Girlfriend pulled a 180.

[Chip32]

My girlfriend (22) and I (25) were together for about 2 years. We talked of marriage, children, and buying a home. She was the sweetest and least complicated girl I have ever been with. I had my time in college, being crazy and wasting time with terrible women, and she was it for me. I was done, I had found the love of my life. We moved in together after 6 months (her idea), and I had never been happier.

 

About four months ago, something started to change in her. She became distant and cold. I no longer felt love in our home, but more an annoyance of my being there. I continued to ask her what was going on, and she continued to tell me she was stressed because of school. (She was finishing her junior year of college, and I am a full time worker already in a career.) I put forth more effort to assist her in studying, tried to make dates to help her relax, and put more and more effort into her to make her happy. She just wasn't there. The girl I loved more than anything was disappearing in front of my eyes, and nothing I did would help.

 

After all of this effort, I then decided to try and back off. This too, did not work. She had made new friends at her job, and wanted to spend more and more time with them, and less with me. This did not phase me at all, until she began texting one co worker continuously. I sat her down, and explained I was feeling insecure about it, and wanted to know if there was anything to worry about. I'll never forget the words "it's not my job to make you more secure, you Need to do that yourself." Now, I know this. I get it. However, to feel so shut down and have your feeling so disreguared in a moment of vulnerability..the words still ring in my head.

 

Flash forward to about two weeks ago, and we have dinner plans. She texts me and cancels, saying her dad wanted to take her to dinner. That's fine. Family first. I just asked her to let me know when she would be home. I don't hear from her until 10 that night, saying she will be home. When she got home I said "late dinner?" And it was on. She was yelling about me not giving her space, how she doesn't know if she loves me anymore, and how I need to "get out of her apartment."

 

I cried. I didn't understand. I was all around pathetic. I left for the night and stayed at a friends, hoping to talk after she calmed down. Now, she won't speak to me. She doesn't seem sad. She is just done with me.

 

I'm heartbroken. I thought we had a future together, and she saw me as replaceable. I've since moved into a new apartment. I've settled in there. But my thoughts won't go away. Will she come back? What did I do? What the hell just happened? Should I try and call? All questions running through my mind.

 

Instead of reaching out to her, I find myself here. I know there is no way for anyone to tell me what happened. But damn, has anyone found themselves in this situation? Is there anything I can do?

[Sparta]

She's done with you I know it sucks just trust me and be done with her she is with you. Any kind of you pleading are begging her crying for her back just makes you look really weak it already has that's why she's being so mean she doesn't respect you. Go NC (no contact) Buddy

[LostOnes05]

Been there...nothing you can do about it. I'd bet she got GIGS (grass is greener syndrome), started to emotionally cheat (at least) with the co-worker, and lost attraction to you. I was cheated on and whenever a woman changes from loving to argumentative and nothing you do is right (even if it is), there is someone else in the picture. The disrespectful way she spoke to you and the arguments were just a means to justify breaking things off with you. Think about it. If she doesn't become rude and create arguments, she doesn't really have any grounds for kicking you out and moving on quickly.

 

DO NOT CALL HER! HAVE NO CONTACT WITH HER! That means don't ask mutual friends about her, peak at her social media or anything. She kicked you out and won't speak to you. She has to initiate the reconciliation. Your mistake was crying about it and trying to reason with her. You'll never win that way, so it's best to just walk away with your dignity.

 

I wish you the best with your healing but never beg for her back! If she wants to be with you, nothing will stop her.

[Buddhist]

I'm heartbroken. I thought we had a future together, and she saw me as replaceable. I've since moved into a new apartment. I've settled in there. But my thoughts won't go away. Will she come back? What did I do? What the hell just happened? Should I try and call? All questions running through my mind.

 

Instead of reaching out to her, I find myself here. I know there is no way for anyone to tell me what happened. But damn, has anyone found themselves in this situation? Is there anything I can do?

 

I think it's a good thing you're reaching out here. You are likely to get more traction on your own life than by contacting her. Your story is identical to my last relationship. Here's what I learnt after 4yrs of grieving this.

 

- The idea of commitment was fine with her....until it got real. And by real I mean, until the day she woke up and realised she was living with a man she will probably marry and very soon have children and well, that will be it. Panic set in.

 

- She started to act out her panic about the impending death of her youth, independence and freedom to make choices without regard to anyone else. Bear in mind she is only 22, still a teenager really. Yes, yes she's doing all those grown things but she's barely out into the world and standing in her life is what appears to be an impending sense of sudden responsibility.

 

- So, she makes a break for freedom by ignoring you, letting the relationship die, focusing on her friends and all the freedom that they have. All of this makes her panic seem plausible, sensible even. She shouldn't lock herself into a lifestyle before she's even lived. Now she's committed to one thing, and one thing only. Her freedom.

 

- You reach out to her and that's it, all her resentment over losing her freedom and youth and whatever other thing is on her mind blows up and 'ends' the relationship. Truth be told, this relationship was over months ago in her mind. She was just treading water until she could find the courage and anger to just blurt it all out.

