UPDATE Thread - Suicide Attempt / Psychiatric Treament

[HopeForTomorrow]

Dear Loveshackers

 

My entire story is not here - but it is similar / also reflected in bits and pieces in other members posts....the one poster that hit me hard was posting on HopeShimmers thread - about losing a baby and that it was a hail mary pass for the OM.

 

BelleSkye,

 

I am Hope Shimmers and I think I know exactly who you are referring to in terms of replies to my thread regarding the baby dying.

 

FYI - last year - I was forced into considering an abortion and my ex fiance (who was with me at that time) refused to help me - anyway, I did not give into the abortion but I think the stress, anxiety and fear made me miscarry...and that was not even the worst part of it - a month later I was admitted into a psychiatric hospital for a complete nervous break down - the things he said and did to me during a particular fight - not only they haunt me but I'm in utter disbelief wondering - what sort of person am I to deserve such treatment? Even though I know the accusations and threats were not true.

 

Noooooo... No. NO!!!

 

No, BelleSkye. "Stress, anxiety, and fear" do NOT MAKE ANYONE miscarry. That did NOT make you miscarry. You are NOT. TO. BLAME. There is NO blame. Do you hear me??? NONE OF THIS was because of you.

 

A month later you had a nervous breakdown. Well so did I!!!! Who wouldn't, BelleSkye??? You're human. The only person who WOULDN'T would be a person who is like your ex, who wasn't there for you. So YOU are the normal one and HE is the one who has the damn PROBLEM.

 

You ask, what sort of person you are to "deserve that sort of treatment" from posters here? You are a person Who is valued and NEEDED and who is DESERVING!!!! That is who you are!

 

Hang in, BelleSkye. It has not been easy for any one of us. But don't give in. Let's let 2016 be the BEST year for us. We need you here. I need you here. Keep posting, please.

[tuxedo cat]

Dear Loveshackers

 

I am overwhelmed with the replies for this thread ~ your messages are definitely being considered and taken into heart.

 

A big thank you to William - it is one thing to manage a site like this, but to also keep everyone updated, I appreciate what you did for the posters (including myself). I initially thought you deleted my thread and only realised today that it was moved to the coping forum.

 

The poster names in this thread - I have been actively following your stories, for all the first time posters yet long time lurkers - thank you for the effort - it is graciously noted.

 

I am embarrassed by starting this thread and feel guilty for getting many people here worried. But the decision has been / was made - it is not an immediate act - nor this is a cry for help for attention...it is truely on the basis that I do believe in a higher power / God and not saying that anyone must give up when things get tough but for once - suicide is the only calming thought / coping technique that I have energy for.

 

My entire story is not here - but it is similar / also reflected in bits and pieces in other members posts....the one poster that hit me hard was posting on HopeShimmers thread - about losing a baby and that it was a hail mary pass for the OM.

 

FYI - last year - I was forced into considering an abortion and my ex fiance (who was with me at that time) refused to help me - anyway, I did not give into the abortion but I think the stress, anxiety and fear made me miscarry...and that was not even the worst part of it - a month later I was admitted into a psychiatric hospital for a complete nervous break down - the things he said and did to me during a particular fight - not only they haunt me but I'm in utter disbelief wondering - what sort of person am I to deserve such treatment? Even though I know the accusations and threats were not true.

 

I even had to endure him telling me how he was worried if any of his ex girlfriends were in danger but if I was in danger, I would have to fend for myself - and this is in Gauteng - South Africa, where if you are a girl alone at home, besides the likelihood of you being robbed, you will surely be raped and mutilated....

 

I'm no saint myself - No, I did not cheat on him, my ex fiance. When we broke up, I considered a rebound relationship in another country to start new. My actions toward the rebound guy (I was never intimate with him) where awful and made me realise what my ex fiance was possibly going through - maybe he just was not into me and that thought alone - is enough to say I'm an idiot for even considering I had a chance at happiness with him.

