Emotional Affair

[S2B]

I think you're staying strong Pink - and that's a good thing for you.

 

Think of what's best for yourself.

 

Hugs

[PinkSunset]

This just occurred to me...I haven't even sense checked it yet...

 

You were in a long term relationship, long enough that he at the big decisions stage. Kevin called you out. He criticized you, honestly he was correct, completely....He tried to save you.

 

(& by the way I'd bet money he's cried many tears over you! Real, genuine tears over YOU, not just for himself!)

 

You opened this thread with the choice....Do I whatever with Jamie OR do I try to get Kevin back?

 

You can't get Kevin back! He tried to stop this, help BOTH of you every step. Save you from yourself because that's what you do when you love someone. Help Jamie because YOU cared about him. He did pretty much everything except sacrifice his dignity & bare witness to your affair!

 

Kevin left you because YOU left him!

 

If you don't end-up with Jamie it's bloody tragic isn't it?

 

You threw away a man who loved you. You say you had a great relationship before your affair. Your ONLY criticism of Kevin is "He's working class. He doesn't cry, paralyzed by inaction to get other women to save him". Correct me if I'm wrong.

 

Why were you talking about trying to get Kevin back before members told you 'No chance'?

 

Sorry, I'm not sure I'm explaining myself well. If the story had been just the same, except no Kevin, you were single from the start...

 

....You don't seem like the kind of person to poach another woman's husband!

 

You didn't have some amazing friendship or sexual chemistry before you started consoling him about his wife & Kevin started warning you to pull back...(& Jamie to man-up & sort his marriage.)

 

I don't know! .....If nothing happens between you & MM. If you stop advising & 'helping' him? If he takes Kevin's advise & works on his marriage....?????

 

Wasn't Kevin right? Weren't you very wrong AND very guilty of something morally bad? Weren't you played by a very sad man with a very sad story? Didn't you throw away a man you loved to be a sob-stories blankie?

 

I feel guilt everyday for what I did to Kevin. My first post was definitely where my mind was at in that moment. I have since realized that trying to get Kevin back, esp at this point is the wrong thing to do.

He was practically right about everything. I called him last week and he still has not returned my call. I don't believe he will at any point in time either.

 

I think faced with two interested men, Pink Sunset chose to "upgrade".

 

Jamie with his moneyed wife, his business connections and his "charm" and the fact he needed the OP, was a better bet, than the more plodding, down to earth, independent Kevin.

Jamie's marriage was "obviously" going down the toilet, so he would soon be free anyway. His harridan of a wife would soon be jettisoned to leave Jamie available, add a bit of care and attention and he would be as good as new.

 

Given the choice of the boring but reliable family saloon, or the sports car that has seen better days, the chance to renovate and repair, to make something great again, was too good to miss.

 

I am not however sure if Jamie sees Pink Sunset as a "upgrade" in quite the same way, and that is where her plan may go awry.

He is not really acting like a man happy to be "saved", at the moment.

 

You might be right in the sense that I felt I was upgrading, only in the way that Jamie and I connect emotionally... Money etc doesn't matter to me, I have my own.

I do like to help people and help make their lives better. I think I definitely see or saw Jamie as a charity needing my help. I am starting to see that maybe I was wrong... His compleye NC since Monday is tearing me apart. If he cared or wanted to continue moving forward why be this way?

 

I can't get past the lack of empathy for a woman who has suffered the terrible loss of a child, followed by fantasies of bearing children with that same woman's husband...

 

What a crushing discovery that would be.

 

It makes me queezy to say the least.

 

You simply don't ever get over losing a child, that isn't how it's supposed to be.

 

My daughter and her husband's first daughter was born sleeping just weeks before she should have been born awake, pink and angry at having her bubble popped.

 

Two healthy children later, she has just discovered her partner through all that devastating grief and loss has been having an affair.

 

Be careful what you wish for Pinksunset, you might just get it....

 

I am sorry for your loss, and also for what your daughter is going through.

 

I should have more empathy for her after what she went through. I am not a mother, I can't even imagine.

