Emotional Affair

[PinkSunset]

Pink, thank you so much for your kind words. I just resumed counseling today, which I stopped when I learned MM was married, wanted to dip my toe in the A w/MM water (was already emotionally hooked by the time I learned married), and didn't want anyone (i.e. my therapist) to stop me. I have been sickly wondering if perpetrating that last naughty act would seal the deal...so sick. I'm guessing you're saying it's just going to ultimately double down my pain. There's the chance that if he hasn't been sincere, then he would disappear after completing his "hunt," because who really knows if MM intentions are 200% selfish or just 98% (w/2% concern for OW)...and I've definitely been selfish too! Thank you so much for replying. I've been checking this post for replies like every hour...that's where I'm currently at right now...sooo terribly dysfunctional and disruptive to my life!

 

Oh, and I have my mini schnauzer, whom has been my constant companion for over ten years...don't know what I would do without her. She is definitely the sweetest creature that ever was and I totally adore her! Glad you got a dog...they are 100% true love!

 

Sorry I didn't reply sooner. I don't check the board as much anymore as I am trying to move passed this.

I was deep in an EA way before I ever went physical. In fact we never went physical until he actually left his wife. I thought it was okay and that now that he lived away from her it gave me a green light. I was wrong... The hurt in her eyes the day she discovered us still haunts me. I think about being her often, and how her heart must have been torn out and stomped on... Because even though in my mind she was a terrible wife, I truly did not know everything.

Part of me still cares about him, even loves him... But he isn't right for me. Something that is "right" for you, won't start off by betraying someone else.

 

I'm glad to hear you're going to IC. I dropped out of IC because I hated hearing what my counselor was saying. It will help you.

 

This is worth checking in for. You go, Pinkie!!!

 

Lobe, I looked around for your posts but you seem to be dropping off as well. Wish you the best with everything. Hope you stay in touch as I will do my best to update on everything

[CharmKeeper]

You should break it off with this man now before you go any further. Tell him that once he has the signed divorce papers in hand to give you a call.

 

I am willing to bet that you never hear from him again, or you will hear all the excuses as to why he can't divorce her.

 

Read the stories on this listserv. This is reality.

Edited October 11, 2016 by CharmKeeper

[HeCantBreakMe]

You should break it off with this man now before you go any further. Tell him that once he has the signed divorce papers in hand to give you a call.

 

I am willing to bet that you never hear from him again, or you will hear all the excuses as to why he can't divorce her.

 

Read the stories on this listserv. This is reality.

 

Pink broke it off awhile back. She seems to be moving forward and doing a great job.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

Pink, I'll always be your fan. Your story has helped me hugely. I'm 3 and 1/2 weeks NC today, even though he emailed me 1 and 1/2 weeks ago,but not since, even though we never discussed NC. I don't feel the urge to contact him even though I'm bummed at his lack of effort. If you want, check out my story posted "EA - Finally ready to share my story with insights from counseling."

 

I am totally rooting for you! Keep up the great progress and super happy for you! You rock!

[PinkSunset]

Just wanted to give a quick update!

 

New guy and I are doing great, he is just amazing. He says I am amazing too. Sometimes I feel like it's moving a little fast but it really isn't. We have started being intimate finally. We took it pretty slow at first.....but now I am worried.

 

As you all know I am not taking any BC. I made him aware of this and we don't use condoms. I asked him if he would like me to be on something and his response was "Whatever you want to do, or don't want to do, I am okay with it".

So that really didn't help me much as far as deciding not to get pregnant. We had sex on Saturday and I realized that I am fertile (according to my period calendar). I am pretty sure he blew in me, because when I left his place a lot of white stuff came running out. He normally doesn't do that...

 

Since Sunday I have been feeling nauseous but I haven't thrown up. Is it even possible to get pregnant that easily? Is it even possible to feel morning sickness that quickly? I'm afraid that if I actually am pregnant that this is happening too fast. We are both being stupid, right?

