I have hurt the one I love.

[sick2mystomch]

Thank You Sweets1919, Your words help.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

I have one question that just does not make sense to me. Why didn't T immediately jump in the pool when he saw what was happening and pull you away? Why in the hell would he watch his girlfriend nude in a pool kissing his best friend and then walk away and go home? I bet if the roles were reversed, you would have jumped into the pool and pushed him away and scream at him. I doubt you would have just walked away and gone home allowing him to spend the night with someone else. I thing T must take some responsbility here or am I wrong? He did not protect you when he had the chance to do something about it.

[sick2mystomch]

BrianP...

 

I don't know why.... I don't remember.... T told me that he woke up when he heard noises, splashing...giggling..

He says he opened his eyes and saw me and C approx 10-12 feet away. I had my arms either around C's neck or on his shoulders..., C was against the pool wall, C had me lifted part way out of the water... He says he closed his eyes and opened them again not believing what he was seeing... when he opened them he says he saw the same thing.... he states he closed and opened his eyes 4 times... the third or fourth time C & I had moved away from the wall and were further away... T says he got up, walked around the poll and began getting dressed... he says I immediatelly swam across the pool to the deep end, got out at the ladder there ..... C was still in the pool.

 

I still don't know if I said anything to T when I got out of the pool, if C said anything, or what happened next....

I know that T left by 4: 15 am cause When I checked my cell phone the next morning C had tried to call T on it at 4:15.... C left a message that just said "T where are you this is C".... T's phone was broke so we had been sharing the 1 phone and C must have thought T took it..... I don't know how T got to his mom's if he walked or called for them to get him.... Where he called from? How the pool got covered... the wine bottles, beer bottles, & clothing picked up? How did I get down to C's basement room? T and I have talked about what happened up to when he got out of the pool and then he shuts down.....I don't push, I am trying to follow his lead.....

[crazy_grl]

As for T deserving better than me.... WELL HOW THE HELL CAN I ARGUE WITH THAT?

 

I can't say I'd agree with that. If you weren't taking responsibility for your actions while you were drinking or if he weren't right there passed out drunk too, then I might be inclined to think that. But both of you made the decision to drink excessively, and you've decided to get counseling and stop drinking. (I hope for good, because the person who said that whenever he sees you drinking alcohol again, the image will come back to him is probably right.)

 

T and I have talked about what happened up to when he got out of the pool and then he shuts down.....I don't push, I am trying to follow his lead.....

 

That's strange. You'd think worst part would be what he doesn't want to talk about. So maybe something else worse happened after that. You should let him take his time telling you, but if he continues to hold back that information, it might be cause to worry.

[Michael86]

There's one thing I don't understand. I could see you and T skinny dipping but why in the world would you do that with C in the pool also??? And why would T allow that? That and all that alcohol had disaster written all over it. Certainly at the point where you got naked, you must have still been aware of what you were doing. Have you done anything like this before with C? And how did you manage not to drown in that pool if you and C were so inebriated?

 

I'm sorry for all the questions. It's just that before this I could see you and T had a beautiful relationship. You love him and he adores you. It's sickening that this happened.

 

Speaking of C, I hear all the pain you're in and I know T is absolutely destroyed. But what the f^*k does C have to say besides that he conveniently remembers nothing? Has he apologized? Has he tried to speak to his best friend? I know you think he's innocent in all of this but I have my own opinions. Lose the scumbag, or every time you and T see him that night will be right back in your face.

 

As far as T is concerned, I think you're doing the right thing by taking your cues from him. His heart has been crushed and he needs time. I just hope he doesn't just sweep it under the rug. Keep the lines of communication open with him and try to provide him with as much reassurance as you can.

[sick2mystomch]

Yes we had done this before .... a couple times when C was m,arried we all skinnydipped......To do it now was mindless .. Just absolutely idiotic... and I am not sure how we managed not to drown... T included passed out in the corner.... Mind you this is also C's place of business (he lives on the premises of his work).... so what we did was absolutely mindless.....

 

C has tried to call, T hung up on him and threw the phone... C then called back and asked me to not answer the phone so he could leave T a message... In the message C simply said that he cannot remember anything & wishes he could... He cannot believe himself capable of hurting T this way and that he would rather kill himself than hurt T... He was crying and just left it by saying If he hurt T there isn't anything worse he can think of doing.... T listened then hung up and threw the phone......

[Sal Paradise]

He'll never forgive him. Even if in the 1 in a 10,000,000,000 chance he forgives you, you two will never be able to be friends with C again. That relationship is over for good.

[westernxer]

This is a story of T and C, and their battle over a little T & A.

[HotCaliGirl]

Originally posted by sick2mystomch

...I still don't know if I said anything to T when I got out of the pool, if C said anything, or what happened next....