 

I do suffer from PTSD, which landed up showing as BPD in the relationship. I have not attempted suicide before and if you asked me last year September about suicide - I would have said its the cheapest way out (I was referring to Jim Carrey's ex girlfriend's suicide at the time....ironically, after reading her story / death and making that comment - life as I would have known turned upside down for me....and now I am the suicidal one).

 

The most ironic thing - I'm not depressed...relieved I am out of the relationship, staying with long lost family in another country (they 'saved' me from the rebound guy'), I eat, I exercise, I laugh when something is funny - I appreciate the help to restart my career in a new country, I go sight seeing - NC is easy - I dont miss chatting to him - my ex etc

 

But the nightmares / dreams I experience about my ex - I did truely love him (for all the wrong reasons)...and he was the one who ultimately let me go because he wants me to find happiness... So in his defense, he set me free - and I....hate myself so much....for not being good enough.

 

I have been googling people who committed suicide - especially Robin Williams, who starred in what dreams may come....how can someone who brought so much joy be subjected to soul torture pain afterwards? I realised that maybe because he has a lot of family (friends and fans as well) praying for him - to help his soul move on.

 

I dont have that support - I doubt my family or friends will pray for me after I go (strong sleeping pills and prescription pain killers with hanging rope). Also, since I am in a foreign country and not to disrespect the family I am staying with, I am planning to go somewhere far - like a forest and continue my act. It is the only thing keeping me going so far - but all your posts are making me scared - I am not superstitious but I also did have some experiences with...spirits? Ghosts? (Just typing that out sounds so stupid but I can't deny my haunted house experience unfortunately).

 

That is why I wanted to do some sort of ritual or prayer before I acted out on my decision. Yes, it was one guy, no he is not worth it, I have an unhealthy pedestal image of him but I dont feel the other areas in my life are that rewarding to keep me going. If you only knew how hard I have been trying for the past 10 years for a better job, better family relationships, better friends....all my attempts have been fruitless. I get acknowledgments that I am a good person etc but in the same breath....I can't help but feel and say I know some pretty useless people in my life.

 

I exercise, my blood tests are fine, I take enough CalMag and Vitamin D supplements - I'm just tired of not living a life of being...me.

 

I am considering all your comments (and I have seen a counselor in the new country) and glad that William keeps you posted on my activities - I am trying to consider an alternative coping mechanism but my heart is not into restarting or reinventing myself....

 

Belle,

 

Suicide is a serious choice. I'm not anti-suicide across the board. I think suicide is an individual choice that people should be allowed to make for themselves if their pain is truly unbearable and incurable. But I'm not convinced from what you've written that that's the case.

 

Please answer these questions:

 

1) How old are you?

 

2) How long have you been feeling severely depressed?

 

3) Have you ever sought psychiatric help?

 

4) Are there any things in your life that you feel positively about?

 

5) Have you ever found yourself in this dark hole before and climbed your way out?

 

6) Your ex is a distraction. What in your life is leaving you feeling so unfulfilled?

[BelleSkye]

Please answer these questions:

 

1) How old are you? 33

 

2) How long have you been feeling severely depressed? Past 15 years - but not depressed - just lost

 

3) Have you ever sought psychiatric help? Yes - only from severe panic and anxiety attacks

 

4) Are there any things in your life that you feel positively about? No

 

5) Have you ever found yourself in this dark hole before and climbed your way out? Yes - because there was hope before. As one poster mentioned on LS, quoting Shawshank Redemption - hope is a very dangerous thing to believe in.

 

6) Your ex is a distraction. What in your life is leaving you feeling so unfulfilled?

Partial truth here. I know the exact components that are missing - been trying to get them into play for the past 15 years....and there is nothing today (besides my qualifications) to show what I have been trying to accomplish.

 

As I said, suicide is the only thought that gives my solace. There is no quality in my life - I even meet cancer patients who have much more fulfilling lives....I guess you are who you are with the people in your life.

[Timshel]

Call a suicide hotline now. Lifeline

Edited January 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Timshel]

South Africa suicide hotline

 

South Africa Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! South Africa Suicide Hotlines, South Africa Suicide Hotlines, South Africa Suicide Hotlines, South Africa Suicide Hotlines!

