Women are too picky

[Porter56]

But in all seriousness. What if she is going out with him?

 

It's over then. That's the only way to look at it.

[katiegrl]

But in all seriousness. What if she is going out with him?

 

It's over then. That's the only way to look at it.

 

Yeah that's safe.

 

Stick with that..... and no more panic attacks! :)

[Porter56]

Versace,

I have a good shot at this promotion. I know what I'm doing. Work is easy for me. I'm a good interviewer and I'm more than qualified for this position.

 

I asked a girl for her number at the gym tonight btw...it felt good to ask. It went terribly lol but it felt good.

[Tribble]

First time chiming in here too!

 

 

I don't have a whole lot of advise to give I'm afraid but I do empathise with you. When you are insecure and have confidence issues, no matter what anyone says, you still struggle. I have real issues with this and no matter how many times people say you're great and hot and a catch (or whatever), you never quite believe it. Because that's external validation from people who love you. What you need is internal validation from yourself. And that's tough.

 

 

With regards to whether you should date or be in a relationship, I'd say it depends. Before I go on a date (it's rare!), I never want to go. I want to bail and, if they do cancel, I'm always relieved. I want to stay where it's safe. But in the cases when I do go, I usually have a good time. Same with when I first got with my ex. Being in a relationship was terrifying! I wanted to dump him and run away. Thank goodness I didn't though. I pushed through and realised those thoughts were irrational. Staying safe will not lead to a fulfilling relationship. That doesn't mean I wasn't good for a relationship. I think I made an alright gf. I'm just not perfect and have things I need to work through. Everyone does.

 

 

However, if you truly aren't ready to date then you do need to reassess before you start dating. With the connection, you mention you didn't have a connection with previous girls you dated, hoping it would develop. This not a smart way to go about things. Connections don't develop. I don't even start a friendship if there isn't a connection, what's the point?! It's not like you had a connection, started dating and lost it (from what I understand). You're already ahead with Green Eyes. The connection is there first! If I'm wrong, then I don't think you are ready to date though.

 

 

But in all seriousness. What if she is going out with him?

 

It's over then. That's the only way to look at it.

 

 

Yep. If she's going out with him, it's over. So what? There are other girls out there. I get it, I truly do. I rarely get that spark with someone and when I do, I can get a bit attached. Just like you. But you will survive if she's with someone else. I've survived much worse. True, heart wrenching heartbreak at work. It sucks. You'll want to give up. But there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[Versacehottie]

But in all seriousness. What if she is going out with him?

 

It's over then. That's the only way to look at it.

 

You need to spend your mental energy looking for reasons of why it will work and how you are going to do it RATHER than spend precious mental energy on all the reasons it won't work or isn't going to happen.

 

You don't need to stick your head in the sand but I think it's obvious that you have a lot of anxiety and fear over dating and with her. At least 1/2 of what is happening in your head is fueled by that, which is irrational and doesn't help a thing. Put your energy where it will serve you. Come back to rational thoughts.

 

If she is going out with him, then my guess is that you were just a little bit too late, perhaps held back a little too much in the months previous. Meanwhile, someone who was playing offensive and his own game, not worrying about anyone else's, was able to jump the line. If they are going out, it didn't 'just' happen, probably brewing for a little bit behind the scenes. I still don't buy that this is what is going on. If I had marketing stats on jaguar's core target market and owners, it isn't a hemsworth! I've had one for a loaner and sure it's a beautiful car but the guys driving it are usually not mid-30's gorgeous mr perfects of the straight variety at least where I live.

[Porter56]

So interesting news...

 

I nailed the interview. Never worried about that really but it went even better than expected. Mr Perfect did most the talking and...God D*** it....me and him get along great. I hate that lol. He played college baseball too and we ended talking a lot after the interview. And he said some encouraging things about the job and how I did and then we were just shooting the breeze and... I'm hanging out with him tonight. His friends and my friends are gonna go for some drinks...

 

Yes I'm aware of the irony here.

[Buddhist]

So interesting news...

