Author Porter56 Posted May 30, 2016 Author Posted May 30, 2016 I brought up the topic of my interview and then me going out for drinks with him. So I brought him up. But I saw her being flirty with him...she's definitely into him. Based on this... I don't know how I feel about her now. You are right...that was messed up of her to say that stuff.
katiegrl Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 I brought up the topic of my interview and then me going out for drinks with him. So I brought him up. But I saw her being flirty with him...she's definitely into him. Based on this... I don't know how I feel about her now. You are right...that was messed up of her to say that stuff. Yeah, kinda blows the wind outta your sails, doesn't it. I'm sorry.
Author Porter56 Posted May 30, 2016 Author Posted May 30, 2016 Yeah it does. Maybe I should just be moving on. I don't know... I mean she was being very playful and jokey about it but the look in her eyes when she was around him was unmistakable...even to someone as dense as myself. It just sucks to be into someone and they are attracted to someone else. I feel like I have the problems of a 16 year old lol.
katiegrl Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 (edited) Yeah it does. Maybe I should just be moving on. I don't know... I mean she was being very playful and jokey about it but the look in her eyes when she was around him was unmistakable...even to someone as dense as myself. It just sucks to be into someone and they are attracted to someone else. I feel like I have the problems of a 16 year old lol. I would Porter, just me though. My late mom always told me "never accept being someone's sloppy second." A bit harsh but true. You deserve to be a woman's #1! Never accept less than you deserve! And let's face it, you feel like crap now.. A new relationship should make us feel great, you should be on a sort of high with her! Not feeling like crap. Ugh, who needs that?! Follow your gut Porter, and you are NOT dense! So stop that nonsense okay? In fact, you sound very perceptive and intuitive.... more than most! Which will serve you well going forward... Again, sorry. Edit:. Choose wisely from the get go, and avoid problems, disappointment and hurt later. Edited May 30, 2016 by katiegrl
sc0316 Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 I brought up the topic of my interview and then me going out for drinks with him. So I brought him up. But I saw her being flirty with him...she's definitely into him. Based on this... I don't know how I feel about her now. You are right...that was messed up of her to say that stuff. Could it be that she just wanted to come clean, since she knew you hang out with that guy outside of work? 2
Versacehottie Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 As usual... I know you're right. BUT.... I was thinking something. When they were around each other a few weeks ago...like I said...they were very very "familar" with each other. Going back in my head and thinking about it now that I know more of the backstory. It looked like there was something still there between them. Ugh... It's like I took a class on how to have an unattractive personality or something lol Wait how do you go from what is happened over a year ago with green eyes to that--those are not correlated items!!! This is what I meant about shoring yourself up. Secondly I would be really cautious about listening to what people on the internet say as mind readers to your situation (sorry katie not buying your theory on this one). If you look at post after post, a lot of posters jump to negative conclusions. All I can say to that, is how is that really going to help you when you already struggle to keep your confidence up. Including posters, who boost you up like me. No one can mind read or fortunate tell your situation better than yourself/green eyes PLUS the "end" has not been decided yet, contrary to what insecure, unconfident people think. It's still gonna play out BASED ON how you handle it currently. I understood that you asked her about thor. First mistake--that already was a need for reassurance, an unconfident move. Now you are doubting everything and changing the course of had you not known this information. Your insecurity is running the show AND now you are playing into it. You can find negative opinions to back up your poor self image or you can proceed like the happy, confident guy who asked her out a week ago., which path do you want to take in LIFE? This pattern will repeat itself with other people, situations--so which path do you want to take? Here's the bottom line about your current situation: you can stop dating her or dump her for some imaginary situation that's mostly in your head and you are letting become much bigger than it needs to be. (He's an attractive guy. I bet 