Emotional Affair

[MidnightBlue1980]

OMG. This is not okay I am in tears in my office. I should probably go home

 

My friend got pregnant and did not know who the father was. She had him and I don't think either guy is in her life. Her son is a joy to her. I'm not saying it's not a big deal, but you are the one pregnant and should you keep it, it will be your baby. I am pro choice so it's not about that but don't make a decision out of embarrassment. If you knew how little people really cared, you would not worry half as much. This is about can you afford a child, care for one, do you want one? Men come and men go. Marriages break up. People die. Crap happens. This is about you and what you want now.

[startingagain15]

Yup, a line is a line no matter how faint. I got pregnant with my last baby on the pill, I took the pill late one day and that's all it took. I take wellbutrin, but had to go off it for the pregnancy. They okayed zoloft for when I was breastfeeding, but not while I was pregnant. I just went without while pregnant.

 

This is a train wreck, but I just can't look away.

[waterwoman]

Please everyone stop with the catastrophising! IF she is pregnant it is is incredibly unlikely there will be major problems from the antidepressants. This panic is NOT helping.

 

Pink- please don't panic. Babies are tough little buggers and if a few prescription drugs always caused birth defects there'd a lot more damaged people. If heroin addicts can have healthy babies ....

 

Just stay calm and see a doctor as soon as you can xx

[elaine567]

If she's not keeping the baby then why does she need to stop the medication?

 

I do not think she has had any time to decide what she is going to do yet, if she is pregnant.

Also pregnant at 34 - this may be her only chance of a child - big decision - not to be taken in a hurry.

[ChickiePops]

I do not think she has had any time to decide what she is going to do yet, if she is pregnant.

Also pregnant at 34 - this may be her only chance of a child - big decision - not to be taken in a hurry.

 

Oh I know, I was just worried that she was going to go cold turkey and end up depressed.

 

Also Pink, my doctor told me that for the first 6 weeks the baby is not connected to your bloodstream so anything you've taken up til then shouldn't affect it. IF there is a baby that is.

[PinkSunset]

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice.

 

I took another preg test and it said "Pregnant, 2-3". I've also started bleeding a little bit, like spotting. It's there when I wipe.

 

I don't take Ativan often, only when I feel a lot of anxiety and it's been over a week since I took one. I will see what my doctor says about my Zoloft. If I decide I'm going to be a Mom, I won't take anything... Even if it won't harm the baby.

 

If the test is accurate then it still doesn't help me to figure out who is the father. I guess in the end if I decide to keep it, it won't matter. I am financially stable, have a good job, own a house... I can do it alone. I just never wanted to. I wanted a family and a husband.

 

I don't think my age will affect much, will it? A woman at my office had her first when she was 37.

[ShatteredLady]

All of my friends from my local 'Mom's Group' had their first baby in their late 30's & 2nd in their early 40's (myself included). 34 isn't old to have a baby.

 

I hope you get whatever you want.

[Lobe]

I just never wanted to. I wanted a family and a husband.

 

I don't think my age will affect much, will it? A woman at my office had her first when she was 37.

 

People are having babies well into their 40s, some medically assisted others without any help at all. If you're 2-3 weeks, then it's a British babe, and the testers are SO accurate these days I don't think there's a point in disputing it. That's enough of a discrepancy that you'd have a difficult time convincing Jamie it was his a normal pregnancy lasts up to 42 weeks and if you went "overdue" with this baby, you'd be 44 weeks. If you're still in touch with UK guy daily, maybe he's not going to disappear. I'd come and visit you across the pond!

 

FWIW, faint traces of implantation bleeding is normal and frequently occurs right around 2-3 weeks, so until/unless you start bleeding right proper, I think it would be prudent to conduct yourself as if you are pregnant until and unless you have made a final decision about what to do with your pregnancy.

 

This is a bit like walking away from a cliffhanger... How will I survive a week off LS without updates in Pink's storyline?!?!

