JustAGirl Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 Hi This guy just called and invited me to his end-of-the-year party (tomorrow). I wanna go, however, it might result in probs with my bf, because: 1) the guy who's having a party clearly likes me... he's given me a gift, asked me out tons of times, etc. I always said no but stayed friendly & all. makes sense? 2) my bf gets rlly jealous every time i talk about this guy... b/c he feels like he's "better" cuz he's 3rd year (me n my bf r fresh), he speaks my language, etc. I try to talk about him as much as i do about anyone i know, i dont wanna make him a taboo topic or anything, but my bf always gives a reaction, esp. if i say this guy convinced me of smth or smth like that. 3) My parents (w/ my consent) don't let me to go my bf's house. it's a general rule: no houses w/ a guy, alone. I know they would let me go if i said i rlly want to, but i don't want to take our physical relationship any further at this point, which would be hard not to do at his house, so i use this "excuse" Sooo he'll be like FINE, your parents let u go to his place but not to mine cuz he's older and speaks yr language, etc etc... And i dont like this guy back at all! The main reason i wanna go to his party is cuz i wanna meet more people who speak my language from our university... Anyway, any advice? I feel silly having to consider so much cuz of a simple party.... Thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 ask this guy if this party is invitation only or 'open house'. if he says it's open house, say, "do you mind if i bring someone along"? - bring your boyfriend if he won't act insecure and jealous in front of this guy and only if you want him to come along. will the guy who asked you to the party think that you coming with him is his opportunity to go for it with you? is he the kind of guy who would get the wrong impression? if you don't want your boyfriend to go, tell this other guy that you'd gladly accept his offer, but only as a friend. your boyfriend obviously feels threatened by this guy because of his own insecurities - he may feel threatened if he believes this guy is better looking, funnier, has more to offer....naturally you'd want this other guy more (umm...not!). but these are all his own insecurities which, by the way, he really needs to deal with in order to trust you properly. and if you are his first serious relationship, he will have all these feelings that he's never experienced before, such as jealousy, insecurity etc. jealousy is all borne out of fear, and your boyfriend obviously fears losing you. but in all honesty, you should be able to go to any party you want to. obviously you don't need his permission, but he needs to learn that there is nothing to worry about. and if he acts all childish over it, well, go anyway. it is a bit of a tough decision because you want to go but you don't want to upset your boyfriend. but the fact is, you're not doing anything wrong by going along, you're not doing anything behind his back, so he has nothing to get upset about. he's upsetting himself, all by himself. good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
JustAGirl Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 I can't bring my bf cuz the party is all people who speak my language, and he doesn't ... Besides, i wanna meet new people, which would be way harder if he's there... I will go... One question: do you think he'll eventually get used to this? like can practice help solve insecurity? will this jealousy fade? not cuz he'll stop caring, but cuz he'll be more sure of me or smth? thanks..... Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted April 13, 2001 Share Posted April 13, 2001 One question: do you think he'll eventually get used to this? like can practice help solve insecurity? i really hope that for your sake he does get used to it. he really has no other choice but to get used to it. imagine if you were to start changing your routine and not doing the things that you wanted to because he'd get jealous - you would end up resenting him so much. if you've always been faithful to him and/or never done anything for him to lose trust in you, then he really has no reason to behave like this. maybe you could point that out to him. you are up-front and honeset about going to a party without him. a lot of people would have done it behind their partners back, but not you. he should be really grateful for that. will this jealousy fade? not cuz he'll stop caring, but cuz he'll be more sure of me or smth? i hope it does fade. only time will tell, really. obviously he cares, otherwise he wouldn't feel jealous and insecure. maybe getting reassurance from you will help. but i say, keep living your life the way you do now (doing absolutely nothing wrong), but at the same time giving him the attention he deserves (you probably already do!!). also, he needs to be more sure of himself. if he were to go out with his friends without you more often, he'd realise, "geez, this actually works. it's all good, and i can't wait to see her again". try and get him to go out with his friends as well, have his own interests and hobbies and also make quality time for the two of you together. it really is so easy to balance the two without feeling threatened...but if he can't deal with his jealousy, he will ultimately drive you away and threaten the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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