Married ex wants a 3some with me

[whichwayisup]

He is married and has invited me for a 3some. They got married 1 and a half years ago. I was his last ex. I still have feelings for him. He said they have 3somes a lot with her friends. Is this something I should go through with? I really miss him.

 

 

I'm hoping if I go through with this then he'll fall in love with me again, because he has told me he misses me too recently. I have no idea why his wife is allowing threesomes. I also feel like I'll probably start crying right when I walk into their new house. But I feel like this might be my last chance at getting him back. He was going to marry me, but I broke up with him and then he married her instead within 3-5 months. Biggest mistake of my life. We even had a fight a few months after we broke up when I found out he was marrying her, he said he's going to take care of her for the rest of her life because he loves her, and that he's glad I broke up with him because she's better in every way - that hurt me so much.

 

 

What should I do? He's also been texting me casually for some reason every few weeks just to start a conversation, like how are you? I'm so confused and jealous. I should also point out that he was devastated when I broke up with him and he begged for me back for 2 months.

 

He's married and never divorcing. He has a wife who doesn't mind having 3 somes, so no way is he going to give that up and start a new life with you.

 

You two are ex's so please keep it that way. You can't handle a casual no strings attached 3 some. You do know that means his wife will be involved in it, it's not some one on one action just the two of you and you sail off into the sunset with him...

 

Don't do it, stay away from him and focus on letting go and finding a single guy who will love only you.

[ShatteredLady]

Why did you dump him & let him grovel & beg for 2 months? Is it possible that you're now rewriting history? Forgetting all the bad things? Obsessed & jealous because you liked his attention & adoration....had your nose put out of joint because he moved-on & married so fast?

 

Nothing about you & your thoughts of your ex sounds healthy.

 

How did you react to the news he was marrying? What did you say or do to make him believe that he can 'have you' so easily? This isn't attraction or residual feelings!! This is, "hey honey, I recon I can easily persuade my ex to come play FOR YOU! She's.... Easy? Desperate?".

 

What's REALLY happening here? This isn't respect, quite the opposite!!

 

Run away from them as fast as you can. Why would you even consider being their play thing for the night? I'd be so very insulted!!

[Michelle ma Belle]

OMG, please don't be that woman who sells her soul to the devil himself.

[ConfusedCloud]

Thank you for all the responses. I'm really not that desperate, I just needed to get other people's opinions on this because I've been so heartbroken over this whole situation. I don't think I could ever physically go through with that without having a total mental breakdown in the process.

 

 

I have reason to believe he was seeing her while we were dating. He claims we weren't official, but we were dating for 4 months and I distinctly recall sitting in his car with him and having the "exclusive" talk, I think he just used that as an excuse to cheat. She was his ex girlfriend before me. And a comment was made from his friend that he had two girls over at their apartment the night before I came over - so I think he was having threesomes behind my back with her even before we broke up.

 

 

As for the reason behind breaking up with him - I felt like something wasn't right. My intuition just had alarm bells going off and I couldn't pinpoint why. That's kind of why I've been struggling with letting him go, because there wasn't a definitive "he did this so I broke up with him" reason.

 

 

Anyway, he would also give me suspicious underwear without tags on it. Last night I had an idea to look at the serial date on the inner underwear tag and it said the panties were produced and sold months before we even started dating - this means he was giving me his ex-gf's underwear. I did research on it online and I know about the production/sales dates.

 

 

A lot of things happened that I don't care to mention here. I'm mostly upset that he promised to take care of me, and now he's taking care of her for the rest of his life. Its like getting stabbed in the heart when a guy says that to a woman.

[Bufo]

Well in school today I learned that underwear has serial numbers. Never noticed that in all of my 60 plus years.

 

Your last post is most telling. Your intuition at the time of parting was screaming "get out now" at you and you listened to your intuition and acted on it. Every other fact you have posted tells me your intuition was right. Don't ignore it now. Please for your own peace of mind.

[Lady Hamilton]

Thank you for all the responses. I'm really not that desperate, I just needed to get other people's opinions on this because I've been so heartbroken over this whole situation. I don't think I could ever physically go through with that without having a total mental breakdown in the process.

 

 

I have reason to believe he was seeing her while we were dating. He claims we weren't official, but we were dating for 4 months and I distinctly recall sitting in his car with him and having the "exclusive" talk, I think he just used that as an excuse to cheat. She was his ex girlfriend before me. And a comment was made from his friend that he had two girls over at their apartment the night before I came over - so I think he was having threesomes behind my back with her even before we broke up.