 

Big hugs to you girl.

[noelle303]

 

If the test is accurate then it still doesn't help me to figure out who is the father. I guess in the end if I decide to keep it, it won't matter. I am financially stable, have a good job, own a house... I can do it alone. I just never wanted to. I wanted a family and a husband.

 

I don't think my age will affect much, will it? A woman at my office had her first when she was 37.

 

That's understandable. However, life doesn't always work out the way we envision it and it's not necessarily a bad thing. My daughter is a child I had with an xMM at 21 and I was left all alone to raise her. It's been a tough journey, but I love our life.

 

However, you're not me and you may truly want something different for yourself. That's ok. Think hard about what you want and don't allow yourself to become preoccupied with social norms - you're not too old to be a parent and you're also not too old to have an abortion and possibly have another child down the road with someone else. People of all ages make mistakes and start over.

 

Spotting, especially when it's brown(ish) blood is very normal in early pregnancy.

[PinkSunset]

People are having babies well into their 40s, some medically assisted others without any help at all. If you're 2-3 weeks, then it's a British babe, and the testers are SO accurate these days I don't think there's a point in disputing it. That's enough of a discrepancy that you'd have a difficult time convincing Jamie it was his a normal pregnancy lasts up to 42 weeks and if you went "overdue" with this baby, you'd be 44 weeks. If you're still in touch with UK guy daily, maybe he's not going to disappear. I'd come and visit you across the pond!

 

FWIW, faint traces of implantation bleeding is normal and frequently occurs right around 2-3 weeks, so until/unless you start bleeding right proper, I think it would be prudent to conduct yourself as if you are pregnant until and unless you have made a final decision about what to do with your pregnancy.

 

This is a bit like walking away from a cliffhanger... How will I survive a week off LS without updates in Pink's storyline?!?!

 

Big hugs to you girl.

 

Well, the last time I slept with Jamie was June 20th. It would be 4 weeks ago. I supposed if it's accurate than it is UK guy's baby. That's basically a week give or take that it could be wrong.

Even if I do decide to tell him, which I probably will... He lives in England, he is a professional. What could he possibly do? We have been getting to know each other but we are both of the realization it's going to go no where. We had fun for a week, we enjoy each other... But I am in Canada and he is in England. He just got out of a relationship and so did I. It's a very complicated and messed up situation. He does have one son also, so the chances of him ever moving here are slim to none.

 

If Jamie finds out I am pregnant he will assume it is his. I have to be the one to tear him apart and say it might not be. The thought of that hurts me beyond belief. We talked many times about starting a family together and buying a house, yearly vacations... I will feel terrible. Part of me wonders if I should just say it is his even if I don't know for sure. I could have Jamie and a family and everything I've hoped for in the last while... But where would my karma be then?

 

Or I raise it on my own.

 

Or I terminate and speak nothing of it to Jamie or UK guy. Could I live with myself?

 

Also Lobe, LOL. I am sorry you will have to catch up on my story when you get back. Unfortunately for me it's my life

 

Hope you enjoy your vacation.

[PinkSunset]

That's understandable. However, life doesn't always work out the way we envision it and it's not necessarily a bad thing. My daughter is a child I had with an xMM at 21 and I was left all alone to raise her. It's been a tough journey, but I love our life.

 

However, you're not me and you may truly want something different for yourself. That's ok. Think hard about what you want and don't allow yourself to become preoccupied with social norms - you're not too old to be a parent and you're also not too old to have an abortion and possibly have another child down the road with someone else. People of all ages make mistakes and start over.

 

Spotting, especially when it's brown(ish) blood is very normal in early pregnancy.

 

 

Does he have anything to do with your daughter? You are a strong woman being able to go through that. It gives me hope to know I am not alone in this at all.

[noelle303]

Does he have anything to do with your daughter? You are a strong woman being able to go through that. It gives me hope to know I am not alone in this at all.