 

I nailed the interview. Never worried about that really but it went even better than expected. Mr Perfect did most the talking and...God D*** it....me and him get along great. I hate that lol. He played college baseball too and we ended talking a lot after the interview. And he said some encouraging things about the job and how I did and then we were just shooting the breeze and... I'm hanging out with him tonight. His friends and my friends are gonna go for some drinks...

 

Yes I'm aware of the irony here.

 

Next instalment.....

 

Porter and Thor start dating, Green eye's posts on LS......WTF happened?!

[Versacehottie]

Next instalment.....

 

Porter and Thor start dating, Green eye's posts on LS......WTF happened?!

 

LMAO! A bromance at the very least, which is in line with the advice given to socialize more and reap the benefits!!

 

and yes when mr perfect hits on you porter, we can revisit the jag thing!

[Porter56]

I'm guessing that you're implying that Mr Perfect is gay?

 

Yeah, that's definitely not the case. He's a cool guy. We grabbed some drinks with some of his friends. Awesome guys all around. Had fun and met cool people which was the whole point as Versace pointed out. And you should have seen the looks Mr Perfect got.

 

I am not exaggerating when I say that every woman in this place was looking at him. 3 girls approached him...they all 3 APPROACHED him. He introduced them to the rest of us but they didn't care lol. I had a woman approach me....so I could introduce her to him. Lol

 

After awhile he was off doing his thing. He probably pulled like a dozen numbers, who knows. I spent some time with his friends: a minor league baseball coach and an owner of a local sports store. They were both married and joked they lived vicariously through him lol. I can understand why.

 

Anyway...after a few beers Mr Perfect admitted I was the right fit for the job I interviewed for today and I personally don't like to count my eggs before they hatch but he basically made it sound like 90% sure I'll get the job but I won't know until Tuesday at the earliest. So there's that...

 

In a week I have gotten much better at socializing. I've made some more friends and tonight I joined a baseball league. The sports store owner plays and invited me to play after he found out I played college ball. So I'm feeling more comfortable in my own skin as they say. But with women...eh

 

Admittedly, I didn't have a shot tonight because Thor was there which makes it hard.

 

I said to one of buddies that I should be taking notes lol. He said "nah...that's pure talent. You can't learn that lol". Seriously though I felt like I was with a movie star lol

 

And btw....if a Jag isn't a man's car...what about a Corolla? Seriously, now I'm self conscious about my car lol

[Porter56]

Ohhhhhh I almost forgot...his suit wasn't Armani. It was.....Versace. Lol

 

Thor is actually a Versacehottie lol. I laughed loud when he said it was Versace. He looked confused and I just said "heyyyyyy Versace" and everybody laughed because well.....we were kinda drunk lol.

[Versacehottie]

I'm guessing that you're implying that Mr Perfect is gay?

 

Yeah, that's definitely not the case. He's a cool guy. We grabbed some drinks with some of his friends. Awesome guys all around. Had fun and met cool people which was the whole point as Versace pointed out. And you should have seen the looks Mr Perfect got.

 

I am not exaggerating when I say that every woman in this place was looking at him. 3 girls approached him...they all 3 APPROACHED him. He introduced them to the rest of us but they didn't care lol. I had a woman approach me....so I could introduce her to him. Lol

 

After awhile he was off doing his thing. He probably pulled like a dozen numbers, who knows. I spent some time with his friends: a minor league baseball coach and an owner of a local sports store. They were both married and joked they lived vicariously through him lol. I can understand why.

 

Anyway...after a few beers Mr Perfect admitted I was the right fit for the job I interviewed for today and I personally don't like to count my eggs before they hatch but he basically made it sound like 90% sure I'll get the job but I won't know until Tuesday at the earliest. So there's that...

 

In a week I have gotten much better at socializing. I've made some more friends and tonight I joined a baseball league. The sports store owner plays and invited me to play after he found out I played college ball. So I'm feeling more comfortable in my own skin as they say. But with women...eh

 

Admittedly, I didn't have a shot tonight because Thor was there which makes it hard.

 

I said to one of buddies that I should be taking notes lol. He said "nah...that's pure talent. You can't learn that lol". Seriously though I felt like I was with a movie star lol

 

And btw....if a Jag isn't a man's car...what about a Corolla? Seriously, now I'm self conscious about my car lol

 

Awesome. Glad things are going so well. Lots of good things in this post.

