Souldier1234 Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 By your definition, What is a Healthy relationship? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 If both partners feel, overall, positive and uplifted by their association and it being an asset in their life, IMO it's healthy for them. We each bring our own perspectives to what 'positive' and 'uplifted' mean so the definition varies by human. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Where both needs and wants are fulfilled without ego, negativity. Trust and mutual respect being the foundation. Keeping happiness of partner as front runner . 5 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 A relationship with mutual love, trust, respect and acceptance. One in which the individuals can grow and develop while strengthening the relationship. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 The only thing I'll add to MKD's post, which is spot on, is where each person brings out the best in their partner, and no score cards are kept. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Where I'm not a "roommate" or a "partner" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Souldier1234 Posted May 5, 2016 Author Share Posted May 5, 2016 (edited) I love all these enlightened answers. So if being in a healthy relationship means that we are, as Carhill said, positive and uplifted by our association. And to also to quote Mikeylo, " both needs and wants are fulfilled without ego, negativity. Trust and mutual respect being the foundation" And reiterated by MidKnightDreams that it is, "One in which the individuals can grow and develop while strengthening the relationship" And summed up by Methodical & Gloria25 meaning that, "no score cards are kept and where you are not a roomate." But then why is LS filled with such hectic and dysfunctional relationships stories? Are we still all cave men and women, just pretending to be grown ups in the information age? When do we start living all this information and grow into our evolved minds, or are we destined to live like goldfish on this earth, with 3 sec memories, only to have sex, make babies, fall in love and hate each, forget what happened, and then repeat this dysfunctional process till the next generation repeats this caveman process as well, because monkey see, monkey do? Look, one thing I'll say is that we all benefited in a positive way from this website because it got us closer together, to help on another, and there is beauty behind all this pain. Additionally, even the founders and administrators of this website are profiting from our pain. And I do not judge. I just hope, we learn something and teach this to the next generation, because if we do not profit from our own education, others will profit from our own stupidity and pain. And they deserve to be rich, because we choose to stay poor, emotionally and mentally. I for one refuse to live my life like a goldfish! Edited May 5, 2016 by Souldier1234 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 A healthy relationship is one that makes your life happier than it would be without them in your life. Being with some one who supports you, inspires you and challenges you. You love them, you feel loved, and on top of that you have genuine good fun with each other. My wife is the most fun person to be around in my life, we're inderpent people but id always rather be with her because when shes not there the days just a little duller. She's got this thing about, she walks out the room and you feel the lack. Not all relationships are healthy because people don't always fall in love with the right person! But when you do, its magic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 A healthy relationship - brings out the best version of you - helps you grow, both on your own and together - makes you feel loved, safe, respected, and supported - fulfills both partners' emotional needs - is a safe place to be ALL of yourself without judgment or criticism - grows, because both partners are committed to solving and getting past issues - can be a lot of work, because people are generally damaged, defensive, and insecure. You gotta work on not being these things in order to set the stage to start building a healthy relationship. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 But then why is LS filled with such hectic and dysfunctional relationships stories? Because Not all relationships are healthy because people don't always fall in love with the right person! -------------- 6 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 Because Not all relationships are healthy because people don't always fall in love with the right person! -------------- And because PEOPLE are hectic and dysfunctional. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 The reason we have so many posters here? Because people need to be emotionally healthy in order to have an emotionally healthy relationship. However, people get damaged by all kinds of things and then make really bad relationship decisions. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Cinnamonstix Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 Where I'm not a "roommate" or a "partner" I personally love the word "partner" or "life partner". To me it means that your SO is your team-mate, your partner in crime, taking on life together. I do not see it as a business partner/transaction, which I suspect is why you might dislike the term. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 what you could find uplifting from the amount of people posting on ls is the fact there are people who strive to get better, to feel better within themselves, to make better choices,also to help each other, to be supportive in their own pain to the pain and needs of another who they dont even know........... as far as a healthy relationship goes i feel it all stems in honesty and acceptance......if you dont have these two things to start with...its not a good start to a healthy relationship...if you have these two things....it is the beginning of a solid foundation to build a relationship on.......deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 And because PEOPLE are hectic and dysfunctional. And prone to emotions, making mistakes and lashing out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 By your definition, What is a Healthy relationship? Respect and a willingness of each, to set aside their own comfort for the other. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JohnAdams Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 A healthy relationship is one that can survive the ups and downs that life throws you. Life is not a bed of roses. Can you not only survive, but thrive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Liam1 Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 A healthy relationship - brings out the best version of you - helps you grow, both on your own and together - makes you feel loved, safe, respected, and supported - fulfills both partners' emotional needs - is a safe place to be ALL of yourself without judgment or criticism - grows, because both partners are committed to solving and getting past issues - can be a lot of work, because people are generally damaged, defensive, and insecure. You gotta work on not being these things in order to set the stage to start building a healthy relationship. I second this: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Souldier1234 Posted June 15, 2016 Author Share Posted June 15, 2016 If I may add to all the powerful and wise words spoken; Self-mastery and self-discipline are the foundations of good relationships with others, but real self-respect comes from dominion over one’s self. And if you dont have respect or integrity, I sense that this is the disease that will keep perpetuating the dysfunction in our relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 A healthy relationship is one based around respect, trust, and brutal honesty. I would also add that being physically attractive to each other at will is also a necessity as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Liam1 Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 By your definition, What is a Healthy relationship? Good question. I do not consider myself particularly wise, but here is my opinion. As you can see the definition is different for each person. For me, a healthy relationship is one where the two are both physically attracted to each other and remain intimate and where they can have open intellectual discussions about issues that concern them. IMO, all the other factors may wax and wane throughout the marriage,but to me those are the basics. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 But then why is LS filled with such hectic and dysfunctional relationships stories? Because when we are human and make mistakes or get into a situation we don't really understand we look for help. These days we tend to type the question into google and it comes up with sites like these... People come here is a messed up way because that is what this site is designed for. They get themselves into a muddle and have no clue how to get out or if they should get out or what the heck to do. Some heal and move on. Others stagnate and remain confused and messed up. Its the way of the world. Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 Are we still all cave men and women, just pretending to be grown ups in the information age? Yes. are we destined to live like goldfish on this earth, with 3 sec memories, only to have sex, make babies, fall in love and hate each, forget what happened, and then repeat this dysfunctional process till the next generation repeats this caveman process as well, because monkey see, monkey do? Yes. I just hope, we learn something and teach this to the next generation How do you educate the human out of someone? Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 But then why is LS filled with such hectic and dysfunctional relationships stories? I just hope, we learn something and teach this to the next generation I have stated in many of these threads that people who tend to have this dysfunction vibe going on with their relationships MUST explore: Who Is Your Relationship Role Model? Who Is Your Relationship Role Model? Ask anyone you know who is in a great relationship and they will tell you that they have at least one role model relationship that they can emulate. It is usually a couple who have the same values, who openly love and respect each other, laugh a lot, are really giving, and are equals and best friends. Perhaps you’ll find your own role model in your parents, but that won’t necessarily be the case — as it isn’t for a lot of people. Maybe your grandparents have this kind of relationship, or an aunt and uncle, your friends or even your neighbors. All of our behaviors are “learned” behaviors. Just as in another thread “someone apologizing too much” we are what we learned from someone. While I have been single for some time and only 1 “true” relationship since my divorce almost 6 years ago, while I get frustrated I keep trying because I know “good” relationships are possible. My parents had a solid marriage for most of my formative years, many of my relatives (my brother), and my closest friends from almost 30 years many are still married. The traits that kills relationships, cheating, selfishness, abuse, lack of communication of someone you are with exhibits those negative OR positive traits they learned that. It is vitally important to anyone going into a relationship, to get a clear picture of understanding of the life of your partner prior to YOU. Did this person have relationship role models that were positive? Some can overcome negative programming but this is important in understanding ourselves and our partners if we are truly seeking quality long term relationships. On this question again: why is LS filled with such hectic and dysfunctional relationships stories? That is the other thing, there are millions of examples here on stories on what to avoid and what to look out for and some healthy doses of medicine, the thing is do the people who bother to post here, or simply read actually take in the advice given. You can't change what you don't acknowledge and sometimes I read stuff from people that is clear that they don't want to change. That is a bigger problem, not repeating poor behaviors and choices. Link to post Share on other sites
Liam1 Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 Are we still all cave men and women, just pretending to be grown ups in the information age? When do we start living all this information and grow into our evolved minds, or are we destined to live like goldfish on this earth, with 3 sec memories, only to have sex, make babies, fall in love and hate each, forget what happened, and then repeat this dysfunctional process till the next generation repeats this caveman process as well, because monkey see, monkey do? We evolve when we want to evolve. Evolving means getting past our ego and being willing to work past issues in a relationship. All relationships are dysfunctional. It's a matter of degree. Also during certain stressful periods of life dysfunction may surface in a relationship that never existed before. But correcting it is what evolving means. A monkey is likely too egocentric to get past their own ego. Monkeys are monkeys because they can not evolve. They do not have schools. They live the same existence they lived 500 years ago. Thus the rigid rules Monkeys set in their minds that their monkey tribe must obey can never be flexible. They are not intelligent enough to evolve or see past their own self interests or to have empathy for others. So if a monkey breaks a monkey society rule, the other monkeys can never get past the fact that a particular monkey broke the rule. Monkeys need each other to survive in the jungle. Human's do not. They are free to live by their own rules as long as they do not break an existing law. I for one refuse to live my life like a goldfish!What do you mean by this? Can you clarify? Link to post Share on other sites
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