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PinkSunset
Did he say how long his lease/rental agreement term is?

 

 

 

 

I am hoping with distance you are seeing that this man is not the knight in shining armor/prince charming you maybe felt when caught up in the affair. Im not saying he's awful, but he's clearly in a "place" in his life where he isn't acting with integrity.

 

 

For me personally, being with someone I met while they were married, I would always be wondering would they get chummy with a co-workers when things with us got stressful or bumpy as relationship ALWAYS do, to some extent at least, at times.

 

 

I think you've done very well staying Low Contact and focusing on yourself.

 

 

I am curious is his wife still suspecting an Affair, has their been any sort of D-day at all. Does she not see his phone ever?

 

He doesn't seem to think anyone is following him anymore and she still has no idea as far as I know.

 

He has two cell phones, as do I. One is for business, one is personal. We communicate usually on the business one and if she has ever gone through it she hasn't found anything. We talk a lot on the phone, don't message much, and we used to email a lot throughout the day.

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PinkSunset
What length of lease is he signing?

 

I'm not sure. Typically here you have to sign a 6 month to 1 year lease and then you can go month to month thereafter. I am not going to assume anything though.

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SomethingToSay

Whats the plan for this weekend? Hope you are keeping busy with healthy distractions. Any update on anything?

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PinkSunset
Whats the plan for this weekend? Hope you are keeping busy with healthy distractions. Any update on anything?

 

I haven't spoken to MM. It's getting harder it seems as the days go by. He has emailed me once asking me how I am doing but I haven't responded. I feel terrible ignoring him.

 

I have a checkup appointment with my Doctor today to see how my knee is healing. I have another coffee date with my old school friend again this weekend. Other than that I am not up to much other than feeling sorry for myself. Ugh.

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SomethingToSay

Nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself. And nothing wrong with wallowing in your house alone all weekend.

 

 

Sadly, I think you have to assume "no news" from him means nothing has changed. Surely if he filed for separation he would have told you and sent you a copy? Or if he had signed a lease he would have told you?

 

 

I dunno that is just my gut.

 

 

I mean, I guess you could ask for an update, but really if he isn't volunteering this info that he KNOWS you are waiting desperately to hear....and that he KNOWS would bring you closer to back in his arms, then how can you assume anything other than there is no real update?

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PinkSunset
Nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself. And nothing wrong with wallowing in your house alone all weekend.

 

 

Sadly, I think you have to assume "no news" from him means nothing has changed. Surely if he filed for separation he would have told you and sent you a copy? Or if he had signed a lease he would have told you?

 

 

I dunno that is just my gut.

 

 

I mean, I guess you could ask for an update, but really if he isn't volunteering this info that he KNOWS you are waiting desperately to hear....and that he KNOWS would bring you closer to back in his arms, then how can you assume anything other than there is no real update?

 

I agree. He did say he can start moving his stuff into his new place tonight, and that he will be moving his clothes and things on the weekend. He said he is not taking any furniture with him, that she can have it all. I guess his new place is furnished.

 

The end of his email (below) is what's hurting me the most. All I want to do is take his pain away. I feel like I am causing all of his pain.

 

"i know you are not impressed with me right now or anything that has gone on...i dont know how else to handle the fact that you are ignoring me other then send you short emails and hope you will say something back. i dont want her, i am moving on with my life and hopefully with you. i don't see an end to this misery right now... i am heart broken without you."

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stilltrying16

Pink, you've been quite amazing. I can tell from your posts how hard it must be. That email will hurt- of course. You sound exhausted. You have a lot of strength.

 

I hope you get great news about the knee because that will allow you to be physically active. You said you're alone this weekend- can you do something sinfully self-indulgent for yourself (other than contacting him!). I wish we could help more.

 

You talked to him at the hotel, so he must have a clear idea of what you are waiting for. He does know your reasons for staying LC at this point, doesn't he? It's not about you not being impressed with him.

 

He said he'd be moving into an apt this weekend. I hope he sticks to his own schedule and produces those papers. Or if he plans to backslide on those I wish he'd do it sooner rather than later so you could be out of limbo!

