Is my relationship down the drain?

[SmugTurtle]

Hey guys, this is my first post and my first time using this site, I'm hoping to get some advice about my current situation regarding my relationship between both me and my SO, and me and my bestfriend/crush.

 

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend just a little under 4 years now. We met when I was at the age of 14 and we got together a few month later at the age of 15... We're still together although I really don't feel that spark when I'm with him anymore:o In September last year when I had started my new course at college I met this really cute guy pretty much the first day we started. He's intellectual, extremely funny and we have sooo much in common. We like the same music, the same games and we're the same age unlike my boyfriend and I... We have become really close friends and I just love to spend time with him.

 

The relationship between me and my boyfriend is up and down all the time. If we have disagreement's or arguments he will act very childish, mostly blame me and will not message me for days, maybe weeks depending on how strongly he feels about it. We've 'almost split up' about three or four times now yet we still find a way to get through things. Because of work/college we never usually get that much time to spend together, I try to make an effort to see him every weekend yet If I tell him I have other plans that weekend he will ignore me just for the fun of it. It is beginning to aggravate me the more often he does this, but it use to just upset me and make me think he didn't want to be with me.

 

For the past Month or so I have developed feelings for my friend and it has made me question if I want to still be in this relationship. I kinda have a feeling that he has feelings for me too because of the way he is with me. I just feel like I am unsafe to flirt with him because I'd feel unfaithful. He is my second ever boyfriend and I thought we could make it last. I really don't like the way he's trying to control me. He is judgmental of my friends and he admitted to me that he doesn't trust me around other males!

 

All I want to know is should I end it with my boyfriend to maybe try something different with said crush?

[TaraMaiden2]

....All I want to know is should I end it with my boyfriend to maybe try something different with said crush?

 

Yes.

 

You are already emotionally cheating on him, because the more you see of, and spend time with this new College Crush, the bigger the yawning gap between you and your BF is.

You've become quite charmed by C.C., he is primary in your thoughts and your BF is - if you're honest - a bit of a hindrance.

 

You've outgrown him.

Time has passed and you are, neither of you, the same people you were all those years ago.

 

And that's OK.

It's natural, and to be expected.

If you begin living a new life, and start a new chapter, some things from the past are going to fall off the page.

 

To be perfectly honest with you, even if you begin dating this crush and become an item, it's unlikely this will grow to be the love of your life, although who knows? It might turn out to be...

 

It's plainly obvious that your BF is not "that guy".

 

Do the kindest thing for both of you and break up with him.

But do the decent thing - and be confident enough to say it to his face.

 

Be nice.

It's nobody's fault you guys have grown apart, it just is what it is.

But be honest with him.

You are meeting new people, you've met this new guy and things have not been good between you for a while, and it's because your lives are diverging.

 

Move on respectably.

Don't resort to texts or emails.

[CarrieT]

You are - what? - 18 years old?

 

Yes, it is time to move on and start to date other people. You have YEARS ahead of you to meet new people and learn how to have adult relationships.

 

What you had with your BF was the first bourgeoning of adolescent puppy love. The whole world is before you and it is time to move on, learn, love, hurt, and love again.

[lemondrop21]

People develop crushes over the course of a marriage. It might serve as an indicator that they need to leave, or that they need to work on the marriage, or it might just be "one of those things" that is harmless and ignored until it goes away.

 

In this case, I don't even think the crush matters, I think what matters is that you committed to spend the rest of your life with someone at age 15. I'm sorry if I'm biased, I just think that's too much pressure too young... even if you had been with him consistently from the time you were a young teen, but waited until your early 20s to actually marry, at least then it would have been a decision that you both thought about for a number of years as you saw each other grow and change a bit.

 

My guess is that if you divorce, you will both ultimately be glad you did.

[TaraMaiden2]

People develop crushes over the course of a marriage. It might serve as an indicator that they need to leave, or that they need to work on the marriage, or it might just be "one of those things" that is harmless and ignored until it goes away.

 

In this case, I don't even think the crush matters, I think what matters is that you committed to spend the rest of your life with someone at age 15. I'm sorry if I'm biased, I just think that's too much pressure too young... even if you had been with him consistently from the time you were a young teen, but waited until your early 20s to actually marry, at least then it would have been a decision that you both thought about for a number of years as you saw each other grow and change a bit.

 

My guess is that if you divorce, you will both ultimately be glad you did.

 

...where the heck did you get all this marriage 'promise it's you forever' thing, exactly....?

[SmugTurtle]

Thank you everone for the great advice, I'll be sure to take everything I've read on board especially you Tara I now know exactly what to do and how to approach my boyfriend the next time we eventually speak

[lemondrop21]

...where the heck did you get all this marriage 'promise it's you forever' thing, exactly....?

I am really losing it... for some reason I read OP's post as saying she had MARRIED her boyfriend at age 15. Maybe because most posters who are cheating on this board, are married (though not all).

 

Really questioning my sanity tonight! Sorry OP! Glad you're not married!

[13Hearts]

I agree, you're much too young to be in a committed relationship. I've been in lots, with all sorts of guys, and can tell you that the controlling thing does not get better over time. Only worse. And much, much worse if he's a drinker.

 

By my math, you're about 19 years old. This time in your life is meant for hanging out with your girlfriends and HAVING FUN! If you are super-focused on being married and having children, that's something different and by all means, pursue a man to marry and have children with. But it sounds to me like your current relationship has run its course and that's okay. When you tell your current BF you want to break up, just do not make it about him. Don't tell him all the things you don't like about him or what he did wrong. Make it about you and that you want to change your focus.

 

Good luck!

[NTV]

Yeah if you have feelings for this other guy then your boyfriend IS right to be distrustful.

 

I agree with the votes to break it off with him based on your age.

 

But FYI for future reference. .. if you get married those feelings of having a crush on someone who isn't your husband get squashed.... You can't allow emotions like that to effect married life. And I've noticed folks here and elsewhere talk like they are at the mercy of their emotions and that's bullcrap.

 

Errr.... sorry lol getting off my soapbox now.