Does society value stay at home mothers and fathers?

[Gloria25]

Why worry about what society values? You are doing what you think is right. If a person wants to stay home and raise kids then no problem. If someone has an issue that is them because you are doing what the hell you want to do. If they are not paying your bills, putting food in your mouth or clothes on your back then their opinion isn't shyte

 

Because like it or not, we aren't an "island"...

 

It pains me to see people just diss their kids and broken up families cuz women are told a SAHM/SAHW isn't valued anymore. But, we live in a self-centered society - where people could care less about what they do may impact others.

 

Like carhill said, there was a time you could discipline a neighbor's kid. Now a days, even though you go to the parent to address the kids in the middle of the street and you're trying to go to work (cuz they aren't even watching the kids right outside)...instead of the parents getting off their lazy butt and coming out to watch their kids, they tell the kids to kick the ball hard enough to hit your house. Yes, my real life experience several times with these "modern" families. Even the school system is scared to do something to end up getting sued.

Edited May 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Gloria25]

I don't know anyone who has a nanny... Sahm or working mom.

 

Housekeepers... Yes

 

Nannies... No

 

Yes, now a days even people who don't make a lot pay for someone to come and clean and all that. Or they pay a relative and get the state to reimburse them...

 

Again, what's the point in marrying if you have to "outsource" the cooking, cleaning, childcare? It's like you're working to pay for the childcare Funny how the wives get mad when hubby substitutes them with an affair or porn. Well, you outsource everything else (cooking, cleaning)...so, why can't hubby get some outsourced nooky?

[basil67]

While I can't tell you and your spouse what works for you, when your kid (the one you dumped in daycare to go work) grows up to be a manic depressive - who one day decides to go on a shooting spree shoots up the public...yes, I take issues with how families are now a days.

 

Please provide a credible link to people who have bipolar (manic depression) being mass murderers and the whole lot being linked back to working mothers?

 

If you can't supply it, please go back and edit your incredibly offensive post.

[MuddyFootprints]

Because like it or not, we aren't an "island"...

 

While I can't tell you and your spouse what works for you, when your kid (the one you dumped in daycare to go work) grows up to be a manic depressive - who one day decides to go on a shooting spree shoots up the public...yes, I take issues with how families are now a days.

 

It pains me to see people just diss their kids and broken up families cuz women are told a SAHM/SAHW isn't valued anymore. But, we live in a self-centered society - where people could care less about what they do may impact others.

 

Like carhill said, there was a time you could discipline a neighbor's kid. Now a days, even though you go to the parent to address the kids in the middle of the street and you're trying to go to work (cuz they aren't even watching the kids right outside)...instead of the parents getting off their lazy butt and coming out to watch their kids, they tell the kids to kick the ball hard enough to hit your house. Yes, my real life experience several times with these "modern" families. Even the school system is scared to do something to end up getting sued.

 

I am truly grateful for the world I live in. It looks nothing like what you have to observe.

[Woggle]

Nope. Some men don't value what they do and value them as having real jobs while some feminists look at them as traitors to the cause. Some of the same guys who claim to want a traditional woman while demean these women because they aren't the breadwinner.

 

Stay at home dads are often looked at as cucks by other men and despite what they say some women are not attracted to them and don't respect them. The self proclaimed progressive women are actually some of the worst offenders as well.

[todreaminblue]

as a single mum who has chosen to stay home... i am also a carer for my adult son....i can feel others when they ask me what do you do for work.....dismiss me in their heads when i answer...........i'm a stay at home mum....had one person say ...you have time what else do you do all day you do nothing.....

 

 

without even really knowing me....at that particular time i was dealing with a teenage daughter who was running away and chroming,drugs and crime with a bad crowd of people...she was bullied at school and succumbed to peer pressure because she thought they were her friends........i hardly slept...my days were a haze of tears and the unknown...of a constant lump in my throat when the phone rang.....scared crapless...handling it myself with prayers and hope....

