What is he thinking?????

[wish1]

About a month ago, my boyfriend and I broke up. He broke up with me claiming I wasn't outdoorsy enough and didn't challenge him. We dated for almost a year and a half and had dated on and off for the year and a half before that. He is older, 25, and I am 21. He graduated college last year and I still have a year and a half left to go. He hasn't been able to find a full time job since graduating and worked part time by me so I had been allowing him to live with me while paying smaller portions of my rent.

 

Being a full time student, I was extremely busy this semester and we didn't make time for eachother, the time we spent together was just when we were free and we never really did any of the super fun things we enjoy together.

 

I think that we have a pretty good amount in common, although he claims me to not be outdoorsy we did a lot of hiking together

Kayaking, canoeing, camping etc. We both love art and photography as well as music and adventure. We're both driven people but his lack of a job drove me to stress and get angry with him a lot, which we've since realized probably had a lot to do with out break up.

 

We have met up a couple of times since breaking up. Both times we had a ton of fun, flirted, talked about what we've been up to, and all of the serious things. The first time we talked I for sure thought that we would be done. I wrote a bunch of notes reflecting on the relationship and gave them to him that day. A few days later he texted me and wanted to meet up again. I agreed. We met up about a week and a half later(last Monday) and spent 6 hours together getting dinner and then just hanging out in his car talking.

 

Neither one of us wanted our time together to end. He continued to call me his "girlfriend" when talking about random situations and said he wished that I didn't have to go to class in the morning because he wanted to go camping that night. He told me that his heart tells him we should get back together but mentally he doesn't know that it's a good idea. He said this because he felt that I am acting differently now, like trying to do all of things we both love on my own and that I'm so much more talkative and seem happier now (kinda like he's jealous but Ive realized that in our relationship I was always stressed and that's not who I want to be and therefore am trying to improve myself with or without our relationship) I want to get back together. We kind of discussed this and said getting back together would mean a "new relationship" it would not be "trying again" because of its negative connotation.

 

That conversation made me pretty happy. I left that night feeling hoping and optimistic because we've always had such a draw towards one another.

 

He texted me the night after with not much to say but it ended in us both saying we were happy that we saw each other and each had a good time. Now yesterday I sent him something silly about dogs because we both LOVE dogs and he texted me a positive response and then texted again saying he thought we moved too fast before.

 

I really want to see him again before we both go on trips in a week (I'm traveling home for a break once school is out and he's going on a solo hiking trip). I'm probably totally over thinking everything but any Advice on what he's thinking? I really am prepared to give everything for a new relationship with him and he seemed to like the idea but we're still in this state of uncertainty and it's making me crazy.

[ExpatInItaly]

Sorry, but I think the reasons he cited for ending the relationship were excuses. You are a student - what does he expect, that you can just go on "outdoorsy" adventures at the drop of a hat? I think he had other reasons but chose this flimsy one.

 

Don't change yourself or bend over backwards to please him. Is he still not working much? If not, why? It sounds like you had good reason to be unhappy if he wasn't contributing to the household or putting forth much effort in changing his situation. Was he?

 

I think his recent text says a lot. He thinks you two moved too fast; he is putting the brakes on this. You say you are prepared to give everything to fix this; what is he prepared to do?

[bathtub-row]

He's too ambivalent about you. It doesn't matter why, that's just the way he feels. Also, he seems to only want to be with you when he can't have you. This relationship probably isn't going to work because of these reasons. As soon as he gets a full-time job, gets more confidence, and meets someone else, he'll break up with you again. I'd keep him at a distance if I were you.

 

Anyone who breaks up, then wants to get back together but changes his mind almost immediately, would be history in my book.

[NTV]

What would you tell your best friend to do?