No wonder (some) men struggle

[Liam1]

I think that it is decreasing though. Granted it's only anecdotal, but my daughters and their friends are not at all as motivated to get married as we were when I was young. I sure agree that there is a lot of fantasy and idealism in the thinking about marriage.

 

IMO, I agree. The millennials are far less likely to buy into the baby fantasy.

 

Seriously, how do you say you are unhappy about having children, without damaging the psyches of the children who may overhear this.

 

IMO, a lot of parents try to convince themselves that they are deliriously happy about being parents, when perhaps they are not.

 

IMO, there are some parents who are truly deliriously happy being parents, but just because someone claims they are happy does not mean it is true.

 

I had a coworker who had just come off baby leave, and was running around the office exclaiming about how wonderful it was to have children. She was just gushing and it was obvious that the other workers were becoming a tad annoyed.

 

Finally, one parent with three young children could not stand her constant gushing anymore, and barked: "you know that the truth is we parents are miserable. We are miserable and we want everyone else to be miserable, too. That is why we pretend we are so deliriously happy about being parents."

 

I know she can not speak for everyone, but the comment made everyone laugh nonetheless.

 

The reality was that the women's continual proclamations regarding how wonderful parenting was seemed fake.

 

Happy people are typically just happy. They do not feel the need to continually convince everyone of how happy and wonderful everything is.

[serial muse]

I think the issue lies to a large extent in the question.

 

When it comes to kids, I think it's forcing something to be binary - happy or unhappy - that isn't. Kids can be exhausting and exasperating, and at the same time a source of joy and hope. I have a toddler, I'm tired all the time, and I wouldn't change a thing. That's not me lying to others or myself or protesting too much, just being honest. But people tend to prefer easy answers, not complicated emotions. It's easier to categorize that way. :/

[Jabron1]

The studies that show that married men live longer may be true because those studies are citing a measurable statistic.

 

I can understand how married men live longer, because every time I've been in a long term relationship my girlfriend has tried to make me live healthier. For example: drink less beer, eat less pies, stop smoking, etc.

 

The problem with that is, although they mean well, it's like a neutering process. These 'rough edges' are part of my personality, and it's what attracted these women in the first place.

 

I think that could be one of the reasons why a woman's desire for sex declines in marriage.

[Liam1]

I can understand how married men live longer, because every time I've been in a long term relationship my girlfriend has tried to make me live healthier. For example: drink less beer, eat less pies, stop smoking, etc.

 

The problem with that is, although they mean well, it's like a neutering process. These 'rough edges' are part of my personality, and it's what attracted these women in the first place.

 

I think that could be one of the reasons why a woman's desire for sex declines in marriage.

 

That may be accurate, Jabron.

 

Something to think about.

 

Less pie? That's inhumane. I love pie.

[wmacbride]

I think the issue lies to a large extent in the question.

 

When it comes to kids, I think it's forcing something to be binary - happy or unhappy - that isn't. Kids can be exhausting and exasperating, and at the same time a source of joy and hope. I have a toddler, I'm tired all the time, and I wouldn't change a thing. That's not me lying to others or myself or protesting too much, just being honest. But people tend to prefer easy answers, not complicated emotions. It's easier to categorize that way. :/

 

True enough.

 

Most parents, both fathers and mothers, have been through "one of those days" when their child(ren) is acting up, you are dog tired and at the end of your rope. At that particular point in time, if a parent was asked, they might report high levels of stress and dissatisfaction. Ask the same parent who is cuddling their child later that same day, and they might report that they are blissfully happy.

[wmacbride]

Happy people are typically just happy. They do not feel the need to continually convince everyone of how happy and wonderful everything is.

 

This is often blatantly wrong. Many people who are blissfully happy want to share that and talk about it with others.They are not trying to convince anyone of anything. They are simply happy.

 

 

 

[Woggle]

I can understand how married men live longer, because every time I've been in a long term relationship my girlfriend has tried to make me live healthier. For example: drink less beer, eat less pies, stop smoking, etc.

 

The problem with that is, although they mean well, it's like a neutering process. These 'rough edges' are part of my personality, and it's what attracted these women in the first place.

 

I think that could be one of the reasons why a woman's desire for sex declines in marriage.

 

This is one of the reasons I agreed to marry .my wife. I take good care of my health but there are rough edges I don't a want to file down and she doesn't try to.

[Grumpybutfun]

What this thread demonstrates is that humans, regardless of gender, have differing values, goals and expectations in life. The focus should be in uncovering them early in life, not making choices based on social expectations and not giving in to evo pseudo science just because you believe you can't control urges/compulsions like an animal.

Success in life, whether it be marriage, sexual happiness, or career fulfillment is to know what you want and not settle due to socially constructed fears.

Good thread, btw, Kamille,

Grumps

[xxoo]

This is one of the reasons I agreed to marry .my wife. I take good care of my health but there are rough edges I don't a want to file down and she doesn't try to.

 

We are the same. He, too, accepts a lot about me that is "untamed".

 

I very much do not want to be the mother to my partner; that's a huge turn off for both of us. I don't understand why women OR men accept their role in a parent/child relationship, yuck.