9 out of 10 women would be responding to him like that the other day.) OR you can do what your ideal self would like to do and make a good relationship with her. I mean which of your "selves" do you want driving the course of your life? This is silly. Honestly. It's like you are going to throw in the towel because of a dumb old reason. Relationships overlap. People have histories. She doesn't like him now. Even if she did, he is not interested or in a relationship with her. PM me if you want. You gotta move past this and stop letting "little", non-existant things mess with you. If it means that you get off the site so that you don't swing from one end of spectrum to the other, that might be best. All you need to do is some neutral research of reoccurring themes on this site and you will see a pattern of non-helpful sh*t. I would say it doesn't effect the course of what will happen in real life, unless you start to buy into the negativity. ok, good luck 2
katiegrl Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 (edited) Versacehottie, you say he shouldn't follow advice he receives on the interenet ..does that include your advice? Or just advice that you don't agree with? Or advice you deem negative? From everything he has posted, it suggests to me she still has a thing for this guy.. Porter's own gut is screaming the same thing! What she said was completely insensitive... and not something a woman says to a new man she is interested in and dating. It is a huge red flag! Are you suggesting he ignore that red flag? Why? How would you feel if a man you just started dating said this to you? After you witnessed them together and he appeared quite enthralled with her? I think he deserves better, don't you? There will be other women. Women who don't cause him to feel like crap and all this internal emotional drama..... This is my opinion which is every bit as relevant and valid as yours. Edited May 30, 2016 by katiegrl
Versacehottie Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 Could it be that she just wanted to come clean, since she knew you hang out with that guy outside of work? Exactly. Solid advice :-)
Author Porter56 Posted May 30, 2016 Author Posted May 30, 2016 Looks like I started something LOL I'm sorry Versace. I imagine smoke was coming out of your ears as you typed that last post LOL. You Respond to my posts like once a week, imagine what it's like for a woman to deal with me on a daily basis LOL. And call me stupid but I don't know how to PM people. Katie, my internal struggle is 100% my own fault. It always has been it's not the responsibility of anybody else. It's stuff that I have to work through. Anyway, she texted me not too long ago. She basically asked what I was up to. I told her that I was just relaxing for a couple days since I don't have anything to do and I've had such a hectic month that a couple days of being lazy sounded really good. We Went out on Friday night but then on Saturday she went back home to spend the weekend with the family for the holiday. She said she decided to come home early and was wondering if she could see me. I said absolutely. And she said should be over in a little bit. So she's on her way over right now. And I thought I'd kill some time waiting for her by posting this. Lol 1
katiegrl Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 Looks like I started something LOL I'm sorry Versace. I imagine smoke was coming out of your ears as you typed that last post LOL. You Respond to my posts like once a week, imagine what it's like for a woman to deal with me on a daily basis LOL. And call me stupid but I don't know how to PM people. Katie, my internal struggle is 100% my own fault. It always has been it's not the responsibility of anybody else. It's stuff that I have to work through. Anyway, she texted me not too long ago. She basically asked what I was up to. I told her that I was just relaxing for a couple days since I don't have anything to do and I've had such a hectic month that a couple days of being lazy sounded really good. We Went out on Friday night but then on Saturday she went back home to spend the weekend with the family for the holiday. She said she decided to come home early and was wondering if she could see me. I said absolutely. And she said should be over in a little bit. So she's on her way over right now. And I thought I'd kill some time waiting for her by posting this. Lol Sounds good! Do not mention Mr. Perfect. If she mentions him, politely change the subject and tell her you are not interested in talking about him... don't be snotty about it, not that you would, just be assertive. He needs to stay out of your conversations IMO. Focus on each other. Keep it fun sexy and light. Have fun! Lots of laughs, attempt to escalate the physical... I am pulling for ya! Keep us posted!