 

In the meantime, please be very good to yourself. Spend a lot of hours in the sun (and try to catch a pink sunset :cool: or three).

 

I'm sending you a boatful of good wishes and twice as many hugs than usual!

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I have another coffee date with my old school friend again this weekend.

 

Good you need something to take your mind off this, just make sure he is actually divorced... ;)

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PinkSunset
Pink, you've been quite amazing. I can tell from your posts how hard it must be. That email will hurt- of course. You sound exhausted. You have a lot of strength.

 

I hope you get great news about the knee because that will allow you to be physically active. You said you're alone this weekend- can you do something sinfully self-indulgent for yourself (other than contacting him!). I wish we could help more.

 

You talked to him at the hotel, so he must have a clear idea of what you are waiting for. He does know your reasons for staying LC at this point, doesn't he? It's not about you not being impressed with him.

 

He said he'd be moving into an apt this weekend. I hope he sticks to his own schedule and produces those papers. Or if he plans to backslide on those I wish he'd do it sooner rather than later so you could be out of limbo!

 

In the meantime, please be very good to yourself. Spend a lot of hours in the sun (and try to catch a pink sunset :cool: or three).

 

I'm sending you a boatful of good wishes and twice as many hugs than usual!

 

I am hurting a lot but I am going to try and get to the spa and do a mani/pedi, lol. Hopefully it cheers me up to some extent. I hope I see a lot of Pink Sunset's too, they are my favourite :(

Thank you for being so kind. It is really appreciated so much.

 

Good you need something to take your mind off this, just make sure he is actually divorced... ;)

 

This made me smile! LOL thanks.

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SomethingToSay

I feel like if he has signed a lease and filed separation it is safe to maybe resume some contact i guess. I deally he would then disclose and you guys could be out in the ope

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stilltrying16
I am hurting a lot but I am going to try and get to the spa and do a mani/pedi, lol. Hopefully it cheers me up to some extent. I hope I see a lot of Pink Sunset's too, they are my favourite :(

Thank you for being so kind. It is really appreciated so much.

 

Gosh I'm so embarrassed. All this time I've been thinking of pink sunsets in the sky. But I have been thinking it sounded like a drink and sure enough. And it sounds so pretty! I might have to try one.

 

I agree with S2S- hoping you will know a lot more by the end of the weekend. Raising a glass to you!!!!

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PinkSunset
I am hurting a lot but I am going to try and get to the spa and do a mani/pedi, lol. Hopefully it cheers me up to some extent. I hope I see a lot of Pink Sunset's too, they are my favourite :(

Thank you for being so kind. It is really appreciated so much.

 

Gosh I'm so embarrassed. All this time I've been thinking of pink sunsets in the sky. But I have been thinking it sounded like a drink and sure enough. And it sounds so pretty! I might have to try one.

 

I agree with S2S- hoping you will know a lot more by the end of the weekend. Raising a glass to you!!!!

 

I do mean the sunset's in the sky, but if there is a drink it would probably be great.

 

 

My weekend:

I went to the spa and on my way out I ran into Jamie's wife. I should have known not to go to this place because I knew she went there. I guess I never thought about that I might actually see her there. My face must have been beat red. She asked me how I was and asked me how Kevin and I were! I didn't know what to say, I was so put on the spot that I told her we were doing great! She asked if I had spoken to Jamie recently and I said that we had discussed business a few times but not much. I told her I was running late so I cut it short and while I was sitting in my car she knocked on the window and then proceeded to ask me if I knew any divorce lawyers, because I had mentioned I had lawyer friends. I said I would look into it for her and get back to her and that was it. I didn't ask why or anything, should I have????

I called Jamie and told him what happened and he said it was completely inappropriate for her to ask me that considering in her eyes I should be just Jamie's business colleague. Also he said she already has a lawyer, and her family knows plenty of lawyers. He thinks she is just fishing. I honestly don't know what to think. Does she know? Maybe it was innocent but maybe not. He doesn't know if she knows Kevin and I are not together. This is easily excused away though I think...