 

i dont think anyone should judge me because i chose to stay home...i am needed at home....a lot.........i respect working mothers and respect their choices......and it makes me sad when they dismiss me.....or say are you going to get a job...im still parenting just like they are.....only from home not from work........wont always be this way and yes then ill get a job.....but to tell the truth with the issues i have to deal with....i wouldnt be able to work and parent...not to the best of my ability.....there i go again defending myself........

 

 

i feel people mums dads who decide its in their child's best interests if they work or if they stay at home deserve the same amount of respect....and understanding ....and support....single mums arent a drain on society...society drains single mums out of their own self worth..deb.......

[Gloria25]

Please provide a credible link to people who have bipolar (manic depression) being mass murderers and the whole lot being linked back to working mothers?

 

If you can't supply it, please go back and edit your incredibly offensive post.

 

That mentally ill kid who shot up the school where his divorced mom volunteered at?

 

She showed him how to use a gun and kid probably shot up the school cuz she was more involved there than raising him. Dad was some jerk always away on business.

 

Some politician on 60 Minutes who said all kids now a days were ticking timebombs with hidden mental illness? His son, a product of divorce, was spoiled by father, got "depressed" when it came time for him to up and out and leave the nest. Ao, just like these modern day parents who don't wanna parent, dad puts him on meds - which made him go into a rage and slash his dad's face.

 

Too many "parents" busy with their jobs instead of parenting and when kids get depressed and out of control they wanna medicate them and turn them into threats to society.

[xxoo]

If society valued SAHP, we'd have paid family leave after the birth of a child for at least a few months, and the govt would subsidize SAHP as much as they subsidize daycare for working parents.

 

It's just a reality that society doesn't value SAHP. American society, at least, values employment.

[todreaminblue]

That mentally ill kid who shot up the school where his divorced mom volunteered at?

 

She showed him how to use a gun and kid probably shot up the school cuz she was more involved there than raising him. Dad was some jerk always away on business.

 

Some politician on 60 Minutes who said all kids now a days were ticking timebombs with hidden mental illness? His son, a product of divorce, was spoiled by father, got "depressed" when it came time for him to up and out and leave the nest. Ao, just like these modern day parents who don't wanna parent, dad puts him on meds - which made him go into a rage and slash his dad's face.

 

Too many "parents" busy with their jobs instead of parenting and when kids get depressed and out of control they wanna medicate them and turn them into threats to society.

 

not all people with mental illness need to be boxed into a category of psycho..and threats to society.........depression in kids who are part of broken families is very common....its hard for kids to deal with....however much it i ssaid kids adapt...they dont just adapt...they need to leanr to adapt.....its hard for parents to deal with.......there are many groups though that support kids and parents in transitioning.....

 

i also like you, dont believe meds are the answer every time for every child in every situation ...but sometimes...they are...psychiatry is an evolving thing....they have not perfected psychiatry.........deb

[Woggle]

If society valued SAHP, we'd have paid family leave after the birth of a child for at least a few months, and the govt would subsidize SAHP as much as they subsidize daycare for working parents.

 

It's just a reality that society doesn't value SAHP. American society, at least, values employment.

 

It's more that people hate regulation. People in America have a deep fear of government getting involved in business since Reagan.

[Keats]

Where I live Sahm aren't valued at all.

 

And this attitude stems directly from the government.

 

Employment means money.

 

Things like early nursery, etc if any parent really admitted it, it really is all just a baby sitting service provided by the government so you can work.

 

I also hear and see parents being discriminated at work. Even pregnant ladies. The system just doesn't have an interest to support.

 

I don't think working mothers should be judged. Their stereotype is that their kids miss out on their company as parents a lot. They are raised by others. Though this is their reality. It doesn't make for broken children.

 

Neither SAHM should be judged. Their stereotype is that they are lazy and bum around all day. Nothing could be of the reverse.

 

I also hear that parent choose to stay at home because they can't afford to work.

 

And parents have to to to work because they can't afford to stay at home.

 

Everyone is different.

 

Parents are never all the same. That's the biggest delusion.

 

I do believe though that it ultimately - benefits children to have a parent at home.