[BelleSkye]

You insist in this thread that at the 'old' age of 33, well...you have nothing left to give. Your time is up, you've seen it all...'hand across forehead in fainting.'

 

Imagine living 15 years of constant disappointment after always trying - be it in work, friends, relationships, hobbies etc I don't think I would want to continue another 33 years being burden on so called family and friends...as for relationships, yes, when I did have the winning feeling, it was the best feeling in the world - I felt invincible. But I was naive. And constantly reminded by my own family, now ex fiance and bullies at work how I'm not supposed to feel good about myself.

 

Yes - I am probably over sensitive. But when your own mother accuses of being too fat and then having Aids (I lost 15kgs - dropped to 45kgs a few years back) and gossips about your relationship and work failures to the entire family, a father who says I should have died during a dog fight (I was trying to save my dog from another dog - and he was too tired to drive me to the doctors room), an older sister who refuses to speak to you because HER husband was complimenting me (and now he even avoids me), friends who get happy when I am single and when I am in a relationship, refuse to associate with me, ex work colleagues who used to constantly bully me - put me in compromising work ethic conditions (and HR + top management were their drinking buddies after work), going through one successful abortion, another miscarriage, being isolated for a complete year (2008) then I meet my ex fiance - who I started of being friends with for the first 2 years of knowing him and then he kicked me to the curb and now I gave up everything in South Africa to start fresh in New Zealand - under the premise I had more support here (only to being being tricked into a relationship with someone I'm not into - I'm not with that person anymore as I made the attempt to move in with long lost family in NZ) - the first time I am unemployed in 10 years, can't get a job until a job offer comes through (and mind you, in SA, I tried a full 8 years to get another good job as a specialist - I'm an Environmental Scientist - and could not get anything)....

 

I'm at a loss - and yes, in South Africa - I have had a gun held to my head on two occasions - one when they robbed my fathers shop and the other when they hi-jacked my car - I was also held hostage with another break in - but none of those things caused me to go through PTSD - I just did not take it personally. I have no fear of crime as criminals do what they think they need to do.

 

The fear I have stems from the people I have done the most for - the actually people who I thought I was supposed to be there for - it's more...personal....and an actual 'attack' on ones character. What they think about me does get to me more since I'm putting my best foot out there for them. There are many more experiences that I have not listed. But what my ex said and did to me - just made me realise what a waste I am...I think the only thing that did love / need me was my dog and I had to leave him in South Africa.

 

Loveshackers - I'm signing out. I'm tired. I appreciate what you have been trying to do for me - but I'm not winning here. I'm going to pray for a bit and see what happens.

 

Take care.

[Timshel]

You are not a waste Belle....beauty. You are changing...change is painful and of great use. Wait..you will see how pain makes you strong and is of assistance to others.

 

You have been through a lot but you don't know yet what you can do. Belle....you are only starting. Don't stop now.

[anika99]

Belle I have had a look at your previous threads and it appears that your relationship of 5yrs just ended a few months ago. Honey you have not given yourself time to recover. It takes longer than a few months to get over a break up, especially if it was a toxic or abusive relationship, but I promise you will get over it. You think the way you feel right now is how you will always feel but that is simply not true. Its perfectly normal and expected that this early on you would still feel traumatized and hopeless. You are going through the normal stages one goes through upon ending an unhealthy relationship. There is still light at the end of this tunnel so please don't give up just yet.

 

I believe in God and I don't think he approves of suicide in most cases. I think you owe to yourself and to God to fully explore all of your options before you resort to suicide. See a counsellor, consider maybe some short term drug therapy such as an anti-depressant. Reach out to people and see if there isnt some small thing that gives you enough hope to keep going. You mentioned in another thread that you have a dog. Who will take care of him when you are gone?