Planning a family with her husband is not the right thing to do, I know. I must really sound like a terrible person.

I am still somehow using the way she treats him as an excuse. I am really trying to move passed that. I realize I know nothing of what goes on in their marriage.

 

 

PinkSunset, I think what might have given Jamie the edge over Kevin is your conviction that Jamie needed rescuing and Kevin didn't. And you needed someone to need you. Just a thought...again, it could be just projection on my part!

 

If that's the case, though, then your therapist really will be able to help. It could show you why Jamie has this hold on your imagination. I honestly don't see that Jamie has anything to recommend him other than the fact that you think he needs you. Of course I'm going only on the basis of what I've read in your thread and could be way off. But if I'm not, then NC won't remain this hard and you will come out of the whole experience heartwhole and stronger. That's what I wish for you. Sending you strength and hugs, as always.

 

You are exactly right in what you're saying. Thank you for your posts, they have really helped.

I am going to stay NC for as long as it takes. If he doesn't contact me soon I will consider this over and that he does not want a divorce.

 

 

I don't get how he can just not contact me as a form of punishment... Like I am a child that he gets to punish with his silence. I am so angry over this. I deserve an explanation not silence!

[SomethingToSay]

Yes you deserve an explanation.....his wife deserves the truth.....there is alot of mistreatment going around

 

As for your truth, I think at some point you must accept that the truth is Jamie loved to fantasize about leaving and how he is trapped and so forth....but tha painful truth is he just doesnt want to face all the struggles that come with that. He probably does love you....in your current role as emotional support/special friend/AP. And Im sure he "wishes" circumstances were different but at the same time is not willing to DO anything to make those circumstances different.

 

Another possibility is his wife had aDDay...looked thru his ohine while he was passed out....and he has going NC to save his marriage.

 

Just out of curiosity had you ever checked his wifes social media pages?

[ChickiePops]

I feel guilt everyday for what I did to Kevin. My first post was definitely where my mind was at in that moment. I have since realized that trying to get Kevin back, esp at this point is the wrong thing to do.

He was practically right about everything. I called him last week and he still has not returned my call. I don't believe he will at any point in time either.

 

 

 

You might be right in the sense that I felt I was upgrading, only in the way that Jamie and I connect emotionally... Money etc doesn't matter to me, I have my own.

I do like to help people and help make their lives better. I think I definitely see or saw Jamie as a charity needing my help. I am starting to see that maybe I was wrong... His compleye NC since Monday is tearing me apart. If he cared or wanted to continue moving forward why be this way?

 

 

 

I am sorry for your loss, and also for what your daughter is going through.

 

I should have more empathy for her after what she went through. I am not a mother, I can't even imagine.

Planning a family with her husband is not the right thing to do, I know. I must really sound like a terrible person.

I am still somehow using the way she treats him as an excuse. I am really trying to move passed that. I realize I know nothing of what goes on in their marriage.

 

 

 

 

You are exactly right in what you're saying. Thank you for your posts, they have really helped.

I am going to stay NC for as long as it takes. If he doesn't contact me soon I will consider this over and that he does not want a divorce.

 

 

I don't get how he can just not contact me as a form of punishment... Like I am a child that he gets to punish with his silence. I am so angry over this. I deserve an explanation not silence!

 

He's angry that you pushed him into action when he would have preferred to stay in his comfortable cocoon of your love and his wife's money.

 

You absolutely, 100% did the right thing, and if he tries to blame you for making him divorce you should smack him across the face, turn around, and walk away forever.

 

He doesn't sound like much of a prize to me honestly..cheats on his grieving wife..makes excuses for why he can't leave..gives you the silent treatment (my ex-fiance's favorite toy when we were fighting and also considered a form of abuse) when you finally do tell him you'll leave if he doesn't divorce..talks badly about a woman he chose to marry and procreate with..etc etc.

 

Your relationship up until now has been centered on the drama of the affair. That was not real life..this is. You're getting actual Jamie now, not fun times, sneaking around, woe is me my life is so hard Jamie. You're going to see him for who he really is. Be prepared. The odds of this mess actually working out are very slim.

