Girlfriend starting drama for no reason

[Gordon247]

I won't give my life story here I'll just make this kind of short. My gf is very jealous of my ex and this is actually the first time in admitting those words. My ex and her don't even know each other. My relationships with both of them didn't like overlap. I didn't cheat on one with the other. One is simply my ex and the other is my gf. I'm just basically stating that they have no reason not to like eachother It's that simple. The ex works in a physical therapy office. She's really good with her patients. I called her like last week because my back has been killing me. Like excruciating pain and I was simply asking her about exercises. My gf was present during this phone call. I felt like I was doing nothing wrong at all. After she told me about exercises I only simply said "what's up?" Just asking how she was. My gf didn't seem to have a problem with it. A few days pass and my gf post a pic of us online from her birthday dinner and she put the caption as "That's my baby.....******* ;)" the stars are my ex girlfriends name. Idk WHY She did that. My ex doesn't have Facebook but since I was tagged in the pic of course someone told her about it and she asked me why would her name even be in my gfs mouth. I defended my girlfriend and told her that she wasn't referring to her. She said she wasn't going to talk to me again because I start drama. Days have passed and I haven't heard from her at all. She was supposed to set me up at her physical therapy office but obviously she really isn't talking to me. I feel bad because my ex's name is very unique and what I mean by unique is different meaning there's no way my gf WASNT referring to her in that caption but I felt I had to defend my gf because she's my gf. I feel bad because my ex REALLY didn't do anything and I mean if someone posted about me online for no reason I'd ask about it too. I feel so bad because she always is there for me when I need her she's truly a great friend but I never expected my girlfriend to be so bothered by her. She doesn't pay my girlfriend any attention and it's embarrassing to have my girlfriend so worried about her. It's also embarrassing that my girlfriend spelled her name correctly because the spelling of her name is very different meanings there's no way my girlfriend didn't cyber stalker her hahahaha. I want to make it right because I mean she's been a really good friend and she didn't do anything wrong. I was rude to her by telling her that my girlfriend could care less about her and I said to her why would she be worried about you. I feel like I owe her an apology honestly but I know my girlfriend will get upset. It sucks that I feel I can't be her friend anymore because she was always really cool and sweet.

[Space Ritual]

If you want to stay with your current GF just leave it alone and go find another physical therapist

Exes are exes for a reason. You of course knew full well that contacting your ex about your physical problems had potential affect that it now does.

 

Your GF did that because she is marking her territory. In her mind the reason you had any contact with your ex was just that, to have contact with your ex.

 

And your ex is now not wanting any contact with you for obvious reasons. And you will just make the situation worse with any further contact.

 

In the future, take a second think about potential fallout of your actions, even if they seem innocuous to you, they won't seem that way to your girlfriend.

 

Good Luck.

[Gordon247]

If you want to stay with your current GF just leave it alone and go find another physical therapist

Exes are exes for a reason. You of course knew full well that contacting your ex about your physical problems had potential affect that it now does.

 

Your GF did that because she is marking her territory. In her mind the reason you had any contact with your ex was just that, to have contact with your ex.

 

And your ex is now not wanting any contact with you for obvious reasons. And you will just make the situation worse with any further contact.

 

In the future, take a second think about potential fallout of your actions, even if they seem innocuous to you, they won't seem that way to your girlfriend.

 

Good Luck.

 

Yes but it was childish that she did that. That's the reason I feel bad because she really didn't do anything and she got a jab thrown at her

[mikeylo]

You are wrong. Find a new therapist. Its likely that your gf told you , if not directly , but by hint, that she doesnt want you to have contact with your ex but you didnt take it. So she chose this path.

 

Keep exes away.You are enjoying 2 relationships at the same time.

[plmted]

I'd talk to your gf, reassure her, let her know that your contact with the ex was purely because of your health problem. See where she's at with that, and if she's not comfortable with you being in contact with the ex from now on (though it sounds like 'contact' isn't entirely in your control right now since your ex seems to be out of touch), then I'd find another physio person.

 

Without knowing more, maybe your gf overreacted a bit (i.e. making a public post instead of talking to you first), but I think most people would feel some kind of concern or potential jealousy in that situation.

Edited May 5, 2016 by plmted

[dannyglow]

I called her like last week because my back has been killing me.

 

thats as far as I read and thats far enough. She's your ex, and this girl is your girlfriend. You should not be contacting her at all. Period. She should be your past. To your girlfriend, any contact with your ex means in one way or another 'you are not over her' or 'you are keeping someone around you were never friends with to keep your options open' Get a new therapist. If you cant find another one, I highly doubt you are trying and that says something. And that will also say something to your girlfriend.