 

 

As for the reason behind breaking up with him - I felt like something wasn't right. My intuition just had alarm bells going off and I couldn't pinpoint why. That's kind of why I've been struggling with letting him go, because there wasn't a definitive "he did this so I broke up with him" reason.

 

 

Anyway, he would also give me suspicious underwear without tags on it. Last night I had an idea to look at the serial date on the inner underwear tag and it said the panties were produced and sold months before we even started dating - this means he was giving me his ex-gf's underwear. I did research on it online and I know about the production/sales dates.

 

 

A lot of things happened that I don't care to mention here. I'm mostly upset that he promised to take care of me, and now he's taking care of her for the rest of his life. Its like getting stabbed in the heart when a guy says that to a woman.

 

If he said he was going to take care of you, but giving you his ex-girlfriends underwear, he wasn't telling you he was going to take care of you... He was telling his ex-girlfriend, now wife.

 

It sucks to be used, but his happy ending was with the woman he ultimately married. I wouldn't take being presented as a sex partner to the girl he married who he obsessed about while with you as a compliment.

 

Honestly, it feels like he used you then to get to her and he's trying to use you again with her.

[ShatteredLady]

I can understand how this whole situation is messing with your head. Were you in a bit of a low place in your life when he came creeping back?

 

I truly think your instincts were spot on when you dumped him. I think it's a lucky escape. He's one messed-up guy & I don't mean the whole 3 way thing. He was with her, jumped to you, asked you to MARRY him!! Probably cheated for his kink. Begged & pleaded with you to take him back whilst wooing her.

 

He's so very pathetic & broken. You were in the middle of his mess so of course you didn't realize for a while. Your instincts were RIGHT!! You were right!! It would do my head in too if I was that close to a man who turned-out to be so weird!! I'm so sorry that you experienced this creep.

 

Just block him. Don't give him another moment of your thoughts & move on now.

[whichwayisup]

As for the reason behind breaking up with him - I felt like something wasn't right. My intuition just had alarm bells going off and I couldn't pinpoint why. That's kind of why I've been struggling with letting him go, because there wasn't a definitive "he did this so I broke up with him" reason.

Because he isn't the man or the "one" for you. Gut instincts are usually right. Don't second guess yourself. You ended it for a reason and in the long run are better off.

 

A lot of things happened that I don't care to mention here. I'm mostly upset that he promised to take care of me, and now he's taking care of her for the rest of his life. Its like getting stabbed in the heart when a guy says that to a woman.

 

But you ended it with him, he moved on. A year and a half later he married someone else. The promises he made you became invalid when your relationship with him ended. You can feel upset all you want but again, the relationship ended and he moved on, rightfully so. Did you expect him to always be obligated to you years later after a break up?

They got married 1 and a half years ago. I was his last ex. I still have feelings for him

 

What are you doing to rid of your feelings for him? Maybe it's time to seek counseling to help you get over him so you can move on and never look back.

[ConfusedCloud]

He proposed to her 3 months after we broke up, the wedding was 5 months after we broke up. Since then it has been 1 1/2 years and the reason why I haven't moved on yet is because he has been texting me recently, causing my healing process to go back a few steps.

 

 

just to clarify.

[2016forme]

Thank you for all the responses. I'm really not that desperate, I just needed to get other people's opinions on this because I've been so heartbroken over this whole situation. I don't think I could ever physically go through with that without having a total mental breakdown in the process.

 

 

I have reason to believe he was seeing her while we were dating. He claims we weren't official, but we were dating for 4 months and I distinctly recall sitting in his car with him and having the "exclusive" talk, I think he just used that as an excuse to cheat. She was his ex girlfriend before me. And a comment was made from his friend that he had two girls over at their apartment the night before I came over - so I think he was having threesomes behind my back with her even before we broke up.

 

 

As for the reason behind breaking up with him - I felt like something wasn't right. My intuition just had alarm bells going off and I couldn't pinpoint why. That's kind of why I've been struggling with letting him go, because there wasn't a definitive "he did this so I broke up with him" reason.

 

 

Anyway, he would also give me suspicious underwear without tags on it. Last night I had an idea to look at the serial date on the inner underwear tag and it said the panties were produced and sold months before we even started dating - this means he was giving me his ex-gf's underwear. I did research on it online and I know about the production/sales dates.

 

 

A lot of things happened that I don't care to mention here. I'm mostly upset that he promised to take care of me, and now he's taking care of her for the rest of his life. Its like getting stabbed in the heart when a guy says that to a woman.

