Married Coworker Flirting

[Valerie00]

I've been working with him for about a year, and he is about 12 years older than me and I'm not even at my mid-twenties but is typically very friendly with everyone. We actually had a group chat with another close female coworker where we used to joke around and talk about everyday stuff about work and outside. Then he started messaging me privately, and I started getting suspicious after:

 

1. He commented my appearance stating that he thinks I look very pretty several times.

2. Other times kept asking me why a girl as attractive and smart as me is still single, and when I told him that I seem to attract only douchebags he said he doesn't agree. I asked why do you think that, he literally stated that he can't continue the conversation because of his status (MARRIED I BELIEVE!!)

3. I was at his office because he was helping me with a project, he kept commenting that I smell nice which I think is very personal.

4. We were together at a client once, and he noticed that the client was checking me out( which I didn't) and kept commenting jokingly how annoyed he was that the client was checking his coworker out.

5. He invited me for coffee afterwork and I automatically invited my other coworker since I thought it was an invitation for both of us, but when he saw her he was like ooooh she's coming too?

 

I don't want to overreact or anything but it's making me very uncomfortable, because otherwise he has been very supportive and helpful to me since it's the beginning of my career and I can really use all the help I can get and I don't want to be rude by ignoring him.

[Satu]

He's just another lecherous married man looking for someone to cheat with.

 

Don't fall for it. Its guaranteed pain.

 

You should tell him politely to knock it off, because it makes you uncomfortable.

 

He'll then back off and bother somebody else.

 

 

Take care.

[bewell]

I've been working with him for about a year, and he is about 12 years older than me and I'm not even at my mid-twenties but is typically very friendly with everyone. We actually had a group chat with another close female coworker where we used to joke around and talk about everyday stuff about work and outside. Then he started messaging me privately, and I started getting suspicious after:

 

1. He commented my appearance stating that he thinks I look very pretty several times.

2. Other times kept asking me why a girl as attractive and smart as me is still single, and when I told him that I seem to attract only douchebags he said he doesn't agree. I asked why do you think that, he literally stated that he can't continue the conversation because of his status (MARRIED I BELIEVE!!)

3. I was at his office because he was helping me with a project, he kept commenting that I smell nice which I think is very personal.

4. We were together at a client once, and he noticed that the client was checking me out( which I didn't) and kept commenting jokingly how annoyed he was that the client was checking his coworker out.

5. He invited me for coffee afterwork and I automatically invited my other coworker since I thought it was an invitation for both of us, but when he saw her he was like ooooh she's coming too?

 

I don't want to overreact or anything but it's making me very uncomfortable, because otherwise he has been very supportive and helpful to me since it's the beginning of my career and I can really use all the help I can get and I don't want to be rude by ignoring him.

 

You are not being rude by ignoring him. You're doing the right thing. Maintain a civil work relationship and detach from him NOW before your feelings get too involved. Trust me, you're going to get hurt if you allow this to pan out.

[Girlfromcali]

Well next time he asks why you're single, instead of couraging him by saying you only attract douchebags, say something neutral like I don't know and change the subject.

You can be polite without leading him on. It shouldn't be that difficult. Or if you haven't learned it by now, then learn it since by merely being a female you will always going to get hit on. (I'm old and I still get hit on, even when I'm dressed like a bum).

And why is this here? Are you planning to be an OW?

[Valerie00]

Well next time he asks why you're single, instead of couraging him by saying you only attract douchebags, say something neutral like I don't know and change the subject.

You can be polite without leading him on. It shouldn't be that difficult. Or if you haven't learned it by now, then learn it since by merely being a female you will always going to get hit on. (I'm old and I still get hit on, even when I'm dressed like a bum).

And why is this here? Are you planning to be an OW?

NO god no!!!

[stillafool]

Well next time he asks why you're single, instead of couraging him by saying you only attract douchebags, say something neutral like I don't know and change the subject.

You can be polite without leading him on. It shouldn't be that difficult. Or if you haven't learned it by now, then learn it since by merely being a female you will always going to get hit on. (I'm old and I still get hit on, even when I'm dressed like a bum).

And why is this here? Are you planning to be an OW?

 

I agree with the above. If he asks you personal questions only answer back with one word answers and change the subject immediately. This always works. Practice it.

[Miss Peach]

I'm in a similar situation. I have one married man from my current job and another from my former both hitting on me at the moment.

 

I agree with a lot of what the previous posters mentioned. I would also add not to meet him for anything outside work like that coffee. If you must (like a holiday party) make sure you two are always in group situations.

 

Also you don't have to be rude with him. But one word answers, being disinterested in personal conversations, etc. will get the point across pretty fast for most men that you want to keep it focused on work.

[whatatangledweb]

Changing the subject without aswering him will get your point across. If he gets more aggressive with it, look at him and say, I enjoy working with you but you are getting way too personal. If you have to be blunt later then shut it down by saying I don't get involve with married men and walk away.

[Bufo]

Or do what some girl I asked on a date years ago did

 

Me: Would you like to go out Saturday night?

 

Her: Sure. That would be be nice. But.... With who?

 

Me: Silence

 

What could I say? It might even shut down a pro cheater like him. I can laugh now but at the time......

[ShatteredLady]

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this at work. It's so awkward & creepy isn't it? Ugh! I don't know what's wrong with some men....they just can't see how pathetic it is to be a middle aged letching looser.

 

I had a line manager who blatantly hit on all the young women. We used to joke that maybe if you proposition 1,000 women maybe 1 will be drunk enough to say yes eventually!!

 

The best advise has already been given to you. NEVER get caught out with him alone...don't even go taking a girlfriend. They're so dumb they can think that you're just playing hard to get taking a 'wing-lady' with you.

If he doesn't take the polite but blunt 1 word answers try throwing the phrase "your wife" into your answers...

 

Him - "You smell good!"

You - "A bf gifted me the perfume. Are you thinking of buying it for your wife?"

 

 

I was a senior manager in a very male dominated industry. Sadly you will encounter this kind of slimy behavior many more times in your life. It's tragic but reporting this kind of thing too management or human resources should be your last resort....if he ever becomes physical or if he becomes too aggressive to work with. You want the reputation of being a strong woman who can handle herself & not a trouble maker. Ugh! I know! It sucks.

 

I wish older guys would read threads like this & realize that they're NOT "The man!". They're viewed as creepy losers who make young women feel VERY uncomfortable in the work environment. So wrong!!

 

I'm sorry.