Author PinkSunset Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 Pink - why are you paying big money for skilled advice but not using what is suggested by a professional? His wife didn't want the son at his place for this exact reason... Now she knows. The consequence may be that he doesn't get to have his son there. What did you expect to happen? You knew every time you were with hi there was a risk that she would be harmed by your actions. Now she knows. Now he's exposed as the liar he's been. This is reality Pink... Stop trying to put frosting on this pile of poop! Take the advice you paid for! I hope you aren't still leading on the school friend? His wife didn't want his son there because she was being difficult. He would not have had me there with the son. She shouldn't have been stopping by, and when she saw my car there she should have left their son in the car! She knew, the moment she saw my car, she is not stupid. She wanted her son to see what a terrible man his father is. I have tried my best to take the advice of my therapist. I have done everything she asked... It was just so hard for me to resist after the heartbreak. She doesn't know any of whats happened yet. The school friend - I told him after he kept coming on strong that I wasn't wanting anything. He said women like me don't come around often and to let him know when I was ready. I thought that was the end of it, but I got another batch of flowers... then the whole fight with Jamie happened and I ignored him for a week. I don't want to talk to him. When someone tells you to back off, you back off of them... You don't smother them with more flowers and gifts. He's borderline stalker.
Author PinkSunset Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 But you are not sorry. Maybe you're sorry for being caught, but absolutely no way are you sorry for pursuing her husband for all these months. If you had been, you would have stopped things with him ages ago. I wasn't sorry until now... yet part of me still blames her for stopping by unexpectedly. She could have saved herself a lot of pain. The son being there was unnecessary. Maybe I'm just a sh*tty person.
SoulCat Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 His wife didn't want his son there because she was being difficult. He would not have had me there with the son. She shouldn't have been stopping by, and when she saw my car there she should have left their son in the car! She knew, the moment she saw my car, she is not stupid. She wanted her son to see what a terrible man his father is. For the love of gravy, stop putting the blame on his wife! She, as his wife, has every right and reason to swing by his place with their child. And do you really expect her, after having seen your car, to have changed her mind and driven home?? Hell no, she would have wanted to have her suspicions confirmed. Which she duly did, by finding you dressed in his gear in his kitchen. No, she is not stupid. That's why she needed confirmation for his shifty behaviour. She found it, it's you. 6
BuddyX Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 Your flower friend is a creeper. He's also a big Pu**y if he's waiting for a woman. Tell him you're not interested. Period. As far as your MM. Cut bait now. Is your self esteem so low that you can't live without a married man? Odds are, he'll spend the next few months apologizing to his wife. If you thought you were on the back burner, just wait.
ChickiePops Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 I wasn't sorry until now... yet part of me still blames her for stopping by unexpectedly. She could have saved herself a lot of pain. The son being there was unnecessary. Maybe I'm just a sh*tty person. You blame her for stopping by to see HER HUSBAND with their SON??? I mean...you cannot be serious. 7
Author PinkSunset Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 For the love of gravy, stop putting the blame on his wife! She, as his wife, has every right and reason to swing by his place with their child. And do you really expect her, after having seen your car, to have changed her mind and driven home?? Hell no, she would have wanted to have her suspicions confirmed. Which she duly did, by finding you dressed in his gear in his kitchen. No, she is not stupid. That's why she needed confirmation for his shifty behaviour. She found it, it's you. You're right you're right you're right. I don't blame her for stopping by. I just wish she left the kid in the car Your flower friend is a creeper. He's also a big Pu**y if he's waiting for a woman. Tell him you're not interested. Period. As far as your MM. Cut bait now. Is your self esteem so low that you can't live without a married man? Odds are, he'll spend the next few months apologizing to his wife. If you thought you were on the back burner, just wait. He IS a creeper. I have told him several times I am not interested. He keeps lingering. I even told him I am still in love with someone else. Still sent flowers. I don't have low self esteem. I can get any man I want. I don't want him to be married. If that's what happens then I will move on and won't look back. I am on the verge of just packing up and running away. I could start over anywhere without MM and without some old school friend stalking me.
Author PinkSunset Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 You blame her for stopping by to see HER HUSBAND with their SON??? I mean...you cannot be serious. She wasn't stopping by to visit. She was driving by to see where he lived, to check the address and she saw my car there and that's when she decided to check. She should have left him in the car if she was suspicious. It was terrible judgement on her part there so yes I blame her for that.
