Woman rejected me because I am white.

[ashteller]

Thanks again.

 

New thing though. I am the one creeped out now. Not sure why but she is doing something. I said good morning to her and she did not say it back and I asked her if she heard me and she said yes but still no return. I asked her how her weekend was and she said it was OK. She did not ask about mine. I ended up eating lunch with her and others that day a half hour late then I normally do. I usually eat with different people but I still talk with these others. Any ways doesn't "my woman" ask this one guy how his weekend was and then further more 10 minutes later she asked a woman how her weekend was and it's not like we don't see each other often, so no reason for any favoritism or exceptions. To me when she asked it seemed it was emphasized and I admit I felt hurt.

 

I don't know why it's like I am getting the cold shoulder and she hates me now but sometimes our work involves or hands coming into contact so we are directly working with and near each other and close consistent proximity.

 

Me personally I am a very social person and an extreme extrovert. I thrive in social settings and am a great communicator and have no problem speaking or bringing things up.

 

I want to ask her what's up and why is it like this now? What did I do wrong besides be honest with how I felt?

[thefooloftheyear]

Thanks again.

 

New thing though. I am the one creeped out now. Not sure why but she is doing something. I said good morning to her and she did not say it back and I asked her if she heard me and she said yes but still no return. I asked her how her weekend was and she said it was OK. She did not ask about mine. I ended up eating lunch with her and others that day a half hour late then I normally do. I usually eat with different people but I still talk with these others. Any ways doesn't "my woman" ask this one guy how his weekend was and then further more 10 minutes later she asked a woman how her weekend was and it's not like we don't see each other often, so no reason for any favoritism or exceptions. To me when she asked it seemed it was emphasized and I admit I felt hurt.

 

I don't know why it's like I am getting the cold shoulder and she hates me now but sometimes our work involves or hands coming into contact so we are directly working with and near each other and close consistent proximity.

 

Me personally I am a very social person and an extreme extrovert. I thrive in social settings and am a great communicator and have no problem speaking or bringing things up.

 

I want to ask her what's up and why is it like this now? What did I do wrong besides be honest with how I felt?

 

C'mon man.....

 

She dropped you on your head and you are exchanging pleasantries??

 

Of course she's gonna feel weird....What would you expect??..You dont have to be douchey, but just leave her alone at this point...Have some dignity and man up here...

 

TFY

Edited May 11, 2016 by thefooloftheyear

[ashteller]

Thought best thing to do was act normal like nothing is wrong and act friendly like I did before the rejection. So I am just supposed to do nothing? It's very awkward if we just are there and don't say anything when random people will come by and chat us up.

 

Can't be a stone, or is it best to ignore and be ignored?

 

OK this whole thing is hard for me because dealing with rejection is scarce for me. So this is very different for me. Also it's the first rejection where it's still in proximity with the person daily.

 

Yeah work romance is no good. Is it possible that she questioned my intentions because of age gap and me being on the more attractive side? Not full of myself or anything but I do workout regularly and am built. Perhaps she felt like I was out of her league.

Edited May 11, 2016 by ashteller

[ashteller]

Ya know this whole thing is weird for me too.

 

No matter how much confidence or game or attraction someone may have, rejection is still hard and it hurts and it sucks. I am the one who got rejected not her. Why do I need to be the one to do all the work still?

 

I still care about her as a person and want to have a healthy work relationship at least.

Edited May 11, 2016 by ashteller

[thefooloftheyear]

Thought best thing to do was act normal like nothing is wrong and act friendly like I did before the rejection. So I am just supposed to do nothing? It's very awkward if we just are there and don't say anything when random people will come by and chat us up.

 

Can't be a stone, or is it best to ignore and be ignored?

 

OK this whole thing is hard for me because dealing with rejection is scarce for me. So this is very different for me. Also it's the first rejection where it's still in proximity with the person daily.

 

Yeah work romance is no good. Is it possible that she questioned my intentions because of age gap and me being on the more attractive side? Not full of myself or anything but I do workout regularly and am built. Perhaps she felt like I was out of her league.