 

Even so I am well aware that kids thrive on parenting quality. Not what your doing as a parent.

 

So working/not working - the quality of your parenting matters most.

 

But as a parent myself - wow the judgements from EVERYONE around you begins when you pop a kid out. You just learn to ignore everyone. If you don't it could easily destroy you. Nurturing a thick skin and learning to be assertive with family and just anyone is skill that you learn. And my God I had to learn it quick.

 

I've also noticed how the medical world generally treats pregnant ladies and mothers in a very appalling way.

Edited May 7, 2016 by Keats

[basil67]

That mentally ill kid who shot up the school where his divorced mom volunteered at?

 

She showed him how to use a gun and kid probably shot up the school cuz she was more involved there than raising him. Dad was some jerk always away on business.

 

Some politician on 60 Minutes who said all kids now a days were ticking timebombs with hidden mental illness? His son, a product of divorce, was spoiled by father, got "depressed" when it came time for him to up and out and leave the nest. Ao, just like these modern day parents who don't wanna parent, dad puts him on meds - which made him go into a rage and slash his dad's face.

 

Too many "parents" busy with their jobs instead of parenting and when kids get depressed and out of control they wanna medicate them and turn them into threats to society.

 

I asked for a credible source to support your allegation. Not a sample of one and some politician's opinion aired on trash TV

[Keats]

It's very rare you'll see a priveleged persons disgrace on TV.

 

Class systems, racism etc all that still exists.

 

It just doesn't make news.

 

And the news and TV is the last thing you should rest your laurels on.

 

Certainly when your in education you quotes books not the telly.

 

This is why your assertion that crime and mental health is linked mostly to children of working mothers is deeply offensive and incorrect.

 

That mentally ill kid who shot up the school where his divorced mom volunteered at?

 

She showed him how to use a gun and kid probably shot up the school cuz she was more involved there than raising him. Dad was some jerk always away on business.

 

Some politician on 60 Minutes who said all kids now a days were ticking timebombs with hidden mental illness? His son, a product of divorce, was spoiled by father, got "depressed" when it came time for him to up and out and leave the nest. Ao, just like these modern day parents who don't wanna parent, dad puts him on meds - which made him go into a rage and slash his dad's face.

 

Too many "parents" busy with their jobs instead of parenting and when kids get depressed and out of control they wanna medicate them and turn them into threats to society.

[Gloria25]

Where I live Sahm aren't valued at all.

 

And this attitude stems directly from the government.

 

Employment means money.

 

Things like early nursery, etc if any parent really admitted it, it really is all just a baby sitting service provided by the government so you can work.

 

I also hear and see parents being discriminated at work. Even pregnant ladies. The system just doesn't have an interest to support.

 

I don't think working mothers should be judged. Their stereotype is that their kids miss out on their company as parents a lot. They are raised by others. Though this is their reality. It doesn't make for broken children.

 

Neither SAHM should be judged. Their stereotype is that they are lazy and bum around all day. Nothing could be of the reverse.

 

I also hear that parent choose to stay at home because they can't afford to work.

 

And parents have to to to work because they can't afford to stay at home.

 

Everyone is different.

 

Parents are never all the same. That's the biggest delusion.

 

I do believe though that it ultimately - benefits children to have a parent at home.

 

Even so I am well aware that kids thrive on parenting quality. Not what your doing as a parent.

 

So working/not working - the quality of your parenting matters most.

 

But as a parent myself - wow the judgements from EVERYONE around you begins when you pop a kid out. You just learn to ignore everyone. If you don't it could easily destroy you. Nurturing a thick skin and learning to be assertive with family and just anyone is skill that you learn. And my God I had to learn it quick.

 

I've also noticed how the medical world generally treats pregnant ladies and mothers in a very appalling way.

 

How can you "parent" if you're barely around?

 

So it's the "quality" vs "time present". Ok, so spending enough time to shuttle off your kid to school/daycare and picking them up and putting them to bed Mon-Fri is "quality" parenting?

