Jane128 Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 So me and ex broke up about 3 months ago, it was me that initiated it but because he was hardly making time to see me and then when we were breaking up I was trying to say we could make it work and he was saying it would just go bad in the next couple of months because he had a project with work so would hardly have any spare time. I insisted it was excuses and asked if he just didn't want to be with me anymore but he just kept blaming it on work (I think he was being a coward and didn't want to break up with me but wanted me to do it). I was absolutely heartbroken (still am) about it all and we haven't spoken since, this was all done over text and he said he wouldn't know when he'd have chance to meet up to talk about it all. I asked for some headphones back of mine he had and he said he'd bring them round but he never did. I still have a shirt of his and now it's been a few months I really want to text him and ask him what he wants me to do with it and hoping he suggests to meet up, or do I just go for it and ask if he wants to meet up as well? Thing is I saw on social media he was friends with his ex and he's been liking things of hers- sounds crazy but I can't help but think they're back together or something so am I just going to look really stupid plus surely he would have contacted me if he'd have wanted to? I just really want him back or at least to meet in person and clear everything up as I didn't get real closure, it hurts so much that he hasn't even made one attempt to contact me I feel like he just completely dropped me Advice would be greatly appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 You are kidding yourself. You wanted more of his attention. He point blank said work commitment would prevent him from giving you what you want. Where in the 3 months that have passed do you get the idea he has the time or inclination to fix what caused you to break up with him in the first place? He didn't. You are just sad because while before you were getting some attention & had a BF, now you are lonely. That is no reason to go back to a relationship that wasn't working for you. Package up his shirt & mail it to him or give it to a mutual friend to return to him. Holding out hope for a meet to reconcile won't get you anywhere. The same problems that caused you to leave in the 1st place still exist. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 I don't see any reason to contact him, no. He let you go because he also knew this relationship wasn't working anymore. Why would you want to go back to someone who made no time for you? It hurts, but you ended it for a valid reason. He wasn't too interested in trying to change anything. As far as the shirt goes, he's evidently not too concerned about getting it back. I would just toss it. Are the headphones he has very valuable? I'm guessing not, but if so, arrange for a friend to get them for you. I don't think seeing him in person is a great idea because I don't think it's going to bring you the closure you're looking for (that comes from within you, not from him) It will likely only hurt you more. Please block/delete him from all social media. You're delaying your healing by keeping an eye on his activity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 If you reach out after THREE MONTHS to exchange a shirt and headphones you will lose all your dignity. No contact. Starr dating he moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 I just really want him back or at least to meet in person and clear everything up as I didn't get real closure, it hurts so much that he hasn't even made one attempt to contact me I feel like he just completely dropped me Advice would be greatly appreciated! What do you need to clear up, and how are you hoping he can help you with that? I think that things are pretty clear, but you don't like the answer he has given you with his silence. Contacting him won't help anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane128 Posted May 16, 2016 Author Share Posted May 16, 2016 What do you need to clear up, and how are you hoping he can help you with that? I think that things are pretty clear, but you don't like the answer he has given you with his silence. Contacting him won't help anything. Well I guess it was because the break up happened very sudden and it was all over text and I felt like he didn't tell me the truth of why it happened so I suppose I was hoping perhaps he'd be more honest with me as to what was going through his head.. But you're right contacting him won't help, I was just thinking maybe he hadn't contacted me because he was hoping I wood and didn't want to first but that's stupid just me being filled with pathetic hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 Well I guess it was because the break up happened very sudden and it was all over text and I felt like he didn't tell me the truth of why it happened so I suppose I was hoping perhaps he'd be more honest with me as to what was going through his head.. But you're right contacting him won't help, I was just thinking maybe he hadn't contacted me because he was hoping I wood and didn't want to first but that's stupid just me being filled with pathetic hope. It wasn't sudden. You initiated the ending because he wasn't investing time with you. You're never going to get the truth. If he told you ABC today, how would you even know if what he was saying is true? He's not contacting you because he doesn't want to and I have a feeling you pulled an ending hoping it will cause fear in him and he would start giving you what you needed. It backfired and he went through with it and that is indicative of how much value he placed in you and the relationship. Best to stay NC and keep pushing through. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 He would reach out if he wanted to speak. Im so sorry I know its very hard but even if he gave you answers you would still have more questions and forever analyze what he said. What he would say would not be the truth anyways...some casual lame attempt to soften the blow. He lost interest and that isnt a reflection on you, Im sure you are amazing, its just feelings changed. It hurts and you arent in less pain yet because you are stuck in denial and hoping he will change his mind. Id take control and block his # from your phone and email. Hes hurt you, done nothing to check on you or give closure...he shouldnt have the right to ever reach you again (not saying he will try) but blocking every avenue will stop you from waiting or wondering. Youve got to change your focus and get yourself whole and healthy again. Admit it is totally done. Have you gotten a manicure in awhile, gone to the gym, planned a trip, job searched, planned girls nights, anything fun just for you?! You need to do those things to take care of your wellbeing and improve. He isnt your whole world...just because he is out of your life doesnt mean there arent good days, memories to make, fun to be had. Change your focus...he has...you need to get going on really living now with your head held high. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 I didn't get real closure... You broke up with him over text. Kinda sounds like you did that to yourself. Normally, I would say that if you want him back, you need to go all out and tell him that you want him back, but in this case, I don't think you really want him back. I think you're just lonely. And that is the wrong reason to reach out to an ex. Link to post Share on other sites
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