 

 

You put her on the spot....Then you kept going(by asking if she heard you) when she obviously was ignoring you ,,,,No good...

 

Just fade into the background at this point and don't make her feel more uncomfortable than she already does

 

TFY

[Gloria25]

Thought best thing to do was act normal like nothing is wrong and act friendly like I did before the rejection. So I am just supposed to do nothing? It's very awkward if we just are there and don't say anything when random people will come by and chat us up.

 

Can't be a stone, or is it best to ignore and be ignored?

 

OK this whole thing is hard for me because dealing with rejection is scarce for me. So this is very different for me. Also it's the first rejection where it's still in proximity with the person daily.

 

Yeah work romance is no good. Is it possible that she questioned my intentions because of age gap and me being on the more attractive side? Not full of myself or anything but I do workout regularly and am built. Perhaps she felt like I was out of her league.

 

'Out of her "league"'?

 

I'm single, no kids, no baggage, have my own stuff (home, etc) and no guys wanting me like the OP does. Actually, I'm referred to as a "cancer" that must be rid of.

 

Now, does anyone see why I've given up on dating?

 

It's like we're in bizzarro world - where overweight, irresponsible, dysfunctional is praised and pursued.

 

And sorry, two kids w/o marriage and playing house with two different guys IMO, is not the same as a marriage. And, I'm glad that I can't say that I've been like the OP's co-worker is. Cuz, I'd never bring a child into this world just cuz I'm shacking up with some guy. "Intolerance"? Intolerance of what? Selfish and poor decision making? But yes, we live in a "don't judge me" society now a days cuz birds of a feather....everyone is selfish, self-centered and are welcoming of anyone who shares the same mindset.

[Gloria25]

Ya know this whole thing is weird for me too.

 

No matter how much confidence or game or attraction someone may have, rejection is still hard and it hurts and it sucks. I am the one who got rejected not her. Why do I need to be the one to do all the work still?

 

I still care about her as a person and want to have a healthy work relationship at least.

 

Dude, you don't want and/or care about her. You're upset about being rejected.

 

At first I "thought" I liked my neighbor. I had liminerence - where I built him up to be more than is, was, and will ever be.

 

But with each rejection, I tried harder. I felt that something was wrong with "me". Yes, "me"....and I have and will continue to have more going on for me than him and that sloppy pig he porks. Now that I - unfortunately - know he's a pathetic loser who leeches off of his parents and has no self-esteem, believe it or not, the rejection still stings.

 

I can honestly say that I don't want him anymore. It has turned into me trying to deal with the rejection.

 

Like a week ago, my fav podcaster had a call where this military officer was dumped by her loser bf and yep, my fav podcaster was like 'rejection sucks, worst when a loser rejects you'.

 

So, please, don't think her rejection of you has to do with your worth, cuz the problem is "her". She doesn't believe she deserves better. In other words her rejection of you is a complement.

 

Forget her and move on....good luck

[whichwayisup]

Thanks again.

 

New thing though. I am the one creeped out now. Not sure why but she is doing something. I said good morning to her and she did not say it back and I asked her if she heard me and she said yes but still no return. I asked her how her weekend was and she said it was OK. She did not ask about mine. I ended up eating lunch with her and others that day a half hour late then I normally do. I usually eat with different people but I still talk with these others. Any ways doesn't "my woman" ask this one guy how his weekend was and then further more 10 minutes later she asked a woman how her weekend was and it's not like we don't see each other often, so no reason for any favoritism or exceptions. To me when she asked it seemed it was emphasized and I admit I felt hurt.

 

I don't know why it's like I am getting the cold shoulder and she hates me now but sometimes our work involves or hands coming into contact so we are directly working with and near each other and close consistent proximity.

 

Me personally I am a very social person and an extreme extrovert. I thrive in social settings and am a great communicator and have no problem speaking or bringing things up.

 

I want to ask her what's up and why is it like this now? What did I do wrong besides be honest with how I felt?