I know that T left by 4: 15 am cause When I checked my cell phone the next morning C had tried to call T on it at 4:15.... C left a message that just said "T where are you this is C"....

If C was awake/alert at 4:15am to notice that T had already left and calls him to leave a message at that time asking where he is, and then later you wake up at 10am naked in bed with C - how is it that C is so innocent and like you has amnesia about the whole night? He obviously goes back to bed naked with you until you later get up at 10.

 

When your fiance wakes up and sees you f-ing his friend, first you and the guy move further away, then you swim away and get out of the pool. You say you don't remember so that means you weren't alert about anything the whole time, but in your fiance's mind he has to for the rest of his life buy that..

 

Anyways, I hope things work out. Maybe you're in denial about the whole thing and the more you say you don't remember, the more you start believing that you don't. I personally don't buy it but I do hope things will get better for the two of you.

[Sal Paradise]

Originally posted by HotCaliGirl

If C was awake/alert at 4:15am to notice that T had already left and calls him to leave a message at that time asking where he is, and then later you wake up at 10am naked in bed with C - how is it that C is so innocent and like you has amnesia about the whole night? He obviously goes back to bed naked with you until you later get up at 10.

 

When your fiance wakes up and sees you f-ing his friend, first you and the guy move further away, then you swim away and get out of the pool. You say you don't remember so that means you weren't alert about anything the whole time, but in your fiance's mind he has to for the rest of his life buy that..

 

Anyways, I hope things work out. Maybe you're in denial about the whole thing and the more you say you don't remember, the more you start believing that you don't. I personally don't buy it but I do hope things will get better for the two of you.

 

I agree I don't buy it either. You'd think they'd at least remember walking to the bed naked. I bet anything C remembers it all. I'm pretty sure she remembers something, and is just in denial about it.

[sick2mystomch]

I remember nothing other than what I have said I do... I do not at this point care what C does or does not remember... I am not going to bother to make denials about my memory from this point forward you, the reader are free to believe or not believe what I have written... Though again, I have no reason to lie, and am only writing here to vent my feelings without further hurting T, and also maybe to gain some insight from outside individuals who may have themselves been in a similiar situation and went through the emotions that T and I are going through. Even the doubtful comments are welcomed as I am sure the doubt is going to be something I will have to get used to...

 

SO we are doing a little better as of last night... I cut his hair and we bathed together... He said I am still his one and only & that he believes in his heart he can forgive me. I just said that loved him. We went to bed and made love... in a very possesive kind of manner, after he fell asleep in my arms. This is going to be rough, I just have to worry about what I can do to renew our commitment, and to renew the trust in our relationship, and work on me.....

I love him so very much

[westernxer]

Notice the correlation: pool, bathtub... water.

 

The X-factor is alcohol.

[Debster]

Yikes what an awful situation.

I too think that C's behaviour is a little wierd and think he remembers more than he says.

I hope that the two of you can get back what you had before but I think in order to do that you'll need to cut C out of both of your lives.

Good luck.

[westernxer]

No guy gets an erection without knowing he has it. Alcohol is just an excuse.

 

C's middle initials are BS.

[Opium]

Please... GOD let this all be a dream

 

This isn't a dream, it's a nightmare! I find it hard to believe you don't remember anything about that night. I do believe though that alcohol impares your judgement and makes you feel/think things you normally wouldn't do. Alcohol is 'like' a drug, you can't get enough and it can take over your life if you're not careful.

 

I would be shocked to see if your man stays with you, I wouldn't in my opinion, but that's me. I can't imagine doing what you did to my bf whether I was on drugs or alcohol, but one thing is saying it and one thing is actually doing it. How your bf even let you take off your clothes in front of another man is such crazy to me, my bf would have killed me then the his best friend.

 

I do feel sorry for you because one you claim you don't remember, which I think would have helped if your intentions were because you actually felt you wanted to do that with C. Their are things you don't remember when you drink but to forget the whole night, seems a little weird to me.

 

I hope you do whatever it takes to prove your innocense but it's going to be hard, you did f*ck his best friend. Just writing that gives me chills. I will tell you this don't for one moment think that picture he saw of you in the pool is ever going to go away, and forever as long as you're with him, he'll throw it in your face, it's only human.

[Sal Paradise]

Yeah I doubt it works out either. He may wan t to forgive you but wanting to do that and actually doing it is two different things. Witnessing it will make it almost impossible to forgive. The images will haunt his dreams as long as he remains with you. And if he does stay with you he will throw it up in your face everytime you two argue (and rightfully so). Better hope he doesn't find any of your friends attractive, he basically has a screw one of your friends cards he can cash in any time he wants. You may not see him as vengeful but being hurt like he has been hurt can change a person. It can make them do things they would of never done before.

[whichwayisup]

I feel really awful for what you're going through and I feel just as awful for you fiancee.