 

Having an affair was very wrong. Vilifying his wife because he's doing it is also wrong. But you're on the right path now, as much as it hurts. You made some whopping mistakes but you ended up doing a good thing by forcing his hand. Don't let him convince you otherwise.

[SomethingToSay]

It is definitely refreshing to see an OW who is willing to recognize the wrongness -- not just on a moral level but on a personal self-respect level -- and put a halt to an affair.

 

Altho i still worry if/when he re-emerges you will once again fall pray to "Jamie Says". Good for you not contacting him though. Thats very strong of you and certainly the right thing to do.

[PinkSunset]

So, just received a call from MM.

 

He went to the lawyer yesterday and they discussed a separation agreement, he said he doesn't want anything from her besides shared custody. The lawyer said there should be no reason for him not to get that, and if she starts throwing accusations she will need proof.

I asked if he drew up the separation agreement and he said no. That he wants to sit down and discuss it with his wife first without blindsiding her.

I asked how he can blindside her, if he has already told her he wanted out.

Apparently him wanting a divorce is something he says all the time when they argue but never goes through with it and never brings papers or anything. I guess this is the first time he will actually DO something.

 

He wants to see me tomorrow. Go figure. The first thing that came to mind was that tomorrow is THURSDAY! No wonder he is smoothing it over. He wants to see me and possibly get where we were going!

 

I hope ya'll are proud of me because I told him I won't see him until he has papers to show me!

 

Then it was "It's been almost two weeks, I miss you". Just like everyone said.

God, it's like clockwork. Is Jamie really the same as all of these other married men?!!!! I had almost started laughing at what he said because it was said on this forum so many times! LOL

 

I guess we will see if he comes to me with papers? I think this is the first time I have smiled in almost a week. I am trying not to get my hopes up though.He is supposed to let me know how it goes with her tonight.

[PinkSunset]

 

Just out of curiosity had you ever checked his wifes social media pages?

 

Her account is locked up to the nines. You can't see much at all... Her cover photo is of her son on a boat. I am assuming it's her parents boat as they don't own one. Her profile picture is of her and her son in a garden. That is all I can see though. I can't go through her pictures either.

 

I could probably friend request her and she would accept but I feel it's pretty deceptive.

I could do it to check on Jamie and how she is faking their happiness but I'm not interested in that.

[AlwaysGrowing]

So, just received a call from MM.

 

He went to the lawyer yesterday and they discussed a separation agreement, he said he doesn't want anything from her besides shared custody. The lawyer said there should be no reason for him not to get that, and if she starts throwing accusations she will need proof.

I asked if he drew up the separation agreement and he said no. That he wants to sit down and discuss it with his wife first without blindsiding her.

I asked how he can blindside her, if he has already told her he wanted out.

Apparently him wanting a divorce is something he says all the time when they argue but never goes through with it and never brings papers or anything. I guess this is the first time he will actually DO something.

 

He wants to see me tomorrow. Go figure. The first thing that came to mind was that tomorrow is THURSDAY! No wonder he is smoothing it over. He wants to see me and possibly get where we were going!

 

I hope ya'll are proud of me because I told him I won't see him until he has papers to show me!

 

Then it was "It's been almost two weeks, I miss you". Just like everyone said.

God, it's like clockwork. Is Jamie really the same as all of these other married men?!!!! I had almost started laughing at what he said because it was said on this forum so many times! LOL

 

I guess we will see if he comes to me with papers? I think this is the first time I have smiled in almost a week. I am trying not to get my hopes up though.He is supposed to let me know how it goes with her tonight.

 

Again......it shouldn't make a difference whether or not if he is married.

 

This relationship was built on you needing a "project". Why does a "weak" man appeal to you?

 

Of course Kevin was right. He was so right in fact....that he probably doesn't even want to even open up that can of worms again.....life is too short to spend all your time banging your head against some mad buggers wall.

[PinkSunset]

He's angry that you pushed him into action when he would have preferred to stay in his comfortable cocoon of your love and his wife's money.