 

She is uncomfortable now so just give her space. Not all can reject someone and then have everything go back to normal. Maybe too she's worried that if she's nice to you and hangs out with you, you'll get the wrong idea and ask her out again.

 

Don't ask her what's up, let it go. you work with her so don't create work drama! That will make it more awkward.

[whichwayisup]

Ya know this whole thing is weird for me too.

 

No matter how much confidence or game or attraction someone may have, rejection is still hard and it hurts and it sucks. I am the one who got rejected not her. Why do I need to be the one to do all the work still?

 

I still care about her as a person and want to have a healthy work relationship at least.

 

You can't push it. You have to allow things to settle down. You don't have to do all the work, things will fall into place naturally as time goes on and eventually she'll feel more at ease as will you.

[Cherryz]

Please dont take out the "because im white card".

 

Because im sure much more people of other races/skin color like black and Arabs have a real reason to pull out that card. They may be experience this much more and as a racist reaction.

 

I dont think this girl was racist atall. Maybe it came hard to you, but rejection always not fun thing to hear.

She just have her own taste in men just as everyone have theirs.

And she just told you what she likes.

 

Either way clear is she is not into your type.

And that should be enough for you to know and to move on and not waste much more time on her.

 

But i can see in your post that you so in-love hahaha cute.

Like some already told you its best not to date at work. Because once you break up or have bad days, it will effect you at work directly.

And keep trying while she told you no, can cause you to keep getting hurt in many

ugly ways or being use at some point.

Beside she have to much baggage for someone of your age. You will have to deal with babydaddy drama (twice).

And she probably dont have much time to spent since she have kids. And are you ready to be stepdad and also deal with drama of babydaddys?

 

You young, if puerto rican girls you like, get a vacation to puerto rico and find yourself a girl of your age. haha.

Since you like her and still have to work with her, just keep being yourself and dont feed your feelings, work on let it go.

And accept that she is not into you. Dont keep imagine or keep hope.With time your feelings will change and you

wont be inlove anymore.

[big dog]

Do nothing...IF she rejected you just because you caught her off guard , she'll think about it and let you know. If she's just really not interested then you need to let the whole thing drop. Workplace relationships/dating etc...are bad news to start with. If she doesn't date white men then that's her perogative. many people of all races don't date out of their race or prefer dating a specific race etc..... don't try to push the issue with her either. That'll just run her off.

[jen1447]

Like others said or implied, she's probably just dialing it back bc you 'went there' and she suddenly feels uncomfy w/the dynamics, particularly at work. It's no big deal really. I understand you'd want some resolution or whatever but if she's not offering any, that's that. Just give her back what she gives you and respect the buffer zone if she feels like she has to have it.

[ashteller]

Thanks much again everyone.

 

@Gloria sorry meant to say maybe she felt out of "my" league. Sorry to hear about why you don't date anymore. I know I am young, but imo and little experience in comparison there is no template for love. That's why you see and question why super hot chicks are with older fat ugly dudes and like in my case a younger guy with an older frumpy baggage collector. It's more then about money, looks, and status. Sure it's not that way for everyone, some people go after looks money and status but in that end more then likely true happiness will not be present.

 

Love is the most unique experience human beings can experience, that's why some stay in abusive relationship whether it's emotional, mental, or physical or combined. My cousin who is a twin and is more built and muscular then me and married a 40 something when he was 29 and she had 3 kids one who was 22 I think and a woman at that. His wife was real ugly though with missing teeth and all that. At least my woman is average looking even though I see her as more beautiful then that.

 

I wish people would stop commenting on the racist thing that's not what I meant. I said upon first rejection that was my first thought for like 2 seconds because I got defensive.

 

I like all types of woman though, this woman at work just had caught my interest. Every woman has their own "thing" there is no template for that. I have been attracted to a wide range of woman in my life with various physical characteristics. The woman just has to carry it well. Confidence, independence, and knowing what they want are huge turn ons for me. They still need to be wanted to be held by a man though to make them feel extra safe and secure. Independent, but still in need of a soul mate.

