Finally getting somewhere...

[tiki]

After my stepfamily and I returned from Disney, the ex-wife of my Husband has been playing MAJOR games. She's jealous, it's obvious. It has shown with her actions. She knows we've offered nothing but a great life for her daughter, and I know that's gotta be a ahard pill to swallow.

 

Last night for the third time in two weeks, my H goes to pick up his daughter from school (daycare program) and she's nowhere to be found. I repeat, this is the third time in two weeks. Every visit has been messed with, with the exception of one - in two weeks. It's getting ridiculous.

 

She calls and leaves messages telling my Husband that since he had her on father's day, and it was HER weekend, that he can't see her Monday (yesterday) and she needs to be returned early on Sunday (we have her this weekend) because Mother's day fell on her weekend "and well, that's really not fair".

 

WTF?! Like it matters when father's/mother's day falls on? The custody papers state that the child is to spend that day with the respective parent. Sheesh, woman.

 

My H decides after the third time of not being able to find his daughter, he's calling the police and showing them the divorce papers where he is supposed to have her. The police say they can do nothing, and to get a lawyer.

 

It's kind of weird. But here's how it works.

 

If she keeps you from seeing the kid, you still pay child support.

But if you quit paying CS, you can't be withheld from seeing the kid.

 

Anyway, he calls her and GOES OFF. He tells her that she's in contempt of court. She argues with him, bashes him and won't let him speak. Which is normal.

 

I got on the phone and told her to STFU and show some damn respect. All she does is run all over him. She and I had it out for a few, then she finally did STFU. No joke. I told her to quit talking over me, to listen to what I had to say and that I'd listen to what she had to say without talking over her. It worked. WOW. I demanded her respect. She gave it too.

 

She always backs down when you get agressive with her, me anyway. Her bark is worse than her bite. And me, well, I just lose it. I can't handle someone being so disrespectful of my Husband. But like I said, she respected, she shut up.

 

Before ya know it, she's gigglin, cuttin up, wantin to be friends (She's got to be bi-polar). She's apologizing, telling me that she knew she went over the top. We talked about a lot. I aired a lot. I told her that I felt uncomfortable being in this situation, but obviously her and my H cannot handle it. I told her it's not my place as a step-parent, and she corrected me and told me that it was my place, that this was my life too. She wants me to play a part because I am a part. She says she wants e/t to go through me, and for her and I to communicate. And that we should communicate more.

 

She wants to have a meeting with the kid, myself, her and my H. I told her that at this point, might not be such a good idea, but in time if we can stand to be around one another. She told me that she wanted me there, because I'm a part of the child's life too. I told her the meeting was up to her and the father, as the parent's. But she does want to show the child that we can get along. It'll be less stress for the child. Even if it's a united front.

 

I told her (and made crystal clear) that I'm not putting up with this BS. No more kidnapping the kid, no more nasty messages, no more dictating the schedule. I told her I thought she was psycho and that her messages/acts were acts of a headcase. She actually kinda agreed. I told her to lay off my H as he's the only one of three father's that pays child support and wants to be a part of his childs life. She states that she's actually chasing on of the father's down for it. YAY!!!

 

We talked about her crappy credit and how it's still affecting my Husband's. She said that her wages were garnished (Chapter 13 Bankruptcy) every month and that she will owe three and a half more years on the car. She's been paying on the car for four years now, almost five. She's trying to fix it.

 

We found out that the kiddo has been playing one parent against the other. That's pretty normal for a 6 year old IMO. We've just got to work on that. I think that if the child thinks that we're talking and keeping communication open, she'll quit talking crap. It'll come with time.

 

She agreed to add an extra day this week for my H to see the child. I told her that I wanted our schedule in writing and signed by her. She agreed and said she'd even get it notarized.

 

See how she's a flaming bitch one minute and sweet as pie the next??? This must be some manipulative thing or something?

 

She wants me to call her today????? I don't understand why. My H says she's a control freak and it's her way of controlling ya. I can see that. But I hate to not call. When I call her I'm going to be firm (as always) and be to the point..."Okay, we'll see x tomorrow, please tell her we've called and that we'll see her then". I don't want to talk, I don't want to be friends. I don't want to compare notes regarding husbandry.