 

Ok, Monday I'm gonna ask my employer to allow me to come in for like an hour or so Mon-Fri - yet, get paid for 40 hours of work. I'm sure a working "parent" wouldn't dare ask that of an employer (an entity with no ties to you), but would subject their "child" (their dependent flesh and blood) to that....go figure.

 

Oh yes, forgive for being "offensive" by advocating the needs of children over their parents. I'm such a horrible person.

[SJS]

SAHM for over 11 years now. I've seen both sides. To start, like Mrs. Adams said, when I grew up in the 80's it was all about career women, being empowered, strong, yet my own mother SAH. So when my husband and I decided I would stay home, I had very mixed emotions...I knew it was the best for my child but felt like I wasn't contributing since I wasn't bringing in a paycheck, I was supposed to be the Working Girl.

 

 

We live in a very rural area so SAHM's are super common. In fact, it's more common to stay home at least the first few years then it is to go back to work. When I talk to people from the suburbs/city though, you can tell they look down on me and have made comments that they could never depend on someone else. They think I watch Maury and read magazines all day. Before I went back to college though, I spent hours every day volunteering at my child's school. All the kids knew me, and I knew them. Working parents expressed guilt that they were not able to do the same (but also took advantage when their kids needed rides or a place to go on a snow day). Now I'm almost done with college and looking for a job, and my daughter is having tons of anxiety over me going back to work. So what it really boils down to, for me at least, does my family value me as a SAHM?

[Els]

I think, like any other choice in life, there will be people judging you for it. You can't live life fearing judgement, because you'll get it no matter WHAT you do. Career woman with kids, SAHM, single woman, single mum, married but childfree, not married... ANYTHING. You can't please everyone so no point trying.

 

The only thing that really matters is that you and your family are happy with your arrangement.

[Keats]

How can you "parent" if you're barely around?

 

So it's the "quality" vs "time present". Ok, so spending enough time to shuttle off your kid to school/daycare and picking them up and putting them to bed Mon-Fri is "quality" parenting?

 

Ok, Monday I'm gonna ask my employer to allow me to come in for like an hour or so Mon-Fri - yet, get paid for 40 hours of work. I'm sure a working "parent" wouldn't dare ask that of an employer (an entity with no ties to you), but would subject their "child" (their dependent flesh and blood) to that....go figure.

 

Oh yes, forgive for being "offensive" by advocating the needs of children over their parents. I'm such a horrible person.

[]

 

There are SAHM who aren't actually present even if they are physically. And that has caused a lot of damage into how kids are raised. Seen it first hand sadly.

 

Are you even a parent? Please don't say yes lol

Edited May 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Keats]

There are also soo many more men on this earth who just do not appreciate a SAHM or realise what she does. Think this is worse than the government looking down on you.

[Arieswoman]

WMacbride,

 

In our situation, we were anything but well off, and part of the reason I stayed at home is that two of our children are disabled and need full time care.

 

I think your situation is very different to those of the average SAHM and I applaud your decision to keep your kids with you, rather than farm them out to day-care centres/institutions for the day/week.

 

I have spent quite some time working with kids who are both mentally and physically disabled and I know how challenging it is just for a few hours. I can't imagine how tiring it is to be doing it f/t.

[bathtub-row]

I think it's great to stay at home but it's a huge risk to the woman for her to do so. First of all, it puts her ability to earn a living on hold. This, in turn, limits her choices and makes her dependent on a partner. It has been my experience and observation that when certain types of men are with a woman like this, he will demoralize her in numerous ways because he sees it as having power and leverage over her. This is never a good position for a woman to be in. So if her husband cheats on her or treats her badly, she becomes vulnerable to staying because her choices are limited. In my opinion, it's not society that doesn't value the stay-at-home mom, it's a lot of men who don't.

 

I personally believe that it's because of the way the SAHM's were treated during the 40's and 50's that created women's lib in the first place. Husbands were going to the office, screwing around with the secretary, abusing their wives, and the wives had no recourse, nowhere to turn.

