Women are too picky

[Jacques on stage]

I think I'm going to kill myself

[sc0316]

OP:

How did the dinner go?

[Versacehottie]

OP:

How did the dinner go?

 

Yeah! how was it?

[Shining One]

Well, not quite true. Partially though. I am self-admitted into looks and guys who are funny who I initially did not think were good looking have grown on me to the point of where all you can see is what a total package they are.

Perhaps you can elaborate on how these men have the opportunity to grow on you. Do they ask you out, face rejection, hang around for a while to show you what a total package they are, and then you change your mind?

[Versacehottie]

Perhaps you can elaborate on how these men have the opportunity to grow on you. Do they ask you out, face rejection, hang around for a while to show you what a total package they are, and then you change your mind?

 

Hmmm, either they flirted heavily or asked me out, were softly rejected, but due to being either in my life via work or social circle were able to still bounce back from that and didn't act dejected or insecure. They were able to just be themselves which is confident and STILL flirt some and turn the tide with humor and confidence. So yes hung around. I don't think showing me what a total package they were was a top priority but basically they didn't let my rejection deter them from being their best, being funny and didn't take it as 100% rejection which is cocky confident (a bit). A few others were friends, and I didn't think of them like that, but due to being exposed to their humor and good personality our bond grew much more and I would say the flirting became mutual. I don't even know if it was serious flirting at first but more because we "got" each other; and then it became serious flirting, where all of sudden I noticed--hey his eyes are gorgeous, he's really good looking, he's fun, etc and etc. and then it became the real thing.

 

Maybe I appreciate that in others because I like to be funny myself. I think I've always appreciated the guys who "get" my funny side much more than those who just think I'm pretty. it's like they get it!

 

Not all types of humor is funny to me though. And neither is guys who are trying too hard to be funny. One of my best guy friends from high school is funny sometimes but most of the time he tries too hard and the majority of his jokes I don't find that funny at all. Only the comedy that is produced by his deadpan and no one laughing. He's a great guy so I still love him but nope never been attracted to him (though he has been to me). He is very good looking too and it wouldn't have helped the cause. I think there has to be on same page of humor--not differing ones. After all, most comedy is how a person views life.

 

Let's see I like about 50% of the comedy I have seen (professional, shows/movies/tv). Maybe a bit more. I think the point is that I don't know if girls that say they want "funny" want a comedian for their bf, not a show or someone who is ON. But I think part of it may mean that they want the banter, back and forth, little stuff that makes day to day fun and commentary of events/people/things that happen or are seen. It's a way to see life through the other person's eyes and can be lighthearted. Then the serious moments actually mean much more (IMO). I find that the very serious, overly romantic guys on that vibe 100% of the time is not for me. Feels a little heavy, false, emotional from the guy. It just doesn't feel like something that can be sustained for a lifetime (or real) IMO. But some girls prefer that.

[Versacehottie]

Here's some real data. Number one personality trait wanted is humor. I've seen several such studies AND it's what all my friends say too.

 

The Top 20 Traits Women Want in a Man

 

If you get the right guy it's like you always feel you have an inside joke with him:-)

[Porter56]

There was no date. She cancelled.

[Shining One]

Hmmm, either they flirted heavily or asked me out, were softly rejected, but due to being either in my life via work or social circle were able to still bounce back from that and didn't act dejected or insecure. They were able to just be themselves which is confident and STILL flirt some and turn the tide with humor and confidence. So yes hung around. I don't think showing me what a total package they were was a top priority but basically they didn't let my rejection deter them from being their best, being funny and didn't take it as 100% rejection which is cocky confident (a bit). A few others were friends, and I didn't think of them like that, but due to being exposed to their humor and good personality our bond grew much more and I would say the flirting became mutual. I don't even know if it was serious flirting at first but more because we "got" each other; and then it became serious flirting, where all of sudden I noticed--hey his eyes are gorgeous, he's really good looking, he's fun, etc and etc. and then it became the real thing.

Thanks for elaborating. The opportunity to grow on you (and other women) is very situational and most men won't have that chance after a rejection. Thus, most men will need something else to get their foot in the door. A man can have the perfect sense of humor (for you), ask you out, be rejected for his physical appearance, and never be seen again. In that scenario, funny means nothing.

 

Speaking for myself, I generally don't linger within the social circle of women who have rejected me. It has nothing to do with lack of confidence or insecurity. Word gets around within those circles. Very few women will want to date a man who has been rejected by one of her friends.

[RecentChange]

I think that humour can get you far. My guy's smarts, presence and humour caught my attention first (many funny people are quite bright!). He can fill a room with laughter and is fun to be around - some women find that attractive.