 

*it looks like you will get the job. yay!

*you have expanded your social circle. yay!

*you joined a bball league to keep expanding circle and do something you really enjoy. yay!

*you've made friends with mr perfect who can only improve your game if you are taking mental notes. yay!

*mr perfect's friend is wrong. two cute guys will draw attention and help you get girls. keep going out with him. yay!

*you missed an obvious one. If he was getting all those numbers, he is not solid with green eyes, maybe not even dating her. yay!

 

Well a Jag and a Versace suit? So he is metro? I can't kick him for the versace suit however

[Porter56]

No he's not dating Green Eyes. I know that for sure.

[Porter56]

I casually brought her up last night. We were talking about the interview and I said I knew her pretty well. And he said " Yeah... I know. All she did the last two days was rave about you. I didn't need to ask her who she thought we should hire lol"

[Porter56]

Two guys will draw attention? He definitely will... I tried last night. It doesn't work.

 

Did you miss the part where I said he had a group of girls approach him? The whole group was interested in him and could care less about the rest of us. It can always be intimidating to approach a GROUP of girls because they seem involved with themselves and don't want to be interrupted by some random douche. But this guy had the group of girls come up to him and he had them all to himself.

 

I would have been more insecure and discouraged but I was too busy watching what was happening. It was impressive. It was like watching Picasso paint or Mozart compose. Some people can work and put in lots of effort and become good(yours truly). And some are just naturals...they just have that IT factor that you can't learn. There's good and then there's great...and then there's The almighty Thor lol

[Porter56]

And btw...

 

When women look at guys like Mr Perfect and say things like " he's not all that, I want someone I connect with blah blah blah... I don't want money and looks and a car and charm and blah blah blah". I suspect women are just jealous they can't have him. We convince ourselves we don't want what we can't get.

[katiegrl]

I casually brought her up last night. We were talking about the interview and I said I knew her pretty well. And he said " Yeah... I know. All she did the last two days was rave about you. I didn't need to ask her who she thought we should hire lol"

 

Since she is *raving* about you, clearly she is into you.

 

I have a very strong feeling the reason she broke the date was because she sensed YOUR ambivalence, and let's face it, neurosis about it, freaking out, etc, which made her extremely uncomfortable so she broke it first, before you did.

 

So now that you know how into you she is, what are you going to do about it?

 

Continue fantasizing about her for another year?

 

Congrats on nailing the interview! And getting the promotion!

[Porter56]

Or...she thinks I'm a good employee....which I am. Seriously I kick a$$ at my job.

[katiegrl]

Or...she thinks I'm a good employee....which I am. Seriously I kick a$$ at my job.

 

Nah, women don't rave about a guy cuz she thinks he is a good "employee". Come on now ....lol.

 

I mean I am sure she knows that too, but trust me that IS NOT why she is raving about you!

 

And I think you know it too.

 

Porter, seriously, what are you afraid of?

 

Losing your freedom, your lifestyle? Feeling emotionally suffocated? What is it?

 

What's the fear about? I mean you have been fantasizing about her for a year!

 

You have got the green light!!!

 

Why can't you go for it?

 

Again, what are so afraid of?

 

I don't get it, can you explain?

[Porter56]

Falling in love and her not feeling the same. That's what I'm afraid of If I'm just being honest.

 

Katie weren't you trying to talk me out of this the other day?

[Versacehottie]

And btw...

 

When women look at guys like Mr Perfect and say things like " he's not all that, I want someone I connect with blah blah blah... I don't want money and looks and a car and charm and blah blah blah". I suspect women are just jealous they can't have him. We convince ourselves we don't want what we can't get.

 

Well i know from all my guy friends that yes wingmen get action. So you can't expect it the first time out though. Watch, learn, repeat. One of my closest guy friends, cleans up like this. And best part is that he's more average in looks (he's not but compared to the gorgeous ones he hangs out with), the girls are always having the more connected, more dating type things with him. I would venture to say he does better than the good looking ones who have fooled themselves to cycle through girls because they can get them. He's more fulfilled, though they might have better esteem.

