Reasons Behind Marriage

[AquaJake]

Hello All,

 

I’m 25 years old and from CA. Before I get started I just wanted to make my question clear at the beginning… Why do people get married? Or in other words, what are your reasons behind getting married? And I’m not taking about the legal aspects of the act (unless that is your reason then that’s ok too), I’m talking about the individual meaning behind the act that drives someone to want to marry their significant other. I imagine everyone has a different story to tell, so I’m all ears.

 

But first here is my story...

(feel free to skip through this if you don’t want to get too deep into our background; I tend to babble on sometimes haha)

 

She is 24 years old and from CA. Long story short, we met online (OkCupid) and have been dating for almost a year and a half now. It’s sort of a long distance relationship considering she lives 101 miles away from me. Our relationship over the past year and a half has been amazing. That’s not to say there haven’t been some rough patches, but none the less amazing. We’ve both learned so much about each other and ourselves. I’m going to be honest, I haven’t been with many girls, especially for this long to know what a relationship truly is. Sure I had preconceived beliefs of what it would be like and what it would feel like to be in love, but all of that was thrown out the window from the time I’ve been with her. She helped me discover the true me and what a true relationship is and can become. I absolutely love this girl and want to be with her for the rest of my life.

 

Back to the topic of marriage again… So, I don’t think much about marriage. She thinks a lot about marriage and in fact, it’s been sort of a dream of hers to get married before moving in with that special person. She isn’t necessarily a traditionalist when it comes to marriage, but it’s what you would call her reason for getting married. Getting married to her marks the beginning of life together under the same household. She would just feel like she was pretending to be married if we moved in together beforehand. And I know all this because we talk about Everything… she is pretty much my best friend. Anyway, we both want to move in together, but the reason we haven’t just yet is because of this situation. I’m not saying her dream of getting married first is a bad thing either (in fact, I respect and admire it). I just haven’t thought much about marriage so now that it’s knocking at my front door I’m not too sure what to make of it.

 

One last thing… please don’t get me wrong here, it’s not that I don’t want to get married. In fact I don’t mind getting married at all… I just know it’s a big step in a relationship and in life and I want to know why I’m doing it.

 

I could go on forever about this whole thing, but for now I’m going to leave it as is and see what you guys have to say. I'd greatly appreciate any feedback!

 

Cheers,

Edited May 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[basil67]

A year and a half of dating isn't nearly long enough to be considering marriage - especially when the people are in their early 20's and haven't had a lot of experience with different people yet. I would imagine that your reticence has it's roots in feeling that you're being rushed. That it's just too early.

 

My suggestion is to tell her how you feel. If you do see marriage with her in the future, but perhaps not for another few years, then tell her this. Obviously this will take living together off the table, but she will just have to suck it up...or change her ideas about marriage. When you've given her your honest thoughts and a rough time frame, it's OK to expect her to stop talking about it.

[TaraMaiden2]

You're neither of you emotionally nor mentally mature enough to get married, let alone consider it.

You don't biologically hit that stage until your late 20's.

 

Secondly, you may have connected 1.5 years ago, but how many times, and for what period, have you two actually spent time together, face to face?

 

Forgive the indelicate question, but have you guys had sex yet?

 

Please don't even think of marriage until you two have spent at least 3 years together, and I mean - together. Physically, side by side.

 

ETA:

 

I have been married 3 times.

In each instance, I had long engagements, prior to considering tying the knot, and we were together virtually every single day.

In each case.

 

I married my (now) H 7 years after we first met.

But he knew he wanted to be with me, from the first week he met me.

 

Playing it slow never hurts anyone.

[sandylee1]

My reasons for wanting to get married and being married.... are that I wanted to find that special someone to love and share the rest of my life with and have a family with. I wanted to build my life with someone and have a committed relationship with that person.

 

You are quite young and it's understandable that you may be apprehensive. You need to live life a bit more so that you don't have regrets later on and feel that you missed out on having the fun of single life. I don'tthink 1.5 years is too short a time to decide to marry someone .. but with a LDR, at your age.. it IS too soon.

 

You need to live closer to each other...whereby you'd see each other more often and get to stay more nights together. LDRs aren't always reality.

 

Do you work? Have you got savings? Your own home? ... These are the things that put a lot of pressure on marriages.