 

You absolutely, 100% did the right thing, and if he tries to blame you for making him divorce you should smack him across the face, turn around, and walk away forever.

 

He doesn't sound like much of a prize to me honestly..cheats on his grieving wife..makes excuses for why he can't leave..gives you the silent treatment (my ex-fiance's favorite toy when we were fighting and also considered a form of abuse) when you finally do tell him you'll leave if he doesn't divorce..talks badly about a woman he chose to marry and procreate with..etc etc.

 

Your relationship up until now has been centered on the drama of the affair. That was not real life..this is. You're getting actual Jamie now, not fun times, sneaking around, woe is me my life is so hard Jamie. You're going to see him for who he really is. Be prepared. The odds of this mess actually working out are very slim.

 

Having an affair was very wrong. Vilifying his wife because he's doing it is also wrong. But you're on the right path now, as much as it hurts. You made some whopping mistakes but you ended up doing a good thing by forcing his hand. Don't let him convince you otherwise.

 

I am doing my best to keep holding my ground here. I know what's been going on isn't right and I know I can't keep blaming his wife for it all either.

 

I still have a lot of hope that we can be happy together after he leaves her. I still want a future with him. I just can't keep sacrificing everything in my life waiting for it anymore.

[PinkSunset]

Again......it shouldn't make a difference whether or not if he is married.

 

This relationship was built on you needing a "project". Why does a "weak" man appeal to you?

 

Of course Kevin was right. He was so right in fact....that he probably doesn't even want to even open up that can of worms again.....life is too short to spend all your time banging your head against some mad buggers wall.

 

Yes, I'll be surprised if Kevin ever answers my call or text ever again. I feel hated but I know he doesn't hate me, he loved me very much at one time. He stayed with me while he suspected I was hiding things and I can't imagine how frustrating and hurtful that must have been. I am guilty of being a ****ty person during that time

[loveisanaction]

So, just received a call from MM.

 

He went to the lawyer yesterday and they discussed a separation agreement, he said he doesn't want anything from her besides shared custody. The lawyer said there should be no reason for him not to get that, and if she starts throwing accusations she will need proof.

I asked if he drew up the separation agreement and he said no. That he wants to sit down and discuss it with his wife first without blindsiding her.

I asked how he can blindside her, if he has already told her he wanted out.

Apparently him wanting a divorce is something he says all the time when they argue but never goes through with it and never brings papers or anything. I guess this is the first time he will actually DO something.

 

He wants to see me tomorrow. Go figure. The first thing that came to mind was that tomorrow is THURSDAY! No wonder he is smoothing it over. He wants to see me and possibly get where we were going!

 

I hope ya'll are proud of me because I told him I won't see him until he has papers to show me!

 

Then it was "It's been almost two weeks, I miss you". Just like everyone said.

God, it's like clockwork. Is Jamie really the same as all of these other married men?!!!! I had almost started laughing at what he said because it was said on this forum so many times! LOL

 

I guess we will see if he comes to me with papers? I think this is the first time I have smiled in almost a week. I am trying not to get my hopes up though.He is supposed to let me know how it goes with her tonight.

 

 

How can you smile and be happy knowing his wife is about to get hit with one of the most gut wrenching news of her life?

 

She lost her child and now she's about to lose her husband.

 

Even if you and Jamie end up together, you broke up his marriage. I am sorry but there is nothing to be proud of about that.

 

Married people are and should always be off limits.

[PinkSunset]

How can you smile and be happy knowing his wife is about to get hit with one of the most gut wrenching news of her life?

 

She lost her child and now she's about to lose her husband.

 

Even if you and Jamie end up together, you broke up his marriage. I am sorry but there is nothing to be proud of about that.

 

Married people are and should always be off limits.

 

I'm sorry, am I supposed to be upset and sad about this?

 

I am happy he is finally dealing with it. I am happy we might actually be able to move forward without this huge elephant in the room.

 

I refuse to say I broke up his marriage. He could and still can stay in it.

[LadyIrish]

I am doing my best to keep holding my ground here. I know what's been going on isn't right and I know I can't keep blaming his wife for it all either.

