3 Three weeks of no contact and I'm struggling-

[Memay]

Dear all,

 

He dumped me in Januaray after two years of a roller coaster relationship. Since then I tried the shameful begging, crying manipulating things a lot of dumpees have done before me. In April I asked him directly to try again. He said no - nothing has changed since January. That was my 'I surrender' waving the white flag moment. I wrote with teary eyes that I wish him well and that by going our seperate ways I'd hope both of us would get happy again. Back then I thought staying polite and wishing him well was civil. It's been three weeks and what can I say...it's hard and energy sucking. I have good days and bad days and today I was this close to write him. I didn't, instead I came here. I don't know if I can withstand it longer. These three weeks has been the longest amount of no contact we ever had. I don't want to give up that - that is my pride speaking. But what would I give to have him knocking on my door telling me he changed his mind and that he has done a terrible mistake. Any of you know it and know how to withstand this urge? Going out with others is what I do but... There are those dark hours I wish I could just hear his voice.

 

Memay

[d0nnivain]

You are doing the right thing.

 

 

Yes, it's hard but keep coming up with alternatives to calling him. Here is great. Your BFF or your family works too. So does going for a walk.

 

 

Hang in there. It does get easier.

 

 

For now, make sure reminders of him are thrown out or put away. Rearrange your living space both for something to do & so you won't look at that chair & remember him sitting in it.

[Memay]

Thank you dOnnyvain for your support. I read a lot on the forum and gained perspective. It's just the heart that isn't as fast as the head. I feel somehow will power common sense and logic are rules out by emotions and my bad luck is that if that is true I know exactly what he is going thru now. He left me for his ex. Every one told him that it makes now sense and that he will get hurt. He did get hurt and still he chooses to fight for her instead of coming back to me. Somehow we both must be fools - each hurting for his own, mourning a different loss.

[Satu]

Ultimately it comes down to willpower and self-discipline.

 

It gets easier as time passes.

 

You'll be OK.

 

 

Take care.

[Rachel39]

I thought I was reading about me it identical only I ended it in January because I felt forced to and then begged humiliated myself .... And the rest I am also 3 weeks no contact he has never once contacted me it was always me contact him and the last time I asked was when I went to pick up my stuff just over 3 weeks ago.

 

It's so hard I really really understand today I thought about him constantly and the urge to text him but I didint !

 

We will get through it because we have to and life moves on its so sad that's all I keep thinking is this is so sad that we are no longer together because we did so much together and I miss that more than anything the friendship side of the relationship.

 

Your doing great hang in there as hard as it is

 

Iv had to get myself another part time job as well as working for myself and at college and looking after my son he is 13 in also a single paren but live back with parents at the moment so that's a help just so I'm not home getting down anymore as it was ripping me to bits

[ALL OR NOTHING]

Dear all,

 

He dumped me in Januaray after two years of a roller coaster relationship. Since then I tried the shameful begging, crying manipulating things a lot of dumpees have done before me. In April I asked him directly to try again. He said no - nothing has changed since January. That was my 'I surrender' waving the white flag moment. I wrote with teary eyes that I wish him well and that by going our seperate ways I'd hope both of us would get happy again. Back then I thought staying polite and wishing him well was civil. It's been three weeks and what can I say...it's hard and energy sucking. I have good days and bad days and today I was this close to write him. I didn't, instead I came here. I don't know if I can withstand it longer. These three weeks has been the longest amount of no contact we ever had. I don't want to give up that - that is my pride speaking. But what would I give to have him knocking on my door telling me he changed his mind and that he has done a terrible mistake. Any of you know it and know how to withstand this urge? Going out with others is what I do but... There are those dark hours I wish I could just hear his voice.

 

Memay

 

What you need to understand fully is that the relationship you had is now over! It's dead , however one day there might be a chance to start a new one but that won't help you ATM , the only way your gunna start feeling better is accepting that it is infact over and slowly stabilizing that reality. You need to fill all the empty space that your partner took up , as In doing things to fill your time and remembering that he was just apart of your journey in life and nothing more. It's all about you , it's always been about you and always will be. Delete his number , block Facebook and embrace the change that's happening in few months Youl see things a lot differently , Youl realize that you are different to him , you are someone who doesn't give up and he is someone who does , these two types don't belong together , if you stop all cobtact he will most likely break and contact you in a month or two by this time you will be stronger and will be able to make the the choice wether to go through all this again of walk away a stronger person. However bad your feeling just remember thousands of people are going through the same thing right now , you are not alone , also try to remember that in less than a 100 years every one on the planet will be dead and everything you thought that mattered won't and the only thing Youl regret is wasting one moment not smiling. If it was meant to be it will be , no matter what happens love will always find you.

[basil67]

I'm going to throw in something a little more blunt: Why would he return to a relationship which even you admit was a rollercoaster? And unless you are hooked on drama, why would you want this for yourself?

 

Good relationships are comfortable and easy. They may have peaks and troughs, but in a good relationship they are rolling hills - not rollercoasters.

 

It may not feel like it now, but you can do better than what you had with him.

[BelleSkye]

Just think of this - everytime you want to contact him - imagine what the conversion would go like...

 

You: "Hi - I want you back. I miss, love and need you."

Him: "Um...I have met someone else....Sorry, I'm happier."

 

It might not be true but there is that possibility to hurt yourself even more by contacting him...the main issue is that, he will not actually be hurting you....YOU will be HURTING YOURSELF and he is at no fault what-so-ever.

 

It stings - but it will stop giving you false hope and giving into temptation into contacting him.

 

Look after yourself - you deserve that at most in this dark time of your life.

[BelleSkye]

I'm going to throw in something a little more blunt: Why would he return to a relationship which even you admit was a rollercoaster? And unless you are hooked on drama, why would you want this for yourself?

 

Good relationships are comfortable and easy. They may have peaks and troughs, but in a good relationship they are rolling hills - not rollercoasters.

 

It may not feel like it now, but you can do better than what you had with him.

 

Hey Basil67

 

Don't mean to sound confrontational - just coming to op's defense because of what you said - I understand where op is coming from.

 

Sometimes (well, in my experience) - there is such a strong attraction to your partner that you tolerate the rollercoaster aspect because when the "up" times are around - that moment of happiness / passion over rides the down parts for you (which does not necessarily mean it is the same for the partner - who could be experiencing and feeling something else).

 

Where as in an 'easy-going' relationship - there might not be such a strong attraction or passion toward your partner and well...if he does something to compromise the relationship it's not so bad - the relationship can end because of that incident and it will not bother you so much.

 

Also - during a fight (or the bad times) - a person gets some sort of reassurance or validation during after a big fight through a make-up / back-together moment - so one does get stuck into this vicious cycle of tolerating fights to get affirmation from the partner.

 

It's not right - but getting the right combination of healthy fights, passion, commitment etc in a relationship seems to be hard to find nowadays.

[sorano]

It will get better. I am in that stage of acceptance and I feel good. Let out any emotions and dont keep them in. Time will heal and nothing is permanent.

[Memay]

Thanks to each of you for responding. As to why I would want him back...I miss the person who he was in the good times. I know that I don't miss him being the person who dumped me. I fell in love with the person who was the one I shared my feelings with. I think this is natural. I know that I better not contact him so that I can guard my heart and move on.