 

All I can say is maybe now is a good time not to drink - Period. Being drunk is one thing, but then doing things you have no memory of is really dangerous!! You learned that the hard way.

 

I'm sure there was NO intention of cheating, you've been really honest and upfront about it.

 

Sadly, you can't take it back...Only thing you can do is make it up to him, give him time and space. And, again, don't drink anymore. Maybe consider going to some AA meetings too.

 

Good luck and keep posting.

 

Oh, another thing is go to couples therapy. Communication is very important right now.

[Sal Paradise]

Yeah she should never drink alcohol again. If she truly feels bad about what she did then she shouldn't want to drink it again. It shouldn't be a huge sacrifice for someone who truly feels guilty.

[HotCaliGirl]

What if C slipped some date-rape drugs like GHB in her drink? That would explain why he would have sex with her 10 feet away from his best friend/her fiance - maybe he was jealous of them being together and wanted them to break up? He calls him at 4am but still goes back to bed with her naked.

 

Of the three of them, he knew what was up and he may have planned the whole thing. I am just considering this because I can't believe she and he both cannot remember anything about the whole night when it involves such important issues such as her fiance seeing her having sex with his best friend while she swims away noticing he has awoken, etc. etc. unless he had drugged her or she is in deep denial.

[Sal Paradise]

Originally posted by HotCaliGirl

What if C slipped some date-rape drugs like GHB in her drink? That would explain why he would have sex with her 10 feet away from his best friend/her fiance - maybe he was jealous of them being together and wanted them to break up? He calls him at 4am but still goes back to bed with her naked.

 

Of the three of them, he knew what was up and he may have planned the whole thing. I am just considering this because I can't believe she and he both cannot remember anything about the whole night when it involves such important issues such as her fiance seeing her having sex with his best friend while she swims away noticing he has awoken, etc. etc. unless he had drugged her or she is in deep denial.

 

Wouldn't the combo of that much alcohol and the drug make her pass out? If so how does that explain her wrapping her arms around him. Wouldn't it be easier for him to take her out of the pool and rape in her in a scenerio like that? Trying to hold her up in both of their drunken states on his own would be difficult. I'm not saying the drug should be ruled out but I'll go with the simpliest answer being the correct one. Her guilt over what happened has caused her to block it out. C most likely remembers it all and is lying. Perhaps she should talk to T and ask for more details about what he actually saw. But I think the chances of a rape here are unlikely.

[shygurl]

You know, it's very possible your fiance imagined what he saw...I've had some very very vivid dreams when drunk - that seemed so damn real. I thought you said your fiance was passed out on the steps, so if he was passed out, how could he have seen anything?

 

A story of mine......it shows you how things can appear much worse than they are.

 

Back 14 yrs ago, I was on a ski trip with my boyfriend (we'd been together for 2 yrs)...us and another couple and 2 single guys who were friends of my boyfriend.

 

We all went out to a local bar in the resort town, everyone had way too much to drink. We all cabbed it home. We were renting a large chalet that had an upstairs loft with 2 double beds, a sofa bed downstairs as well as a bedroom (the other couple got the bedroom). Me and my BF were upstairs in one of the beds of the loft. One of the single guys decided to start the fireplace up (woodburning).........being a drunk dumba$$ and not knowing what he was doing, he didn't open the damper on the fireplace. Before long ,smoke was rising up to the loft. I tried to wake my boyfriend and tell him we had to get downstairs, even in my very drunken state, I knew that smoke will rise and we could die of smoke inhalation/carbon monoxide poisoning or something. It was a thick blue haze up there. He thought I was crazy and paranoid. I tried to pull him out of bed, he wouldn't go. I tried to wake up the other guy in the next bed, he was fast asleep.

 

So I went downstairs, hell, I wasn't going to die.............I showed this goofball that you had to open the damper, and I opened the window some, too.

 

I woke up the next morning.............on the sofabed....naked, with the bedspread I'd pulled off the bed me and BF were sleeping in (to wrap myself in so I could go downstairs and open the damper).................covering me. I turned over, saw blonde hair....but it was curlier than my BFs. my heart sank. What an awkward position to be in. It was close to noon, I knew everyone would be waking up soon. I wanted to die. I had only ever gone downstairs to open the damper and prevent us all from dying.

 

Soon my boyfriend was coming down the stairs. I was in tears. He didn't look impressed but had never had a reason to mistrust me. The joker in bed with me says "wow, was that good for you?" and everyone is laughing......I was so humiliated and just wanted to run upstairs but gee, naked and with my blanket wrapped around me?

 

Nothing happened. I guess I just passed out. Thankfully my BF believed me..........and somehow remembered me trying to drag his arm and pull him out of bed and make him come downstairs.

 

I've never cheated, I've never done anything like that....but yes, I used to drink a lot.....and things always look worse in that scenario.

