wave Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 When starting a new relationship should you give your partner your full trust or should you not trust them until they have proven to you that they are worthy of your trust? Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Give them a reasonable amount to start with. Then, over time, as they prove themselves worthy of that trust, give them more. Or did you have a specific issue in mind? Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Earned man. Its a terrible thing to say to be sure, but I have learned my lesson. But don't go mistrusting them right off the bat either. You need be nonchallant about things and as the realtionship grows the trust will be earned, and so can the mistrust. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Like RR said. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by laRubiaBonita Like RR said. Link to post Share on other sites
Syncerity Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 its a fifty fifty thing......like someone stated above, dont go being UNTRUSTING...but do start them out with an reasonable amount...all folks cannot be trusted 100% so u give them some, and let them earn the rest... Link to post Share on other sites
scratch Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by wave When starting a new relationship should you give your partner your full trust or should you not trust them until they have proven to you that they are worthy of your trust? I look at trust in a relationship as a repeat-play prisoner's dilemma. http://www.prisoners-dilemma.com/ I would go into it trusting fully to the extent that trust had any practical use, e.g. I'd tell them my STD history but not the story about how I got the disease. Once I get burned, it ends my ability to trust them, and probably the relationship. If I do this, and the other person approaches things the same way, we'll be great. If that person wasn't worthy of my trust in the first place, having trusted them will hurt worse, but I'll be okay, and feel good about the fact that I did the right thing with regard to the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
natbebe143 Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 I think trust should be given. When starting a new relationship trust is given, when someone does something wrong then you have a reason not to trust. Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by natbebe143 I think trust should be given. When starting a new relationship trust is given, when someone does something wrong then you have a reason not to trust. I'm not so sure. We generally don't enter a situation trusting anything that we have no knowledge of. Would you invest you money in bank you never heard of? Will you just trust them until they give you reason not to trust? Why would a NEW relationship be any different? Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 I agree with RR as well. Until you get to know them, don't invest so much in them that you HAVE to trust them, but don't carry baggage from past relationships in, either. My boyfriend has never given me reason to not trust him, so I do. He can occasionally be a jag, but an honest one. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by scratch I look at trust in a relationship as a repeat-play prisoner's dilemma. Once I get burned, it ends my ability to trust them, and probably the relationship. Simple tat-for-tat is not the optimal solution to an extended metagame with more complex features, ie a real-life relationship. Forgiveness is the oil that makes relationships run. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by Treasa He can occasionally be a jag, but an honest one. ??? Link to post Share on other sites
scratch Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Simple tat-for-tat is not the optimal solution to an extended metagame with more complex features, ie a real-life relationship. Who on this site wouldn't enter into an agreement to a relationship based on a tit for tat where each person trusts until that trust is violated, at which point they stop trusting? A great old adage is "fool me one, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." With the exception of the fact that you stand to be hurt more severely, what is the potential cost to approaching a relationship like a repeat play PD? Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Forgiveness is the oil that makes relationships run. I agree with that as it regards forgetfulness, miscommunication, and a host of other hurdles to be overcome in a relationship. But not a willful breach of trust. The only thing worse than that is physical abuse, which may be seen as but one method of breaking another's trust. Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Forgiveness is the oil that makes relationships run. But you cannot change forgiveness every 3,000 miles. Link to post Share on other sites
Rosalind Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by ImaManDammit I'm not so sure. We generally don't enter a situation trusting anything that we have no knowledge of. Would you invest you money in bank you never heard of? Will you just trust them until they give you reason not to trust? Why would a NEW relationship be any different? Agreed Link to post Share on other sites
orta Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by wave When starting a new relationship should you give your partner your full trust or should you not trust them until they have proven to you that they are worthy of your trust? Relationships are built on trust. If two people are in a relationship, it would make sense that they already trust one another. It would be sort of silly to not trust a person that you are in a relationship with. I think it is best to place a certain amount of trust in every person, and to give to or take from that trust based on one's history with a person. I don't think that starting out with absolutely no trust is such a great idea. Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by orta I think it is best to place a certain amount of trust in every person, and to give to or take from that trust based on one's history with a person. I don't think that starting out with absolutely no trust is such a great idea. There's the saying from the movie the Italian job. I trust eveyone, I just don't trust the devil inside them. Link to post Share on other sites
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