What is she thinking? Rebound

[Baitfish]

I'll cut to the chase and write out my story:

 

My ex-girlfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago now, and this was after about a 3 day break. We started talking last February and then through the end of prom and Senior year of High School we were essentially official. We made it through the summer and I can say that it was the best summer of my life. Everything we did together was fun and we had a genuinely fun and passionate time together. However, like most high school relationships, the thought of being apart during college was difficult, but we decided to give it a go. I would be attending a school 8.5 hours away while she stayed in her hometown to go to school. I had already decided to go there before we were together. She made me boxes of letters, sent care packages, left great notes and even made a countdown chain counting down the days until we could see each other again. She made a visit to my school in October, which was really fun, and then I got to see her again over Thanksgiving, another really fun time. We made it through Christmas Break and she had to say goodbye to me again for another 3 months.

 

We got to about half way through February when she started becoming very annoyed with me. She said that she felt underappreciated and didn't feel wanted, and said I was a sole reason for this. She would always send a good morning text, but then those stopped coming, and when I would send her one a little later than when she would, she would say, "just wanted to see if you cared." or something along those lines. After about a week after her essentially chewing me out about communication and how she didn't feel like I was all invested, she called and said she had been thinking a lot about our relationship. We talked and I suggested to her that maybe we should just take a break, which she agreed to, and we said that we would talk a little after the break. She then called me the day after my birthday, after wishing me a happy birthday the day before, and said that she thought we needed to break up. Her reasons weren't necessarily clear but I got the feeling from what she had said before and that she didn't feel like she was in my future plans at all and among other things probably. I accepted it, sadly of course, and told her that I would be happy for her. I will also mention that this was 3 days before I was scheduled to come home for Spring Break, the next time I would have been able to see her.

 

While we were on our break, I sent her a couple letters telling her how much I missed her and loved her. She replied to those letters over our break and a few days after our breakup. I also sent her a package of gifts that I had planned to give her, because I did not want to have any subtle reminders. She accepted them and said that they made her very happy. The package included some stuff she had left from previous visits and a letter telling her how much I loved our relationship and that I hoped maybe this wouldn't be the end of us. I never communicated with her other than to tell her you're welcome if she thanked me for a gift I sent and to tell her that she didn't have to accept the gifts.

 

I tried my best to not talk to her, because I believed it was her decision to break up with me and I respect that. She was struggling with what she wanted to do with her life, and if that picture did not include me I figured I would give her that benefit. However, she would attempt to start conversations with me and I would reply to be nice, but some of the texts she would send made me question her a little. One text was a picture of our names together, and how they made a perfect couple. Those are the names of two contestants on the Bachelor, and she texted me saying that she thought of me right away. I replied nonchalantly and then she said that maybe it was a sign, and I suddenly got very confused about why she would send that. She continued to send me some snapchats and texts, and some of the conversations would end because she would say something like "I didn't break up with you because I don't like you, I still really like you", and I would just say I'm confused. Why would she send something like this? This was around the end of March, maybe 3-4 weeks after we had broken up.

 

