Cosmic Joke

[The Comedian]

My already shaky marriage fell apart a few years ago when I discovered my wife was cheating. More accurately, my marriage fell apart when I finally grew the backbone to give my wife an ultimatum regarding her cheating. If you knew my wife you wouldn't be surprised that she twisted this into a tale about her husband having "become a different person" who is "paranoid" and "controlling". I was amazed at how readily her friends believed her. I was such a mess at the time that I wondered if she wasn't right.

 

A couple of years later I met someone, call her "Vicky", and we really hit it off. It felt like love at the time. Then I discovered she was the type who hit it off with just about everyone. Sometimes several someones in one night. That's not an exaggeration. I broke it off, but I couldn't let her go, as you'll see.

 

A few months later I met someone else, call her "Barbara". We went out a couple of times and slept together once. There were no real feelings there. I wasn't feeling much of anything then.

 

About a year later Vicky and I started texting, I don't remember who started. She had a boyfriend, but was dropping hints that she'd like to see me again. Yeah, I know.

 

Here's where the punchline starts: In the last three years I'd been laid off. Twice. Due to budget cuts a third position I'd managed to find wasn't going to be renewed. I couldn't afford the crappy place I had anymore so I had to move in with family. Meanwhile my wife, who still won't divorce me unless I agree she gets to keep everything, enjoys a successful career thanks to my time as a stay at home dad, while another man lives in my house with my kids. At that time there was one bright spot in my life, the possibility of seeing Vicky again. I was--literally--in the middle of packing moving boxes when Vicky texts back to me, "I can't today, helping my boyfriend move." I hadn't told her I was moving. I wish I had, because then I would have "known" she was just being cruel. I could at least have felt anger at something tangible. Instead all I felt was a wave of unreality wash over me. I had nothing left at all.

 

You're probably laughing hysterically at this point but the joke isn't over. Another few months later I developed a rash. Of course the test was positive.

So, I called all the women I had sexual contact with since my wife--all two of them--and told them they better get checked. "Vicky" swore she had been tested after we were last together and was clean. "Barbara" immediately threatened me with a lawsuit. So I spent money I didn't have consulting a lawyer. You know you've hit a new low when hearing, "She could sue, but probably doesn't have much of a case." becomes the bright spot in your life.

 

Whenever I feel like I've learned a hard lesson, achieved some degree of self-awareness, something happens to remind me that I'm still just a blind idiot wearing a big sign that says "Use Me". Now I'm a blind idiot with herpes wearing a sign that says "Use Me". I'm exhausted and beyond humiliated. I don't know what else to say.

[MsJayne]

I have a girlfriend who has had herpes for years, but she says it only flares up when she's stressed, and that it can only be transmitted when it's active. I don't know whether that's actually true, but if it is, then at least that's something. Apart from that, I doubt very much that Barbara can sue you for giving her herpes if you didn't even know you had it, and maybe it should be you looking to sue someone, obviously it was either Icky Vicky or your horrible hex who gave it you.

[fands]

Well, moving in with family shows you at least have some support. How do the kids feel about all this? If the stay at home dad thing isn't to be, then what can you see yourself doing?...that you're hopefully interested in.

 

Forget about the humiliation. We all have our coping mechanisms. You're obviously using your sense of humour as a weapon against despair. Nobody deserves to be cheated on. Give yourself a break, you're doing your best.

[keiji]

Oh well, another story of underserved cruelty I guess. I don't see how she could sue you for potentially passing on a STD through consent sex. If I were the judge I'd fine her for wasting my time.

 

Talking about humiliation, I hope my story, one of quite a few with my ex-wife, helps you feel a bit better. Several months after leaving me for a co-worker and, to top it off, treating me like s*** for no apparent reason, I get a message from her at 8 in the morning saying she has hepatitis C and that I should get checked. No phone calls, just a cold, s***tty message. That's what I deserved after 9 years together.

 

God knows how she got it. Turns out I had undergone tests before breaking up and I was clean. We didn't have sex after that. Next thing I know is she's telling everyone that I'm sleeping with lots of girls, which was true at the moment because I was such a mess, and that I'm not using protection regardless of the fact that I probably had the illness too. How could she know about my intimate life? Well, of course she couldn't.

 

I think that warranted setting her new Audi in flames, but instead of feeling humiliated and furious, I felt sorry for her. What kind of person does such a thing? What kind of person goes down with hepatitis and attacks your for it, not to mention spreading scare among a few girls who didn't deserve it either? Anyway, I was glad I'm not like her. I still am.

 

If you need more stories of "humiliation", I've got plenty from the two-years we spent fighting before I finally got the divorce and ran for the hills. Two in distress makes sorrow less!

[Miss Clavel]

My already shaky marriage fell apart a few years ago when I discovered my wife was cheating. More accurately, my marriage fell apart when I finally grew the backbone to give my wife an ultimatum regarding her cheating. If you knew my wife you wouldn't be surprised that she twisted this into a tale about her husband having "become a different person" who is "paranoid" and "controlling". I was amazed at how readily her friends believed her. I was such a mess at the time that I wondered if she wasn't right.

 

A couple of years later I met someone, call her "Vicky", and we really hit it off. It felt like love at the time. Then I discovered she was the type who hit it off with just about everyone. Sometimes several someones in one night. That's not an exaggeration. I broke it off, but I couldn't let her go, as you'll see.

 

A few months later I met someone else, call her "Barbara". We went out a couple of times and slept together once. There were no real feelings there. I wasn't feeling much of anything then.

 

About a year later Vicky and I started texting, I don't remember who started. She had a boyfriend, but was dropping hints that she'd like to see me again. Yeah, I know.