 

I still have a lot of hope that we can be happy together after he leaves her. I still want a future with him. I just can't keep sacrificing everything in my life waiting for it anymore.

 

Your happiness lies in the fact that you have hijacked another woman's life and husband.

[SomethingToSay]

In addition to not seeing him until papers are served you also need to cut off and limit text and phine contact. Im not saying necessarily NC but you cant give yourself fully to him via contact. Especially if you TRULY want this to be him leaving on his owm accord and not you breaking up the marriage.

 

Make yourself scarce while all this supposedly goes on. If your guys love truly is so amazing it can certainly withstand that

 

So why did he still wait so long befire contacting you? Why didnt he contact you right after the appt?

 

Did he pay a retainer or sign an representation agreement? If not Id be careful of being too over excited for your future life with this avoidant cheating man.

 

At first I thought you meant you smiled bc you felt strong and didnt give in to gis request to see you. But I think its moreso bc you are happy bc you think he is divorcing?

[Grapesofwrath]

I'm sorry, am I supposed to be upset and sad about this?

 

I am happy he is finally dealing with it. I am happy we might actually be able to move forward without this huge elephant in the room.

 

I refuse to say I broke up his marriage. He could and still can stay in it.

 

Pink: I agree that you did not break up his marriage. He did that. However, I would like to give you a little real-life advise here:

 

Divorce is a long, complicated process. Even if he "comes to you with papers" that doesn't mean anything. He doesn't get a lawyer to draw up a marital separation agreement, hand it to her, and go on his way. It doesn't work that way. What he does is sign a legal separation advisement, which essentially means that he is suing her for divorce, and then she is served with those papers. She can then decide whether to sign that as well, or try to prolong things. Then she most likely gets a lawyer, and the lawyers negotiate a marital separation agreement. Legal separation simply draws a line for when financial and legal matters are considered to be "separate."

 

The marital separation agreement is something else altogether. It outlines custody, the division of assets, spousal support, etc. This usually takes a long time to complete, especially in situations when the divorce is not amicable or when there are a lot of assets to protect. You mentioned that her family has money, so you can bet dollars to donuts that they will lawyer up with a pitbull. This will not be fun, and this is where you can be sued for "alienation of affection" if that applies in your area.

 

I expect that, if Jamie is serious about pursuing divorce, this is going to be a long and rocky battle. Once it's over, if the two of you are still involved, you will find yourself in a relationship with a man who criticizes his partner to others, complains about her behind her back, demonstrates extreme disloyalty to her, and who has a proven track record of cheating and deception. Not to mention having lost at least half of his assets.

[loveisanaction]

I'm sorry, am I supposed to be upset and sad about this?

 

I am happy he is finally dealing with it. I am happy we might actually be able to move forward without this huge elephant in the room.

 

I refuse to say I broke up his marriage. He could and still can stay in it.

 

 

You can refuse to say it all you like hon, doesn't mean it's not the truth.

 

Of course you're not going to be upset, you're getting the guy right? Wife? What wife?

 

...and FYI, Married people have problems, married people go through difficult times, they have ups and downs, when they are mad they say nasty things to each other, and they take each other for granted sometimes. Married people fight but it doesn't always mean that it's the end of the marriage.

 

Married people who have stayed married for a long time have done so because they understand that 'For better or for worse' doesn't mean 'for better or i divorce and find someone else to start over with'.

[noelle303]

How can you smile and be happy knowing his wife is about to get hit with one of the most gut wrenching news of her life?

 

She lost her child and now she's about to lose her husband.

 

Even if you and Jamie end up together, you broke up his marriage. I am sorry but there is nothing to be proud of about that.

 

Married people are and should always be off limits.

 

I actually disagree with this. I don't believe that a third party can break an intimate relationship between two people. If he is filing for divorce (remains to be seen) then he surely did not only do that for the sake of getting into OP's pants.Divorce, especially with children involved, is a huge life-altering process for all involved and if he is going through with it then it means that he is serious about being unhappy in his marriage.