sc0316 Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 Looks like I started something LOL I'm sorry Versace. I imagine smoke was coming out of your ears as you typed that last post LOL. You Respond to my posts like once a week, imagine what it's like for a woman to deal with me on a daily basis LOL. And call me stupid but I don't know how to PM people. Katie, my internal struggle is 100% my own fault. It always has been it's not the responsibility of anybody else. It's stuff that I have to work through. Anyway, she texted me not too long ago. She basically asked what I was up to. I told her that I was just relaxing for a couple days since I don't have anything to do and I've had such a hectic month that a couple days of being lazy sounded really good. We Went out on Friday night but then on Saturday she went back home to spend the weekend with the family for the holiday. She said she decided to come home early and was wondering if she could see me. I said absolutely. And she said should be over in a little bit. So she's on her way over right now. And I thought I'd kill some time waiting for her by posting this. Lol Sounds like things are progressing. Perhaps you should talk with your neighbor/friend often to get more positive energy
MargoJones Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 Hey, not all women are gold digging superficial jerks, just like all men aren't deuchebags. Sure, if you go for a certain "type" of woman, drop dead gorgeous, dressed to the nines and full of silicon and botox maybe you're going to get a woman who is looking for superficial things in men. Try to date women with good personalities instead of beauty pageant winners. Not saying you have to go to the dog pound to find a date, but you might have a special attraction to women who look and dress a certain way and will elevate YOUR status in turn. Maybe it pisses you off that you aren't being pursued by Donald Trump's ex girlfriends and that makes you feel like you haven't "arrived" in the way you would like to think you have. I look for men who are emotionally and financially stable, not necessarily rich, but willing and able to take me out according to his means, even if it's just as damn taco shop, hehehe. I usually have a policy to not date men who are above average looking because the good looking men tend to not have to try very hard to find women and it shows in their lacking personalities. I recently broke my rule and got involved with a great looking guy and, I just just broke up with him yesterday because all of his good attributes turned out to be in his face and body. I don't want to discriminate, so I won't rule out great looking people altogether, but with men AND women, the better they look, the more self centered they tend to be, and the less evolved they are spiritually and intellectually. If you have any altruistic interests that you are genuinely passionate about, you're going to attract women while you're serving because you're showing the best side of yourself and you're giving. Don't give to EXPECT attracting at hot woman, but, chances are, if you are volunteering and giving in an authentic way with no expectations of something in return, you will be a woman magnet. You sound like a terrific catch, I hope you find a quality woman who makes you happy.
Tribble Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 I'm hoping you've moved past the Thor issue but thought I'd chime in with something I think is relevant. All 3 of you work together right? Things get round. Whether they are the truth or a rumour. Now you brought up Thor and asked what was going on there. Was she meant to lie? If she'd said nothing had happened and you found out through the work grapevine, I think that is more of a red flag. She didn't exactly volunteer the information, you asked. And kept asking questions by the sound of things. Sure, she could have refused to answer, but then you'd be wondering or she could have answered differently, but she was put on the spot. I work with my most recent ex. And I've had a couple of flings here too (naughty, naughty I know). But my ex meant something to me. Ours is the only relationship that was out in the open. And I confirmed rumours about one guy and told him about another. I figured it was best coming from me rather than someone else. I also have a tendency to sometimes overshare. Not to hurt someone or make them feel insecure, I just talk. Particularly when I'm nervous. Then I leave and think why did I say that?! But surely we're allowed to make mistakes. It doesn't sound like sloppy seconds. She didn't jump from one to another (as far as I can gather). By that logic, she shouldn't have any past at all. I'm not saying she doesn't have a thing for him still but I'm chummy with some of my past people. Particularly if it was a casual, fun thing where no-one got hurt. I'm not saying don't trust your gut. I am saying don't jump to the immediate worst case scenario. Don't find an excuse why it can't work just because it's going well. I do that. It's scary but one day, the risk will be worth it. With this girl, or another. 4
Versacehottie Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 Looks like I started something LOL I'm sorry Versace. I imagine smoke was coming out of your ears as you typed that last post LOL. You Respond to my posts like once a week, imagine what it's like for a woman to deal with me on a daily basis LOL. And call me stupid but I don't know how to PM people. Katie, my internal struggle is 100% my own fault. It always has been it's not the responsibility of anybody else. It's stuff that I have to work through. Anyway, she texted me not too long ago. She basically asked what I was up to. I told her that I was just relaxing for a couple days since I don't have anything to do and I've had such a hectic month that a couple days of being lazy sounded really good. We Went out on Friday night but then on Saturday she went back home to spend the weekend with the family for the holiday. She said she decided to come home early and was wondering if she could see me. I said absolutely. And she said should be over in a little bit. So she's on her way over right now. And I thought I'd kill some time waiting for her by posting this. Lol Lol, you didn't start anything with me. I just ignore. I could have told you that was coming a few days ago--like I said if you are on here enough you know the personalities and the place where the advice comes from, being burned themselves, quick to go negative/hysterical and ego issues. Lol, notice the flip flop? For you, yeah it's disheartening to hear you swing wildly to the other side of things--in the face of good stuff happening, such as only 3 dates in and she is contacting you to see you. Just want to pump you up and have you see things like they are, not tear you down or plant ideas. Like I have said a few times, you need to shore up though---no one, including yourself, should be able to take you to a negative place about yourself so quickly. You just need to look at the evidence in front of you about her interest in you. You can choose to live your life from an insecure, fearful place or the opposite. Your best choice for a life you WANT is to live it from the positive, secure and not fearful place. It will improve your actual results and won't change the outcome for the worse whereas living from the insecure place WILL change or influence the outcome badly. Does this make sense? This is the most important part. Lol, and yeah you need to figure out how to PM me--it's pretty easy and you have 3 degrees right? 1
MidwestUSA Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 Versace, he's not a full fledged member yet. No PMs. That's why he can't figure it out. Soon enough. 2
katiegrl Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 (edited) Lol, you didn't start anything with me. I just ignore. I could have told you that was coming a few days ago--like I said if you are on here enough you know the personalities and the place where the advice comes from, being burned themselves, quick to go negative/hysterical and ego issues. Lol, notice the flip flop? That^^ was uncalled for V, but choosing to let it slide .... don't have the energy to respond, not worth it. However, I will say this. Speaking personally the reason "I" flip flopped (which I prefer to call being flexible in my thinking (as opposed to rigid like some people)) was because he said HE mentioned Mr. Perfect NOT her. I specifically asked him that, as it does (and DID) make a difference in my opinion. That and her returning home from weekend early as she wanted to see him.... which says A LOT. That's all. Peace out... Edited June 1, 2016 by katiegrl
Author Porter56 Posted June 1, 2016 Author Posted June 1, 2016 So she came over and talked for a little bit and I noticed she was acting kinda weird. I just told her that something was strange about her and asked what was wrong. She seemed hesitant but then just let it all come out. "I have just been worried because I told you that I went out with Thor(she used his real name) and I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me or anything or...what you think this is..." I interrupted her and said: "Well I assumed you were using me for sex". She burst out laughing and sarcastically said she was glad we were on the same page. Lol I told her that I do not have any bad impressions of her at all...quite the opposite actually. I have loved spending time with her and getting to know her better and I think more highly of her now then I used to and I should have asked her out sooner. I kissed her and told her we should just relax together and watch some movies tonight. And that's what we did. We ordered some pizza and had a movie night. And we did some other stuff too... 4
sc0316 Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 So she came over and talked for a little bit and I noticed she was acting kinda weird. I just told her that something was strange about her and asked what was wrong. She seemed hesitant but then just let it all come out. "I have just been worried because I told you that I went out with Thor(she used his real name) and I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me or anything or...what you think this is..." I interrupted her and said: "Well I assumed you were using me for sex". She burst out laughing and sarcastically said she was glad we were on the same page. Lol I told her that I do not have any bad impressions of her at all...quite the opposite actually. I have loved spending time with her and getting to know her better and I think more highly of her now then I used to and I should have asked her out sooner. I kissed her and told her we should just relax together and watch some movies tonight. And that's what we did. We ordered some pizza and had a movie night. And we did some other stuff too... I'm sure reading how your story evolves is even more enjoyable than watching a romantic movie. So happy for you!!! 1
MidwestUSA Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 Well played, sir, well played. That response would have put me at ease and had me laughing my ass off. Keep it up!
katiegrl Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 (edited) So she came over and talked for a little bit and I noticed she was acting kinda weird. I just told her that something was strange about her and asked what was wrong. She seemed hesitant but then just let it all come out. "I have just been worried because I told you that I went out with Thor(she used his real name) and I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me or anything or...what you think this is..." I interrupted her and said: "Well I assumed you were using me for sex". She burst out laughing and sarcastically said she was glad we were on the same page. Lol I told her that I do not have any bad impressions of her at all...quite the opposite actually. I have loved spending time with her and getting to know her better and I think more highly of her now then I used to and I should have asked her out sooner. I kissed her and told her we should just relax together and watch some movies tonight. And that's what we did. We ordered some pizza and had a movie night. And we did some other stuff too... Sounds like she is falling for you BIG TIME! It appears any feelings (if any) she had for "Thor" are dissipating very quickly -- good job!!! :love: Edited June 1, 2016 by katiegrl
Author Porter56 Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) So she came to one of my baseball games last night. She's been wanting to see me play. She thinks I'm cute when I'm dressed up to play lol What does cute mean exactly? Not a big deal or anything, I have just always wondered when women say "cute" what they mean. I get called cute a lot but never hot/handsome/good looking etc. I guess I hate being called cute...makes me feel like a puppy or a baby lol Anyway...we're going to a baseball game tomorrow night. It's getting to the point where we at least talk to each other every night...and see each other every other night. Which is awesome!! The more I'm around her the more I like her But.... Surprise surprise.... I have an issue lol Katie, you mentioned escalating physically? Well so far so good in that area. We have kissed/made out ALOT. I mean seriously, you'd think we were teenagers lol. Other than that...nothing. I mean we've had 3 going on 4 dates in 3 weeks. But we've known each other for well over a year now. It's getting to the point(I think) were it's time to go further. Maybe I'm wrong... I am a guy after all and honestly I wanted to sleep with her a year ago lol. But I REALLY like her and she's already said she's worried that I might think of her as being easy or something so I don't want to try anything and upset her...and I want it to be...special. I like her and don't want to rush it. I really REALLY want her but our progressing relationship is way more important than just getting laid. I'm confused is all...big surprise. Also... I haven't tried to take a girl to bed in over half a decade lol. I don't think it's like riding a bike... I don't really remember how I used to do it. I mean a lot of my experience was in college and things were different then. And, as much as I hate to say it...the girls I slept with back then didn't mean anything to me. Green Eyes does. I don't want to treat her like some cheap girl I picked up in a sleazy bar. I'm just worried that trying to make a move is going to [give her the wrong impression]. Edited June 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language
Versacehottie Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) So she came to one of my baseball games last night. She's been wanting to see me play. She thinks I'm cute when I'm dressed up to play lol What does cute mean exactly? Not a big deal or anything, I have just always wondered when women say "cute" what they mean. I get called cute a lot but never hot/handsome/good looking etc. I guess I hate being called cute...makes me feel like a puppy or a baby lol Anyway...we're going to a baseball game tomorrow night. It's getting to the point where we at least talk to each other every night...and see each other every other night. Which is awesome!! The more I'm around her the more I like her But.... Surprise surprise.... I have an issue lol Katie, you mentioned escalating physically? Well so far so good in that area. We have kissed/made out ALOT. I mean seriously, you'd think we were teenagers lol. Other than that...nothing. I mean we've had 3 going on 4 dates in 3 weeks. But we've known each other for well over a year now. It's getting to the point(I think) were it's time to go further. Maybe I'm wrong... I am a guy after all and honestly I wanted to sleep with her a year ago lol. But I REALLY like her and she's already said she's worried that I might think of her as being easy or something so I don't want to try anything and upset her...and I want it to be...special. I like her and don't want to rush it. I really REALLY want her but our progressing relationship is way more important than just getting laid. I'm confused is all...big surprise. Also... I haven't tried to take a girl to bed in over half a decade lol. I don't think it's like riding a bike... I don't really remember how I used to do it. I mean a lot of my experience was in college and things were different then. And, as much as I hate to say it...the girls I slept with back then didn't mean anything to me. Green Eyes does. I don't want to treat her like some cheap girl I picked up in a sleazy bar. I'm just worried that trying to make a move is going to [give her the wrong impression] So glad everything is going so well for you!!! Ok, how fast to escalate things physically. She really sounds into you--so if she is like all of my girl friends, she probably will like things to escalate as well. I think the only reason the majority of us get a bad feeling about about escalating physicality is when contact drops off shortly thereafter or wasn't consistent enough to begin with and then doesn't increase afterward. It's not the physicality itself--it's how it relates to the other parts, like communication and progression, that makes a girl feel like they were being used or not respected. Happy for you, Porter! Edited June 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
katiegrl Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) So she came to one of my baseball games last night. She's been wanting to see me play. She thinks I'm cute when I'm dressed up to play lol What does cute mean exactly? Not a big deal or anything, I have just always wondered when women say "cute" what they mean. I get called cute a lot but never hot/handsome/good looking etc. I guess I hate being called cute...makes me feel like a puppy or a baby lol Anyway...we're going to a baseball game tomorrow night. It's getting to the point where we at least talk to each other every night...and see each other every other night. Which is awesome!! The more I'm around her the more I like her But.... Surprise surprise.... I have an issue lol Katie, you mentioned escalating physically? Well so far so good in that area. We have kissed/made out ALOT. I mean seriously, you'd think we were teenagers lol. Other than that...nothing. I mean we've had 3 going on 4 dates in 3 weeks. But we've known each other for well over a year now. It's getting to the point(I think) were it's time to go further. Maybe I'm wrong... I am a guy after all and honestly I wanted to sleep with her a year ago lol. But I REALLY like her and she's already said she's worried that I might think of her as being easy or something so I don't want to try anything and upset her...and I want it to be...special. I like her and don't want to rush it. I really REALLY want her but our progressing relationship is way more important than just getting laid. I'm confused is all...big surprise. Also... I haven't tried to take a girl to bed in over half a decade lol. I don't think it's like riding a bike... I don't really remember how I used to do it. I mean a lot of my experience was in college and things were different then. And, as much as I hate to say it...the girls I slept with back then didn't mean anything to me. Green Eyes does. I don't want to treat her like some cheap girl I picked up in a sleazy bar. I'm just worried that trying to make a move is going to [give her the wrong impression]. Hey Porter, how about on your next date (well, the date after the baseball game date)... invite her for dinner at your place. Naturally you will start making out ... and well then you can gingerly attempt to step it up a bit, don't push, don't be aggressive about it..... but try going a bit further (unbutton her blouse?) and gauge her reaction. If she seems at all uncomfortable with it then stop.... If she doesn't, then go for it.... and just continue doing what you're doing.... gingerly.... don't be aggressive, and continue to gauge her reaction along the way. Good luck and continue to keep us posted!! Edited June 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Author Porter56 Posted June 3, 2016 Author Posted June 3, 2016 Well, she really seemed to like the way I looked in my baseball uniform tonight I mean everytime I looked...she was checking me out. And she was very....touchy-feely tonight. More so than usual. She kept grabbing my shirt with both hands while she was talking to me and biting her bottom lip...someone please explain why that is such a turn on??? The biting the bottom lip thing...when women do this it drives me crazy lol Anyway, very good night. Everything she did and said tonight made my heart race For instance: "I had fun. I love watching you play. I want to come to more of these. I'll bring pom poms next time lol...And, you work out quite a bit don't you?.... I'll have to come watch that too" she laughed, looked at me slyly and....of course, bit her bottom lip! I don't even remember what I said but I know I stuttered a little bit... because, I'm one smooth operator lol. 1
sc0316 Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 Any updates? Yours has been an inspiring story, so we're anxious to learn how it unfolds.
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