 

 

You will be even more heartbroken if you became the meat in the middle of the sandwich!

 

Know what you want from a relationship. MM isn't going to change!

 

Let him go like the wind!

[ConfusedCloud]

One more thing I'm still wondering - why would a happily married sexually fulfilled man text his ex (me) "Just to say hi"? Why was he trying to start casual conversations with me, after I denied his 3some request, saying "I don't want anything from you." and "How are you?"

 

 

What is the point? We are certainly not friends. What is he trying to do? Rub his happy marriage in my face? Keep tabs on me? Befriend me to eventually ask for an affair? Boredom? Fight with his wife? What's the motive?

[noelle303]

One more thing I'm still wondering - why would a happily married sexually fulfilled man text his ex (me) "Just to say hi"? Why was he trying to start casual conversations with me, after I denied his 3some request, saying "I don't want anything from you." and "How are you?"

 

 

What is the point? We are certainly not friends. What is he trying to do? Rub his happy marriage in my face? Keep tabs on me? Befriend me to eventually ask for an affair? Boredom? Fight with his wife? What's the motive?

 

I'm afraid that we can't answer that question any more than you can. But considering all these motives are fairly negative and selfish, the outcome remains the same: this guy needs to be out of your life for good. Block his number and block him on social media. You are an actual person, not a toy he can press "play" on whenever he feels like it.

[stillafool]

One more thing I'm still wondering - why would a happily married sexually fulfilled man text his ex (me) "Just to say hi"? Why was he trying to start casual conversations with me, after I denied his 3some request, saying "I don't want anything from you." and "How are you?"

 

 

What is the point? We are certainly not friends. What is he trying to do? Rub his happy marriage in my face? Keep tabs on me? Befriend me to eventually ask for an affair? Boredom? Fight with his wife? What's the motive?

 

I don't know what it means but it certainly doesn't mean he's secretly in love with you and wants to do something about it. Block him so he can stop playing with your mind and you can move on.

[whichwayisup]

He proposed to her 3 months after we broke up, the wedding was 5 months after we broke up. Since then it has been 1 1/2 years and the reason why I haven't moved on yet is because he has been texting me recently, causing my healing process to go back a few steps.

 

 

just to clarify.

 

But he married someone else. He isn't yours. Tell him to STOP texting you. If he doesn't then block him or change your number. You have to be pro active in protecting yourself, if he is using you for an ego feed, he won't care how hard it is for you to hear from him.

[whichwayisup]

One more thing I'm still wondering - why would a happily married sexually fulfilled man text his ex (me) "Just to say hi"? Why was he trying to start casual conversations with me, after I denied his 3some request, saying "I don't want anything from you." and "How are you?"

 

 

What is the point? We are certainly not friends. What is he trying to do? Rub his happy marriage in my face? Keep tabs on me? Befriend me to eventually ask for an affair? Boredom? Fight with his wife? What's the motive?

 

EGO feed. He is well aware that you still have feelings for him. Some men just enjoy that some woman from his past still digs him. He thinks you're weak because you're reading his texts and replying back. Get mad, tell him to F off and leave you alone. Make a decision to be done with him and stick to it.

[trolloperative]

He proposed to her 3 months after we broke up, the wedding was 5 months after we broke up. Since then it has been 1 1/2 years and the reason why I haven't moved on yet is because he has been texting me recently, causing my healing process to go back a few steps.

 

 

just to clarify.

 

Any chance he was dating her longer?

 

If you do show up to their little party bring the biggest (uhm), best looking guy you can find.

[BuddyX]

Second the EGO.

 

"Some men don't cheat because they have stopped loving their wives, they cheat for an ego boost."

 

Who gives a rip why he keeps coming back. You shouldn't involve yourself with a MM

[sandylee1]

I can understand the serial date on when underwear was manufactured... but surely you can't tell when it was purchased from the shops... it could have been made 1 year ago and he mayhave just bought it.

 

I really would question receiving underwear with no tags at all though.....

 

Anyway ... it's clear they still had a thing for each other and you did the right thing to break up with him.... I can't understand why you are sad because he said he'd look after you and is now looking after his wife. You dumped him .... he moved on... did you expect him to place his life on hold for you?

 

I'm guessing you have a lot going for you in the attractiveness department and there was clearly a part of your personality that he liked that much to beg for 2 months.... I'm sure you'd have no problem getting a better guy in time. You deserve better than this my dear ... don't be used by him and his wife for their sexual gratification and pleasure ..... you're worth way more that... and there are good men out there.

