elaine567 Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 Well you dodged a bullet there and a full arm sleeve tattoo... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 (edited) First of all, awesome job standing up for yourself, who you are and what you want. When he replied, he showed you that he will not ever be that guy. S'okay. There are plenty of men out there and believe me, a man who wants to have sex with you and another woman at the same time and wants you to mark your body isn't into romantic, relationship-building love. YOU want a partner; HE is looking for something else. You had an extremely lucky escape. Secondly, I concur with others. You are young and idealistic. Yes, these types of relationships exist but you are way too young to get yourself embroiled in this crap. Find your inner self, always be true to yourself and make any man who wants to be a part of your life live up to your standards. The right man will rise to the challenge and impress the socks off of you. You have no idea how much a strong woman who knows what she wants appeals to a man but if you do this, you will become very successful at dating and you will have choices of who to pick as your partner. I am so very proud of you for standing up for yourself as much against yourself as you did against him. There was a tiny part of you that thought this was your way back in. Now you can see it for what it was and you know you have the inner strength to deny both yourself and someone else the wrong thing so that you can hold on to the right things. Great job! Never forget this lesson!! N Edited May 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language ~T 4 Link to post Share on other sites
trolloperative Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 Your set of values is completely different to theirs, which is probably why it didn't work out with you two. This happens in dating.. you're not compatible, you move on. It was only a few months, nothing major, so will be easy to get over once you go NC. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SomethingToSay Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 My advice now is to stop wondering about her and them and why she allows this and if they will last .....strive to stop your thoughts about him and his wife and focus on your life. Block them on social media and block his # from texting you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedCloud Posted May 8, 2016 Author Share Posted May 8, 2016 This thread definitely helped me move on a little faster. I forgot to mention a little piece of this puzzle, and that is, before he asked me for a 3some the first time, I had left him a few heartbreaking messages on his cell phone saying how much I regretted breaking up with him and missed him so much, etc. I was on the verge of tears in my voicemails. I DID NOT know he was married while I was leaving those voicemails - he never told me he got married. I had to find out later on social media myself AFTER he asked for the 3some. I put all the pieces together (the time line) after the fact. Anyway, my point is, he asked me for a 3some after listening to my heartfelt voicemails - that's what urks me. How cruel is that? That's why I think he probably just asked me for a 3some to be vengeful. To get back at me. To make me jealous. He was probably serious about asking me, but just the fact that he knew how I felt and still asked...is so sad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 This thread definitely helped me move on a little faster. I forgot to mention a little piece of this puzzle, and that is, before he asked me for a 3some the first time, I had left him a few heartbreaking messages on his cell phone saying how much I regretted breaking up with him and missed him so much, etc. I was on the verge of tears in my voicemails. I DID NOT know he was married while I was leaving those voicemails - he never told me he got married. I had to find out later on social media myself AFTER he asked for the 3some. I put all the pieces together (the time line) after the fact. Anyway, my point is, he asked me for a 3some after listening to my heartfelt voicemails - that's what urks me. How cruel is that? That's why I think he probably just asked me for a 3some to be vengeful. To get back at me. To make me jealous. He was probably serious about asking me, but just the fact that he knew how I felt and still asked...is so sad. Confused cloud, Very gently because this is going to creep you out, I don't think that's why he asked. I think he is incredibly opportunistic and when you left those messages, it was his opportunity to mix up the threesome lineup a little bit. In effect, by introducing a new party - someone who hasn't done this before - there was a new sexual thrill. It wasn't about you, it was about the appeal of a "newbie" to this sex game. I also think that because she has been bringing third parties in, it was his opportunity to make a contribution. Please listen to me because this is vitally important for your future dating. He IS NOT the guy you are thinking about and missing. That guy in that body did not exist. You only dated for a few months and he was likely still in the best impressions