 

It was nice to vent. And it was nice to hear from the mother of the child, that I do matter. That my opinions do matter. And that that child has said nothing but good things about her step-mom. The child loves me. Now we've just got to find a middle ground with mama bear.

 

But we are on our way! Thanks for listening.

[quankanne]

he's calling the police and showing them the divorce papers where he is supposed to have her. The police say they can do nothing, and to get a lawyer

 

bullshxt! what is stated in the custody papers is legal and binding on BOTH ends, i.e., both parents must abide by it, and to break that order of visitation (unless you mutually agree upon switching days, etc) is cause for cops to take in the offending parent. At least this is how it was explained to me by a relative who was going through that with the father of her two younger kids and she didn't quite trust him to not abscond with the boys. That paper is bond, and you don't intentionally break it without legal repercussions (as in involving po-leece, not lawyers).

 

that's my two cents!

 

Tiki, whether or not your husband's XW is a control freak, it's always good to be the font of reason in that kind of situation. She may suck up to you or try to be buddy-buddy, which is fine for her, but let her know that you know exactly where the crap ends! You are probably the saner head which prevails in this situation!!!!

[alphamale]

boy...and we wonder why americans are so screwed up!

[tiki]

Originally posted by quankanne

bullshxt! what is stated in the custody papers is legal and binding on BOTH ends, i.e., both parents must abide by it, and to break that order of visitation (unless you mutually agree upon switching days, etc) is cause for cops to take in the offending parent. At least this is how it was explained to me by a relative who was going through that with the father of her two younger kids and she didn't quite trust him to not abscond with the boys. That paper is bond, and you don't intentionally break it without legal repercussions (as in involving po-leece, not lawyers).

 

that's my two cents!

 

Tiki, whether or not your husband's XW is a control freak, it's always good to be the font of reason in that kind of situation. She may suck up to you or try to be buddy-buddy, which is fine for her, but let her know that you know exactly where the crap ends! You are probably the saner head which prevails in this situation!!!!

 

Oh that would've been a scream. Her ass being hauled off to jail for acting like a fool. They told him that the county police handles this stuff, but it's a civil matter, not a criminal matter. Then they told him contacting the county police would do nothing. SUCKS!

 

Originally posted by alphamale

boy...and we wonder why americans are so screwed up!

 

Yes, alpha. We do. And did you know that blended families are the largest majority of families now days? Isn't it so sad to see this go on?? I thought so too. I'm tired of it myself.

 

But you cannot forget that it's not a perfect world. This world is far from perfect. People make mistakes, marriages are made, marriages are broken. It happens every day. Doesn't make it right, but it happens all the time.

[TUDOR]

Glad you are making some progress Tiki!

 

As a man with no kids this is very encouraging to never have them!!!

[alphamale]

Originally posted by tiki

People make mistakes, marriages are made, marriages are broken. It happens every day. Doesn't make it right, but it happens all the time.

Yes this happens everywhere but it seems to have a much higher incidence here in the US than anywhere else in the world. I think it is cause we are a more selfish culture.

[tiki]

Originally posted by TUDOR

Glad you are making some progress Tiki!

 

As a man with no kids this is very encouraging to never have them!!!

 

Thank you TUDOR. It is hard (or can be made hard), but kids are a beautiful thing!

 

 

Originally posted by alphamale

I think it is cause we are a more selfish culture.

 

You're right.

 

A lot of wisdom comes with age and experience. I've learned a lot since my first divorce. Hopefully I'll never be in that situation again!

 

It's all starting to make sense why a second marriage is more likely to fail. But we're in it for the long haul. Thank God we make an awesome team.

[Mz. Pixie]

Great news Tiki.

 

I'm in your wife in law's position (that's a joke- but I heard a old boss of mine calls his wife's exh that one time and thought it was hilarious). I would NEVER think of acting as she's acted. My exh had the kids for father's day- and then since we rotate on Monday's he had them last night too. I would have never thought to question that.

 

This is encouraging to me because I'm just starting to blend our families. We're getting married in a few weeks. Last night my daughter asked to talk to my fiance' on the phone. If my exh and I can remain civil and all of us CO parent it would be so much better. My fiance' doesn't want to replace their dad, he just wants to be part of their life and ditto for me on the stepmom end.

 

On a funny note, my fiance's little boy made it a point to tell his mother yesterday that he loved me!