SoulCat Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 She should have left him in the car if she was suspicious. It was terrible judgement on her part there so yes I blame her for that. Because you don't leave little kids in a car unattended. And because they were visiting her husband, the little boy's dad. She had every right to bring him out. Stop, just stop blaming her for what comes naturally to her as a mum. Just. stop. 10
Author PinkSunset Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 Because you don't leave little kids in a car unattended. And because they were visiting her husband, the little boy's dad. She had every right to bring him out. Stop, just stop blaming her for what comes naturally to her as a mum. Just. stop. He's 7 not 2! You can see the driveway clearly from the front door. If I thought I was about to catch my husband with another woman I sure as shyt would not bring my kid to the door! But that's just me. Clearly you think it was okay for him to be there through all that, hearing all that, seeing all that This had nothing to do with her bringing the son to see the dad other than for him to see what a terrible person he is. Well I am sure it worked because we are terrible people who have hurt them both.
BuddyX Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 While I wont be as harsh as previous post (although they're dead on), just remember the son saw everything. That means Daddy will do anything and everything in his power to become a perfect parent from this point on. Incidents like this will stay with a child. Odds are, the son will need therapy. 3
SoulCat Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 . Well I am sure it worked because we are terrible people who have hurt them both. Yes you are. Learn to live with that knowledge. Building your happiness on someone else's pain....tough thing to do if you're not a narcissist. 4
JLeaks3 Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 He's 7 not 2! You can see the driveway clearly from the front door. If I thought I was about to catch my husband with another woman I sure as shyt would not bring my kid to the door! But that's just me. Clearly you think it was okay for him to be there through all that, hearing all that, seeing all that This had nothing to do with her bringing the son to see the dad other than for him to see what a terrible person he is. Well I am sure it worked because we are terrible people who have hurt them both. I get it, Pink. You HAVE to blame his wife out of your own self preservation because if you don't somehow twist this situation to being her fault, you would have to come to terms with the monstrosity of your own character - a woman who without regard to another human being's welfare willingly shacked up with a man who is not hers. Frankly, you deserve this man because you are both selfish people. But you are most certainly not fit to be a mother-figure to a child. Just you saying that it's acceptable to leave a 7-year-old alone in a car is very indicative of the lack of maternal instincts in you. Add that to the complete disregard to other people's feelings that are not your own or not beneficial to your wants and desires, you definitely can't possibly understand what it means to put someone else's needs above your own. I get it. It's easier to throw shade at someone else than to look at the ugliness looking back at you when you look in the mirror. The words you write are not from someone who is remorseful of her actions, but rather upset that she can't have what she wants in the terms that she wants them. 8
ladydesigner Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 Hi LS Just wanted to stop by and update a little bit since I haven’t been back for a few weeks. MM and I went a week without talking after he came over to my place and saw flowers on my counter from my school friend. He accused me of distancing myself because of this other guy. I explained the flowers meant nothing but he didn’t really believe me. I cried every day that week, I called in sick to work and could barely get out of bed. I did manage to make it to therapy that week and she gave me some exercises to do at home which helped. I have had some pretty crappy breakups in my life but I have to say I don’t think I have ever been so heartbroken… I eventually picked myself up though because I couldn’t keep wallowing and wouldn’t you know a couple days later he shows up at my door unannounced. I don’t think I have ever been so happy to see him in my life. We couldn’t stop hugging, kissing etc… It led to sex. Passionate, crazy, loving, unexplainably the type you see in movies sex. Since then, we haven’t stopped. I can’t get enough of him and him of me. I have been to his house several times now and slept over. I don’t care if his wife sees my car anymore. I am all in, I love this man. Well, that was until last night when she showed up to his house with their son and I was there. He answered the door, and I was in the kitchen where you can see from the door way otherwise we may have had a chance at explaining... He didn’t know she was coming. She looked like her heart sank a million miles into the ground. She looked at me with the most shock and disgust I have ever seen on a person’s face… If she didn’t know before she definitely knows now. She started to call Jamie every name in the book and was starting to cause a scene. I stayed out of it, I mean what could I say or do? We couldn’t just say I was there for business because I was dressed in his tshirt. He followed her to the car and I stayed inside but I could hear her yelling. I felt so terrible for his son, having to see that. I feel terrible for all of this because I see the pain we’ve caused them. No matter the way she’s been to him, it was clear in her face that she still loves him. When he came back he apologized to me like crazy. I told him he should be apologizing to her not me because it wasn’t nice for her to find out this way. He said he did apologize to her but is going to give it a few days before he tries to talk to her about it all...but today things have been normal for us as far as communication goes. He told me she’s been texting him a lot saying some nasty stuff. She has also texted me calling me some horrible things. I haven't responded... I don't know if I should. Okay lets hear it Just know Pink this BS and the way she is acting... you know the heart sinking a million miles into the ground may be you one day. Be careful what you wish for!