 

Here's where the punchline starts: In the last three years I'd been laid off. Twice. Due to budget cuts a third position I'd managed to find wasn't going to be renewed. I couldn't afford the crappy place I had anymore so I had to move in with family. Meanwhile my wife, who still won't divorce me unless I agree she gets to keep everything, enjoys a successful career thanks to my time as a stay at home dad, while another man lives in my house with my kids. At that time there was one bright spot in my life, the possibility of seeing Vicky again. I was--literally--in the middle of packing moving boxes when Vicky texts back to me, "I can't today, helping my boyfriend move." I hadn't told her I was moving. I wish I had, because then I would have "known" she was just being cruel. I could at least have felt anger at something tangible. Instead all I felt was a wave of unreality wash over me. I had nothing left at all.

 

You're probably laughing hysterically at this point but the joke isn't over. Another few months later I developed a rash. Of course the test was positive.

So, I called all the women I had sexual contact with since my wife--all two of them--and told them they better get checked. "Vicky" swore she had been tested after we were last together and was clean. "Barbara" immediately threatened me with a lawsuit. So I spent money I didn't have consulting a lawyer. You know you've hit a new low when hearing, "She could sue, but probably doesn't have much of a case." becomes the bright spot in your life.

 

Whenever I feel like I've learned a hard lesson, achieved some degree of self-awareness, something happens to remind me that I'm still just a blind idiot wearing a big sign that says "Use Me". Now I'm a blind idiot with herpes wearing a sign that says "Use Me". I'm exhausted and beyond humiliated. I don't know what else to say.

i don't understand. are you free of both of them, well, except for that extreme souvenir?

 

if so, i'm not seeing the problem, let alone the humiliation?

 

first of all, it just means, now you're contagious. so there's that. and, there's valtrex, according to the old black and white.

 

second. find a job. it will help so much. cuz, can't we all control stuff at work? even if it's only till we punch out? with the added bonus of earning some jing jing, which always cheers me up.

 

a job, some work, a routine. sort your stuff, uh, literally.

 

 

 

sort it all into a couple of piles, all of it. if you catch my drift.

 

keep, store, trash.

 

 

 

let go, move on.

 

 

 

 

 

good luck

[The Comedian]

i don't understand. are you free of both of them, well, except for that extreme souvenir?

 

if so, i'm not seeing the problem, let alone the humiliation?

 

first of all, it just means, now you're contagious. so there's that. and, there's valtrex, according to the old black and white.

 

second. find a job. it will help so much. cuz, can't we all control stuff at work? even if it's only till we punch out? with the added bonus of earning some jing jing, which always cheers me up.

 

a job, some work, a routine. sort your stuff, uh, literally.

 

sort it all into a couple of piles, all of it. if you catch my drift.

 

keep, store, trash.

 

let go, move on.

 

good luck

 

Yes, I'm contagious. For the rest of my life. All the time. Any chance I ever had for fun, casual sex has been destroyed. The chances of someone sticking with me in a serious relationship has been cut in half. The one encouraging thing I've learned is that the stigma of herpes is much worse than the disease itself. But the stigma rules.

 

I don't know how to move on. I'm too angry to move on. Did I get herpes from Vicky? Seems likely, but then again we have people like keigi who had sex with multiple partners and managed to stay clean. I have sex a handful of times with two, three if you count my wife, women and win the lottery.

 

Or did I get it from Barbara, who knew she had it and was only bluffing about a lawsuit?

 

Or did I get it from my wife, who I gave up so much for only to be treated like garbage?

 

I can't move on. My wife holds all the cards. I can't afford a lawyer, and even if I could my wife is so hostile that she would make the process a living hell for my kids. Right now the bright spot is that my kids know what kind of person their mom is, and that I'm the one they come to when things get tough.

 

I've since spoken with Vicky. She, like so many of us when a marriage breaks up, was a mess when she met me. She regretted all the sleeping around. She's still with the same guy and still swears she's clean. Can you understand how maddening this is? Not only does it feel like I'm just an instrument in other people's lives on their way to success or happiness, but I'm the one who's enduring the consequences.

[The Comedian]

I have a girlfriend who has had herpes for years, but she says it only flares up when she's stressed, and that it can only be transmitted when it's active. I don't know whether that's actually true, but if it is, then at least that's something. Apart from that, I doubt very much that Barbara can sue you for giving her herpes if you didn't even know you had it, and maybe it should be you looking to sue someone, obviously it was either Icky Vicky or your horrible hex who gave it you.

 

Yeah, most people experience only an occasional minor rash. A lot of people don't experience any symptoms at all. From the big deal everyone makes you would think that herpes makes your genitals fall off or explode or something. But better tell your friend that it can be transmitted at any time. Yay.

 

I learned from my lawyer and from my own research that you can still be sued even if you didn't know you had it. If you were "negligent" or "should have known you had it" you're fair game.

Edited May 10, 2016 by The Comedian
Adding information

[iServe]

I hope this simple post will encourage you and give you another perspective in view of your present situation. I appreciate and respect your honesty. You have nothing to be ashamed of! I understand that poor choices, bring poor feeling, we’ve all made them. Some of my greatest lessons in life have been a direct result of poor relationship decisions. Please allow your mistakes to be stepping stones, not crushing stones in your life. You owe it to yourself to heal and be whole. The healing of your body, soul, and spirit will come over time and work. Please don’t let your past failings define you as a person, or determine your future outcome. Use this time to be a student of building healthy and wholesome relationships going forward. Surround yourself with healthy people and principles that will mold and shape your character and relationship practices moving forward. Please find someone that is trustworthy and a credible life coach that would come along side you to process your hurts, loss, and wounds. Your heart is worth it!.