 

He was going to call her and tell her how inappropriate it was but I said not to do it right away or she will know I called him... We agreed he will say something to her today (Monday) as it's more likely I would let him know then.

He invited me over to his place but I declined, she now knows what car I drive though. He is WAY more cool and collected about this than I am.

 

Not to mention my old school friend showed up to my house with FLOWERS. I never once let on that any of this was meant for a date. To me it was just catching up and getting to know one another. He wasn't at all aware of the weekend I was having and I didn't have the heart to tell him the truth about anything so I just said thank you... We went for dinner and all I could think about was Jamie and if his wife knows about us. I think he could tell I wasn't really there. He didn't try for a kiss or anything thank god.

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I do mean the sunset's in the sky, but if there is a drink it would probably be great.

 

 

My weekend:

I went to the spa and on my way out I ran into Jamie's wife. I should have known not to go to this place because I knew she went there. I guess I never thought about that I might actually see her there. My face must have been beat red. She asked me how I was and asked me how Kevin and I were! I didn't know what to say, I was so put on the spot that I told her we were doing great! She asked if I had spoken to Jamie recently and I said that we had discussed business a few times but not much. I told her I was running late so I cut it short and while I was sitting in my car she knocked on the window and then proceeded to ask me if I knew any divorce lawyers, because I had mentioned I had lawyer friends. I said I would look into it for her and get back to her and that was it. I didn't ask why or anything, should I have????

I called Jamie and told him what happened and he said it was completely inappropriate for her to ask me that considering in her eyes I should be just Jamie's business colleague. Also he said she already has a lawyer, and her family knows plenty of lawyers. He thinks she is just fishing. I honestly don't know what to think. Does she know? Maybe it was innocent but maybe not. He doesn't know if she knows Kevin and I are not together. This is easily excused away though I think...

 

He was going to call her and tell her how inappropriate it was but I said not to do it right away or she will know I called him... We agreed he will say something to her today (Monday) as it's more likely I would let him know then.

He invited me over to his place but I declined, she now knows what car I drive though. He is WAY more cool and collected about this than I am.

 

Not to mention my old school friend showed up to my house with FLOWERS. I never once let on that any of this was meant for a date. To me it was just catching up and getting to know one another. He wasn't at all aware of the weekend I was having and I didn't have the heart to tell him the truth about anything so I just said thank you... We went for dinner and all I could think about was Jamie and if his wife knows about us. I think he could tell I wasn't really there. He didn't try for a kiss or anything thank god.

 

When you two talk do you actually listen to yourselves? He has the audacity to call his wife inappropriate for asking you about a divorce lawyer? Does he consider it at all inappropriate of himself to be having an affair with his "business colleague"? The idea of you two having this conversation where you are sitting in moral judgement of his wife while he has been cheating and you both have been lying to her forever is laughable beyond words. Then you end the conversation by plotting even more deception, "oh lets not tell her that her question was inappropriate until Monday, so that she doesn't get suspicious of our inappropriate relationship", In other words lets put her in her place and make her feel like an inappropriate person while we hide our own bad behaviour because she is just a loser who deserves our scorn and judgement while we are so superior to her.

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PinkSunset

 

When you two talk do you actually listen to yourselves? He has the audacity to call his wife inappropriate for asking you about a divorce lawyer? Does he consider it at all inappropriate of himself to be having an affair with his "business colleague"? The idea of you two having this conversation where you are sitting in moral judgement of his wife while he has been cheating and you both have been lying to her forever is laughable beyond words. Then you end the conversation by plotting even more deception, "oh lets not tell her that her question was inappropriate until Monday, so that she doesn't get suspicious of our inappropriate relationship", In other words lets put her in her place and make her feel like an inappropriate person while we hide our own bad behaviour because she is just a loser who deserves our scorn and judgement while we are so superior to her.

 

She already has a lawyer so why is she asking if I know one? I think it's to see if I am the one who recommended the lawyer to Jamie, which I did. The lawyer he has I went to school with and he is very good at his job.

 

I never said she is a loser or even put anything into that context. She isn't asking for help. She has her own motives for doing this, I just haven't figured out what they are yet. it IS inappropriate for her to be asking me such a thing.

 

I will even go as far to say that what we have together is BARELY an affair. Especially at this point...It was an inappropriate relationship yes all the way.

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She already has a lawyer so why is she asking if I know one? I think it's to see if I am the one who recommended the lawyer to Jamie, which I did. The lawyer he has I went to school with and he is very good at his job.

 

I never said she is a loser or even put anything into that context. She isn't asking for help. She has her own motives for doing this, I just haven't figured out what they are yet. it IS inappropriate for her to be asking me such a thing.

 

I will even go as far to say that what we have together is BARELY an affair. Especially at this point...It was an inappropriate relationship yes all the way.

 

I think it was an odd conversation, I guess you looked a bit guilty and flustered and she may even know for certain Kevin is out of the picture, she may have had a recent conversations with Kevin, now Jamie has moved out.

I do not know how their social life works, but if my husband was bringing home a young woman work colleague for us to socialize with, even with a bf in tow, I would be very suspicious even more so if he was disconnecting with me and then moved out.

The knocking on the car window, with the weird question about lawyers (if what he says is true and she knows loads of lawyers) means she may be on to you I guess.

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ShatteredLady

Remember that the bs was under the impression that she was building a potential friendship with you. Maybe, just maybe she kept talking to you because she's lonely & thought she could have you as a friend now. She needs as many as she can get!

 

She's entertained you in her home. She's cooked for you & socialized with you. You are only calling her "inappropriate" because you are in the position of knowing what's going on in HER life when she doesn't!

 

PLEASE remember EMPTHY, COMPASSION, UNDERSTANDING. Don't sacrifice any more of your values here.

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PinkSunset
I think it was an odd conversation, I guess you looked a bit guilty and flustered and she may even know for certain Kevin is out of the picture, she may have had a recent conversations with Kevin, now Jamie has moved out.

I do not know how their social life works, but if my husband was bringing home a young woman work colleague for us to socialize with, even with a bf in tow, I would be very suspicious even more so if he was disconnecting with me and then moved out.

The knocking on the car window, with the weird question about lawyers (if what he says is true and she knows loads of lawyers) means she may be on to you I guess.

 

I agree I must have looked flustered as it completely caught me off guard. I don't think she would have become suspicious about me at all when we socialized with them. It's been over a year since Jamie and I first met so it's not like this all came about overnight.

The knocking on my window was extremely awkward and made me REALLY uncomfortable. I had got in and opened my purse and pulled out my phone and then she knocked and it scared the crap out of me. It was almost like she knew she had something over me... but maybe I am wrong. I don't know what to think.

 

Did he move Pink? More importantly - has he been staying at the new place?

 

Has he filed yet? Was she served?

 

And it's completely co dependent to think he can't be happy on his own - that he "needs you" to be happy. And that you hold that much power in such an u healthy triangle.

 

I hope you can work on healthy balance - and him too - so you realize what it is to be happy without depending on any other person that is handed your power.

 

Yes, he moved and he has been staying at the new place. The separation agreement has been signed by him already and as far as I know she has her copy.

I know I can be a happy healthy independent woman, I know I don't need him for happiness. I think he thinks he needs me, though. You are right on that.

 

Remember that the bs was under the impression that she was building a potential friendship with you. Maybe, just maybe she kept talking to you because she's lonely & thought she could have you as a friend now. She needs as many as she can get!

 

She's entertained you in her home. She's cooked for you & socialized with you. You are only calling her "inappropriate" because you are in the position of knowing what's going on in HER life when she doesn't!

 

PLEASE remember EMPTHY, COMPASSION, UNDERSTANDING. Don't sacrifice any more of your values here.

 

It's possible but we never spoke about their relationship and really never discussed much of anything personal. She knows Jamie and I worked together and she thinks we have had some dealings within the passed year but we haven't.

In the off chance that she does know Kevin and I are not together, I could have just been saying it to save face for all she knows. If she has spoken to Kevin, it might be a different story. I don't know if he would have told her that Jamie and I spoke all the time or that he left because of the lies and deception. I can't see him doing that... He did threaten once that he would tell her but that was in anger. He usually takes the high road and tries to stay drama free so I can't see it.

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MaggieNilson

I think if she already suspected her husband had an OW this pretty much clinched it for her as being you. I think coming back to your car like shows it. I guess another alterntuve is maybe she thinks you referred Jamie to an atty and was pissed about that

 

Im confused why Jamie would tell her this was "inapproproate". First of all, would that not in itself add to the suspicion? But more importantly, its not his place. He is leaving their marriage. He cant control what she does. Id say there will likel be alot more "inappropriateness" from her if things progress as you are hoping. If you are wanting him to stand up for you so to speak, dont go that route. If you think she was inappropriate tell her yourself. But triangulating this situation by agreeing he will tell her in Monday it was inappropriate is So Weird and unnecessary.

 

Finally....when she approached you and you were getting your phone out of your purse, was that for the purposes of contacting Jamie? It is very possible this woman is well aware of your affair with her husband so please realize that possibility

 

So what did Jamie do over the weekend? How is he filling his days and nights?

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PinkSunset
Remember that the bs was under the impression that she was building a potential friendship with you. Maybe, just maybe she kept talking to you because she's lonely & thought she could have you as a friend now. She needs as many as she can get!

 

She's entertained you in her home. She's cooked for you & socialized with you. You are only calling her "inappropriate" because you are in the position of knowing what's going on in HER life when she doesn't!

 

PLEASE remember EMPTHY, COMPASSION, UNDERSTANDING. Don't sacrifice any more of your values here.

 

This is not true.

 

Say if Jamie and I had just socialized with the 4 of us those few times and then after the verbal abuse we just stopped making it personal and left everything with Jamie business like... Her asking me would be inappropriate! As far as she knows THIS is what went on. I would never ask my boyfriend's business associate for divorce lawyer references, even if there might have been a potential friendship there, I haven't spoken to her in half a year!

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PinkSunset
I think if she already suspected her husband had an OW this pretty much clinched it for her as being you. I think coming back to your car like shows it. I guess another alterntuve is maybe she thinks you referred Jamie to an atty and was pissed about that

 

Im confused why Jamie would tell her this was "inapproproate". First of all, would that not in itself add to the suspicion? But more importantly, its not his place. He is leaving their marriage. He cant control what she does. Id say there will likel be alot more "inappropriateness" from her if things progress as you are hoping. If you are wanting him to stand up for you so to speak, dont go that route. If you think she was inappropriate tell her yourself. But triangulating this situation by agreeing he will tell her in Monday it was inappropriate is So Weird and unnecessary.

 

Finally....when she approached you and you were getting your phone out of your purse, was that for the purposes of contacting Jamie? It is very possible this woman is well aware of your affair with her husband so please realize that possibility

 

So what did Jamie do over the weekend? How is he filling his days and nights?

 

Well, I had left her at the door when I cut the conversation short so obviously she followed me to my car because it was within seconds after I got in that she knocked! Yes, I was reaching into my phone to call Jamie.

 

I agree the most likely scenario is she is probably pissed off if I am the one that referred Jamie to a lawyer and that could be what she was trying to do. I think she was trying to intimidate me as well. It IS possible she might know something but it's hard to say right now.

 

We agreed he would call and say it was inappropriate because he doesn't need his clients or anyone else in our offices knowing his personal life. I didn't see that as suspicious but maybe you're right.

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ChickiePops
This is not true.

 

Say if Jamie and I had just socialized with the 4 of us those few times and then after the verbal abuse we just stopped making it personal and left everything with Jamie business like... Her asking me would be inappropriate! As far as she knows THIS is what went on. I would never ask my boyfriend's business associate for divorce lawyer references, even if there might have been a potential friendship there, I haven't spoken to her in half a year!