ChickiePops Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 She wasn't stopping by to visit. She was driving by to see where he lived, to check the address and she saw my car there and that's when she decided to check. She should have left him in the car if she was suspicious. It was terrible judgement on her part there so yes I blame her for that. So..she was stopping by to see the place where her husband is going to have part time custody of their child (understandable)..and she didn't want to leave her young son unattended in the car (understandable)..and his mistress, who she was unaware of, happened to be there when she did that and she was upset by that (also understandable)..that's all her fault? I don't understand this logic at all. NONE of this is her fault. Absolutely none. ZERO percent. You're trying to blame her because YOU feel like a terrible person. 8
ladydesigner Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 She wasn't stopping by to visit. She was driving by to see where he lived, to check the address and she saw my car there and that's when she decided to check. She should have left him in the car if she was suspicious. It was terrible judgement on her part there so yes I blame her for that. Being a BS and knowing the feelings of desperation to save your marriage and the helplessness you feel, I am not surprised she went and confronted him. I'll bet he told her he moved out on his own to think about things and most likely said he had stopped seeing you. This was proof for her that what she has been fed by her WS is horsesh*t. I would have confronted too kids and all. 2
ladydesigner Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 I can’t get enough of him and him of me. I have been to his house several times now and slept over. I don’t care if his wife sees my car anymore. I am all in, I love this man. :sick: Yuck 1
heartwhole Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 I think you're blaming the wrong things (person) here. MM shouldn't just let BW discover the affair by showing up with their child. He should have protected his child and had the decency to be upfront with her. His living arrangements or whereabouts should not be a secret from the mother of his small child. Then he's all, "Oh, I'll talk about it with her later . . . " Can you say "conflict-avoidant"? This is going to be an icky, gooey, sticky mess if this how he handles things. And you're right there with him, thinking that you'd just lie your way out of it if it weren't for wearing his t-shirt and all. This isn't a high school relationship. You are adults and a child is involved. Maybe the marriage is over. Maybe your relationship will last. But the way you are handling things, while perhaps ensuring the former, is jeopardizing the latter as well. 4
HeCantBreakMe Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Pink- I want to encourage you to do something. I know you won't but I do want to encourage it. My encouragement would be, if you really love this man like I think you do, let him go to deal with this mess. You can have the conversation of hey, i really really love you and I think you really love me too but you have a lot going on in your life and I think you need to work on that. If at the end of the 1 year separation requirement he decides to divorce his wife then he can come to you and he is all yours.. BUT you have done this the right way. I don't think you realize this but you are hurting him, he is hurting himself, he is hurting a child, he is hurting his wife, and he is hurting you. It is like two drug addicts getting high and killing themselves but hey they are doing it together so it is okay. Love him enough to allow him to get himself and his life together before he comes to you. Love him enough to be a man and a goo father to his son - if he loves you too he will be back and he will be a better man for it. And, i encourage you to ask yourself this question. Can you not let him go to work this mess out alone because you are scared he wont come back to you? If that is the case then you need to really consider where that insecurity comes from- because if that is your gut talking then you are going to find a whole world of hurt at the end of this. Good luck sweetie I really mean that. 4
Sabella Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 I guess I'm confused as to why his wife is not supposed to know where he lives? Also, in my state it's illegal to leave a child unattended in a car for any length of time. The thing that sticks with me, that sounds utterly sad and horrid is the way you describe how shocked she was. Written all over her face So what was his reasoning for moving out and leaving her? What additional lies was he telling her, for her to be so gobsmacked? Telling her silly things like he just needs space to sort his feelings? To come back to her a better man? Since he's obviously so conflict avoidant, I would suspect him to now backspin and beg forgivess from his wife. I agree with HeCantBreakMe, if there is any real love between you, not just addictive love, than you need to let him sort out his life. There is no other way forward. 1
