Does my first love still love me??

[clandestinidad]

I havent been on here in a few months. Something's been bothering me for a while and I dont know what I should do about it, so here I am!!

 

I met my first love when I was about 11. He moved a few years later, and we've seen each other off and on and talked in the last 13 years. We talked a lot online for a few months, and he came to my state (w/ some friends...not to visit me) and we got to see each other for the first time in about 7 years (after a lot of time talking online). It was GREAT! Felt so good to be around him again and all that stuff.....

 

The thing is, he didnt want to be alone w/ me or spend more time together, which left me very confused b/c we had talked before about how we've always wondered about each other, and being together again.

 

He's in a relationship, and so am I....since the day I saw him I've been acting strange in my own relationship...probably trying to push him away and destroy it so he'll break up w/ me (??? i dont know). I've been depressed for the last few months, and I think its b/c of my old love (among other life crap)

 

I finally wrote him an email b/c we hadnt talked since that day and the way he had acted was driving me crazy...here it is:

I've just been wondering how you are since I saw you last, cuz I never see you online to talk. I had to tell you that I'm really glad I got to see you. I would have liked to see you more, but I guess you couldnt or didnt want to. I'm not sure if you just didnt want to hang out with me, or if you saw me and decided you didnt want anything to do w/ me, or what.....but we havent talked at all or anything and I dont like it. I miss talking to you. Anyway, I'd like to know what's up so please email me back soon to let me know (even if its something not-so-nice to hear I'd still like to know). Anyway, I hope everything's going well for you and that youre having fun!! Later! ~Kat

 

This is the email I got back a few days later:

i've been looking for you online the last few days. where have you been? i'm good. please don't worry about anything. i just felt a little weird when i saw you. it wasn't anything bad at all. i was struck with strange old feelings of childhood and that was contrasted with all the sex talk we've had. part of me felt weird and part of me wanted to hang out and another part really wanted to take you home and make love to you. it was a very strange feeling. plus i was in a bit of a weird situation with kate and me and i thought that it might be over between us. but it wasn't and its not and things are awesome. anyway, it was great to see you. i kinda wish we could have made it happen like we talked about but its probably better that we didn't. later.

 

(I didnt want to sleep with him, just spend time together.) I'm confused by this email...I'm having a hard time figuring out how he feels. Does he still love me and wonder about it like I do?? Does he not?? Should I tell him anything about how I feel??? B/c apparently he's great with her. Besides the fact that if I told him anything it might ruin any further communication between us. I dont know what to do...

[d'Arthez]

It's very hard to go by his message alone. An email is a private form of communication, so you may assume that he is talking what he honestly thinks / feels. There is no point in being a macho in an email.

What he wrote may be indicative of some interest, but the question is, what interest? Seeing that he already has a gf and you are in a commited relationship yourself, his confession of wanting to make love to you seems odd to say the least. I am assuming that he knows you have a bf too.

 

So what does it mean? Remember he was still in a commited relationship, when he actively thought of making love to you. He did not act on it, and he has not broken up with his gf, which would be little more than a formality if we may believe what he tells about his relationship.

So at the best he is confused, and at worst, well you can term it yourself.

 

As you wrote yourself, this online relationship seems to have a detrimental effect on your relationship. This can happen in various ways. You can idealize your first love, and be completely oblivious to his flaws. He can plant seeds of doubt in your head, in the way he is talking about your bf (mostly in side-remarks, probably).

 

Whatever the truth is, this email is definitely at odds with the perception you have at the current moment. And you will have to look at your relationship with your bf, and see how the first love has a negative influence on it.

You know your first love better than I can judge him on the basis of the 6 or 7 lines he wrote in the email message. Look good at the conversations you had with him, and you will discover his true intentions.

[truthmag]

when you are about 20 and up you are going to look back on this post and be like WHAT WAS I THINKING..

 

i know you think he was your first love ..but it was really puppy love..

 

later on life when u find SOMEONE better..

 

your going to say THAT IS your first love..

 

you are clearly too too too too too too young to be up on here.

[clandestinidad]

Yeah, thanks...I'm 24 (apparently someone didnt read my post very closely...b/c I mentioned that we met at 11 yrs old, and 13 yrs later we still talk and everything)

 

I'm really just wondering if other people would tell the person that they still wonder, and would like to try it out, and see what happens, since we've kind of talked about it before...and talked a lot about everything actually...I know something's still there, I'm just wondering if other people would tell him/her

[clandestinidad]

Update: After he wrote that email, I didnt know what to respond with. I decided to wait until I had figured out what I thought about the situation. In the meantime, I had sent an email that I discovered was a hoax, so I sent another one stating so. This is what i got back:

 

this isn't the reply i was looking for.

x

 

 

So, I sucked it up and wrote this back:

 

Aww...my ____...I've been trying to figure out what to write back...I loved certain parts of your email....I didnt like a certain part of it though (about you and Kate), but I cant do anything about that. On one hand I'm glad youre happy with someone (if you truly are), but on the other hand I wish you werent. See, this is why I hadnt given a reply yet....I feared that I would be too honest. I did want to let you know that I hadnt just wanted to have sex with you (well, not that day, at least!)...I just wanted to spend some time w/ you....see what you were like in person after all of our online chats....see if anything would be there....just have fun together. I just wish at some point in time we'd get to find out if theres anything between us. Im still attracted to you...I felt like something was there....God, I should shut up....I'm sorry....this is why I was keeping my mouth shut. Alright, if I havent freaked you out write me back sometime!!!

 

And got this from him the other day:

 

i realize that i am writing you back now but i am going to be writing you back

much more in depth in a few days. so just wait a little bit. i'm sorry that

its taken this long. i tried to find you online a few weeks ago but you were

nowhere to be found. so...how are you? are you looking forward to hearing from

me soon? i hope you and your daughter are well. later.

xo

 

And I just sent this back to him:

 

Hola _____!! I'm glad you wrote back. My daughter and I are pretty good...having a lot of fun together. She's hilarious...and sooooo sweet. She loves to hug and kiss and cuddle w/ me!!! Of course, I have no complaints about that! haha We jump and dance around the house...and she sings w/ me too!!! haha Its fun! Anyway, yes, I'm looking forward to your "more in depth" email! I'm obviously interested in what you think about stuff. So what have you been up to? More designs for people? I hope thats all still going well for you. Okay, I gotta take care of some stuff around here, but I'll talk to you or hear from you later!!

 

So, I'm anxious.....very anxious. I certainly hope he wouldnt build it up like that knowing that his response wont be good!!! I really dont expect that he'll say he wants to try something...we live in diff. states. And I imagine he'll probably say something like "yeah, I wonder too, but it wont/cant ever happen"

 

I really just want to try it....spend some time together and see if anything's there....ugh, I hate waiting

[Zaira]

Sounds like love to me

[whichwayisup]

are you looking forward to hearing from

me soon? i hope you and your daughter are well. later.

Seems abit odd that he is asking that question.

 

He is with someone else, you've told him that you don't like that and he is flirting with you. Uhmm, I wouldn't trust this new and budding friendship. And I don't think "Kate" will like the fact he's doing this either.

 

If he loves you and is willing to end his relationship to be with you, OK. Let him end it completely and then start dating you. It isn't right to be pursuing him when he's involved with someone else and ofcourse, he's at fault too, for allowing this to happen.

 

Sometimes it's best to leave the past in the past.

 

Love at 11, 12, 13 is different. One can't compare it because its' different stages in life. So, I'm sure he has feelings for you but they aren't the same as you want it to be. I don't know, I could be completely wrong and he could be inlove with you. Either way, I'm sure he'll write back. Just keep your guard up.