 

I feel like I will be with this guy for a long time, and I think he feels the same. We get along great and like each other a lot... I just feel that dating for 2 months isn't exactly the best timing for getting pregnant. Help!

[GollumsNightmare]

We are both being stupid, right?

 

Absolutely Right.

[PinkSunset]

Absolutely Right.

 

That was more of a rhetorical question.

 

We are 34 and 33. Not children, if something happened we could handle it.

[Birdies]

Girl what are you thinking? Unprotected sex with your boyfriend of 2 months?! That is some teenager stuff, not something a smart 30-something should be doing.

 

This is WAY TOO EARLY to have a kid with someone. Seriously, what are you thinking? Do you want a baby badly enough to risk a very, very good chance of being a single mom?

 

Get on birth control stat, or use condoms, or both. Or if you really do want a baby, at least have a conversation with your boyfriend about it BEFORE you get pregnant!

 

And yes, to answer your question, you could be very much pregnant. Unprotected sex, especially in your fertile window, is the way that that tends to happen. You should have taken Plan B, but it's too late now.

 

Not trying to be harsh here - I'm just kind of in disbelief that someone my age would think this is vaguely responsible. (Granted I had a long horrible affair, so I know that what we know we *should* do and what we *do* do can be two very different things....)

[Jersey born raised]

Most likely you are. May not stick though. It's an amazingly complex process your body goes though to become and then stay pregnant.

[PinkSunset]

I realize its not the smartest thing. I just figured i would watch my calendar and id be good. Well we had sex on the first day of being fertile, so not even ovulation day. I havent seen him since saturday.

 

I just didnt think the sickness would show up so quickly. I thought it takes a few weeks.

 

I am kind of surprised he would blow in me knowing im not on anything. I mean honestly i didnt think he came at all, but he said he did and then when i left it all seemed to come out. I dont want to ask him if he did or not.

[PinkSunset]

I just realized it sounds like im trying to get pregnant and im not. I figured if i watched my calendar id know what days to avoid having sex... i didnt realize saturday was my first day. My period calendar could even be off for all i know! I just want to know if people can get sick this quickly. Its the only reason i think theres a chance.

[Birdies]

He definitely came inside you. He said he did, and what else would be dripping out?

 

Omg girl, you have to have a conversation about birth control with this guy!!!

 

Also, my impression is that early in the fertile window is very good for conception because the sperm hang out and wait for the egg. So a couple days before ovulation is perfect for conception. Not to mention, just tracking your period isn't very reliable unless you're temping and all that too.

[PinkSunset]

He definitely came inside you. He said he did, and what else would be dripping out?

 

Omg girl, you have to have a conversation about birth control with this guy!!!

 

Also, my impression is that early in the fertile window is very good for conception because the sperm hang out and wait for the egg. So a couple days before ovulation is perfect for conception. Not to mention, just tracking your period isn't very reliable unless you're temping and all that too.

 

I did have a convo and it was almost like he didnt want to talk about it. It was right after the first time we had sex. He said whatever you want to do, or not do, im okay with it... so hes okay with me not being on anything and then blew inside me? I need to stop over thinking

[noelle303]

I did have a convo and it was almost like he didnt want to talk about it. It was right after the first time we had sex. He said whatever you want to do, or not do, im okay with it... so hes okay with me not being on anything and then blew inside me? I need to stop over thinking

 

I mean, he could think that you're actually wanting to get pregnant. You're not on birth control and did not insist that he wear a condom or asked him to pull out. I'm guessing he thinks that you guys have the ''not trying, not preventing'' thing going on and whatever happens, happens. It also seems like that is something you want as well.

 

My advice - go on birth control and wait. You are still young and if things are going so well between you two, you have plenty of time to have a baby. Enjoy each other because a baby is such a shock that you won't get this chance again.

[PinkSunset]

I mean, he could think that you're actually wanting to get pregnant. You're not on birth control and did not insist that he wear a condom or asked him to pull out. I'm guessing he thinks that you guys have the ''not trying, not preventing'' thing going on and whatever happens, happens. It also seems like that is something you want as well.

