minimariah Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 Pink - i'm sorry for your loss. miscarriage is a really difficult thing to go through, so i would advise you to socialize and surround yourself with people who love you. take care of yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 Sorry pink Take care of yourself x Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 How are you doing today? Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Hey Pink. On the bright side, now you don't have to deal with telling either of them anything. Plus, you're still perfectly healthy and young enough to meet someone new to start a family with. Someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkSunset Posted July 26, 2016 Author Share Posted July 26, 2016 I am alright. Everything happened so quickly which I am sort of glad for. It didn't have much time to sink in. The doctor told me chemical pregnancies happen this way all the time. Most women are't even aware they are pregnant when it happens... I called Jamie last night and told him. He was mad at me for not telling him I was pregnant, not telling him I was in the hospital... etc etc. I told him that I didn't tell him because I wasn't sure it was his. He completely lost his mind on me. He wanted to know who, what, when, why ... Told me that I am not loyal. I called him a hypocrite, he's the one who was cheating on his wife etc. I was crying and we fought pretty hard. He was crying as well I am sure out of anger and hurt. He told me he was doing everything right and trying to get everything in order so he could be with me out in the open and not hurt anyone. He was getting his life in order for me and for us. He now feels like its all for nothing. I told him if he truly loves me it shouldn't matter I had some fling. I was hurt and trying to end that chapter of my life... He said I cheated on him. That he thought we were still together. I also told UK guy what happened to me and he was extremely supportive about everything. Told me how sorry he was and that he's here if I need him. He already knew about Jamie and when I told him I wouldn't know who the father was anyway he laughed. He said to think of it as a blessing to move forward in the right ways. Completely opposite reactions... Am I wrong for telling them the truth? I had to get it off my chest to one of them... It ended up being both. I hurt Jamie and I feel so badly about it now. Maybe it's best he knows so he can let go of me... He told me he still loved me but it's just too much drama and chaos. Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 I'm not one for keeping secrets, so I probably would have told too. You haven't firmly closed the door on Jamie, I think it's safe to say, and I couldn't move forward with considering a future relationship with someone with this as a secret. But that's just me. If you had decided not to tell, I think that would have been OK too. In any event, you did what you felt was right, and that's what matters right now. As someone else said, you can contrast how UK guy reacted with how Jamie reacted. Of course, to be fair, Jamie claims to want a future with you, while UK guy is probably just relieved that the fling didn't turn into a child living across the ocean. But all in all, Jamie comes across as immature and self-centered. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 He now feels like its all for nothing. I told him if he truly loves me it shouldn't matter I had some fling. I was hurt and trying to end that chapter of my life... He said I cheated on him. That he thought we were still together. He told me he still loved me but it's just too much drama and chaos. What a piece of turd. Read what you wrote there, real slow and real careful. I hope you had your bags packed for THAT guilt trip. You were NOT together - you ended it because he STILL treated you like his dirty little secret. Hell - he STILL treats you like his dirty little secret. The drama and chaos started because HE cheated on the woman he took vows with, the mother of his child. He is a manipulative piece of turd who kicked you when you were down. You gave him honesty, a gift he didn't (and still hasn't) given his wife OR you, and I only hope that you are able to remember how good it felt ignoring his calls and in time you will be able to clearly see that he's not a prize. Did I mention he's a turd? Walk away. Find/create a safe and supportive space to heal from your losses. Take care of yourself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 He said I cheated on him. That he thought we were still together. Of course he did... what an a**... I mean a turd!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 Firstly, I'm so sorry for everything you've been through AND I'm so sorry that Jamie AGAIN didn't step-up & treat you in a compassionate, considerate, kind way. The thing that really strikes me is how easily you seem to be able to find decent men!! You had Kevin...good guy! You went on vacation & met the nice English guy. What are you doing?? You're NOT desperate!! It time to close the door on this whole, horrible section of your life & start again. Please don't look back. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkSunset Posted August 11, 2016 Author Share Posted August 11, 2016 Just wanted to pop by and say hello and let everyone know I am doing okay. Work has been keeping me busy and I've managed to get back into the gym routine. I have much more energy and am feeling good. I got a puppy. Rescued him from a local group. They don't know exactly what he is mixed with but it doesn't matter, he is cute and he is mine. His name is Rocco. He makes me happy and keeps me company when I'm lonely. Plus 1 for not contacting MM. I slept with him twice since the last time I posted. I felt he was the only one who could console what I was going through. He really was there for me when I needed him, and did apologize for blaming me for sleeping with UK guy. However I saw he was on a dating site so I told him it was over for good. He said he never met anyone and only joined because he found out I had slept with someone else. Maybe I was being a hypocrite, maybe I was being unreasonable... It doesn't matter now though. I am done. He hasn't called in 3 days and it's been fine. Rocco and I spend a lot of time outside. UK guy and I talk every day still. He says he has deep and real feelings for me. I can't even imagine having a LD RL. I don't want one. I want someone to hold me at night. I don't know what to do... I feel he is part