[smackie9]

Just my opinion but what your GF did was immature and pathetic. If I had a BF posted that it would just make feel sick he would do something like that. Your ex didn't do anything to deserve that. If you had any B&^%$ you would confront your GF and tell her she was out of line to post something like that. If she had a problem with you calling her, all she had to do was speak up about it instead of attacking your ex. And you my dear, if want any advice for something, you can find it on line. You didn't need to contact your ex.

[MrBossMan]

Obviously cut ALL contact with the ex. You're wrong, period.

[Blanco]

I'm surprised so many people are overlooking the girlfriend's behavior. Is she in high school? OP probably should've looked elsewhere for help with his injury, but holy crap, I'm with smackie; I'd be humiliated if my girlfriend was calling out an ex of mine, and in such a childish way. "That's my baby" in that context sounds like something a little kid says about a toy he or she doesn't want to share.

 

Just leave your ex alone. Your current girl sounds like she's got a hairpin trigger when it comes to perceived threats to her property (i.e. YOU), so just leave your ex out of the messes that will inevitably follow during this relationship.

[ExpatInItaly]

You're in the wrong here, OP. You have poor boundaries with your ex and there's no reason why you'd need to keep her as a physical therapist. I'm sure there are others in your area.

 

Your girlfriend had an admittedly immature reaction, but ultimately, this one's on you. Time to let go of your ex for good.

[Gordon247]

Just my opinion but what your GF did was immature and pathetic. If I had a BF posted that it would just make feel sick he would do something like that. Your ex didn't do anything to deserve that. If you had any B&^%$ you would confront your GF and tell her she was out of line to post something like that. If she had a problem with you calling her, all she had to do was speak up about it instead of attacking your ex. And you my dear, if want any advice for something, you can find it on line. You didn't need to contact your ex.

 

It did make me view her as immature. I felt like she is jealous and I don't like that

[Gordon247]

Here's what you guys are missing. I didn't just randomly call my ex. She's actually my friend. I talk to her often. She's just a really cool person to talk to. She's down to earth. You guys are making it seem like I just called her for this. I talk to her a lot. Well........used to since she won't talk to me anymore. Either way I feel like that post didn't do anything but start drama. And make me feel like she's insecure. I don't see anyone who's secure in their relationship even addressing someone that doesn't care about you. I DID tell her it was no feelings there. She said "I don't like her" that's all she ever says. She's probably not going to stop attacking her whether I contact her or not. She said it doesn't sit well for her that two people who had so much drama and have been through so much together are comfortable talking to eachother in a friendly way. Basically she feels that with all of the drama my ex and I had when we were together, the fact that we still talk now must mean that we care about eachother.... I don't see it that way personally. People get over things right??

[contel3]

I disagree with most people here. Like Blanco said, I'd feel humiliated if my boyfriend acted this way in public.

 

Keeping in touch with an ex IS is source of trouble, but it doesn't justify acting like a grade schooler.

 

I'd be less concerned about your ex (this "friendship" wasn't going to last anyway) and more concerned about the piece of work you have as a girlfriend.

[Gordon247]

I'm surprised so many people are overlooking the girlfriend's behavior. Is she in high school? OP probably should've looked elsewhere for help with his injury, but holy crap, I'm with smackie; I'd be humiliated if my girlfriend was calling out an ex of mine, and in such a childish way. "That's my baby" in that context sounds like something a little kid says about a toy he or she doesn't want to share.

 

Just leave your ex alone. Your current girl sounds like she's got a hairpin trigger when it comes to perceived threats to her property (i.e. YOU), so just leave your ex out of the messes that will inevitably follow during this relationship.

 

EXACTLY, I was embarrassed by what she did. All I could do is lie and say she wasn't talking about her because it was flat out embarrassing

[Gordon247]

I disagree with most people here. Like Blanco said, I'd feel humiliated if my boyfriend acted this way in public.

 

Keeping in touch with an ex IS is source of trouble, but it doesn't justify acting like a grade schooler.

 

I'd be less concerned about your ex (this "friendship" wasn't going to last anyway) and more concerned about the piece of work you have as a girlfriend.

 

The thing that pissed me off is that she tagged me in it and my friends and family seen it and asked basically why are we bothering my ex.

[contel3]

Well....being friends with an ex is a stupid idea. Especially when you fought a lot during the relationship. You have to accept your part of responsibility for this.

 

This doesn't change the fact that your girlfriend obviously doesn't know how to behave in public. You can either talk to her (stating she should have talked to you instead of posting humiliating things on facebook and that you are not friends with your ex anymore) or you can dump her for being jealous and immature.