[LookAtThisPOst]

It has nothing to do with lack of confidence or insecurity. Word gets around within those circles. Very few women will want to date a man who has been rejected by one of her friends.

 

What's sad is, this is how people got together in the old days....now, the aforementioned situation is why people prefer online dating because you'll never have to see them again if you don't like them.

[Versacehottie]

There was no date. She cancelled.

 

oh shoot! well what did she say and did she offer to reschedule? And most importantly, please say you are not acting dejected or rejected around her. Maintain your confidence--most important thing.

[Els]

Have you never had a social circle at all? Most people have seen "average" men and "average" women fall in love with each other every day (and aren't 'average' to each other in the least). If you have a whole bunch of superficial requirements for a woman (e.g. your friend's 'stunning beauty'), don't be surprised that those women have equally superficial requirements for men.

[Porter56]

Haven't seen her...

 

She left early yesterday and texted me: "I can't go 2nite. It's not a good idea. SO SORRY..."

 

She wasn't at work today and I never responded to her text.

[Versacehottie]

What's sad is, this is how people got together in the old days....now, the aforementioned situation is why people prefer online dating because you'll never have to see them again if you don't like them.

 

I agree that online dating is part of the problem (or maybe that's not what you are saying-I'm not sure). I'm not a big believer in it. going back to some of the initial posts on this thread that subscribes to a checklist mentality and it's hard to get away from it when a person is holding you up to a mental checklist and you've got one or done to get it right--not to mention that their fears, biases and general sh*t gets in the way. People probably don't give each other the fair chance that is necessary and the format is forced. Not conducive. If being able to hide from them afterward is the one bonus that comes out of it, but not too many good relationships and majorly dinged self confidence (as evidenced by at least 20 or so threads in last week alone) where people want to throw in the towel, it's still not a good trade off, IMO. But it works for some people.

 

As far as not sticking around in social group that you are a part of already, if someone is not into you, that's a little reactive and self-sabatogue. I can see taking a step back a little bit to regain your composure but dumping your friends bc one of the group wasn't interested seems silly. Plus typically the guy wasn't going to go after all the other friends if not liked by the first girl, that would be lame. Idk, I have a huge group of friends and it's never been an issue. More good things have come out of the group than bad. Considerably. I actually can't think of many bad things at all. Plus big key is to keep the flirting on the down low, so everyone else is not waiting or pushing for the outcome! Or the opposite put it right out there where it's just a low level but constant hum. Yep both of those have worked.

[Versacehottie]

Haven't seen her...

 

She left early yesterday and texted me: "I can't go 2nite. It's not a good idea. SO SORRY..."

 

She wasn't at work today and I never responded to her text.

 

Oh. Well without more explanation on her part. It sounds like she is having some hesitation bc of working together or maybe she has some bf situation. I think you should have responded. I still think you can/should.

 

Just tell her that you were swamped at work yesterday but that you did get her text. You know her better but I would either gloss over the "not a good idea" and say sorry she couldn't make it and some other time then. OR playfully ask why it's not a good idea (hard thing is by text lots can get misconstrued). Or playfully and if you want to quickly resurrected the work friend vibe, just say what's not a good idea about it? It's just a baseball game or something to that effect. OR you could presume your closeness/and that it was the day itself that was a problem and say, sounds intriguing, you'll have to let me know what's going on when you get a chance.

 

Maybe some of the others have some ideas too. But promise me you won't get too down. Don't start thinking that it's "you". The rest doesn't make sense what she did up until the point that she cancelled. And so maybe she was nervous like I said. Trust me, I know you think you are the only one with insecurity issues or whatever but almost everyone goes through some version of them. Don't try to figure out what's going on with her. Set it up so that she has an open platform with you to tell you. That's important. But I think you need to answer. IF for no reason other than you have nothing to be ashamed of, and it will help resurrect your self-esteem.

Edited May 12, 2016 by Versacehottie

[Porter56]

Dejected?...Rejected?

 

Since we've never met and you've never seen me I can only imagine what your mental picture of me is like. Lol. Do you envision me as Charlie Brown? lol Moping around "Aw schucks...poor me"

 

Lol Nah.... I hit on her secretary in front of her.

 

P.S. I didn't do that.... My sarcastic personality doesn't come across on an online forum obviously.

[Shining One]

As far as not sticking around in social group that you are a part of already, if someone is not into you, that's a little reactive and self-sabatogue. I can see taking a step back a little bit to regain your composure but dumping your friends bc one of the group wasn't interested seems silly. Plus typically the guy wasn't going to go after all the other friends if not liked by the first girl, that would be lame. Idk, I have a huge group of friends and it's never been an issue. More good things have come out of the group than bad. Considerably. I actually can't think of many bad things at all. Plus big key is to keep the flirting on the down low, so everyone else is not waiting or pushing for the outcome! Or the opposite put it right out there where it's just a low level but constant hum. Yep both of those have worked.