 

And in my opinion, people owe it to themselves, their spouses and especially their children to end a relationship that is no longer working.

 

OP, I would advise you to stay away until the dust settles. His life is going to be a mess for a while and he'll be extremely stressed out. You two haven't even begun an actual relationship yet and I feel that under these circumstances it is going to be extra difficult to do so. Be patient, let him sort his life out and have a fresh start after.

[SomethingToSay]

I asked if he drew up the separation agreement and he said no. That he wants to sit down and discuss it with his wife first without blindsiding her.

I asked how he can blindside her, if he has already told her he wanted out.

Apparently him wanting a divorce is something he says all the time when they argue but never goes through with it and never brings papers or anything. I guess this is the first time he will actually DO something.

 

 

Lets talk about this for a second too. Do you see how this is evidence of how MM never actually gave you an accurate picture of their marriage?

 

 

He told you Monday that he had over the weekend told her he wanted a divorce. He gave you the impression in saying that, that he had taken a big step by telling her he wanted out. That he was "doing what you asked". And that she got mad, threatened, blah blah blah. Now the truth comes out -- he says it all the time when the fight. (which makes sense given his avoidant and abusive natures we have seen)

 

 

Also, keep in mind the meeting with a lawyer is a much easier step then actually telling the wife he's serious and going through with it.

 

 

She will likely fight him on 50/50 custody; she may beg and plead to make the marriage work; you just don't know. But it is very unlikely she is going to say:

 

 

'Oh okay; just send me your new address and where/how you want the custody exchanges to take place. Bye!"

 

 

Like everyone says, you would do very well to busy yourself with things OTHER than occupying MM time and being his emotional crutch during all this, assuming it even occurs. And believe NOTHING out of his mouth unless it is accompanied by actual evidence, ie receipts, paperwork, cancelled checks, filed agreements, etc

[noelle303]

You can refuse to say it all you like hon, doesn't mean it's not the truth.

 

Of course you're not going to be upset, you're getting the guy right? Wife? What wife?

 

...and FYI, Married people have problems, married people go through difficult times, they have ups and downs, when they are mad they say nasty things to each other, and they take each other for granted sometimes. Married people fight but it doesn't always mean that it's the end of the marriage.

 

Married people who have stayed married for a long time have done so because they understand that 'For better or for worse' doesn't mean 'for better or i divorce and find someone else to start over with'.

 

And sometimes marriages break down irreparably and there is no point in forcing it.

 

We don't know these people and can't point fingers on who to blame. My point is - if someone doesn't want to be married to their spouse anymore, then that's a pretty good reason for a divorce.

[SomethingToSay]

Agree marriages break down on their own accord. however if a spouse is willing to just stick it out for 4 years being miserable/content....and then all of a sudden OW comes in the picture and he suddenly has the impetus/drive to divorce

 

 

then its BECAUSE of the OW.

 

 

OW doesn't cause the pre-existing marital problems in effect before MM and OW met. But she was the catalyst for the divorce.

 

 

had there been no OW, most MM will just continue to suffer/be content.

 

 

I mean, this particularly MM Jamie....it is very clear he had no intention or drive to leave his marriage until PinkSunset gave him an ultimatum.

 

 

So assuming he divorces, the actual act of taking that step was due to OW ultimatum.

 

 

She may not have caused the marriage to be a bad one (IF it is even bad); but she is the proximate cause for the divorce.

 

 

In that regard, yes she will have in effect broken up the marriage. (By being the proximate cause to MM filing for divorce.)

[loveisanaction]

And sometimes marriages break down irreparably and there is no point in forcing it.

 

We don't know these people and can't point fingers on who to blame. My point is - if someone doesn't want to be married to their spouse anymore, then that's a pretty good reason for a divorce.

 

The married man here doesn't even want a divorce. Read through this thread from the beginning and you will read what the OP has posted. When it comes to divorce this married man has been dragging his feet on it for years. His wife has been treating him badly yet he has stayed married to her. Any married person who is dragging his (or her) feet concerning getting a divorce means one simple truth.... that they don't want to one. It doesn't matter what their reasons for staying married are they are dragging their feet because they want to stay married....period. We might not agree with the reasons married people choose to stay married but we must respect it.