[ConfusedCloud]

Okay I did get mad. I finally replied to one of his texts today and though this might sound immature, I decided to just get it off my chest - I texted him back saying, "You shouldn't be texting your ex if you're happily married, buddy. The fact that you're inviting me for threesomes in your marriage is f*cking weird and you're a pig. She's not my type anyway, she's f*cking average." He said "How do you know what she looks like?" I said "Don't worry about it." (I know from social media, duh, but he doesn't know that) anyway, he said "You're a creepy stalker. If I hear from anyone that you're talking to her, I'll get a restraining order against you." I said "Social media, weirdo. You contacted me, so please don't ever again." He said "Lol won't."

 

 

Ew. I just feel so gross and dirty after talking to him. I really thought he was a much better guy than all this. He treated me well while we were dating - now he's just treating me like a used napkin that he can't be bothered with. What a joke.

 

 

It's still painful. Don't know why I'm still holding on. I really don't.

To answer the question, yes he was dating her longer. She was 19, he was 28. When they got married she was 20 and he was 29. I'm 23. They dated for 8 months. We dated for 4.

 

 

By the way - one of my friends recently made me realize something - she said if I had married him, he would have been sneaking off to meet her and have threesomes with her friends and I would be the wife at home blissfully unaware. He's in the military, so I would never know if he was going off to training or cheating.

[Miss Clavel]

 

 

I have reason to believe he was seeing her while we were dating. He claims we weren't official, but we were dating for 4 months and I distinctly recall sitting in his car with him and having the "exclusive" talk, I think he just used that as an excuse to cheat. She was his ex girlfriend before me. And a comment was made from his friend that he had two girls over at their apartment the night before I came over - so I think he was having threesomes behind my back with her even before we broke up.

 

 

this means he was giving me his ex-gf's underwear. I did research on it online and I know about the production/sales dates.

 

 

he's trash, his crappy used underwear gift is trash, his wife is trash.

 

trash. curb.

[trolloperative]

Oh wow. He sounds slimy as hell. Stop wasting time on him. Doubt his wife is happy constantly sharing her husband with other women. Be thankful it's not you.

[Onlywhenitrains]

He is descipable. Walk away. Don't look back. Ever.

[ConfusedCloud]

Its also really weird the way he described the whole threesome thing to me. He said, "We do that a lot. We're friends with those girls. We hang out outside the bedroom, its not all about sex." Wtf does that even mean? I was like "You're in an open relationship? Sorry, not into that." and he was like "Yeah, and ok sorry." when I denied his 3some request the first time.

 

 

I'm just struggling to grasp why his wife is okay with sharing her husband. She's 21 and its her first marriage for G'sake! I'm not "passing judgment", I know some people are okay with non-monogamy but I can't for the life of me fathom their agreement.

 

 

I recall one time we were having dinner and he said "I'd never let another man touch you." After a joke I made. and I said "I'd never want another woman touching you either."

 

 

He said she's the bisexual one, so I'm assuming this was her idea since its with her friends. He's just agreeing to it because he's a man.

 

 

Please don't respond with, "Lots of married couples love outside sex." Whatever. I get it. I just can't wrap my mind around this situation, its just weird and vile to me. Women aren't naturally so "open" with their men. Apparently there's a term I learned about those types of women and they're a sub-category called Cuckold Queens - and the women who have sex with married couples are called "Unicorns". WEIRD! Makes me want to gag.

[sandylee1]

You're so young to be involved with his nonsense... and somehow I don't see their marriage lasting...as she's equally very young and when she grows up and realises what a slimy sleaze he is....it will be curtains.

 

You have your whole life ahead of you.... you dodged a bullet with him and don't ever forget that. He's a nasty piece of work.

[ConfusedCloud]

Thank you all for allowing me to vent on here. I've been wearing my family out talking about it for days, so I thought I'd come here instead. If I could afford a therapist, I would do that instead, as it would probably be healthier.

 

 

I see their marriage lasting, but who knows. I think they'll last because she's a stay at home wife, meaning she doesn't work, so its not like she can easily leave even if they did get divorced years down the road. Secondly, she got an entire tattoo sleeve dedicated to him. Her entire arm is now tattooed with symbols of their love for each other. He wanted ME to get a full arm sleeve tattoo when I dated him - gee, I wonder where that suggestion came from.

 

 

All in all, like others have said on here, their marriage will probably work because shes giving him the ultimate gift - call it husband insurance - threesomes.

 

 

Sigh.