bluuluv Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 I need some advice. I messed up a great thing with a man I dated about a month and a half(my best friends brothers best friend). We started talking and decided to meet up (he lives 3 hours away) and stayed with me for three days and we really hit it off! We just clicked! Well, he visited me again last week for the same amount of days and again it was great. He had been everything I'd been looking for! He really liked me as I did him and he wanted to make it official. Of course I said yes, but as soon as he left I let all of my fears from past relationships and insecurities get to me and the following day sent him a long text about my past, how hurt I've been, how scared I was and how I didn't think we should do this (what a fool) he responded, "I honestly don't know what to say to that" and a few hours later he said, " just getting off work, I'll call you tomorrow and we'll talk about it all" I said okay. Well, me jumping to conclusion I deleted our pictures from social media. That morning he sent me a message, " our pictures didn't last very long" and me being a fool, again, said, "after what I said I didn't think we would" and he's been ignoring me since! Ive called, left voicemails telling him I regret what I said and I want us to work. Left text messages, and nothing. It's been almost a week. I do like him very much and I don't want to lose him, but I can't do much from 3 hours away. Is he completely done with me? I miss him so much...I messed up. I do want this, I just got scared. * Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 I'm sorry bluuluv, I'd say that it's highly unlikely he will return. He's seen red flags and (sensibly) run a mile. Get some individual counselling and learn how to deal with your demons before you start dating again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluuluv Posted May 9, 2016 Author Share Posted May 9, 2016 ? I just wish he'd say something, he doesn't have to ignore me. It hurts so bad to be ignored. Like I didn't mean that much to him Link to post Share on other sites
266696687 Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 ? I just wish he'd say something, he doesn't have to ignore me. It hurts so bad to be ignored. Like I didn't mean that much to him This is the clearest case of self sabotage I've ever seen. Bluluv im sorry you are going through this. The only thing I'd recommend is some counseling for yourself before attempting to start any new relationships. It's worth trying to understand what motivated you to play things out like that. He is ignoring you because he has seen how you behave and how you will treat him. He is taking steps to keep away from you. You need to stop concerning yourself with him and start taking a good hard look at yourself and your behaviour. It seems you allowed fear and insecurity to get in the way and you really need to work on that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
266696687 Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 ? I just wish he'd say something, he doesn't have to ignore me. It hurts so bad to be ignored. Like I didn't mean that much to him Just on a side note. You finished the relationship therefore you probably hurt him. He probably thinks you didn't really care about him. The pain you feel being ignored has been brought on by your own behaviour. He isn't ignoring you to hurt you or because he didn't care. He is protecting himself from someone who has hurt him. Understand you hurt him. Not the other way around. He is simply responding to how you treated him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 YOU took your rifle, you aimed, you fired and shot him right in the heart. You even took your dagger to finish off the job, but once he was lying dying on the ground, you then accuse him of ignoring you... YOUR insecurities got the better of you, you killed this relationship and with it any feelings he had for you. You cannot just expect people to stick around when you make it very obvious you do not want to be with them. Stop self sabotaging, and get some help or look deep inside yourself and resolve to change before it becomes a repeat issue. I do not think he will come back. Sorry! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 I just wish he'd say something, he doesn't have to ignore me. It hurts so bad to be ignored. Like I didn't mean that much to him And how exactly do you think he felt when you randomly told him it wasn't going to work? You need to take a huge step back and examine how your actions impacted him. I imagine he is hurting very much and he is right to ignore your attempts to contact him now. Why would he want to come back for more? Look, you're not ready for a relationship yet. After just 1.5 months and you're too afraid to move forward - that is very indicative of some deeper issues. Work on those first. Then consider dating. You ended this. He has every reason to stay away from you. Let him go and get yourself into a healthier emotional place. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedCloud Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 Put yourself in his shoes...would you contact a woman again who acted this way? I truly do not mean to add salt to your wound, but you need to realize that he's not the one hurting you, you are. I have done something very similar in my past. Fear of getting close to someone. You need to take a time out from dating and really do some inner work. Try meditation every day, it calms those self-sabotaging thoughts. Exercise. Most importantly, please stop trying to contact him. If he wants to talk to you he will. You MIGHT hear from him in a month or never. If he does come back, please pay attention to your words and actions and how they impact others. Do not play the victim when you hurt someone first. If you've already apologized and expressed regret, which it sounds like you have, then the ball is in his court. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 Wow it seems like you're getting some strong advice. .. which is good. You can take this as a 'oh no I really screwed up here!' Event in your life or you can take it as a street sign pointing you in the direction you need to go. What you're holding on to got in the way of something that could have been good. That doesn't mean something else good won't come along but it does mean that when it does if you are still holding on to that stuff it will only get in the way again. So you now know you've got to take care of business at your end. It's probably a little scary but you can do it. You don't have to... You can ignore it and let it hold you back again or even put you in next to someone else who will take advantage. But who am I? Just a stranger on the Internet. .. Link to post Share on other sites
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