 

My advice - go on birth control and wait. You are still young and if things are going so well between you two, you have plenty of time to have a baby. Enjoy each other because a baby is such a shock that you won't get this chance again.

 

The way I brought it up was that I wasn't on anything so he will have to do pull out method or I can go on something if it makes him more comfortable and that was his response. I felt kind of alone in my decision, maybe he feels it is my decision alone? I sort of feel like he should have a say in it as well, because honestly I don't want to take BC.

Maybe I will try to bring it up again. I brought it up twice already because he didn't really say much the first time. The second time I kind of put him on the spot with it and that was his response I mentioned.

He knows I've been feeling sick but I think we both figure it's the flu. It probably hasn't even crossed his mind.

[elaine567]

YOU are the one who gets pregnant, so you really need to be taking care of that. Many men abdicate that responsibility to women totally (and it sounds like that is what is happening here too), so it is up to you to make sure you do not get pregnant.

If you allow a man bareback inside you and take no real BC measures whatsoever, then you are going to get pregnant at some point, that is a given.

At 2 months of dating that is just stupid behaviour, I am sorry to say.

Why no BC?

[anika99]

Just wanted to give a quick update!

 

New guy and I are doing great, he is just amazing. He says I am amazing too. Sometimes I feel like it's moving a little fast but it really isn't. We have started being intimate finally. We took it pretty slow at first.....but now I am worried.

 

As you all know I am not taking any BC. I made him aware of this and we don't use condoms. I asked him if he would like me to be on something and his response was "Whatever you want to do, or don't want to do, I am okay with it".

So that really didn't help me much as far as deciding not to get pregnant. We had sex on Saturday and I realized that I am fertile (according to my period calendar). I am pretty sure he blew in me, because when I left his place a lot of white stuff came running out. He normally doesn't do that...

 

Since Sunday I have been feeling nauseous but I haven't thrown up. Is it even possible to get pregnant that easily? Is it even possible to feel morning sickness that quickly? I'm afraid that if I actually am pregnant that this is happening too fast. We are both being stupid, right?

 

I feel like I will be with this guy for a long time, and I think he feels the same. We get along great and like each other a lot... I just feel that dating for 2 months isn't exactly the best timing for getting pregnant. Help!

 

Good grief! you sound like you're 14yrs old.

 

1. white stuff running out of you after sex is obviously sperm

 

2. no it's not possible to get pregnant on saturday and then having morning sickness the next day

 

3. why in the hell are you taking chances and not practicing safe sex with a guy you have known for only 2 months. Take ownership of your own body and your own health and well being.

 

Seriously, how old are you? Get yourself some sex education.

[PinkSunset]

I'm sorry I had to ask about the white stuff because I've never had that happen to me before. Maybe once, years ago. I didn't think it was normal. Normally he doesn't blow at all, let alone in me...

I am educated on sex and contraception, I don't like condoms because they don't feel the greatest and kind of burn.

 

I feel like if I am being stupid then so is he. I will talk to him about it again when I see him tonight. I really do not want to have an oops at this point. I really would like to get to know him better.

 

Has anyone used spermicide?

[PinkSunset]

YOU are the one who gets pregnant, so you really need to be taking care of that. Many men abdicate that responsibility to women totally (and it sounds like that is what is happening here too), so it is up to you to make sure you do not get pregnant.

If you allow a man bareback inside you and take no real BC measures whatsoever, then you are going to get pregnant at some point, that is a given.

At 2 months of dating that is just stupid behaviour, I am sorry to say.

Why no BC?

 

 

I don't want the burden of having to remember it everyday, or gaining weight. I am 34 years old and the risks are increased with age as well. I would like to not have to take it.

I know plenty of women that have sex and are not on BC and do not get pregnant. They are not using anything either, they are just careful.

 

I feel like at 34 years old I am not as fertile as say, a 22 year old. My body most likely won't pick it up like someone younger would.