stage. Therefore, who you think you saw was only a very small piece of who he actually is. You need to fully understand that. A guy who takes you out to dinner, looks into your eyes and says he wants to take care of you doesn't actually MEAN that. He is saying it in the moment. Don't give your heart away so fast and don't be so quick to determine after just a few months that he is everything you want. Make him prove to you who he is over and over. When he can show you that he will take care of you - not that he wants to - then trust him. But more than anything, let this guy go. Please make absolutely sure that there is no way he can ever contact you again or that you will ever be able to get news of him through social media. You need to move on quickly and permanently. He is truly bad news and pining for someone like him is unhealthy for you. Good luck, GG. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedCloud Posted May 8, 2016 Author Share Posted May 8, 2016 Thank you so much Georgia girl. You are so right. That stand-up guy I looked up to in him really wasn't there. It was basically an act. I think I was mesmerized by him because he's a navy seal so I put him way high up on a pedestal. Even the guys I dated after him, didn't measure up. But it was a mirage, wasn't it? It was an illusion. He obviously wasn't who I thought he was. I truly believe that I had guardian angels looking out for me because when I dumped him I thought it was just my anxiety causing me to do that. But my anxiety was obviously spot on. Only in hindsight did I realize why. He has no way of contacting me now. Unless he finds me on instagram in a few years. I wouldn't take him back anyway. I realized I was lying to myself saying I wished he would come back to me - logically, no I don't. Because even if he did, he would be damaged goods to me. I would never agree to be his second wife, knowing he had his chance with me the first time. I would never agree to walk down the aisle to him, all the while thinking of his (current) wife. I would never agree to live with him knowing he cast me aside once. He ruined it forever. I will always know this. There is no time machine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 I started writing a reply to you saying how 'lucky' I've been in my life because of all the men I dated I never once came across a 'bad' or 'weird' one....I realized it's because I always dated friends of friends, people I got to know well before anything really happened. I'm a hapless romantic. I'm on this forum because I'm going through a bad time. My H cheated on me last year (EA). I'm 46 though!! I've lived all of these years & met lovely men. Sometimes these bad experiences, even reading forums too much, can make one a little jaded. Please don't let this happen to you. I've NEVER been treated like this, not close! It's not because I've got great boundaries or I'm clever. It's been dumb luck! I'm saying that there are SO MANY great guys that by fluke I only dated really good men in my past. They do exist!! Lots & lots of them. Never damage your innocence, your romance & big giving heart on freaks like him. One day this will be a strange story that you tell. Nothing more. You wanted this guy back & romanticized him in your mind because you were single, feeling a bit lonely? Wanted a boyfriend? Having a bad time? You came to your senses before you did anything crazy (like allowing him to 'brand' your body!! OMG!) I'm sorry that you got exposed to this freak. Live a beautiful, happy life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 Out of interest... How old is he? I'm worried for his young wife now. Being 'Branded' with his tattoos at 21 is tragic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedCloud Posted May 8, 2016 Author Share Posted May 8, 2016 He just turned 30. His wife is 21. I had a nightmare the other night that I tattooed my neck and woke up in a puddle of sweat (probably due to the fact that I've been thinking about them). I can't imagine branding such a large area of my body - I would have instant regret. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Hamilton Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 Honestly, for all your protests, it sounds like you still hold a candle for him. If you're not into him, then simply stop replying to him, don't look him up on social media, and let that be that. No need to try and wrap your head around their relationship or what they do, no need to assume his wife has issues because she's into this dynamic, no need to hypothesize about their circumstances. He asked for a threesome, something that is certainly non-traditional but hardly rare, your reply is no... I'm not sure why you'd still talk to him. And I do think your replies to his texts were a bit bizarre considering. I'm not surprised he was put off. But again, he's not your husband and you say you're disgusted by him, so who cares? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedCloud Posted May 8, 2016 Author Share Posted May 8, 2016 (edited) I think a bizarre 3some request requires a bizarre response, then. I don't think my replies were bizarre, I think its bizarre that he would assume he could use his heartbroken ex as a marital sex toy. I'm glad he was put off because I certainly was. It was my opportunity to stand up for myself and I took it, no use playing nice and dancing around the bush, so to speak. Call me old fashioned but I think if a woman likes seeing her husband have sex with other women right in front of her, she definitely has issues. Edited May 8, 2016 by ConfusedCloud Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Hamilton Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 (edited) You know, it's not for me either, but to assume "not for me" = "everybody who does it has issues" is a bit of a leap. Especially since this side of 40 posts ago you were thinking about doing it. Seeing the whole context of everything from start to finish, you dumped him, he wanted you back, he got married, you say you didn't know he got married (not buying that) and left a few desperate voicemails about how broken-hearted you are and how much you want him, he says they have an open relationship and asks for a threesome...You're kind of all over the place. In four pages you go from considering it, to saying you'd do it to get him back, to his wife is a desperate woman with mental issues for doing something that you yourself were considering... Then I t's weird and disgusting says you and he was weird for asking, but you were entertaining doing it... And somewhere in there you send a text saying he's sick and his wife is ugly. You had an opportunity for the high road here, but I'm thinking that is out the window now. He probably thinks you're a bitter, jealous ex who's into him in a strange way. Since he said something about restraining orders, clearly he thinks things are a bit off too. Edited May 8, 2016 by Lady Hamilton Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedCloud Posted May 8, 2016 Author Share Posted May 8, 2016 I knew I couldn't really have the 3some because I was heartbroken so I wasn't "seriously" considering it, I wanted to get other's opinions on the situation. I was thinking about what it would be like, yes, and wondering if it meant he still had feelings for me, obviously that's not true. He said the restraining order thing because he doesn't know I have a facebook and I saw her pictures that way - so he didn't know how I could have known what she looked like. I didn't know he got married until he came back from deployment 6 months later - during his deployment I was leaving those voicemails. So no, I didn't know at the time he was married. I wouldn't be calling a married man pouring my heart out, that would be pointless. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Hamilton Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 I knew I couldn't really have the 3some because I was heartbroken so I wasn't "seriously" considering it, I wanted to get other's opinions on the situation. I was thinking about what it would be like, yes, and wondering if it meant he still had feelings for me, obviously that's not true. Your posts on the subject convey a different message. He said the restraining order thing because he doesn't know I have a facebook and I saw her pictures that way - so he didn't know how I could have known what she looked like. Its 2016, everybody assumes everybody and everything has a Facebook. I tend to think that pouring your heart out over numerous VMs then saying his wife was unattractive, meaning you're checking up on him and her, came off as... An unhealthy fixation. I didn't know he got married until he came back from deployment 6 months later - during his deployment I was leaving those voicemails. So no, I didn't know at the time he was married. I wouldn't be calling a married man pouring my heart out, that would be pointless. The timelines you're throwing out are a bit messy... Either way, just let it go. You've lost the high ground in this scenario. Best to let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 I just wanted to say NEVER get a tattoo because a man asks you to. Just don't. Especially not a full sleeve one like he wanted. I think Georgia G said it in her thoughtful post. When a guy says he wants to always look after you like he did ... see what his actions are actually telling you. Talk is cheap and anyone can spin a line. His actions didn't match his words = he was lying. On the threesomes.... you'd be suprised what weird and wonderful things couples are into.... I've known husbands to drive their wives to dates with other men... they get off on actually watching her in the act and they like being humiliated... this world is a crazy place. Same as some women like to see their man with another woman. That life isn't for you. You sound normal.☺ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 As far as tattoos go, don't. If you want to use henna tattoo for Vakentines day, birthday or anniversary that is fine. There are also forms of temporary tattoos that can be done in the spur of the moment. As for his wife, I doubt it is really her idea. I think her feelings are the same as your's on her first post. Something to do to get avd keep a man. Your ex should be a case study for you what never to get involved with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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