 

The first few years, no. However, he turned around and is currently regularly seeing her so it worked out fine with a lot of patience, work and compromise, People deal with all kinds of crazy things that happen in their life. It's all a matter of how you handle it.

 

You're definitely not alone.

[gorf]

He's married. Stay out of his business.

[GollumsNightmare]

Is UK guy married, too?

[noelle303]

You know Pink, if you wish to keep the baby - you could potentially cut communication with both men and raise the baby without either of them knowing. It's your body - and if you ultimately wanted a baby - then you'd have that baby.

 

Decide what is best for you knowing it's possible that you may do the parenting on your own. Nothing wrong with that as long as you don't expect anything from either guy. If one is involved then that may be a bonus.

 

But decide what works for you on your own.

 

This is incredibly unethical and plain wrong. A man has every right to know if he fathered a child and a child has every right to know where they come from. Both from a medical and emotional standpoint.

 

Just because we as women have this privilage to carry children and make decisions about our bodies, does not mean we get to act so selfishly.

[noelle303]

I disagree - mainly because she doesn't yet know who the father may be.

 

 

Selfish would be leading either one of them to believe it is theirs when she isn't positive of who the father is.

 

Until a paternity test is done (if ever) - there isn't reason to have them "think" they are the father.

 

That doesn't even make sense. To get a paternity test done, she needs to tell them that there is a possibility that they are the father. It's not leading them on, it's being honest.

 

And for her child's sake (if she decides to keep it) she needs to have the paternity test done is she's not sure. He/she deserves to know who fathered them and the men deserve to at least be given a choice to know their own child.

[anika99]

That doesn't even make sense. To get a paternity test done, she needs to tell them that there is a possibility that they are the father. It's not leading them on, it's being honest.

 

And for her child's sake (if she decides to keep it) she needs to have the paternity test done is she's not sure. He/she deserves to know who fathered them and the men deserve to at least be given a choice to know their own child.

 

I agree. Pink doesn't have to lead either man to believe anything. She needs to be honest and let them know she doesn't know who the father is and have paternity tests done.

 

Pink to tell Jamie this is his baby (when you don't know that and the timing leads us to believe it most likely isn't his) would be wrong wrong wrong. Isn't there already enough lies and deceit surrounding your relationship with him. Lies to Kevin, lies to his wife, lies to his lawyer and now you have introduced yet another man to this mess without Jamie's knowledge? I don't feel sorry for Jamie but seriously where is there any integrity in this affair? It's all been based on cheating and lies. Please start telling people the truth. Stop piling on the lies.

[ChickiePops]

You know Pink, if you wish to keep the baby - you could potentially cut communication with both men and raise the baby without either of them knowing. It's your body - and if you ultimately wanted a baby - then you'd have that baby.

 

Decide what is best for you knowing it's possible that you may do the parenting on your own. Nothing wrong with that as long as you don't expect anything from either guy. If one is involved then that may be a bonus.

 

But decide what works for you on your own.

 

This is cowardly and selfish. It's NOT just her baby, it's his too.

[ChickiePops]

His too...

 

But she doesn't know which guy. So there's really nothing to tell at this point.

 

She doesn't know anything for sure.

 

Exactly. And if she says nothing, neither she nor the child would ever know. It's the most cowardly and selfish thing anyone could ever do. Because she's afraid of the reaction, which would last for a few months. If she asks them both to take paternity tests then both she and her child will know for sure.

 

I grew up without a father. My mother is dead, so there is zero chance I'll ever find out who he is. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

 

Or, the best thing she could do would be to terminate the pregnancy.

[pooldog]

I would take a baby over a man any day. I love children and they are a blessing.

 

I would only tell the father if he was stable because you will have to allow visitation. You have time don't rush just take care of you!!

 

 

Well, the last time I slept with Jamie was June 20th. It would be 4 weeks ago. I supposed if it's accurate than it is UK guy's baby. That's basically a week give or take that it could be wrong.