To clarify, I don't leave my own social groups. I simply don't linger within her social groups after rejection. In the rare cases in which groups overlap, I still maintain the friendships I had before the rejection.

 

It seems so inefficient to stick around on the off chance you would grow on a woman. I'd rather allocate that time approaching other women who see potential in me from the start.

[Buddhist]

Haven't seen her...

 

She left early yesterday and texted me: "I can't go 2nite. It's not a good idea. SO SORRY..."

 

She wasn't at work today and I never responded to her text.

 

Could be any number of things including you avoiding her all day which she may have taken personally. Who knows? At least you got a nibble, keep fishing and move on.

[Porter56]

Well to be honest I feel great.

 

I found out today that I'm interviewing for a big promotion on Friday. So I'm more focused on that right now

[Porter56]

Also it was kinda relieving to be off the hook. I was so worried that to be honest with you when she texted that I was happy I didn't have to go through with it all. Lol

 

After I got home I did start to feel sad but I got an email that told me that I was being considered for a promotion and I had an interview that I started prepping for that night.

 

And if I'm being honest...getting rejected by the woman I had been putting on a pedestal for over a year was the best thing that could happen to me...it's like...not that big of a deal.

 

Getting the cold shoulder from some girls at a bar or at the park or wherever doesn't seem as bad anymore. If that makes any sense at all.

[Porter56]

And Versace...you're awesome. Thanks for your advice you've been really sweet.

 

Having said that(mischievous grin)... I have to give you a bit of a hard time because...it's just my nature. Lol

 

That article you posted about 20 traits women like... I want you to reread it and pay attention to the first line of the article. The line that says...CONVINCING EVIDENCE points to one thing getting a women's attention: money.

[Porter56]

Ok. I texted her. I was honest. Just said exactly what I thought.

 

"Don't apologize. I just want to get to know you away from the work environment. I am sorry if I overstepped my bounds but you're awesome and I wanted to have a few drinks and watch a game with you. You're still a big deal".

 

The "big deal" part is an inside joke between us.

 

She responded with 3 blushy face emojis and "awwww...thank you so much"

[trippi1432]

And Versace...you're awesome. Thanks for your advice you've been really sweet.

 

Having said that(mischievous grin)... I have to give you a bit of a hard time because...it's just my nature. Lol

 

That article you posted about 20 traits women like... I want you to reread it and pay attention to the first line of the article. The line that says...CONVINCING EVIDENCE points to one thing getting a women's attention: money.

 

Ok. I texted her. I was honest. Just said exactly what I thought.

 

"Don't apologize. I just want to get to know you away from the work environment. I am sorry if I overstepped my bounds but you're awesome and I wanted to have a few drinks and watch a game with you. You're still a big deal".

 

The "big deal" part is an inside joke between us.

 

She responded with 3 blushy face emojis and "awwww...thank you so much"

 

The bolded above is where you are wrong........or looking for the wrong woman, I make my own, so men who make big $$$ don't really impress me.

 

Your last post, after reading your thread, is a good one. Honestly, you seem to have a really good personality. Me, personally, I don't do work relationships...she may have been hesitant due to that. It does get weird at the office when that happens and why I am against them personally myself.....learned a valuable lesson in that over 20 years ago. The breakup is just horrendous...as well as the rumors. Some people don't like the drama, no matter what their heart feels.

 

Not trying to be off-putting on this as I read the thread and it's really sweet....why not try to talk to her about this and get on the same page. Maybe she feels (understand this "feels") that it would be over-stepping a work/relationship boundary??

[Versacehottie]

Dejected?...Rejected?

 

Since we've never met and you've never seen me I can only imagine what your mental picture of me is like. Lol. Do you envision me as Charlie Brown? lol Moping around "Aw schucks...poor me"

 

Lol Nah.... I hit on her secretary in front of her.

 

P.S. I didn't do that.... My sarcastic personality doesn't come across on an online forum obviously.

 

if only you knew the full extent of my exposure to sarcasm I thought i caught a beat or two.

 

Good, glad you are doing fine. Did you text her back?

[Versacehottie]

To clarify, I don't leave my own social groups. I simply don't linger within her social groups after rejection. In the rare cases in which groups overlap, I still maintain the friendships I had before the rejection.

 

It seems so inefficient to stick around on the off chance you would grow on a woman. I'd rather allocate that time approaching other women who see potential in me from the start.

 

Can't argue with that strategy. I agree. BTW, none of the guys I'm talking about hung around trying to be lucky losers either. Those were their groups as much as mine