 

There is no easy answer to this problem because humans are so dysfunctional in so many ways. Our society makes it difficult, too, because of the way our monetary system works. Most of how we currently live is very contrary to our natures. The only woman who isn't at risk by staying home with her kids is the one who's independently wealthy. In that case, she always has options.

[SolG]

I'm an ardent feminist, and nothing sticks in my craw like the 'mommy wars'. I find it incredibly disheartening that there are certain sectors that find it 'empowering' to denigrate the choices of others... the choices that have been hard fought for and theoretically 'won'.

 

The choice I refer to is where a family can have the freedom to determine what is best for them without forced default to gender norms. If that's stay at home--father or mother--fabulous. If that's work, fabulous too. If it's right for you and the specific context of your family, it's right for you. And right for you in my book equals valuable.

 

Frankly anyone who advocates that there is only one valuable contribution or model is IMO incredibly narrow minded and insular. I say hats off to those who work and those that stay at home; more power to you for doing what's right for you. You probably feel like you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. But that damnation is a petty thing in the context of what you're actually achieving for your family in your way.

[Lois_Griffin]

I was a SAHM for the first 3 years after I had my son.

 

Quite honestly, it was a walk in the park. Make no mistake - I did it ALL and my husband didn't do anything. I even cut the grass. All he had to do was occasional manly maintenance if the water heater broke or I needed a heavy [piece of furniture moved.

 

Even literally doing it ALL, it was still a walk in the park.

 

I really don't understand why everyone makes like a SAHM is some kind of super hero. I really don't. It was the easiest time of my life.

 

That all changed once I went back to work. You work all day then have to come home at night and do all the work you couldn't do because you worked all day. Plus, your weekends are now stuffed with work as well because you save all the bigger and more time-consuming chores for the weekend.

 

In essence, being a working mom was a TON of work and much much harder than being a SAHM ever was.

[basil67]

I was a SAHM for the first 3 years after I had my son.

 

Quite honestly, it was a walk in the park. Make no mistake - I did it ALL and my husband didn't do anything. I even cut the grass. All he had to do was occasional manly maintenance if the water heater broke or I needed a heavy [piece of furniture moved.

 

Even literally doing it ALL, it was still a walk in the park.

 

I really don't understand why everyone makes like a SAHM is some kind of super hero. I really don't. It was the easiest time of my life.

 

That all changed once I went back to work. You work all day then have to come home at night and do all the work you couldn't do because you worked all day. Plus, your weekends are now stuffed with work as well because you save all the bigger and more time-consuming chores for the weekend.

 

In essence, being a working mom was a TON of work and much much harder than being a SAHM ever was.

 

I am a SAHM/carer and have no doubt that having kids and doing paid work too is much harder. I can't even begin to imagine juggling all you have to do.

[Lois_Griffin]

I am a SAHM/carer and have no doubt that having kids and doing paid work too is much harder. I can't even begin to imagine juggling all you have to do.

Thanks.

 

Of course, that was just my experience and my opinion based on how it was for me. My mistake was that I didn't think about a re-distribution of the household chores so that both my husband and I were sharing the load since we were both now working. I'm a dumbass.

[wmacbride]

I was a SAHM for the first 3 years after I had my son.

 

Quite honestly, it was a walk in the park. Make no mistake - I did it ALL and my husband didn't do anything. I even cut the grass. All he had to do was occasional manly maintenance if the water heater broke or I needed a heavy [piece of furniture moved.

 

Even literally doing it ALL, it was still a walk in the park.

 

I really don't understand why everyone makes like a SAHM is some kind of super hero. I really don't. It was the easiest time of my life.

 

That all changed once I went back to work. You work all day then have to come home at night and do all the work you couldn't do because you worked all day. Plus, your weekends are now stuffed with work as well because you save all the bigger and more time-consuming chores for the weekend.

 

In essence, being a working mom was a TON of work and much much harder than being a SAHM ever was.

 

thanks for the response, but , as er the opening post, I was hoping this thread wouldn't degenerate into a "who's job is harder" thread, as topics like this so often do. It wasn't the point.