Sweets1919 Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 I looked up "alcohol blackout" on the internet and found the following article: Blacking out is commonly confused with passing out . It cannot be overemphasized that these two conditions are mutually exclusive. That is, by definition, at any given time, you cannot have one if you have the other. A blackout is a period of amnesia during which the person is actively engaged in behaviors (e.g., walking, talking) but the brain is unable to form new memories for the events, leaving the person unable to recall the events once they are no longer intoxicated. Consistent with the definitions used by other researchers, Goodwin et al. (1969a) defined a blackout as "amnesia for the events of any part of a drinking episode, without loss of consciousness" (p. 194). Indeed, far from losing consciousness, the literature suggests that it is possible for individuals to experience blackouts while appearing only moderately intoxicated to the outside world. Jennison and Johnson (1994) state, "Blackouts usually happen in a drinking setting during which the person may or may not appear to be intoxicated" (p. 24). Further, Sweeney (1989) indicates that "...a person may drive a car and carry on a conversation in a nearly 'normal' fashion" (p. 161). So, according to this research, (and consistent with my personal experience as someone who has blacked out hours some evenings when I was up and about and carrying on conversations with people).....Sick2mystomach's experience is completely possible by her overuse of alcohol that night. And when you are in that drunken state there is much less conscious thought put into what you're doing. That's why people who are way over the limit decide to drive and possibly kill people and completely regret it the next day hoping it is a bad nightmare, yet someone who may have only had a few may say "oh, I don't know if I'm good to drive"...the more you have, the less you are thinking rationally or of other people's feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
sanne Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 If you have 3 kids what the hell are you getting plastered and skinny dipping in pools for? Link to post Share on other sites
Michael86 Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 Thanks Sweets. Hopefully you're not blacking out anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
sick2mystomch Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 SANE? Not something I do on a regular basis. Isn't it funny how alcohol issues don't care whether we have kids, are affluent, have careers, how old we are... etc? I do have three children, a 13 yr old, 10, & 6 year old... Nope I am not in my 20's.... If anyone in my town knew this took place they would be shocked, or at work for that matter... I am the Director of a Social Services organization.... Nope don't even go out that often, once in a blue moon.... But I have had some things happen when I have drunk to excess before...never anything sexual... but I am not willing to risk anything like this EVER happening again.... The alcohol is not worth it..... Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 Originally posted by sick2mystomch I do have three children, a 13 yr old, 10, & 6 year old... Nope I am not in my 20's.... If anyone in my town knew this took place they would be shocked, or at work for that matter... I am the Director of a Social Services organization.... Let's hope your work doesn't throw any pool parties. If it does, leave the kids at home... Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 4, 2005 Share Posted July 4, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Let's hope your work doesn't throw any pool parties. If it does, leave the kids at home... Link to post Share on other sites
sick2mystomch Posted July 15, 2005 Share Posted July 15, 2005 Montana trip went very well... T was able to talk to a friend of his M, who has been married for 30 yrs gone through both sides of infidelity early in his marriage and gottenthrough it ...... The guy is the biggest BSer in the world and drives me crazy after 20 minutes....but SOMEHOW something he said to T made a huge impact on him....... Maybe it was just T being able to talk to someone who is more his friend than OUR friend.... and being able to purge his feelings..... I don't know... but T came back after spending 2.5 hrs talking with M.... & just stared at me... I was dancing with our female friends Kim, & Terri... YEP completelly sober.....no drinking on Vacay either ! Anyway... T came back and just watched me.... then walked up danced with me and said... "my pretty girl"...which is what he used to call me before ....He went on to say that "the details have to change..but you are mine and I am yours, nothing will change that, & I still want to marry you next year.... So the vacation went well... we climbed in Kootenie County.... walked in Ross's Cedars.... Talked a lot.... Danced, laughed, made love, fell in love with Montana...... It was good... now we are home & still working on redefining normal....cause it isn't going to mean what it did before...... T & I are still going to counseling...... I'm still not drinking, & we're going on. ~C~ Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted July 15, 2005 Share Posted July 15, 2005 Sounds like its getting better. Just be prepared for the long haul. There will be good days and there will be days when he throws it all back in your face. Its good that you're not drinking (I would suggest never doing it again, I know if I was T I would demand it). I assume T isn't friends with C anymore. The same has to be true for you. If he catches you two talking in any way, shape, or form it will hurt him. No online texts, emails, nothing. It will only lead to trouble. He is a part of your old past. Leave him there. Link to post Share on other sites
Michael86 Posted August 28, 2005 Share Posted August 28, 2005 Hey Carly, if your'e out there I was just wondering how things were going with this. Michael Link to post Share on other sites