[ashteller]

What about the love stories of people who kept pursuing their crush after countless rejections and then one time a yes is answered and they live happily ever after.

 

Is that not a thing?

[thefooloftheyear]

What about the love stories of people who kept pursuing their crush after countless rejections and then one time a yes is answered and they live happily ever after.

 

Is that not a thing?

 

Yeah, just like what happened to Forrest Gump...He chases her around for years while she is in her prime, she is banging everyone and their brother, while she pats him on the head and gives him a hug...

 

Then, when she is busted out, dead broke, and has an incurable illness, she proclaims she loves him ....

 

Just like that??

 

TFY

[Methodical]

What about the love stories of people who kept pursuing their crush after countless rejections and then one time a yes is answered and they live happily ever after.

 

Is that not a thing?

 

Mainly in fairy tales so please don't pin your hopes on that happening one day with this woman .

[Gloria25]

What about the love stories of people who kept pursuing their crush after countless rejections and then one time a yes is answered and they live happily ever after.

 

Is that not a thing?

 

Dude, are you so lonely that this older woman - with baggage, who isn't even attractive - is the only person available?

 

Do you live in a small town or something?

 

I mean, now this thread is taking a different turn.

 

As I posted about you upset over "rejection". I highly recommend you look at this and why you want "her" so badly, cuz if you're all that and a bag of chips, then her rejecting you should be dust off of your shoulders.

 

Seriously, I think this is past you actually wanting "her" and is turning into an obsessive, dark thing.

[ashteller]

Lol no, I am just asking and learning from this experience. It is very odd and weird for me. I am just trying to figure it all out now.

 

No I am from a major city in New York state. It's not about that though. Not every fish in the sea is the same, some taste better then others, some make great trophies, some are fun to reel in.

 

It's complicated, I would not say I was struck by cupid but she is definitely different from other woman and maybe that's why I am still stuck because I feel it should have been easy because of both of our circumstances so I am caught off guard and hurt and I suppose I don't like feeling this way nor deserve it. I act all chill at work and around her but she seems the one acting different and it hurts me more and I would like to remedy it and I don't feel ignoring it or a lack of communication is the medication.

 

I am complicated and intricate sorry.

[ashteller]

REJECTION TYPE #3 – TESTING REJECTION

 

An incongruent rejection occurs when you were talking to a girl who seemed into you but then she tells you that it’s a “no-go”. Maybe she’ll tell you that she has got a boyfriend or that you just aren’t her type. This kind of rejection is actually one of the most difficult for guys to deal with because just when you think you are gonna get somewhere with a girl it feels like you got the rug pulled out from under you.

 

My suggestion when you meet with this kind of rejection is to push on and keep going for it anyways. A lot of times this is what I call “fake-rejection” because it’s really just an attempt to see how interested and confident you are. If you give up at the first sign of resistance, you fail the test.

 

So a lot of times pushing through will actually get you the girl, plus as a bonus you will become more confident because you will be training yourself to stare rejection in the face and not back down from it.

 

I remember a time when I went for a kiss with a girl, and she turned away and said “no, we have the same friends, it will be awkward.”

 

I replied “I don’t care about our friends, I care about you, and it’ll be amazing”.

 

And of course we kissed each other

 

Women find this kind of dominance very attractive. As I say in many of our premium training courses, “there’s nothing more arousing for a woman than to be desired by a man who she values.”

 

So I just found this, what yall think?

 

Also can you send private messages on here and if yes how?

Edited May 12, 2016 by ashteller

[Methodical]

I think anyone who wants to play mind games and test a persons willingness to diligently and persistently pursue them isn't worthy of my time.

 

Yes, PM's are allowed, but I think you have to have like 50 posts and have been a member for at least a month .

[mrldii]

...So I just found this, what yall think?...

 

 

I think the MGTOW/PUA/MGA site is just interested in getting your money and so will tell you whatever you want to read/hear, just to get it.

 

 

Oh, and I think their advice goes right out the window in this particular situation; you didn't meet this woman at a nightclub/movie theatre/street faire...you met her at work.