[Zapbasket]

Hi Belle Skye,

 

Please listen. I seriously contemplated suicide a year and a half ago. I had just gone through a deeply hurtful breakup. It was merely the tip of a huge iceberg of disappointments, from moving to a part of the country where I knew no one, to going through another very humiliating breakup, to being bullied at my job to the point where I felt forced to quit, to not making any meaningful friends. Everything was turning out wrong and not as I'd hoped at all. In my lowest time, I had this voice in my head that said, "This spirit has exhausted the possibilities of this life." I felt that perhaps the only right thing to do was to end my life, so as to free this spirit in me. I would go out in the middle of the night and drive around and end up parked somewhere with my head on the steering wheel, willing myself to muster the courage to end it all.

 

It's not "wrong" to want to end your life. It's understandable, given all you have been through. But as someone whose father committed suicide, I can say I KNOW that each life has a purpose and influence that reverberates far beyond what any of us can ever imagine. My dad could never have surmised how far-reaching the impact of his suicide has been. There are many people, not just my mom and me, not just family and his friends, who were affected. His absence spreads wide. So many people needed him, many of them people he never met. My father's death taught me that the arms of our lives spread ever so much wider than we can see. Knowing this helped keep me from ending my life.

 

What would it take for you to realize that you are precious? I wish I could tell you that after deciding not to commit suicide, the tides shifted for me and everything has been fantastic. But I can't, because every day has been hard. I can say that I am so glad to be here, alive, riding the ups and downs. It's worth it. Life is worth far more than any death, or any afterlife. I am not a religious person, but I am spiritual, and I can't imagine that there could be any peace or even relief in an afterlife resulting from a life cut short by one's own hand.

 

What if you simply decided to postpone, for now, making a decision about whether to end your life? What if you took one month to seek out in each day ONE thing you appreciate in the moment? To ask yourself, "What do I appreciate about right now?" You might find that amidst all the despair and disappointment, there still are beautiful moments. They could be as simple as the slant of afternoon light or a puppy nudging its head into your hand to be petted. You owe it to yourself to try to widen the frame through which you experience things.

 

Please, please hang in there.

[Jan 79]

Belle Skye,

 

 

Have you considered moving to Cambridgeshire in England. There, you will be set free and happy.

[TaraMaiden2]

Dearest Belle,

 

Dearest, dearest Belle,

I don't know how to reach out adequately and tell you that the happiness you seek, the contentment you strive for and the serenity you crave, do not lie in the measures of success or even personal fulfilment you cite.

 

All the things you have achieved, and all the things you wish for yourself, are transitory and fleeting, and whether a person has tumultuous success, or crashing failure in their life, whether they reach the pinnacle of fame and renown, or they fall to the very depths and nadir of utter failure and despair, they have one thing in common: Dying is universal.

Robin Williams took his own life because his depression had run too deep to salvage any vestige of normality, and further, he had apparently been diagnosed with Parkinson's.

Such a dreadful tragedy, such a waste.

To see him in videos with Koko the gorilla (who also wept when told he had died!) his humanity, compassion, lust for life and humour shine out like a beacon.

Yet there was no clue to his intentions or final act.

 

You at least have had the extraordinary sense to 'speak out' and voice your intentions, and you have had not one single word of agreement or consent. And some of these messages have come from people who have known despair, grief, sadness, resentment and abandonment in their lives too, but who have gripped life with tenacious obstinacy.

 

"When you've reached the end of your tether - tie a knot in it, and hang on".

 

Hang on, Bella.

Don't give up.

The deep true Human Spirit is indomitable, and many have found that chasing aspirations has been a frustrating and unfulfilling affair.

 

What to do, what to do?

 

Let Go, and Let Be.

Do not strive for an unseen, uncertain goal.

Relax, release such frustrating desires, and accept.

 

My own situation is not grand. My own life is not wholesome and utterly fulfilled.

But I have learnt that this is as great as it's ever going to be.

Should I scream and wail with frustration and anger, that I should be better, I should have more, I DESERVE more, I have a right to more, I DEMAND more?!!?

 

To what end? What would ranting, raving and bewailing my situation achieve?

No progress.

Instead, I take my lot and achieve inner 'greatness' where I am, right now.

