. (Like 12 to 18 tacos.)

[Readandwrite]

My post should ready sexY photos.

 

So if you read my other thread...my bf worksb80-90 hours a week at a day job in construction and side jobs after he's done. He rarely spends time with me and the kids.

 

I've been trying to get him to oat attention to ys...me. So about 2 weeks ago I sent him some pixs. He always asks...but I guess I am shy. I told him they are just for him. Ok.

 

He just texted me that he "showed them my butt picture and they said nice ass for her age..and I laughed ..told thim that's what I say to ya..and ND u get mad..they say it's a compliment.."

 

(Bf always says...you look good...for your age. That's not a compliment to me.imo.)

 

And

 

"Nice t*ts .guys liked ur picture of ur t*ts in that red bathing suit.."

 

I'm very self conscious from scars and such of things I have been through. Major things.

 

So I'm furious. Wrote him back. That I sent him those because he never spends time with me. To get attention. No more pics. That I am watching the kids and helping him fix his work truck today and this is how he treats me!

 

He wrote back that he was just kidding and thought it would make me be in a better mood.

 

So I feel terribly beyrayed. We just watch "The Change Up" last night with Leslie Mann and directed by her husband and bf went on and on how could her husband do that...show his wife nude. ..blablabla.)

 

Am I too sensitive?

 

Thx all.

[d0nnivain]

No you are not too sensitive. Sadly you learned a very painful lesson. Pictures like that get disseminated.

 

Personally I'd break up with him & sue for the return of the pictures but then again I would not have sexted him in the first place.

[Readandwrite]

Forum won't let me edit.

 

The pics are Victoria s Secret type stuff.

[NTV]

Well, 'course you're right to feel how you do. And him adding on the 'for your age' could be a dig or a complement.

 

 

I've seen 50 yr old ladies that looked good for their age and meant they didn't look like a nursing home reject, and I've seen 50 year old women that looked good for their age and meant they're hotter than most single 20-something models.

 

 

So I think since you know him better, if you feel like it's a dig, then it's probably a dig.

 

 

But I also think you're missing the silver lining. His coworkers could apply social leverage that gets him more interested romantically. Guarding a partner against others come instinctually a lot of times. Showing the guys your picture is a pride thing.

'Look what I got waiting at home'

'you lucky summab****, you better take care of her or I will'

 

 

If you wanted to stroke his pride- which I know for me can be more of a turn on sometimes than any body shape, pick a night to have happy fun time and then send him a pic like that the next morning with a little note saying 'thanks for last night, it was....' magical? unbelievable? better than..? whatever. Then when he shoes the guys, the pick with the little note he won't forget it when he gets home.

 

 

Sure if you do that he may think he's gonna get some the next night too, but now you have something he wants. You start small with a 'turn on the shower and we can get in' and soon enough he'll be back interested and involved. 'the sooner we get the kids to sleep, the sooner we can....'

 

 

Now keep in mind you're not trading sex for stuff or using it as a reward. That's not healthy for the relationship. You're showing him the pattern of what you like in order to achieve the happy-fun-time you both want.

 

 

So if it does come up, then compare it to having only missionary all the time. Boring, doesn't say passion or excitement or lovemaking. So you want a pattern where you get the attention you want ahead of time that leads to it. (and please don't say the words 'put me in the mood' or 'foreplay like I like'). When you tell a guy you want foreplay, he thinks he's gonna hafta spend 2+ hours giving foot rubs, massages, complements and essentially kissing your ass nonstop to get 30 mins of good happy-fun-time. Foreplay has got a bad rep among dudes because too many chicks abused the notion to become the center of attention. Foreplay is supposed to be a back and forth. So giving each other massage, etc.

 

 

....err.... guess I went off on a tangant there, sorry. probably totally missed your original question. let me know if I did.

 

 

('course if I did, then your expectations of internet strangers is likely too high, lol)

[NTV]

dang, yeah, nevermind, forgot the earlier posts after I read the picture stuff. Just start the separation process.

[pteromom]

I told him they are just for him. Ok.

 

He just texted me that he "showed them my butt picture and they said nice ass for her age..and I laughed ..told thim that's what I say to ya..and ND u get mad..they say it's a compliment.."

 

"Nice t*ts .guys liked ur picture of ur t*ts in that red bathing suit.."

 

I'm very self conscious from scars and such of things I have been through. Major things.

 

He wrote back that he was just kidding and thought it would make me be in a better mood.

 

So I feel terribly beyrayed. We just watch "The Change Up" last night with Leslie Mann and directed by her husband and bf went on and on how could her husband do that...show his wife nude. ..blablabla.)

 

Am I too sensitive?

 

Thx all.

 

No you aren't too sensitive! You aren't a piece of meat for his friends to drool over! You are supposed to be HIS! He is supposed to CHERISH you! He is supposed to protect and respect you! He is supposed to punch a man in the face who would say "nice t*ts" to his girl.

 

Instead, he is treating you like a commodity.

 

He sounds just TERRIBLE, and like someone with no concept of respect and love.

 

Ugh!!!!

[Readandwrite]

Little update ...

 

So he's been home the last few days...food poisoning.

 

Severe diarhea...dehydration...headache...etc.

 

He spent one day at the emergency room.

 

He did manage to do major work on his work vehicle. ..replacing a smashed in part (getting it at the junkyard..etc) The one night his "worjer" unexpectedly showed up at the house...the kids and I were in our p.j.s (The guy is going on vacation and wanted money b4 he left.)

 

Anyhiw...during his sickness...i had a birthday the one day. He gave me money. I bought food and cake. He bought me cupcakes. That was nice.

 

So last night he said...see...I spent 5 days with you so you should stop your *itching at me. (He always exaggerates the length of time...etc. )

I told him it wasn't 5 days and I'd hardly call food poisoning spending time with me. Which of course, led to an argument. I tried to explain to him that him being home wasn't a picnic for me ...but really more work...cleaning up after him ...getting him hydrated...etc. So he says I'm *itching and can't ever be happy.

 

Anyhow. ..busy planning timd with kids this summer. Have a cottage at lake picked out. Haven't mentioned it to him.

[SoleMate]

Why do you stay with this man?

 

Is it a conscious decision and choice? If so, why?

 

Or do you feel trapped? If so, what would it take to become untrapped?

 

Or are you still there just from inertia?

 

Please remember it's not just your own precious days and years of life in play, it's also your children's. The environment they're growing up in makes me cringe. To live with a "father" who begrudges them the slightest bit of attention or recreational outing and makes them de facto prisoners at home under threat of law enforcement is horrifying.

 

I'm glad you posted here, it means you know there's a problem. That's step one.