 

Successful sexual harassment lawsuits in the workplace carry much greater penalties and have much different criteria than successful sexual harassment lawsuits elsewhere.

 

Does your current supervisor know about your titillation - bordering on obsession - with a co-worker? [To your knowledge,] does the HR department?

[ashteller]

The site had nothing for sale.

 

Not sure about the supervisor or HR thing though. I know the entire office knows about my crush for this woman but I don't know if they know about the rejection.

 

I don't understand about the sexual harassment though. I am not propositioning her or making any kind of inappropriate comments, I told her I like her and would like to get to know her more outside of work. I am not going to bug her on a daily or weekly basis. Me trying again might be in the future but I am actually tired of all this work my effort and energy should be focused on something realistic.

 

My concern now is the awkwardness, I just want to talk about it with her to get it out there. It's not me being obsessed, it's me being selfish and wanting to get it off my chest and to get rid of that freaking fat pink elephant that's always there with us.

 

No more work relationships, all woman will be denied. I regret even asking.

[ashteller]

Thanks all for the help sorry for being stubborn and resistant. I am just a very persistent person and I try my best to keep the fat lady from singing.

 

Appreciate the responses and you guys caring to post. I learned well and most everyone was in sync with their messages and points.

 

Not my intention to get weird there, just wanted to see how far people accept the tolerance.

 

Peace.

[Gloria25]

The site had nothing for sale.

 

Not sure about the supervisor or HR thing though. I know the entire office knows about my crush for this woman but I don't know if they know about the rejection.

 

I don't understand about the sexual harassment though. I am not propositioning her or making any kind of inappropriate comments, I told her I like her and would like to get to know her more outside of work. I am not going to bug her on a daily or weekly basis. Me trying again might be in the future but I am actually tired of all this work my effort and energy should be focused on something realistic.

 

My concern now is the awkwardness, I just want to talk about it with her to get it out there. It's not me being obsessed, it's me being selfish and wanting to get it off my chest and to get rid of that freaking fat pink elephant that's always there with us.

 

No more work relationships, all woman will be denied. I regret even asking.

 

Sexual harassment includes repeated and "unwanted" contact. No, it doesn't matter if you're not asking her for sex, showing her your penis, etc....it matters that you insist on contact with her after she said "no" to your advances.

 

And unfortunately sexual harassment is in the eyes of the victim. So, while you may just wanna see a "Hi" as a "Hi", she may see it as you not letting her go after she told you that she wasn't interested.

 

Now, if it goes to court, nah, no court would call this harassment...but, at your job, they don't want drama and/or exposure to wasting money in litigation, so they probably are gonna write you up or fire you.

 

Dude, sometimes we don't get "closure"...so yes, unfortunately from now on she sees you as some guy who won't leave her alone and the more attempts you make to jusr "clear the air" right now when things are hot, the more you're gonna freak her out.

 

The best thing you can do is stop trying to talk to her. Maybe one day you can resurrect a working relationship with her again...right now, stay away.

 

Trust me, I know. I have my neighbor running and telling his wife that I'm chasing him and gosh I was so angry that I just wish she would say something to me so I could just lay it on her that he's the one obsessing over me...but dude, I decided it is safer for "me" to keep my distance from them. I don't go near that house unless I am forced to walk/drive there. I stay the heck out of their way. I deep down inside know the truth, and that's what matters.

[Methodical]

Let it go, Ash.

 

You casually mentioned getting to know her outside of work, she rejected your proposition and gave a reason for doing so. She's keeping a safe distance and healthy professional perspective so that you don't have further inclinations to pursue any advances moving forward. That is your closure. Stirring the shytepot will only cause a stink, so there's no need to rehash or set anything straight. Go in, do your job, don't do or say anything that could be misconstrued in a sexual context, and leave. Find someone outside of work, occupy your time, hang out with some friends...do something productive that takes your mind off this so that you can move on. Whether you realize it or not, she can probably sense your desire to address this situation even though you think you are playing it cool, and all she wants is for this hatchet to be buried and never resurrected again. Trust me, leave it alone.