Towards the end of March I continued to see on snapchat and facebook that she was "hanging out" with this new guy. I was taken back by this because it seemed like she was moving very fast along with this guy. I asked her about it and she said just because she was hanging out with someone doesn't mean she as dating him. I freaked out and sent her an "I miss you" text and then we had a conversation the next night, where she essentially said that she never felt appreciated or wanted, thought about breaking up with me since October and that this new guy made her feel more special than she had ever felt with me, which she said killed her. I then sent her a bunch of texts and snaps over the course of the night about how I would change and what not, but it turned her away and she didn't reply. I made a huge mistake that way and can't get it back. This was about April 1st. She continued to move along fast with this guy, who met her parents very fast, they would hang out a ton and post snapchats about it, one which was sent directly to me when I asked if she wanted some more of her stuff back. After a few days I apologized to her for my crazy texting night and then she started sending me some more texts and snaps, which I ignored the first couple, trying to go into no contact, but then broke and replied to one of them. She then sent me some more snaps and what not and I tried to be nice and reply to her, gave her a compliment of "you look cute in your work uniform" and all that. I was confused as to why she would keep talking to me if she was actively seeing this other guy. I sent her a text after I saw a picture of her and him on Instagram about half way through April. I sent a picture with our first date together and asked if she remembered how fun it was, and went on to say that I was very happy she had found a new school to go to and that it looked like she had figured out what she wanted to do in her life. She did not respond, and I was ok with that since I basically let it at "Hope everything goes well for you!" and the like. I did not hear from her for one week, which was good because I wanted to go into no contact with her and let her new relationship take its course. She then sent me a text a week later, which I ignored, then about 5 hours after I had ignored the first one she sent another one which was a very cute picture of her and nice caption kind of explaining the previous one. I ignored that one too because I needed the no contact, partially to try and win her back but also to just let me go on too. She then sent me another couple texts at her grandma's two days later, saying that there were still pictures of us up at prom and sending laughing emojis. I ignored those too, a little hurt that the reason we had gotten together in the first place, to go to prom and eventually where our relationship blossomed, was a laughing point now. I ignored those, and then the next day she seemed to send me a meaningless text with a picture of the apartment she was at, maybe she was on vacation, I don't know. I ignored that too, and now have not heard from her in about 9 days. She has since changed her profile picture to a picture with her and her new "boyfriend" and I haven't done much else.

 

I tell you all that because I have a few questions and wanted you to have the full details behind it, sorry for the lengthy message.

 

Would you classify her new relationship as a "Rebound"? I know for a fact the guy she is with now is someone she might have just met at school, but is friends with her best friends fiancé. She doesn't have too many friends, she admitted that to me, and knowing that she and her best friend could go on dates and potentially be friends forever is probably appealing to her. I am confused, because if she did have all these feeling about me for a year, and I can tell you that she really really really did love me and put a lot of stock into me, how can she move on so quickly? It seems like he is also quite opposite of me, but is available to her, which is something I could never do during a long-distance relationship.

 

Am I doing the right thing going into no contact now or is it a little too late? I want to move on too if she is going to move on and try and make it work with this new guy, and I didn't want to talk to her while she was talking to this new guy.

 

I also did not tell her I was planning on transferring schools, it was going to be my big surprise over spring break to tell her. Would it be a dick move to tell her if I get the chance to see or talk to her and will she be taken aback by it?

 

I also know that getting some communication from her while she is in a new relationship is good news, but I feel like it could all be just meaningless stuff, and by ignoring her it will force her to her new guy even more.

 

I come back home for the summer in about a week and would appreciate some help trying to strategize my next couple moves. I would love to get her back, but being Long-Distance makes it extremely hard, any information helps

[deadparrot]

Regarding whether the new guy is a rebound or not, you're asking a question that only she can answer.

 

I'll be completely honest, if you're having this many issues less than a year into your LDR, it's unlikely you'll survive 3 more, assuming neither of you transfers. It sounds like there are feelings on both sides, but especially for her, they seem to be clashing with the very understandable desire to branch out and start afresh at college.

 

You're very young. Most people don't end up with the first person they date. I know it's going to sound patronizing, but this sounds like high school drama, not a mature adult relationship. I'd recommend going your separate ways, at least temporarily, and focus on enjoying your college experience as a free and unattached adult for at least a semester or two. If you guys are meant to be, the time spent maturing as individuals will only help you down the road.

Edited May 6, 2016 by deadparrot

[deadparrot]

My apologies; I missed the part where you said you're going to transfer.

 

I would very very very much warn against it if you're doing so solely to save the relationship. I feel like you're going to protest immediately that you're not, but really think about the answer before you do so.

 

Also, just for the record, it's really not cool for either of you to be sending flirty, "I miss you"-esque texts behind her current BF's back. Imagine if you were still a couple and you found out she was texting that kind of stuff to a guy. It really doesn't speak well to her as a partner that she did it to you while you were together and is now doing it to her current beau.

[Jersey born raised]

As hard as it is to move on, do it. She is carring on with an ex behind his back. Don't believe her current relationship started after she broke up with you. This is who she is, yesterday, today and tomorrow.

 

Your next text (better if there wasn't a next text) should be "your with someone else, you need to respect that". Do not tell her you are transferring.

Simply move on.