 

This is where I am, this is ALL I am. Not much maybe, by worldly materialistic standards, but it's what I have. It's all I've got.

And here, at this level (whatever level others may judge it to be) I can shine and create my own miniature Glory.

 

Trite as it may sound, there IS no better place than 'Here', there IS no better time than 'Now'.

 

The present moment is truly the only one afforded us.

 

The Past is a Foreign Land, and cannot be revisited, save in our minds.

The Future is an Unoccupied Space, with countless doors, and endless choices, opportunities and as-yet hidden possibilities.

But every step into the future is a mere series of 'Nows'.

Be here, Now.

Be here.

BE.

 

And Let Go of expectations, but take each day as a new challenge, an essence to grip around the throat, and demand an answer from.

The Question being,

"What will I do, today, however small, to make a difference - to someone else and to myself?"

 

Possibilities are endless.

Shun what brings you down.

Celebrate what pulls you up.

 

And go with the flow.

Stay with it Belle. The possibilities are truly endless....

 

It's an unexplored river.

But what a ride!!

[almond]

If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

 

I don’t know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you’re reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.

 

I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won’t argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

 

Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let’s hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.

 

Start by considering this statement:

 

“Suicide is not chosen; it happens

when pain exceeds

resources for coping with pain.”

 

That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.

 

Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “that’s not enough to be suicidal about.” There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.

 

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

 

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

 

Now I want to tell you five things to think about.

 

 

1. You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.

 

 

2. Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, “I will wait 24 hours before I do anything.” Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.

 

 

3. People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

 

 

4. Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

 

But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what’s going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:

 

* Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans

* Call 1-800-SUICIDE in the U.S.

* Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999

* Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line

* Call a psychotherapist

* Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen

 

But don’t give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.

 

5. Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

 

Well, it’s been a few minutes and you’re still with me. I’m really glad.

 

Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let’s give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain.

 

Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won’t be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It’s time to start looking around for one of them.

 

Suicide: Read This First

[splinter163]

So you're living in a toxic environment. With toxic people around you, and not the love you deserve (because you do).

 

Then get the hell out of there now!!! Take a plane, take a train, take a bus, whatever. THE WORLD DOESNT END UP IN YOUR LIMITED PERSPECTIVE.

 

If you're living in a ****ty place and frequent ****ty people, of course life will appear ****ty.

 

The world is INMENSE. Possibilities are INMENSE. You have no idea how much you're missing by just giving up.

There ARE people like you out there; people that can get you, people that share your sensibilities and that REALLY deserve you. Make the math, please.

 

Make a gift to yourself. Make yourself the gift of LIFE. Just get out from wherever you are, and enjoy the amazing things you're missing. You know its the smartest thing to do. We have all been saying it to you.

 

Don't make a mistake. Somewhere in your mind you know it is. Fight this, fight this with everything you got left, be SMART, and you will be able to find what you're lacking.

 

Its NEVER late to make things right.

 

We love you.

[Zapbasket]

Hey again, Belle Skye,

 

Just want to add two things. One, I think it's awesome you decided to post here about your decision to end your life. I wonder (and hope) this suggests that you're not 100% sure suicide is the way to go.

 

I know we on LoveShack are not your "real-life" friends, and we can't go to your house or know what you look like or know the intimate details of your life or have you come stay with one of us for a while...but I hope you see that a loving circle has formed around you that is no less genuine than people you'd actually be able to meet in your vicinity. Think of us as being very much in your EMOTIONAL vicinity. We don't want you to go. We respect your choices whatever they may be if you feel they are right for you. But we feel confident there IS value in you continuing your life, because we have found value in our own lives amidst despair and disappointment, abuse and abandonment. And, I can promise you this one thing: that if you look up resources in your community for people experiencing troubles--be it a church, AA, a support group, a therapist, you will find love and support that will help you make good choices, be it regarding how to die, or how to live. No matter how toxic and unsupportive your circle of family, friends and acquaintances, care and support lies just beyond them. And, I bet if you make a list of everyone you know, and stare at each name one by one, there will be ONE person who might stand out as someone gentle and safe enough with whom to share how you are feeling. It's a funny thing that people can act just awfully, usually out of unresolved pain of their own, but deep down they do truly love you. That's hard to comprehend because you think, if they love me then why do they treat me this way? But we are all flawed, some more than others, in how we give and receive love--and the presence of those flaws doesn't mean the absence of love. I am sure someone in your circle, however imperfect they are, would feel galvanized to overt loving care if they had any clue how you are feeling. Believe that.

