Girlfriend hooked up with another girl. Am I supposed to be ok with it?

[smackie9]

I'm always amazed how some men try to downplay when a woman cheats with another woman just because there was no penetration. It's still betrayal. So if my boyfriend gave another man a bj but didn't have anal sex with him, it shouldn't count? I would be hanging him out of the window by his ankles regardless. Cheating is cheating.

Ewwwww just ewwww lol:sick:

[sandylee1]

I can't see her not being with a woman in that way again. The thing is that you can't be what you're not. So no matter how great a guy you are and how wonderful you treat her .... there's still the side of her that is attracted to women. It's inevitable that it will happen again ... whether you find out about it is the real issue.

 

She likes women and she always will. I think infidelity is in your future if you stay with her. Just accept that you can't be both man and woman.

 

I hear so many husbands with the same story. Their wife was bi or had a bi curious thing before they met. It seems to rear it's head again years into the marriage.... except they have kids by then and it's a big issue.

 

Do they accept it? Some do.. they feel less threatened than if it was a man.

[Chi townD]

Thanks for all of your responses. It's been a couple days, and we've been working through it. She's seemed genuinely apologetic, and she seems to understand the extent to which it hurt me. She has said she wants to stop drinking because she looses control of herself when she's drunk.

 

To the guy who said he wouldn't feel threatened. I don't so much feel threatened as much as I do betrayed. It just hurts to think of this woman, in whom I've invested so much of my life being sexual and intimate with another person, even if it doesn't mean anything emotional.

 

I'm still having a hard time letting it go. I have the kind of personality where I obsess over things and drive myself crazy, so I can't get the image out of my mind. I find it hard to have normal conversations with her while that "pit of my stomach" feeling is there. She's clearly guilty. She is always telling me how amazing I am, how lucky she is to have me, and she's said she'll never do it again. I believe her. I just don't know how easy it's going to be for me to get over it.

 

 

Dude, she says she'll never do it again. But, here's the rub. She's done it to you twice already!

 

I'm not too sure that you can trust her. Hate to be a downer for you...

[Methodical]

I agree that cheating is cheating. Without prior consent or an open agreement in place, getting busy with someone else, male or female, is deceptive. I've heard guys say they don't consider two females getting it on "real sex." News flash: it's very real, very passionate, and is very much a real threat unless an open agreement is in place with healthy boundaries.

 

You can give her the benefit of doubt and work this out if you are inclined to do so, but to think it's not a real thing bc it happened between two women is a fallacy and you are only kidding yourself to think otherwise.

 

Hubs and I are in an open relationship (kind of one-sided by his choice), and this past weekend he actually witnessed the interaction and was taken aback by the intensity involved. Doing so in no way has changed our arrangement, but he has a healthy respect for how "real" alternative lifestyles can be. Without getting too detailed, he's finding out firsthand that this expansion is mutually beneficial, moreso than he had originally realized .

 

Our relationship has strengthened in many way and continues to do so. But, there is no deception whatsoever involved bc he is very much in the loop .

[wilson1]

This is cheating.

 

A few questions:

1- Did you ever discuss the possibility of her having sex with a girl without you being present? Did she know it would be considered cheating?

2- Does she admit she CHEATED?

3- Did she promise she will NEVER DO IT AGAIN?

 

 

On a personal level, i wouldn't be opposed to my girl doing something with a girl if I AM PRESENT and she asks for my prior consent. But if she does it behind my back it is definetely cheating and i guess almost everyone would agree. If she doesnt admit to this being cheating and deeply regrets it and guarantees it will never happen again, i would dump her right away.

[usa1ah]

You said that she made out with another girl before.

 

Did you talk with her about it then to let her know that it was not ok or did you just let it slide?

 

 

Also, did she know you knew about the first time?

[sulkbliss]

You're a mug if you stay with this girl. She'll cheat on you again, possibly with a man and then you'll be even more hurt. You've been warned.

 

By staying with her you're effectively condoning her behaviour. She'll think "great, I got away with it!"...

 

^^^OP, I've dealt with exactly the same situation myself very recently. Bisexual girlfriend, alcohol, etc. I chose to stay and give it another go. She's an ex now. For the same reason, and the second time around was done blatantly and sober. Nobody deserves the experience. From what you've said she doesn't sound like she actually feels guilty. Cheating is cheating, and your girlfriend's actions show a lack of care for you and your relationship, alcohol is not an excuse. Don't give someone your time who does not adequately appreciate or respect you. You are capable of finding someone better.

Edited May 17, 2016 by sulkbliss