Sabella Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 She must have had the impression that they were still trying to work things out. Maybe he told her he needed a little break to make a decision. Have you seen his filed separation papers Pink? He may not have formally separated at all. She could have been under the impression that they were working on things. MM have been known to lie all the time. You have no idea what he has REALLY been telling her. There is NO way to know unless you ask her! Ask her! This is a golden opportunity to see what she has been told by him! Answer her question with honesty and ask her the questions you want to ask of her. Where is he tonight? Did he run back to see her after she left him? Agree totally with SB2, my guess is he is spinning it to make her think he is working on things. It explains her utter shock and suprise. ugh, what a mess 2
stilltrying16 Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 (edited) Pink, how it can possibly be her fault that her husband did not have the decency to tell her that he was seeing you? He'd already walked out on her. He was formally separated from her. Why was he keeping you a secret at this point? It would be one thing if you'd both decided to wait till the divorce was through. But you weren't waiting. Is he just incapable of being honest even when it doesn't cost him anything? That would have prevented all this drama and hurt today. Who or what was he trying to protect in keeping ridiculous secrets when things were already ending? I'm pretty sure it was neither his son nor you. It was his own sorry ass but even then his actions are so illogical. They make no sense. But then they never have. I am so disappointed at how you are thinking of his wife. I really am. I hope it passes. I'm putting it down to shock and I hope you will reconsider. I saw and still see a potentially empathetic person in you. At this point, I think you've buried that potential under bravado and defiance and misdirected blame- on the one person who is the true victim in this. I hope you recover the empathy and basic sense of fairness- I think you will but it'll mean confronting some unpleasant truth. There is no way that she can be blamed for a single thing that's happened. Least of all when she walked in on you two. And why on earth would she leave her 7 year old in the car like a sack of potatoes? Jamie always sounded pathetic and cowardly and this last set of actions confirms that's all he'll ever be. I'm sorry. My heart goes out to the BS and to the little boy. I hope that if he does go crawling back to her that she kicks his ass and refuses to take him back. If you love him, I agree with HeCan'tBreakMe: show him how to be a better man. If anyone can do it, you can. And I want only the best for you. I want you to be proud of how you act here on out when you look back. Edited June 22, 2016 by stilltrying16 4
stilltrying16 Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 And you know what- you are still honest, and you are still open to asking the hard questions. Or you wouldn't have to come back and given us this update. 1
startingagain15 Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 I'm so disappointed in you, and I'm so sad for his wife and child. 3
elaine567 Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Conflict avoider - hurts everyone else but makes things easy for himself. The minute he gave out his address to her, he knew she would come around, but did he tell her he now had you in tow? NO. He avoided that, but he let you hang out at his place, so that she would find you there, he used you as a shield to protect him from his wife. He then used you as a comfort blanket as the nasty snooping wife yelled at him... She is the witch, he is the victim... He hasn't been a man and a father, and tried to do anything about the trauma he just put his son through, no, he is still making more "conflict avoiding noises" about letting things all just calm down for a few days... smh. YOU are in a fog of "love" and sex, but the betrayed wife, the now traumatized son, the hate, the upset, the despair, the breakdown of this marriage is all on you and you are going to have to live with it all for years to come, as none of it will just go away. This "honeymoon period" you just experienced, was instigated by jealousy over those flowers, he may grow to resent you for that, unfortunately for you. Or maybe he set the whole thing up to get the sex, break up with you over something trivial, then come back as the hero to reap the spoils... who could refuse. It is a trick salesmen use to sell a product to a difficult wavering customer. The customer is undecided so the salesmen removes the product and says it is unavailable. The customer's interest picks up markedly as they then feel disappointed and upset that they missed out. The salesmen then "unexpectedly" manages to source the product again and is thus a hero and the deal is done. 4
Midwestmissy Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 I don't know if anyone has already said this, but there's no way I could drive somewhere with my children, tell them I'm going to run in to see their dad and not have the kids say they want to see him too. "No you can't see your dad"?!?! My god, if that came out in a divorce proceeding, she might be penalized for it. Her son us way more important than you. So if you stay in this mess, always know 1) you'll never be #1, and 2) you're involved with a confirmed cheater and total wuss, so watch your back. Forever. Pink, she has years and a child with this man, you're both lying to her and she's wrong? This is the entitlement that makes you vulnerable to affairs. So the affair isn't the problem, her snooping and suspecting is the problem. Demonize her, justify the affair. But you'll be her soon enough, and won't you love having your relationship rewritten to another ow. I'm so sorry, but you need serious help with your line of thinking. 5
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