 

No she won't come back. She is convinced she made a lucky escape. You did nothing wrong except represent a stable influence in her life that made her rebel against it. That's an internal thing and who really knows why anyone is triggered in such a way.

 

Bottom Line - she tried to settle down too soon and it was panic stations to get out of there. Better now than after a wedding or mid-plans or whatever. It will hurt for a while but you'll eventually move on. Slow movement though.

[B345T]

Very immature how she handled it and you have to assume the worst in these situations. She was probably cheating on you and took your kindness for granted. She ended up having no respect for you or herself and treated you like dirt just like a child would. Similar to my situation where she thinks the grass is greener on the other side. Let her go and do what she wants your main priority now is to focus on you. Take a day if you need to cry and yell and do whatever you need to feel better. Start hitting the gym everyday it will help you feel a lot better and just overall work on improving yourself. Pick up hobbies change your settings and just start fresh you could probably use it. She will come back around they all do but you CANNOT contact her whatsoever or it WILL ruin your chances. Take it from someone who dealt with this a month ago, she is young and still needs to experience certain things in her life to understand how well she had it. You are older and know better you will find someone that you deserve and she will resent her decision till the day takes her last breath but what's more important is to take care of yourself because nobody else can do it better than you. You sound like an awesome person who just gained a lot of valuable knowledge on how dirty people can really be. You're gonna do great I can promise you that.

[smudge21]

Nothing much you can do in this situation. You are still very young and you will meet plenty more people in your life, so do not waste any of your time on someone who doesn't care for you or respect you in any way. Go out of this one with some pride and do not contact her. If you have to see her, understand totally that this was her choice, she chose to shop elsewhere and her actions betray that state of mind; the way she acted so defensive and never wanted to talk about things - her mind was made up long before you broke up. Do not chase after her as it will achieve nothing and only hurt you more. Take that from someone who's made those mistakes.

[Satu]

Sorry that you're in this very painful situation.

 

Its almost certain that she's with someone else now.

 

In this situation, hope is not your friend.

 

 

There is nothing you can do to make her come back, if she doesn't of her own free will want to.

 

Not long letters of apology.

Not tears.

Not begging and pleading.

Not buying roses.

Not 'fighting for the relationship.'

Not writing poems.

Etc...

 

Leave her totally alone.

 

Do nothing.

 

No contact.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

[sowhynot]

The forum is littered with similar posts from the under 25's - unfortunately.

 

 

Take a deep, deep breath, and accept that from THIS moment, it's finished.

 

 

Only once you've made that decision can you start the process of healing .

 

 

And the sooner you do that, the sooner you WILL start to feel better about yourself and the sooner you WILL find a relationship that lasts*.

 

 

 

 

 

*Probably

[gimlynick]

Hang on buddy, sooner or later better times will come...

 

Many people over here have been in the exact situation, so do I.

 

 

There really is nothing you can do, just try to move on and forget her. If you think about her, then start thinking about the break up, and what a horrible ***** she became. You don't want someone in your life who treats you like this.

 

Maybe one day she wil regret this... But when this happens you are supposed to be over her, you will understand at that moment that it wasn't suposed to be, that she is unstable and that there are better people then her on the world.

 

Yes, she is very young, those girls need time to explore the world.

 

When, after 6 months dating, I presented my ex to my mom and dad, they were very happy for me, but when later that evening my dad took me apart he said the wise words

" Don't get too attached to her, she is young, wild, and can't get caged this early in life, she is hot and will probably have 100 more relations before she finally settles. "

So yes, those words were correct, and offcourse, we, the guys who are crazy in love with such a girl, don't see this coming. We think that this is for real and for ever. Even the girls do, but yes they all get GIGs, and we hate them for this.

 

Hang on buddy, one day we get through this, now, try to stay No Contact, it helps! I broke it, and it was the worst decision of my life ( hearing that she is with someone else now, and that she now sees that our relation wasn't that special at all ), so probably in your case it will be exactly the same...

Edited May 8, 2016 by gimlynick

[Blackmoon2k4]

I can relate your story completely, I've been through almost the exact same thing (although I'm in my 30s). Thank you to all of you who share advice and support, it helps more than you know. Stay strong buddy!

[keiji]

I'm sorry you're going through that, mate. I agree with the other posters: I think the relationship is over. If she started pulling away, she was probably mourning the end of the relationship already. I went through the same last summer and we were over in October after trying to rehash something that was dying on her part. They seem distant for a reason.

 

Go no contact, but remember, not to make her miss you, but for you to move on and heal. We've all been there and, as we say around these parts, it's not a tasty dish, but you'll digest it.

 

Keep that chin up!

[JohnFDoe]

If you think she was on a dinner date with her dad till 10pm you're a fool hah. She was monkey branching and found something else she liked. She's 22 mate don't get hung up on this girl, at that age all good looking girls are jumping around looking for the best offer.

 

Stay strong

[bluefeather]

I'm pretty sure you know what happened....

 

 

 

You dodged a bullet, that's what happened. Thank God, because now you can move on and find someone better. Your new life starts now.