 

I am completely for cutting off contact with exes, but I wouldn't tolerate behaviour like that.

 

Ps: One more thing. You seem more upset about losing your exes friendship than your falling out with your girlfriend. Why is that?

[Gordon247]

Well....being friends with an ex is a stupid idea. Especially when you fought a lot during the relationship. You have to accept your part of responsibility for this.

 

This doesn't change the fact that your girlfriend obviously doesn't know how to behave in public. You can either talk to her (stating she should have talked to you instead of posting humiliating things on facebook and that you are not friends with your ex anymore) or you can dump her for being jealous and immature.

 

I am completely for cutting off contact with exes, but I wouldn't tolerate behaviour like that.

 

Ps: One more thing. You seem more upset about losing your exes friendship than your falling out with your girlfriend. Why is that?

 

 

It's not that I'm more upset, it's just now I look like a complete jerk because of something she posted. Everyone views it like we "ganged up" on her or like I allowed her to do this.... Not the case.... It's more humiliating than anything. Because now people probably view it as my gf is jealous of my old girlfriend. It just was unacceptable. And like someone stated above my ex really didn't do anything. Maybe I shouldn't have called with her around idk but I wish it could be viewed as just a friend. Not even an ex. Like a human being that's a girl that's my friend

[elaine567]

If you do not like jealous gfs then stop doing things to make them jealous.

Social media has allowed everyone to voice discontent easily and widely, your gfs reaction was childish but her feelings are valid.

Few can deal calmly with exes, some try but I guess inside they are in turmoi. Sexual jealousy is a pretty normal reaction.

Contacting your ex was threatening to her and her place in your affections.

YOU may know it was harmless, SHE doesn't know that.

 

I am sure if she was calling her stockbroker ex to ask about her investments or her doctor ex to ask about her headaches you would not be best pleased either.

Why couldn't she just consult other professionals, why does it need to be her ex?

[achtungbaby]

Hi Gordon,

 

 

Did your GF know you were friends with your ex when you started your relationship? If so, then she knew what she was getting into. If not, then I can see where she may be upset. Still-what your GF did was stupid, immature, and uncalled for. She should have addressed her feelings with YOU. As for your ex for not wanting to talk to you, it's because she probably wants to spare herself and you and your GF any more drama. You may not be able to repair that friendship. (Doesn't social media suck sometimes?)

 

 

I don't necessarily agree that you can't be friends with an ex. Every situation is different; every person is different.

 

 

Hope you can resolve this happily. Good luck!

[d0nnivain]

Your GF didn't start the drama. You did by calling the EX.

 

 

You might not have thought you were doing anything wrong but you clearly pissed off your GF so she passively aggressively fought back. Yes, her method wasn't very mature but it got the point across, now didn't it?

 

 

There are tons of physical therapists in the world. You could have paid a stranger to get the same advice. You chose to reach out to an EX.

 

 

Apologize to your GF. Ask her to take the post down. Change your settings so that you have to approve any post you are tagged in before the tag attaches. Problem solved.

[Blanco]

It would be a major red flag if my girlfriend felt that the best way to handle a private situation was to broadcast it publicly on social media.

 

I'm not saying her feelings are invalid. They are. This is, at best, a boundary issue. But rational people would discuss this with their partner behind closed doors. This isn't something for all the world to see. That's just trashy and immature.

[Blanco]

Also, a lot of us would be telling OP to run for the hills or be on high alert if he were a woman and it was a boyfriend that had done this, because the behavior in question hints at some possessive and controlling tendencies.

[smackie9]

I don't care if it was about an ex or not....your GF is vindictive...BIG RED FLAG. I would just dump her TBH.

 

And you OP, think before you act. Calling your ex in front of a GF is disrespectful, unless you had properly explained why you were calling her, and not asked how she was doing.

[Rainah]

If my boyfriend called his ex in front of me I would be miffed! I never did agree with exs talking to exs, as soon as I've got into relationships I've cut off exs even if we were on 'good terms' and they have done the same to me in the past. You can't just be friends with an ex, all my exs have had feelings for me still which is why I have had to cut them off when I got into a relationship with someone else. I think it was disrespectful of you to talk to your ex even if it was for professional advice (which seems like an excuse especially when you can find a lot of answers on google these days)

 

 

Your ex behaving this way wasn't right either because it has now caused unwanted drama, have you even talked to her about this? Because I don't see in your post anywhere about communication with one another?

[Blanco]

Your ex behaving this way wasn't right either because it has now caused unwanted drama, have you even talked to her about this? Because I don't see in your post anywhere about communication with one another?

 

I agree. That way, at least one of them is communicating about relationship conflicts in a sensible manner.