Quarter life crisis or fallen out of love???

[SunnySG]

How do I know if I truly love my husband or if I am going through some quarter life crisis?

 

For close to a year and several months I have felt disconnected and unattracted to my husband. I feel that the only reason we are together is because of the close relationship he has with my family - they ADORE him and I feel sometimes they would rather have him around more than me. This grates on my nerves, and I have discussed this with my husband and my parents - the jealously I feel. I have talked to my mother about my marriage and she said that my husband is the best I'll ever have and to sleep in the bed I made - although she does admit she thought when we married that it was a mistake. I really feel I get no support there, and I am not about to go tell every friend I have my situation because I don't feel it's fair to my husband.

 

I have also begun to fantasize about being with another man who I am extremely attracted to emotionally and physically. Nothing has happened, but I wonder if this is just a phase, or if it's because I don't really love my husband. When my husband says I love you, returning the salutation gets stuck in my throat and I just can't do it. I feel that it's a lie - on the other hand, I don't feel that he deserves the treatment. My husband loves me dearly. It's smothering when I can't say it back, like a huge weight being layed on my shoulders. But I lay in bed at night and his face isn't the one I am picturing.

 

And yes, we have tried relationship workshops - he wouln't do counseling, so I had to settle for a workshop, which he left at one point to watch television for several hours leaving me alone and bitter. He has a history of leaving me and staying gone without calling (weekends up north, etc.) just whenever he feels like it. We have talked this subject to DEATH - another example - we went on vacation with my family and one night after we went to bed, he went out again even though we were flying home the next morning at 8:00. He didn't get back to our room until 7:30 and was pissed that I was so upset. Things like this that ALWAYS happen ad to this bitter resentment and the chasm gets wider.

 

This is the first time in days I have been "allowed" back on this site because my husband saw it and blocked it - along with keywords "divorce" and "seperation."

So if you're wondering if he knows, the answer is yes. I have asked for a seperation in the past only to be met with hysterical shouting and irrational ranting. This is not news to him, but like I said, he loves me and I know he doesn't understand that his little wife doesn't feel the same way.

But we're young, so I need to know NOW if this is where my future lies.... I have no romantic attachment, no sexual attraction, no real sympathy for him - he is my roomate, I guess.

[laRubiaBonita]

well if everyone "knows"....then see other people.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by SunnySG

And yes, we have tried relationship workshops - he wouln't do counseling, so I had to settle for a workshop, which he left at one point to watch television for several hours leaving me alone and bitter. He has a history of leaving me and staying gone without calling (weekends up north, etc.) just whenever he feels like it.

 

Things like this that ALWAYS happen ad to this bitter resentment and the chasm gets wider.

 

This is the first time in days I have been "allowed" back on this site because my husband saw it and blocked it - along with keywords "divorce" and "seperation."

 

This screams CREEPY and CONTROLLING. I would be miserable, too. Looks like he has "Ostrich syndrome" - stick your head in the sand and hope it will just disappear.