 

The second thing I wanted to add is a suggestion of something to try, that really helped me. We tend to focus so much on our disappointments and failures that we don't notice all that we achieve day to day. Often it's a f*cking Nobel Prize-worthy achievement just to get out of bed, to brush your teeth, to take a bath, to feed your pets or children. So notice those things; just because they're not announced in the newspapers and heralded by people far and wide does not mean they're not worthy of some acknowledgement, a quiet "thank you" to yourself for trying. Today, if you can, hang a blank piece of paper on your mirror or wall where you can see it. Write three accomplishments on that piece of paper, each starting with the phrase, "I feel good that...". One could be, "I feel good that I felt like crap but still read my LoveShack messages." Or, "I feel good that I didn't feel like eating but still ate a couple of carrots / piece of string cheese / leftover crisps." When I started doing this, I felt silly at first, but over time I gained so much more respect for myself, for my efforts each day to cope, to do the best I could. We all judge ourselves far too much. Wild animals don't judge; they just survive. Yet we admire them for their hunting skills, their muscled physiques, their abilities to make homes despite sub-zero weather, their abilities to adapt. They are brilliantly accomplished without even thinking about it, because they just try to survive. Managing to survive is an amazing thing and we should celebrate that more.

 

I know I said "two things" but here's one last thing: if you decide to end your life, know that it's not a failure. We are handed this gift of life to do with it as we please, and if that means ending it, then there's no judgment. It's yours to end, any time you want. I just think some of us have borne witness to what unimaginable wonderful things have emerged from despair, and we urge you to hold off on ending things because we suspect you might not be seeing the full picture. Which, again, is also understandable as nothing shrinks perspective like despair.

 

Hugs to you, Belle. We all are here with you and thinking of you and hoping for a lessening of your pain.

[William]

Dear Loveshackers

 

I am overwhelmed with the replies for this thread ~ your messages are definitely being considered and taken into heart.

 

A big thank you to William - it is one thing to manage a site like this, but to also keep everyone updated, I appreciate what you did for the posters (including myself). I initially thought you deleted my thread and only realised today that it was moved to the coping forum.

 

 

Been away a bit and saw this so wanted to stop by and thank you for updating everyone.

 

In general, since we have excellent resources posted in our Coping forum for members going through difficult or painful periods in their lives, unless a thread is regarding a specific relationship, we'll usually move the threads to Coping as a point of policy. I believe I left your thread with a one week redirect in the original forum of publication so yourself and members could see and click on the thread, bringing you here, for a week. Also, you can always go to your member profile page and find your posts there. I'll include a convenient link to bookmark:

 

LoveShack.org Community Forums - Search Results

 

 

Best wishes to you and should you require anything further regarding this discussion, simply hit 'alert us' on any post and let us know.

[Mermaids]

I decided to call it quits. I just realised that I am tired of reinventing myself after each breakup with my ex (we were off andon for 4 years), regretting my career choice, have frenemies as friends and just awful family support. But my main focus will be because of my ex, for making realise what I am...I.e. not good enough for him.

 

I am not going to plead to have him back and requested in my letter to my sister to never tell him that I passed on...or anyone to tell him. I dont want him back but at the same time I cant take it....the traumatic break up and the things he said afterwards.....

 

When my family leaves for holiday, im planning to take my life. But before I go, is there any spiritual factor I should take into account? I dont want to chance an afterlife where the soul is in turmoil. Is there any prayer or rituals I can do before I act on my decision?