of my sanity right now. I have gone off of my birth control and am no longer going to take it moving forward. I don't want to sleep with anyone random... In fact I've been contemplating trying to talk with Kevin to see where he is at. I know, probably selfish but... I still care about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 Just wanted to pop by and say hello and let everyone know I am doing okay. Work has been keeping me busy and I've managed to get back into the gym routine. I have much more energy and am feeling good. I got a puppy. Rescued him from a local group. They don't know exactly what he is mixed with but it doesn't matter, he is cute and he is mine. His name is Rocco. He makes me happy and keeps me company when I'm lonely. Plus 1 for not contacting MM. I slept with him twice since the last time I posted. I felt he was the only one who could console what I was going through. He really was there for me when I needed him, and did apologize for blaming me for sleeping with UK guy. However I saw he was on a dating site so I told him it was over for good. He said he never met anyone and only joined because he found out I had slept with someone else. Maybe I was being a hypocrite, maybe I was being unreasonable... It doesn't matter now though. I am done. He hasn't called in 3 days and it's been fine. Rocco and I spend a lot of time outside. UK guy and I talk every day still. He says he has deep and real feelings for me. I can't even imagine having a LD RL. I don't want one. I want someone to hold me at night. I don't know what to do... I feel he is part of my sanity right now. I have gone off of my birth control and am no longer going to take it moving forward. I don't want to sleep with anyone random... In fact I've been contemplating trying to talk with Kevin to see where he is at. I know, probably selfish but... I still care about him. Whoa. 1) so glad you stopped by - I had a sinking suspicion it was because you were hooking up with Jamie 2) awwww! Congrats on Rocco! If anyone I can think of needs a dose of unconditional love, it's you, and dogs are soooo good for that! I vote you put a pair of Jamie's underwear on a cushion so you can teach him his first trick: sic balls! 3) Slime bucket once again shows his true colours: goes on a dating site to "punish" you for "cheating" on him?! WTF is that even? 4) LDRs are tough, but if there's even a remote chance of something more develop, is there any chance you would want to move to the UK? 5) I think you should NOT talk to Kevin, at least for another 6 months, because right now you risk hurting him all over again - you're rebounding from Jamie, recovering from a missed pregnancy, and flirting with UK boy. Don't drag Kevin into this right now. Make sure you're over Jamie first - if you and Kevin got back together and Jamie showed up, would you seriously have the resolve to resist him yet? I'm not sure Rocco can fix that for you. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 If only you had met Rocco back then instead of Jamie, you could have lavished all your attention on him and he would have been far more deserving of your love and care... You could have gone on lovely long walks and taken Kevin too. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 If only you had met Rocco back then... "Wanted: strong, energetic, single young male looking for long walks on the beach, snuggles on the couch, and lazy afternoons in the park. Must be available for travel and adventure, be open to trying all kinds of food, be comfortable with public displays of affection, and really love doing it doggy style." :laugh: 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkSunset Posted August 11, 2016 Author Share Posted August 11, 2016 Whoa. 1) so glad you stopped by - I had a sinking suspicion it was because you were hooking up with Jamie 2) awwww! Congrats on Rocco! If anyone I can think of needs a dose of unconditional love, it's you, and dogs are soooo good for that! I vote you put a pair of Jamie's underwear on a cushion so you can teach him his first trick: sic balls! 3) Slime bucket once again shows his true colours: goes on a dating site to "punish" you for "cheating" on him?! WTF is that even? 4) LDRs are tough, but if there's even a remote chance of something more develop, is there any chance you would want to move to the UK? 5) I think you should NOT talk to Kevin, at least for another 6 months, because right now you risk hurting him all over again - you're rebounding from Jamie, recovering from a missed pregnancy, and flirting with UK boy. Don't drag Kevin into this right now. Make sure you're over Jamie first - if you and Kevin got back together and Jamie showed up, would you seriously have the resolve to resist him yet? I'm not sure Rocco can fix that for you. How was your holiday? I honestly don't think I want a LDR.Yes, UK guy is keeping my mind sane for now but it seems like too much work in order to be with him. I am 34 not 24 and don't feel I should invest in something I'm unsure about. Even so, We would see each other not very often. UK flights are expensive and I only get a few weeks vacation per year. Moving to the UK would be a huge step, and that would involve falling in love, visiting one another a few times etc... It would take up so much time. I agree on leaving Kevin alone until I am totally over Jamie. I haven't spoken to him in almost a week and he stopped calling/texting 3 days ago. I haven't completely blocked him yet though... That's the hard part. Rocco is awesome If only you had met Rocco back then instead of Jamie, you could have lavished all your attention on him and he would have been far more deserving of your love and care... You could have gone on lovely long walks and taken Kevin too. Maybe... If only I could have seen the future. "Wanted: strong, energetic, single young male looking for long walks on the beach, snuggles on the couch, and lazy afternoons in the park. Must be available for travel and adventure, be open to trying all kinds of food, be comfortable with public displays of affection, and really love doing it doggy style." :laugh: LOL! Perfect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 How was your holiday? Like every vacation I've ever taken in my life: too short! I haven't completely blocked him yet though... That's the hard part. Ohhh, Pinkypieeee! Don't do that to yourself!!! lol I've got an idea. Every time you think of Jamie, jump up, run across the room, find a door jamb, and smash your face on it 6 times before sitting back down. Eventually you will develop a negative association with thoughts of him. Stay strong, girl. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 Have you informed what his name you are off BC ? You want him gone tell him you want his baby and will only allow sex when fertile. Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 Congrats on your new buddy Rocco. At this point it seems like no big whoop that you've slept with Jamie again. But looking at the whole picture . . . a pregnancy scare/miscarriage, a fledging LDR with UK guy, thoughts about rekindling with Kevin, and the sudden decision to go off BCP . . . I feel like all together it adds up to a bit too much. Too many balls in the air. My advice is to take some deep breaths, focus on Rocco, and do not have any unprotected relations with anyone. Which is actually good advice whether or not you are on BCP, but is especially crucial since you are not. You haven't processed the grief and confusion of the pregnancy scare yet, and you don't yet have closure or perspective on Jamie. Or with Kevin. Or with UK guy. So slow down please. My husband's OW lives across the ocean too, but somehow after spending 48 hours together she knew it was for realz and was ready to break up our marriage and leave her whole life and move here. At least she thought she was. So I think it's good that you realize that these decisions are not to be made on a whim and require a lot more than a few conversations and hours spent together. Good luck. Be kind to yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 Have you informed what his name you are off BC ? You want him gone tell him you want his baby and will only allow sex when fertile. Egads. Pink, if you are planning on making him your baby daddy I swear I am going to hunt you down and stab you with depo myself. If you are really feeling the baby burn and need to get knocked up, a sperm bank is a good option. Hell, a ONS is a better option than snot head "I'm so angry with you I'm signing up for dating"... Ugh. You want one child, not two. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkSunset Posted August 15, 2016 Author Share Posted August 15, 2016 I know I sound all over the place. I'm not going to contact Kevin anytime soon. As far as I know he has moved on with his life and so he should have. He has just been crossing my mind because I know I screwed up. I still have not spoken to Jamie. It's the longest NC we have ever gone and I'm proud of myself. He called once over the weekend and his voicemail said he just wanted me to answer the phone so he could hear my voice. It hurts but I have no desire to make him feel better anymore. I told UK guy I see no future with us and he was a little upset but understood. I said I don't have the will to work with a LDR and I'm not in a place to even be in any relationship at all. He is a really good guy, or at least seems to be. He thinks it's best we don't talk as much. I guess there goes my lifeline. I'm not going to sleep with any random person and I am not trying to get outright pregnant. I just don't see the need in being on it any longer. I'm not going to sleep with Jamie anymore either. I am going to concentrate on healing and spending all my time on my new pup. There are quite a few active dog groups in my city that I am going to take part in. It should keep me busy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkSunset Posted August 17, 2016 Author Share Posted August 17, 2016 No, I am not still seeing my therapist. I went off BC because I am 34 years old and I have been on it for years. If I am ever going to have a child it has to be soon. Everything that happened made me realize how much I want to be a mom. I'm not planning on having a ONS or anything... Maybe Jamie is afraid to be alone and was trying to fill the vacancy, I don't know. I didn't even try to understand where he was coming from. I just want to move on. It would be healthier for him and his son as well if he found someone new that doesn't come attached with pain and deceit. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 It would be healthier for him and his son as well if he found someone new that doesn't come attached with pain and deceit. I guess that is one reason many MM after dday, end up staying at home with the wife reconciling, or move onto pastures new. I know it was all hard for you to go through, but Jamie had too much baggage. Over the years it would have all taken its toll on you. So I am glad you are now free to look for a better man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkSunset Posted August 17, 2016 Author Share Posted August 17, 2016 I guess that is one reason many MM after dday, end up staying at home with the wife reconciling, or move onto pastures new. I know it was all hard for you to go through, but Jamie had too much baggage. Over the years it would have all taken its toll on you. So I am glad you are now free to look for a better man. Honestly I'm not sure why MM stay with their wives after DDay. Wife will never trust them again and if she does she will always have that little thought in the back of her brain that wonders... I couldn't live like that. Link to post Share on other sites
MadJackBird Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 No, I am not still seeing my therapist. I went off BC because I am 34 years old and I have been on it for years. If I am ever going to have a child it has to be soon. Everything that happened made me realize how much I want to be a mom. I'm not planning on having a ONS or anything... Maybe Jamie is afraid to be alone and was trying to fill the vacancy, I don't know. I didn't even try to understand where he was coming from. I just want to move on. It would be healthier for him and his son as well if he found someone new that doesn't come attached with pain and deceit. This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Have you thought about looking into adoption? Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkSunset Posted August 17, 2016 Author Share Posted August 17, 2016 This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Have you thought about looking into adoption? How is it a disaster waiting to happen? I'm perfectly capable of taking care of a child on my own if it came down to it. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Many, many women are having children in their 40's now. I'm worried about you! This REALLY sounds like you're waiting for an 'accident' to happen. Please plan becoming a mother. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts