Women are too picky

May 6, 2016

Well I have certainly rubbed some people the wrong way lol

OK...my friend's fiancé is admittedly superficial. She has said so. At least she's honest lol. While proofreading my post I realized how bad I made her sound. She's not THAT bad all the time but I did ask her to be brutally honest with me and she was. Having said that... I DO NOT want a girl like her. I do not want arm candy. I was only giving an example of where I was getting some of the ideas in my head about women. An extreme example for sure so maybe I overshot it lol.

I am not shallow and while I do want to be physically attracted to a woman it is not everything. Besides I am normally attracted to most women in my age group. Like 7 or 8 out of every 10 women I see, I find relatively attractive physically. It's not looks that make someone appealing anyway.

It's a feeling. For example...I have never found celebrities attractive. I have never thought/fantasized about female celebrities. They never did it for me. Personally I always thought about women I knew in real life because a person becomes sexier the more you know about them on a personal level.

May 6, 2016

To continue my previous post I will give an example of a woman I am currently attracted to.

I have posted earlier about a woman I work with that I refer to on here as "Green Eyes". She works at my company and I have gotten to know her over the last year. Every one of my friends who has met her has called her plain looking or nothing special but I think she's beautiful myself but her looks aren't what is special...

She has experienced so much in her life. She's travelled and is multilingual and is an absolutely fascinating person to talk to. Shes so much more interesting than myself. She is good at her job and intelligent.

She is caring and sweet: she has gone out of her way to help me at work. We don't work in the same department but she once helped me with a project without being asked. She came into work with a report she made for me to help me finish what I was working on. She had emailed herself this report and printed it off for me... I noticed the time of the email and it was late at night when she did this. She really didn't need to do this for me but she did anyway...I mean I didn't even ask her for anything. I had only mentioned in passing that I was stressed about my project.

She's dorky lol.....Now I personally can have a somewhat R-rated sense of humor. I censor myself really well because I know a lot of people don't appreciate that sort of humor. But this girl...she tells the WORST jokes lol. Really dorky jokes that hardly no one really laughs at but she tells them anyway and cracks herself up even though she's the only one laughing. It's absolutely adorable. And let me say that the word adorable was not in my vocabulary until I met her.

And finally the cheesy part... She just makes me feel good when I see her. It's stupid I know but...when I see her walk in in the morning and I see her smile and laugh as she says her good mornings to everyone.... I feel like someone knocked the wind out of me.

Now this is all creepy I know because it's one sided. I don't say this stuff to anyone especially her. We talk a lot at work and share a laugh but she doesn't feel anything more than casual work related feelings for me but my point is...these feelings are what I am after. Not arm candy or a trophy wife who's a status symbol.

May 6, 2016

Oh yeah and one more thing...

She loves sports. Like really likes sports not just to seem cool like some girls do. I can have real conversations about teams and players with her. I have never encountered that before.

May 6, 2016

With just a brief skim, I can say I like adorable, dorky green eyes a lot better than your friend's stunning fiancée.

I hope your friend realizes he's gonna have to continually maintain/improve status. She'll trade up the first time he slacks a little.

Be careful who you listen to.

May 6, 2016

Well....this is what happens when you celebrate cinco de mayo and post something online after having some beers. Lol

I'm new so I can't figure out how to delete those posts.

May 6, 2016

Women are too picky

Thank God and I wish the one I had married had been pickier, you know, like marrying someone she really loved.

May 6, 2016

Spend some time on here and read women's threads. A lot of women date losers, abusers, and all types of jacka-asses. So no, what you hear doesn't hold in reality.

Women want a connection and when that connection happens she won't care about what University you've graduated and how much you have in the bank.

May 6, 2016

We talk a lot at work

Apparently you don't fumble and stumble in these talks?

Ask her out if she's single. You've already got an 'in' in that you know her and work provides a safe environment to talk, so the cold approach issues should be moot. (Referring to your other thread about approach anxiety.)

May 6, 2016

Ok so the title of this thread was meant to attract attention to it because I'd like serious input here....

I'm not saying a person shouldn't be picky because spending your life with someone is too big a deal to just go with anyone who comes along. What I think is that women might not be willing to accept a man for who he is as much as what they want him to be.

All I hear is how when you meet a woman she has a mental checklist and she has tests she's going to put you through and as a man trying to meet women I'm told what to wear, how to do my hair, how to smell, how to stand, how to talk, how to walk but.... I should just be myself. What???

I feel like I'm going to sing in front of Simon Cowell rather than just trying to meet a new person...maybe make a new friend and possibly date if we have a connection.

Another HUGE thing I hear about is this thing called status. Men should have status. Which is the polite term for money. Everyone knows that, but it sounds too shallow to say it so we cover up our true intentions with pleasant/politically correct language.

My impression of all this is that with all this talk I hear about checklists,tests, and status makes me feel like women don't want you for who you are...they want you because of what you can do for them.

This is fine. A person should go after what they want no matter what that is...to each his own. But it doesn't work for me is the thing.

Just being myself: I have 3 degrees, good job, financially independent and stable but not wealthy, I am healthy and fit, like the outdoors and learning new skills blah blah blah...is middle of the road/average and doesn't exactly reek of "STATUS". So I'm never going to pass a checklist or test.

I would like women's thoughts on this...why do you seem so displeased with the average man?

I had a woman do that with me the other night. I think it was a result of a 10 year marriage of a controlling husband had considerable lashback and made her go the other extreme in turning herself into controlling.

I went out with a woman the other night, and I think she was sizing me up as husband material as opposed to someone she can fall for romantically.

I was starting to think, "Is she looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Fixit?" as she was asking me if I was good at fixing things around the house on a date.

Apparently, she's growing weary of the upkeep on her home in addition to her job. Shes 45, with an adult daughter that's married.

It seems that she's getting burnt out on her current job and I'm thinking she's angling at becoming more of a stay-at-home housewife. Or just seeking someone to relieve the burden of her chores at home as opposed to a loving partner.

She kept asking me questions that seemed more like I was being interviewed, "How are you financially? Does your job have benefits? Do you rent or own?" questions like that.

She was also a neat freak to the point where she doesn't allow ANYONE in her house with their shoes on, she demands they take them off before entering. Germa-phobe. lol

Some of these women use euphemisms like the OP "Status" or "financially stable" I mentioned I was a 1099 worker, and she says to me, "You know, 1099 workers can't get mortgages, right?" and I said, "Good thing I don't have to worry about that then."

So I had a good response. lol

I felt like I was being judged than actually being liked. Surprisingly, she wanted to see me again, regardless of the obvious differences she witnessed on our date and I didn't ASK to see her again...she did. lol

She wants a marriage of convenience, told me she doesn't care about looks as looks fade...so I guess that's the trade-off. There was something unloving about her agenda.

Edited May 6, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

May 6, 2016

Apparently you don't fumble and stumble in these talks?

Ask her out if she's single. You've already got an 'in' in that you know her and work provides a safe environment to talk, so the cold approach issues should be moot. (Referring to your other thread about approach anxiety.)

I was thinking the same thing--when are you going to ask green eyes out?

Listen, I'm pretty nice and helpful. It would be rare (um maybe never?) that I would stay up late on my own to do a report for some guy at work that wasn't already half-way in the door. Sounds like you have a real shot with her.

Don't even have to define it as a date; just ask her if she wants to hang out outside of work. Don't define. Just say the restaurant or place "she might want to check out with you". Then go, and at first it will be mostly work talk and then you throw in some stuff about the rest of your lives and you start connecting more about that stuff (sounds like you already have to an extent) and each time you go talk less about work and more about rest of life. I can already think of two things that you can tell her as reasons to go out: to catch NBA playoffs OR to thank her for the help she gave you on the report (which you should have done anyway!! opportunities my friend, opportunities!!!). That's something the PUA's probably don't say. It's way simpler than they make it--you've both shown interest, you have to talk the "small" steps that will lead you to what you want. Don't think so linear or literal--long term game over short term. It's right in front of you.

May 6, 2016

OK...my friend's fiancé is admittedly superficial. She has said so. At least she's honest lol.

This was also said and why many are in favor of Donald Trump. :laugh:

May 6, 2016

Ask her out if she's single. You've already got an 'in' in that you know her and work provides a safe environment to talk, so the cold approach issues should be moot. (Referring to your other thread about approach anxiety.)

That's a good point.

Problem is that I'd be far more nervous about dating a woman in the workplace than I would be approaching a perfect stranger.

Would you rather risk your job, just to get out of approaching a stranger? Seems most men would.

You need to consider things like disruptions to your work space, sexual harassment law, and other possible fallout.

Most of us that have dealt with a scorned lover at work simply wouldn't countenance doing that again.

Had a guy here recently with a thread about dating a woman from work. OP should have a read:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/579591-can-girls-really-cold-hearted

May 6, 2016

She was also a neat freak to the point where she doesn't allow ANYONE in her house with their shoes on, she demands they take them off before entering. Germa-phobe. lol

Was she asian by any chance? I've dated a few asians and none of them wore shoes inside - it's a cultural thing - I got so used to it that I never do now myself, and if someone does it seems really odd - like, say, wearing shoes in bed!

And I am anything but a neat freak or germa-phobe - the opposite.

But as to the rest, yeah she sounds pretty cold and calculating.

May 6, 2016

Was she asian by any chance? I've dated a few asians and none of them wore shoes inside - it's a cultural thing - I got so used to it that I never do now myself, and if someone does it seems really odd - like, say, wearing shoes in bed!
And I am anything but a neat freak or germa-phobe - the opposite.

But as to the rest, yeah she sounds pretty cold and calculating.

She was Russian, she said apparently even Russians believe this *shrug*.

May 6, 2016

Women SHOULD be picky. There is a lot on the line when looking for a mate. WE need security because we want the best for our children. IMO finding a man that is able to support , and raise your children in a safe, happy and secure environment is instinctive. A man's first priority (come on guys lets admit it) is sex. That's why most of you all complain we are not giving it up more eagerly and call it us being picky.

May 6, 2016

Women SHOULD be picky. There is a lot on the line when looking for a mate. WE need security because we want the best for our children. IMO finding a man that is able to support , and raise your children in a safe, happy and secure environment is instinctive. A man's first priority (come on guys lets admit it) is sex. That's why most of you all complain we are not giving it up more eagerly and call it us being picky.

That's true.

In recent decades, however, assortative mating according to socio-economic class has re-emerged. Male doctors are no longer marrying female nurses according to the old stereotype to the extent they used to. Doctors are marrying other doctors and professionals. Yes, women are as hypergamous as ever. But men are taking social class into account as well when they are looking for a wife. I think this is the result of women entering colleges and working life en masse. In middle class, a standard of living afforded only by both parents working full time has become the norm.

May 6, 2016

Women SHOULD be picky. There is a lot on the line when looking for a mate. WE need security because we want the best for our children. IMO finding a man that is able to support , and raise your children in a safe, happy and secure environment is instinctive. A man's first priority (come on guys lets admit it) is sex. That's why most of you all complain we are not giving it up more eagerly and call it us being picky.

What if their children are already grown, married and out of the house? An empty nester. Depends on the circumstance.

That's why most of you all complain we are not giving it up more eagerly and call it us being picky.

Not in my case, I am not that superficial. I'm patient when it comes to that.

Edited May 6, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

May 6, 2016

She just makes me feel good when I see her. It's stupid I know but...when I see her walk in in the morning and I see her smile and laugh as she says her good mornings to everyone.... I feel like someone knocked the wind out of me.

So you asked her out already then?

I am going to echo Midwest. Be careful who you listen to. Being "all that" often isn't "all that". Looks fade fast.

It isn't status that women look for its charisma.

May 6, 2016

Women SHOULD be picky. There is a lot on the line when looking for a mate. WE need security because we want the best for our children. IMO finding a man that is able to support , and raise your children in a safe, happy and secure environment is instinctive. A man's first priority (come on guys lets admit it) is sex. That's why most of you all complain we are not giving it up more eagerly and call it us being picky.

My God you sexist! XD I agree with it though.

I think there is a problem in the narcissism of today's society. So many girls believe they can get one of the top 20% guys while they themselves are not nearly as attractive. It's good fun for the top 20% guys because they get laid a lot but it's kind of sad for the bottom 20% guys because they can't get a partner. I think it's true that many women have a hyper inflated view of their own value (I think that OLD does not help here, giving the illusion of many attractive options).

I got these 20% numbers from this: women on OKCupid rate 80% of men less than average. I'm sure they are not generalizable to real lifeand that the numbers are less harsh in real life it definitely shows that there is something fundamentally wrong in the image women have of men, at the very least women in OLD.

May 6, 2016

We are attracted to what we are attracted to. The thing with OLD, people depend on a photo and some written words. It's very limited compared to actually socially interacting with others irl. That's why the results are limited. We are social creatures, we depend on physical interaction, body language, scents, pheromones....when you take that out of the equation, you have very little to go on. That's why it makes it look like everyone is being superficial.

May 6, 2016

I don't know about asking her out...

I mentioned in an earlier post that we did bump into each other at a bar one weekend and it felt awkward.

We don't actually work in the same department but in the company as a whole she is higher up than me which feels kinda weird because women tend to date up the social ladder not down. And we have never been flirtatious with one another. I dont want to make things weird between us because she's really awesome and I like her and if I ask her out, things will be weird at work everyday and I don't want that.

Having said that.... I have thought a lot about seeing her outside work because I want to know more about her but it's a complicated situation.

May 6, 2016

And no, I don't have any issues talking to her at all. We have a nice rapport with one another. It started professional b/c we work together and now we talk about our personal lives most the time. It all feels easy with her.

May 6, 2016

We are attracted to what we are attracted to. The thing with OLD, people depend on a photo and some written words. It's very limited compared to actually socially interacting with others irl. That's why the results are limited. We are social creatures, we depend on physical interaction, body language, scents, pheromones....when you take that out of the equation, you have very little to go on. That's why it makes it look like everyone is being superficial.

If people on online dating sites have this awareness that, "Well, though he may be slightly shorter than what I want...I'll take a chance at some physical interaction and meet him." You'd think they'd be more willing to meet the person, granted they were relatively decent in their opening email.

May 6, 2016

Okay so... I went and talked to "Green Eyes" and was talking to her about plans for the weekend and I brought up the time we saw each other. And I tried to be casual and said "You know it can be strange seeing someone outside of work for the first time unexpectedly. I guess I was kinda weird about it", she looked at me and smiled and her exact reply was..."Right? It is strange when that happens but come on you're not weird. It was really cute". So i said that it wouldn't be that weird the next time we saw each other outside of work and she grinned at me and looked away and said nothing....there was an awkward silence that felt like hours lol. So i just told her to have a good rest of the day and went back to my desk.

I am the least productive person today lol

Oh well it's Friday who cares...

May 6, 2016

If people on online dating sites have this awareness that, "Well, though he may be slightly shorter than what I want...I'll take a chance at some physical interaction and meet him." You'd think they'd be more willing to meet the person, granted they were relatively decent in their opening email.

Hahaha precisely this. Whenever a girl asks me how tall I am on Tinder I respond with "how much do you weigh?". I'm tall enough that I don't have to be afraid of being turned down for my height (190 cm) but the question gets asked so much that it seriously annoys me these days. I'm not going around either asking girls for their BMI.

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