[Sal Paradise]

Originally posted by shygurl

You know, it's very possible your fiance imagined what he saw...I've had some very very vivid dreams when drunk - that seemed so damn real. I thought you said your fiance was passed out on the steps, so if he was passed out, how could he have seen anything?

 

A story of mine......it shows you how things can appear much worse than they are.

 

Back 14 yrs ago, I was on a ski trip with my boyfriend (we'd been together for 2 yrs)...us and another couple and 2 single guys who were friends of my boyfriend.

 

We all went out to a local bar in the resort town, everyone had way too much to drink. We all cabbed it home. We were renting a large chalet that had an upstairs loft with 2 double beds, a sofa bed downstairs as well as a bedroom (the other couple got the bedroom). Me and my BF were upstairs in one of the beds of the loft. One of the single guys decided to start the fireplace up (woodburning).........being a drunk dumba$$ and not knowing what he was doing, he didn't open the damper on the fireplace. Before long ,smoke was rising up to the loft. I tried to wake my boyfriend and tell him we had to get downstairs, even in my very drunken state, I knew that smoke will rise and we could die of smoke inhalation/carbon monoxide poisoning or something. It was a thick blue haze up there. He thought I was crazy and paranoid. I tried to pull him out of bed, he wouldn't go. I tried to wake up the other guy in the next bed, he was fast asleep.

 

So I went downstairs, hell, I wasn't going to die.............I showed this goofball that you had to open the damper, and I opened the window some, too.

 

I woke up the next morning.............on the sofabed....naked, with the bedspread I'd pulled off the bed me and BF were sleeping in (to wrap myself in so I could go downstairs and open the damper).................covering me. I turned over, saw blonde hair....but it was curlier than my BFs. my heart sank. What an awkward position to be in. It was close to noon, I knew everyone would be waking up soon. I wanted to die. I had only ever gone downstairs to open the damper and prevent us all from dying.

 

Soon my boyfriend was coming down the stairs. I was in tears. He didn't look impressed but had never had a reason to mistrust me. The joker in bed with me says "wow, was that good for you?" and everyone is laughing......I was so humiliated and just wanted to run upstairs but gee, naked and with my blanket wrapped around me?

 

Nothing happened. I guess I just passed out. Thankfully my BF believed me..........and somehow remembered me trying to drag his arm and pull him out of bed and make him come downstairs.

 

I've never cheated, I've never done anything like that....but yes, I used to drink a lot.....and things always look worse in that scenario.

 

People are looking for ways to excuse her behavior. He said he looked several times to make sure it was real. Furthermore if he dreamed it that wouldn't explain them waking up in bed naked next to each other. She needs to accept responsibility, looking for ways to excuse it or pretend it didn't happen won't help her.

[shygurl]

Originally posted by Sal Paradise

People are looking for ways to excuse her behavior. He said he looked several times to make sure it was real. Furthermore if he dreamed it that wouldn't explain them waking up in bed naked next to each other. She needs to accept responsibility, looking for ways to excuse it or pretend it didn't happen won't help her.

 

I'm not trying to make excuses for her behavior, I shared my story because it's proof that a person can end up in a precarious-looking situation though be completely innocent.

 

There's a few other things that don't add up here. If her fiancee was supposedly watching her screw his friend, and looked up several times to see it happen, why the hell didn't he jump in there and do something? or at the very least, say something............that doesn't make sense to me.

 

Though it doesn't make sense that 3 people would skinnydip like this.....

 

The fact that her fiancee is so willing to get through all this says to me that maybe he's not 100% sure he saw what he thinks he saw, don't you think?

 

if she was so darn drunk that she can't remember anything, then how could she have been a willing participant in sex? If you're that drunk, you'll pass out......or at least, just lying there in the dark and the movement in bed will cause you to feel sick, you'll likely throw up.

[Sal Paradise]

The not saying anything isn't all that odd really. I've been so hurt by people that I just walked away in shock. He was still intoxicated and in a state of utter shock. I don't think any of us can judge how someone should react to seeing their best friend screw their girlfriend. Everyone reacts differently to grief, sadness and anger.

 

The fact that he is willing to ignore what she did says to me that he is in denial about what happened. Its easy for him to slip into denial over it because his girlfriend doesn't remember it. Also its easier to ignore it than to deal with it. Once again everyone reacts differently.

 

People have blackouts while drinking, I don't doubt she could of had sex blacked out and forgot it all. Guilt can also cause a person to do this, combine guilt with booze and it isn't hard to imagine someone blacking out. My biggest problem is believing the OM doesn't remember any of it. Two blackouts seems a bit fishy to me.

[Sal Paradise]

All in all the chances of this just being in her boyfriends head or her being a victim of a date rape drug seem pretty far fetched.