I don't know anymore...

[Boston12]

Hello,

 

I've never posted anywhere like this before, but I'm starting to feel like I have nowhere else to turn.

 

I won't go into too much detail but last May my boyfriend of over 3 years broke up with me. He was a great boyfriend to start with but I was always aware that he never discussed his emotions or really showed any emotions towards anything. We met at University, he was very successful within the sports teams and always working hard to be the best at everything he did. He was very quiet and polite which I found quite endearing. As I mentioned things were great at first, but as time went on It started to bother me that he didn't seem passionate about anything except work he was never excited, sad, angry, he never showed any emotions. Whenever I wanted to discuss anything with him, I was always initially very calm. I always wanted to resolve any issues we had. But whenever I wanted to talk he would be very manipulative and say I was starting another argument even though I had been calm and only ever wanting to make things better. I always thought It was better to discuss things in a relationship than bottling them up.

 

I have always been a very anxious person, especially when it comes to arguments. As a child my parents would always argue very badly in front of me and would often result in my dad walking out and my mum crying. I would always beg them to stop and more or less have a panic attack thinking it was my fault which inevitably made their arguments worse. I don't know if that has affected me at all but when it comes to arguments I get very distressed and panic that the person is going to leave me. As soon as my boyfriend would say it was my fault I would go into panic mode and would apologise knowing I had done nothing wrong except ask him to talk.

 

Since the break up I went NC and did not contact him once nor him me. We then bumped into each other at a friends engagement party. After that we spoke for four months and met up twice, It was nice and was like we had met all over again. My feelings began to come back and I stupidly ended up telling him I still loved him and wished he would give us another chance. He has totally changed now and is very cold towards me.

 

Even though I know it was an awful relationship, I blame myself and my insecurities (although these were mainly brought on by his lack of care resulting in me feeling totally worthless) for ruining the relationship and feel that If I wasn't like this then things may have been different. I feel so stupid for telling him I still loved him and basically begging him for another chance.

 

I just feel like right now I cannot cope with how this whole thing has made me feel and sometimes I just wish I could make it all stop. I'm finding everyday I wake up with no motivation at all to carry on. I don't know what to do because he is so bad for me but I feel like I cannot live without him and the idea of him with someone else hurts me so much. I've gotten to the point where I think I need help to get through this and I just don't know who to turn to. My friends have heard about my relationship 1000s of times and are frankly quite sick of it. I don't know how to get myself out of this mess now.

Edited May 5, 2016 by Boston12

[d0nnivain]

You get yourself through this now the same way you got yourself through it last year. Alas healing is not always linear. One step forward two steps back. You had another sort of break up after you talked following the engagement party & it dredged up all old feelings .

 

Bottom line you were not getting your needs met so you have every right to bail.

 

If you are still in school check out campus mental health.

 

If you are out of school, ask your doctor for a referral to a therapist. You want a social worker not a physician. Start with talk therapy then see how you feel. Don't start by thinking an anti-depressant pill will fix your heartbreak. You have a situational problem, not a chemical imbalance.

[BelleSkye]

Do you have any personal goals? Goals that you did not achieve while you were with him?

 

Like, getting braces to get better teeth, learning to play the guitar, losing weight, getting a driver's or pilots license, earn more money etc?

 

Use this time now to get you back on track. Make yourself interesting so that if he ever has to hear about you via your mutual friends - he can only have admiration and respect of you....and well, let's hope it will make him doubt his decision...that should be some sort of motivation to get going...don't stagnate and let him be grateful in his decision that you guys broke up.

 

You owe it to yourself after all the anxiety and insecurity you have been through.