[PinkSunset]

Good grief! you sound like you're 14yrs old.

 

1. white stuff running out of you after sex is obviously sperm

 

2. no it's not possible to get pregnant on saturday and then having morning sickness the next day

 

3. why in the hell are you taking chances and not practicing safe sex with a guy you have known for only 2 months. Take ownership of your own body and your own health and well being.

 

Seriously, how old are you? Get yourself some sex education.

 

I've known him for over 5 years. We have been talking since August regularly. We only started having sex 2 weeks ago.

[Birdies]

I'm sorry I had to ask about the white stuff because I've never had that happen to me before. Maybe once, years ago. I didn't think it was normal. Normally he doesn't blow at all, let alone in me...

I am educated on sex and contraception, I don't like condoms because they don't feel the greatest and kind of burn.

 

I feel like if I am being stupid then so is he. I will talk to him about it again when I see him tonight. I really do not want to have an oops at this point. I really would like to get to know him better.

 

Has anyone used spermicide?

 

YOU'RE the one who will be pregnant, not him, so this is your ultimate problem. This is the quintessential female dilemma.

 

I would google birth control options and look at effectiveness. Using this forum as a guide isn't the best idea. You should want something that is 95%+ effective, so that is basically condoms, BC, IUD, or abstinence.

 

Ps, a condom feels a lot better than a BABY!

[BTDT2012]

I'm sorry I had to ask about the white stuff because I've never had that happen to me before. Maybe once, years ago. I didn't think it was normal. Normally he doesn't blow at all, let alone in me...

I am educated on sex and contraception, I don't like condoms because they don't feel the greatest and kind of burn.

 

I feel like if I am being stupid then so is he. I will talk to him about it again when I see him tonight. I really do not want to have an oops at this point. I really would like to get to know him better.

 

Has anyone used spermicide?

 

He can't get pregnant, you can.

[eye of the storm]

Pink sunset, there are loads of BC out there that are not hormonal and do not cause weight gain.

 

IUDs, diaphrams, condoms, just to name 3. I personally don't like spermicidal condoms, they irritate me. But normal condoms don't bother me.

 

And a 34yo an get pregnant just as easily as a 24yo. Just so you know, you can also get pregnant if you have sex standing up.

 

Take plan B. I took it once and it was fine. And I cannot take normal hormonal BC pills.

 

You really need to go see an actual doctor and ask for some sex education, then a plan for birth control.

 

Unless you want to get pregnant, use BC. Or don't have sex. You. You are an adult. It is your body that will have to maintain this pregnancy or your body that will have to go thru a termination. If you maintain it, it will be you that will have to figure out how to find daycare and work. Because this guy is willing to have unprotected sex with a woman he has been dating for 2 months. Not good odds for someone stable enough to stick around. The day you get a positive on a pregnancy test is probably one of the last days you see him.

 

Your lack of knowledge about your own body and your own reproduction abilities is mind boggling. Go to Planned Parenthood and talk to someone. And please take a Plan B. Its like $50.

[elaine567]

I don't want the burden of having to remember it everyday, or gaining weight. I am 34 years old and the risks are increased with age as well. I would like to not have to take it.

I know plenty of women that have sex and are not on BC and do not get pregnant. They are not using anything either, they are just careful.

 

I feel like at 34 years old I am not as fertile as say, a 22 year old. My body most likely won't pick it up like someone younger would.

 

This is madness, you may not be as fertile as a 22 yo but you will still get pregnant if you are having unprotected sex.

Twice a week unprotected sex - “50 percent will be pregnant within three months, 75 percent will be pregnant in six months, 90 percent will be pregnant in one year, and 95 percent will be pregnant in two years.”

I guess some of those women having sex and not using BC and not getting pregnant, are infertile or are using abortion as a means of contraception (some women do).

If you do not want the hassle of remembering pills, and want no hormones then get an IUD is my advice.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

Just wanted to say hi, PinkSunset. Wishing you the best!