Even if I do decide to tell him, which I probably will... He lives in England, he is a professional. What could he possibly do? We have been getting to know each other but we are both of the realization it's going to go no where. We had fun for a week, we enjoy each other... But I am in Canada and he is in England. He just got out of a relationship and so did I. It's a very complicated and messed up situation. He does have one son also, so the chances of him ever moving here are slim to none.

 

If Jamie finds out I am pregnant he will assume it is his. I have to be the one to tear him apart and say it might not be. The thought of that hurts me beyond belief. We talked many times about starting a family together and buying a house, yearly vacations... I will feel terrible. Part of me wonders if I should just say it is his even if I don't know for sure. I could have Jamie and a family and everything I've hoped for in the last while... But where would my karma be then?

 

Or I raise it on my own.

 

Or I terminate and speak nothing of it to Jamie or UK guy. Could I live with myself?

 

Also Lobe, LOL. I am sorry you will have to catch up on my story when you get back. Unfortunately for me it's my life

 

Hope you enjoy your vacation.

[PinkSunset]

No, UK guy is not married.

 

I woke up Saturday morning and had been bleeding quite heavily I guess because it leaked through everything I was wearing and into my sheets etc. I had a shower and got cleaned up and went into the hospital. I brought the pregnancy tests with me, I don't know why. I guess I just felt like I needed to prove to them I was pregnant.

Once I showed them I was pregnant they took care of me quite quickly. They did an ultrasound and blood tests.

 

They couldn't find anything on the ultrasound. No baby. I spent the whole weekend in the hospital and got home last night.

 

The doctor thinks I had something called a chemical pregnancy and that I miscarried. So now I am basically just having my monthly period.

 

I am so incredibly upset. I know it's probably a good thing but I started to wrap my head around maybe being a Mom. I am so hurt and lost.

 

Guess we will never know who the father was. Need some words of encouragement.

[PinkSunset]

I need to think of this as a blessing in disguise. I really am a mess in my life right now with everything going on. Maybe this is just my wake up call that I really truly needed.

 

I need to really get my life on track and if I want a real family I need to do it with someone that isn't Jamie. He tried calling me last night and I ignored him. It felt good to ignore him.

[elaine567]

I need to think of this as a blessing in disguise. I really am a mess in my life right now with everything going on. Maybe this is just my wake up call that I really truly needed.

 

I need to really get my life on track and if I want a real family I need to do it with someone that isn't Jamie. He tried calling me last night and I ignored him. It felt good to ignore him.

 

I am sorry that you are no longer pregnant but it is a wake up call.

Jamie is your past, not your future.

YOU need a man who will be happy that you are pregnant, not a man who would probably be worried sick that his "infertile" wife would get upset about your pregnancy and stop him seeing his son.

Too many complications there, too much water has flowed under that bridge.

First day of the rest of your life...

[heartwhole]

I'm so very sorry Pink. Take all the time you need to process and grieve. Even though this was a shock and there were so many complicating factors, I think your heart and instincts take over when you find out you are pregnant. Perhaps you can confide in a close friend and do something meaningful like plant a tree or bush to honor your loss.

 

You have a good head on your shoulders and heart in your chest and I know you will learn lessons and make changes in your life in time, but right now all you need to do is breathe and recuperate. (((Pink Sunset)))

[noelle303]

I'm so sorry. Even thpugh the pregnancy wasn't planned, it's still a loss and it's only natural to have all these feelings related to suffering a loss.

 

I normally would never say that everything happens for a reason when it comes to something like a miscarriage, but maybe in your case it truly was something that shook you enough to realize what you truly want and need that Jamie can't give you.

 

You are a smart woman, you're still young and you will get back on your feet. There's still so much time for you to have the family you want and a partner who will make you feel truly happy and proud, not anguished and embarrassed.

 

Hang in there.