 

When it comes to married people and their problems, anybody who has a romantic interest in either the wife or the husband should not be listening to or giving advice because their motives are not genuine. Unless you are a family member or a neutral friend to a married person, you should not be encouraging them to get a divorce.

 

If the tables were turned and one of us was this man's wife isn't that what we would want? Whether our marriage is falling apart or not; that any person who does not have our marriage in their best interest should stay away?

 

This is why i will always say that married people should be off limits, leave them alone to deal with the problems in their marriages. There are millions of single and available people on this earth, why go for someone who is already taken?

[noelle303]

Agree marriages break down on their own accord. however if a spouse is willing to just stick it out for 4 years being miserable/content....and then all of a sudden OW comes in the picture and he suddenly has the impetus/drive to divorce

 

 

then its BECAUSE of the OW.

 

 

OW doesn't cause the pre-existing marital problems in effect before MM and OW met. But she was the catalyst for the divorce.

 

 

had there been no OW, most MM will just continue to suffer/be content.

 

 

I mean, this particularly MM Jamie....it is very clear he had no intention or drive to leave his marriage until PinkSunset gave him an ultimatum.

 

 

So assuming he divorces, the actual act of taking that step was due to OW ultimatum.

 

 

She may not have caused the marriage to be a bad one (IF it is even bad); but she is the proximate cause for the divorce.

 

 

In that regard, yes she will have in effect broken up the marriage. (By being the proximate cause to MM filing for divorce.)

 

 

Is the demise of a bad marriage in which both parties suffer a bad thing?

 

Plus, I believe that a marriage can be over without the actual step of a divorce, therefore, she may have been the motivation behind the divorce, but not the reason for the break up.

 

But as I said, I don't know what kind of a marriage MM and his wife had, and how much they suffered/been content. I'm just saying that I personally doubt he would be divorcing her if there was something in it worth saving for him.

 

For example, my xMM was at the time of our affair unhappy in his marriage, they were having classic problems caused by a domestic life, two small children, a rut etc. However, he never wanted to pull the plug on his marriage at the time and he never did.

[SomethingToSay]

And Jamie may not want to divorce either. He may just be in withdrawal from PinkSunset and not thinking clearly. Only time will tell.

 

 

Is the demise of a bad marriage in which both parties suffer a bad thing?

 

 

That's really not for anyone to say other than the people in the marriage and the children of the marriage. Its not ours or OP place to judge whether it was for the best for all involved.

 

 

So no...I don't think OW can pat herself on the back and say she did everyone a favor by putting them out of their misery, if that's whats implied here.

[noelle303]

And Jamie may not want to divorce either. He may just be in withdrawal from PinkSunset and not thinking clearly. Only time will tell.

 

 

 

 

 

That's really not for anyone to say other than the people in the marriage and the children of the marriage. Its not ours or OP place to judge whether it was for the best for all involved.

 

 

So no...I don't think OW can pat herself on the back and say she did everyone a favor by putting them out of their misery, if that's whats implied here.

 

It's not. Point is he had a choice and he is deciding to end his marriage. It's certainly not the easy way and if he is doing it then I can only assume that he is truly unhappy in his marriage. If he is unhappy and it's not working, a divorce will have put them out of their misery.

[LadyIrish]

It's not. Point is he had a choice and he is deciding to end his marriage. It's certainly not the easy way and if he is doing it then I can only assume that he is truly unhappy in his marriage. If he is unhappy and it's not working, a divorce will have put them out of their misery.

 

Is it possible that as another OW, you are simply projecting what you had hoped that your xMM would have done? The fact of the matter is, if you go to the infidelity section, BWs and BHs are criticized if they participate in the "humiliating dance of pick me" but that is essentially what this OW has done. She has told Jamie to pick her over Joe, whilst saying that she never wanted Jamie to leave because of her. That is essentially two-faced and quite frankly her lack of remorse for her role of disparaging Joe and casting her in a constant negative light to Jamie is downright callous.