 

oh, don't get me wrong, I'm admittedly into looks and charm, of course. Money doesn't hurt and neither does a nice car. To me, though the choice of car (or suit says a lot as I'm very perceptive and then some) so Idk, it's a wash with a jag vs a more normal, average car. Maybe it's a regional thing as to what type of person drives that where I live and other places. Another type of luxury car might have more appeal tho, lol, idk. Depends on looks, personality, a bunch of stuff. There are lots of assumptions made on the superficial (like car, grooming, etc)--some of them do have a basis into what type of person you would be getting.

 

If attraction was as simple and objective as looks scale combined with a money/ambition scale, we'd all have it figured out. Lots of it is subjective and virtually unexplainable. If we could truly quantify charm, that would rank high for me no matter what. But what some people find charming, others do not. One can even see a model or an actor, who obviously has high levels of all 3, and still not be attracted. I mean didn't you say some actresses who just didn't do it for you? Yes, both ways guys and girls I know can not be attracted to someone that universally is pretty much deemed attractive by almost everyone. So yes it's possible to not want someone in spite of them having the big 3 lol---and it doesn't always boil down to jealousy or some presumption that they are unattainable. That's way too simplified. And just not true in all cases.

[Porter56]

Yeah you're right...you always are.

 

But it's seriously like playing basketball with Michael Jordan. I mean wtf can I do? Just stand here and try not to embarrass myself? lol

I think I can afford a new car though now lol

 

I should rent a Jag lol

[Kamille]

And a guy just asked me if I'm picky. It was the 3rd question he asked me. I said yes, I am.

 

 

I wonder how those who complain that women are too picky would feel if they asked this question and the answer was: "No I'm not, I'll date anyone". Willing to bet: not so great.

 

No one wants to be anyone's last choice.

[katiegrl]

Falling in love and her not feeling the same. That's what I'm afraid of If I'm just being honest.

 

Katie weren't you trying to talk me out of this the other day?

 

If I did, it was before learning more about you, your fears, and this new info how she was raving about you.

 

THAT speaks volumes and confirms her interest.

 

So you are afraid of getting hurt, newsflash we ALL are!

 

Love is a risk, life is a risk, no guarantees, ever.

 

If you are too afraid to take that risk, then you are destined to be alone for the rest of your life, and live a life of fantasy.

 

Your choice I guess, frankly I think it's sad. I mean you are not gonna die or anything *IF* it doesn't work out. You get up dust yourself off, and move on like the rest of us do.

 

Learn from the experience, become stronger because of it.

 

Anyway, just please don't make any more dates with her since you know this about yourself.

 

Unless you decide you DO want to take a risk, which I hope you do!!!

 

Best of luck....

Edited May 14, 2016 by katiegrl

[Porter56]

Raving about me at work I dont know...

 

I haven't contacted her in the past few days so I don't know... I'm just going to see her at work on Monday so I will just see her then.

 

Btw Versace... I have to say I love your honesty. Most women don't admit to being into looks and money and all that because they don't want to appear shallow so I like it when a woman such as yourself just puts it out there.

 

One question though...have you found yourself to be intimidating to some men? I suppose men like myself would feel they shouldn't waste their time on you when they know you're into looks. But there's the whole confidence thing again. So maybe I just answered my own question lol...if a guy is intimidated then he doesn't have confidence so you wouldn't care about him anyway...am I onto something? Lol

 

When a woman says she's into looks it would always be on my mind that there are better looking men than me so...why bother? Men are just competitive by nature. It's ingrained...we always think that way...in terms of who's better and how can I beat him, etc etc...

 

I'm babbling...I'll shut up now lol

[katiegrl]

We are all into looks, but looks are subjective.

 

For me, and most women I know, chemistry trumps looks, however, when there is good strong genuine chemistry, a mutual connection, an average looking guy can suddenly become the hottest man in the world!

 

I used to work in entertainment in NY and was surrounded by male models.

 

They did NOTHING for me. Pretty to look at I suppose, but other than that, nothing.

 

A few even asked me out, ugh no thanks!

 

My bf was no model, but *to me* he was the best looking and hottest guy I knew!

Edited May 14, 2016 by katiegrl