Iluvsiamese Posted August 29, 2005 Share Posted August 29, 2005 SalParadise is right--there will be good days and bad days and the criteria won't make a bit of sense. There will be no reason for them, it will just be the luck of the draw. I feel similar to T. Nothing so dramatic as what he has gone through, but when my guy was drunk he announced that he still loves his ex wife and that he is sorry that he screwed up and lost her. I suspected that this was the case, but I hoped that, after nearly 10 years of being separated and 9 of being divorced, complete with a 6 year relationship in between her and me, I was being paranoid and reading more into things than were really there. There are days when I think that I can handle this. There are other days when I just want to walk away because I just can't stand hearing another wonder-ex story. And then there are days when I love this guy to death. Just about the time I think that I am finally getting past this, he will play "If I could turn back time" by Cher or invite his stepdaughter to the house and away we go again. My brain tells me that he has the right to his feelings and that he is a sentimental sort and he raised his stepdaughter from the age of 12 so he should see her. But it still feels like I am second choice and it smarts. Some days, I can't even identify what creates the mood--good or bad. There is no trigger, no trip, no reminders, nothing. So try to be patient with T. You both have a long road ahead and there will be stretched of wonderful smooth going and nasty, muddy, bumpy patches. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted August 29, 2005 Share Posted August 29, 2005 Huge amounts of alcohol can make you do awful things, much worse than sex. You're more guilty of drinking than having sex in that state as in it wasn't you. It's never happened to me that I sleep with someone because I was drunk, but people are different. It's absolutely possible that you don't remember anything. Besides alcohol is a great aphrodisiac and intellect-blocker. In that moment you were a stupid aroused animal that responded to her id. Your sexual impulse pushed out any human reasoning in your head. The alcohol hypnotized you, it took complete control over both your mind and body. I believe you did it and your fiancé really saw what he saw, he didn't hallucinate or dream. The fact that you don't remember how you got into his bed doesn't mean you didn't do it by your own will at the moment. I am sorry you're going through this. I believe you can work it out. If his best friend had a fiancée, your fiancé would have probably slept with her that night. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 Ill warn you my post wont be nice No offense, but it seems like a lot of people are calling you so responsible and so caring and so regretful, I call bull**** on that First of all, as to you being "responsible" how so? When you called T in the beginning, you never once mentioned you were going to tell him what happened, he SAW you banging some guy in a pool, there is no way around that, you were responsible out of necessity basically and then on to the "i cant believe I did this! im shocked!" please, thats what 99% of cheaters say when they cheat, which part cant you believe? that you stupidly got drunk off your ass? or that you stupidly STAYED around ur bf's friend in a drunken state after your bf had left the area, the second your bf left and wasnt back in 5 minutes you should of been looking to find him, and really, leave the drunk excuse at home, nobody forced you to gulp down all that booze, and the fact that you dont remember it doesnt make it any better, during your black out periods it it doesnt mean u turn into a completely different person, you said he SAW you doing him, he got up and went by the pool(the same pool u happened to be humping his best friend in) and got dressed, this, according to him, caused you to swim to the other side and eventually get out, which means, you SAW your bf, yet you went and probably rode on C some more, because you woke up in bed next to him Second of all, dont ever let your bf read this topic, why? you have the nerve to defend that C guy? I remember you basically sticking up for him saying "oh im sure C doesnt remember too!" and bla bla, and hey its REALLY sweet and all that this kid sends ur bf some little love letter, but it doesnt erase the fact that he CALLED your bf at 4 am, but still went back and laid next to his best friends naked girlfriend, and you dont see something wrong with that? and you HAVENT pointed that out to C? wtf? this is one of the main reasons I dont believe you dont remember anything, hell you or your BF didnt notice that C called him at 4am? it didnt hit a signal in your bf's head? and third- you can go on and on about how you dont remember everything and people can post all their little articles about black outs and alcohol, fact is its pretty damn conveinent you bone some dude but none of you remembers, come on now, for what reason your bf didnt hear that and tell your ass to get out ill never know, you keep going on about how again this is a big shock, yet you were the same person with 3 children who was out at some pool party getting completely wasted, skinny dipping with her bf in front of his friends, lol, and stuff like that, yet its SO out of character for you to get drunk and mount his friend? riiiight Im pretty sure you remember what u did,maybe not EVERYTHING, but im sure you remember enough to know you did something with him,I understand MAYBE just MAYBE that u dont remember the act itself, but certain things lead up to sex, you dont remember kissing him or ANYTHING? thats why people dont believe u, either ur in heavy denial, or you just dont wanna admit you cheated, some ppl convince themselves they will never cheat and when they do they brainwash themselves and honestly, youre lucky this guy is even still with you, I still cant imagine why a guy would let his girl go out and bone some dude and then take her back? wtf? to me its like now everytime i kiss her i have that guys dick in my mouth, everytime I make love to her I would be wondering if she enjoyed being with him etc. and I honestly dont think it will last, 2 things happen when someone cheats, 1 the person they betrayed dumps their ass(i dont care about the scenario, this should happen to EVERY cheater) or, the person betrayed tries to forgive them ,resulting in bitterness and resentment, whenever the person messes up they will throw the fact that u cheated in their face, whenever they get angry they will throw that in your face,and all in all just cause more fights and cause even you to resent him even tho youre the betrayer, and especially if your bf ever got mad and stormed off? If I were u i'd be pissin my pants afraid he was out with some chick now cuz its nothing less than a cheater deserves And I honestly truly feel sorry for your bf, if he leaves you he has now lost the love of his life, if he stays with you he has to live with the fact that the person he was meant to be with rode his best friend, and eventually that will just cause problems Link to post Share on other sites
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