 

Minimizing it now is only going to make things worse. It was absolutely an affair. You had an affair. She has STILL done nothing to YOU, and it does sound to me like she was trying to bond a bit, or that she's in shock and didn't know who to ask about these things. Perhaps she was looking for someone to talk to..her husband did just leave her after all. Or maybe she does suspect and she was feeling you out.

 

Just because Jamie speaks badly about her doesn't mean you need to. You only know Jamie's side of the story. Frankly from the way you describe him here he sounds like kind of a d*ck..maybe he was cruel to her after the accident/miscarriage. You will never know.

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PinkSunset
I think if she already suspected her husband had an OW this pretty much clinched it for her as being you. I think coming back to your car like shows it. I guess another alterntuve is maybe she thinks you referred Jamie to an atty and was pissed about that

 

Im confused why Jamie would tell her this was "inapproproate". First of all, would that not in itself add to the suspicion? But more importantly, its not his place. He is leaving their marriage. He cant control what she does. Id say there will likel be alot more "inappropriateness" from her if things progress as you are hoping. If you are wanting him to stand up for you so to speak, dont go that route. If you think she was inappropriate tell her yourself. But triangulating this situation by agreeing he will tell her in Monday it was inappropriate is So Weird and unnecessary.

 

Finally....when she approached you and you were getting your phone out of your purse, was that for the purposes of contacting Jamie? It is very possible this woman is well aware of your affair with her husband so please realize that possibility

 

So what did Jamie do over the weekend? How is he filling his days and nights?

 

Forgot to answer your last questions.

 

He was moving over the weekend and had mostly finished last night. I guess this week we will see what he does with his evenings. He invited me over on the weekend but I said no because I was still in a bit of shock over running into his wife and how uncomfortable she made me. I am worried to go to his house now that she knows what car I drive. Once we are out in the open i'll be okay with that.

Apparently she has the address to his place but has not been there. He is supposed to take his son at some point this week but she told him he has to visit their son at the house. I guess he plans on taking him to his place regardless. I try not to give him any advice when it comes to their son, it's not my place and I really wouldn't know what to say anyway.

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PinkSunset
Minimizing it now is only going to make things worse. It was absolutely an affair. You had an affair. She has STILL done nothing to YOU, and it does sound to me like she was trying to bond a bit, or that she's in shock and didn't know who to ask about these things. Perhaps she was looking for someone to talk to..her husband did just leave her after all. Or maybe she does suspect and she was feeling you out.

 

Just because Jamie speaks badly about her doesn't mean you need to. You only know Jamie's side of the story. Frankly from the way you describe him here he sounds like kind of a d*ck..maybe he was cruel to her after the accident/miscarriage. You will never know.

 

She has a sister who she is very close with and who hangs out at their house constantly. I am sure her sister knows all about their separation. She does not need some woman she met through her soon to be ex husband to give her advice. She is way smarter than you're giving her credit for. Her coming to my car had motive, it's just a matter of what.

 

I really don't see him being cruel to her after such a trauma with him being an ex paramedic. He really is not a bad person and doesn't go out of his way to speak ill of her, trust me.

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MaggieNilson

I also thinkJamie acting all outraged and saying he was going to tell her right away how inappropriate it was is likely just posturing on his part to evoke a certain feeling in you. (Which he is pretty good at.) He knows damn well if he told her it was inappropriate that would signal to her you two were in comfortable communication. And yes waiting a day doesnt really alleviate that. The fact is he can tell you he told her but very well wont and you have no way to know. The whole topic is just pointless. If its inappropriate than YOU tell her. But agreeing as some team that he will tell his wife A....when he is probably lying anyway, is just silly really. I mean really this is just nothing compared to the drama to ensue so...

 

My take away is it clicked for her due to you turning beet red and cutting things short. She probably in that moment remembered his friendliness to you, some early calls and texts. Maybe an Aha moment. The attornwy query eas to gage your reaction and see you sweat. Seems pretty suspect: flustered, embarassed female friend....insincerity and nervousness...cut convo short....immediately pull out your phone once safely in car.

 

Its very likely she suspects you.

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