 

Dear Belle, You are worth more than an end like this. Please reconsider and contact me if you wish

[Cora]

Belle I pray that you are still reading this!! You are such a beautiful, wonderful and valuable person even if you don't believe it yourself! I know this is all just a bunch of words and it's ultimately your decision. I just pray and I'm pleading with you not to take your life!! Your life is NOT a waste!! Please please please stay with us!! I know it must be hard after everything you've been through, but taking your life is not the answer. Do not give in to the hopelessness and despair.

 

I know I'm just another stranger to you, but I mean every word from the bottom of my heart! Hang on my dear Belle! Just keep hanging on!! The rain won't last forever...I promise!

[whichwayisup]

Loveshackers - I'm signing out. I'm tired. I appreciate what you have been trying to do for me - but I'm not winning here. I'm going to pray for a bit and see what happens.

 

Don't give up. I know right now you feel bad and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel but it is there, it's coming. Please don't give up on yourself... You're going through an awful time and we all feel for you, it truly sucks when you hit rock bottom, when you're scared, can't reach out to those who you should be there for you and love you unconditionally...but there are people who DO care and want to help you!

 

I hope tomorrow brings a better day and your prayers lead you back to LS so you can continue posting and talking to us.

[LilMama1097]

Honey, I've lived 31 years of abuse, infidelity, disappointment, HELL and have finally decided to stop being the victim and start taking control of my own damn life. Worked my butt off for an amazing career where I no longer have to depend on ANYONE and in return I've gained my confidence, self worth and appreciation for life!!!

If you're not happy with your life, put in the work to change it. Suicide is a very serious thing and it benefits NO ONE including you!! Take your past and make it your determination to be the most bad ass version of yourself possible! Nothing and no one is worth ending your life over EVER!

CHIN UP!!! Get motivated and make the change you want and deserve because no one else will do it for you except yourself!

[TaraMaiden2]

Belle Skye,

 

 

Have you considered moving to Cambridgeshire in England. There, you will be set free and happy.

This advice seems almost fatuous, but actually, having lived in Cambridgeshire myself, I can see some sense in this...

It's one of the most beautiful, peaceful, 'green and pleasant' counties in England, and has much going for it.... quite flat, open, lush and fertile, the opportunities for starting anew, abound here.

 

Bit damp though, as it can be, during the colder seasons....

But quite lovely.

Emigrate.

Now there's an idea.

[BelleSkye]

My family are going to admit me into a psychiatric clinic tomorrow morning - right now, everyone is making a plan because I am in a foreign country (I already did emigrate to start new ) and not a resident, and health care is extremely expensive for foreigners.

 

I will keep you posted about my treatment when I am out.

 

Best wishes to everyone for the new year. Don't think or be like me ever....

[TaraMaiden2]

I hope the case is that you are a willing participant.

 

I wish you nothing but the very best, a good recovery and a welcome and awaited return.

Bless you, much Metta and Karuna, and take care.

[CarrieT]

I will keep you posted about my treatment when I am out.

Please do - we will keep you in our prayers.

[whichwayisup]

My family are going to admit me into a psychiatric clinic tomorrow morning - right now, everyone is making a plan because I am in a foreign country (I already did emigrate to start new ) and not a resident, and health care is extremely expensive for foreigners.

 

I will keep you posted about my treatment when I am out.

 

Best wishes to everyone for the new year. Don't think or be like me ever....

You have courage and strength. I admire that in you!!

 

Admit it or not but you DO have the will to fight and to live. You WILL get better and allowing your family to get involved and help you, get you the professional support you need is wonderful news.

[Zapbasket]

My family are going to admit me into a psychiatric clinic tomorrow morning - right now, everyone is making a plan because I am in a foreign country (I already did emigrate to start new ) and not a resident, and health care is extremely expensive for foreigners.

 

I will keep you posted about my treatment when I am out.

 

This is great news. Please do keep us posted and all the very very best to you, now and going forward.

 

Best wishes to everyone for the new year. Don't think or be like me ever....

 

I think some of us HAVE thought and been like you, which is why we're rooting for you. You have a lot of courage, and that is nothing but admirable.