 

I'm not a fan of living together .... unless it's with a definite view to marriage .... so that means being engaged and knowing that unless we have a major bust up or discover terrible things that we can't live with...... that marriage will happen. Some people get engaged and when you ask when the wedding is they have no idea.... and sometimes say he's not ready yet. Or those engaged for 3 years and upwards.

[AquaJake]

First off, thanks for all your replies! They are greatly appreciated.

 

basil67:

 

I'm not going to lie, I am feeling rushed and to an extent she knows that too. We've talked about marriage and things from my perspective many times. She respects the fact that it takes me longer to set my mind about something than she does. It's gotten to the point where she's decided to back off on talking about marriage to respect my own pace/timeline for things (even if it makes her disappointed).

 

However, I don't think thats going to change the fact about how she feels about marriage and what it means to her. I've brought the conversation up about moving in several times and she still resists. And yes, she will have to suck it up or changer her ideals, but I also want to respect them too.

 

TaraMaiden2:

 

Ok... so I think this is sort of a controversial topic in the realm of relationships and such, but I'm going to dive into it anyway. I see this all the time... people tend to assign a number of years or timeline to a relationship to judge whether the couple is ready to be married? I understand that being with someone for several years is "usually" how long couples are together before they get married. However, does that necessarily mean they are ready to get married? How do you Really determine when you are "ready" to get married? Are you every ready for marriage and what has to come after?

 

By the way Tara... In no way am I trying to bash your point of view on the situation (or to anyone else). I'm just trying to play the middle man here and see things from multiple perspectives.

 

Haha oh yes... the sex is plentiful. 101 miles is far, but not far enough to take away sex from our relationship haha. We see each other pretty much every weekend so there is time spent face-to-face. Yes, it isn't nearly enough as it should be, but it's something for now.

 

sandylee1:

 

Thanks for sharing your reasons Sandy. I agree with you that I need to live my life, but I don't necessarily think I need to live the single life. I'm pretty much able to do all the things I want despite being with her. I'm a pretty big cyclist, so I need the time to be with my other girls (girls as in all 4 bikes haha). She is 100 supportive of letting me ride, even when we are together on the weekends and our time is precision. Quite recently, I actually bought her a mountain bike so we could go riding together and she absolutely loves it.

 

Also, I'm not the type of guy that wants to be with a lot of girls too. I'm mainly looking for a companionship and friendship in a relationship.

 

Just so ya know, I do have a job haha. I'm a Junior Industrial Designer, which basically means I design products (cell phones, pens, bikes, chairs, you name it we design it). Savings is in progress, but increasing none the less. Home... one bedroom apartment in

 

Ok, so considering you and my GF may have similar views on the the whole marriage before moving in, here is a question for you...

- Would you be inclined to change your views/ideals to make him feel more comfortable in the journey to marriage?

 

Again, I'm just trying to understand each person's points of views, so I hope you don't mind all the questions.

Edited May 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[TaraMaiden2]

Take note, however, of the link I sent you. I'm talking about emotional and cerebral maturity. This is why you should take your time.

 

My first marriage was when I was aged 21.

Stupid, stupid, stupid me.....

 

2nd, aged 25. That lasted 20+ years.

 

Now my third: Known him 12 years, married for 5.....

 

I still refuse to predict any outcome, either way....

[mikeylo]

When I got married , the reason was to have a companion for life. She wanted the same. And that was it. I was a bit apprehensive, like you but if I hadn't married her , then someone else would have taken her. And that would have been my nightmare. I don't feel less of a man in accepting that I can't live without her. My life is better with her than without her. I weighed the scenarios.

 

There are no guarantees though. Marriages end in divorce all the time.

 

Unless YOU specifically don't see any benefit from being married , don't marry. If your gf wants to and you are apprehensive, let her go. Don't waste her time ,tbh.

 

Don't try to change her views. Rather focus on changing yours.

[Mrin]

Wow, just wow. Every once in a while on this damn message board I run across a situation where I feel I can make a real difference in a person's life. This is one of them.

 

OP: Okay dude, I love how you are approaching this with an open mind. I was almost in your identical situation many years ago so I am going to approach this like I would if I could speak to the younger me.

 

He's the best thing you can do. You and her should really sit down and talk about "what marriage" means. This isn't a one evening type of conversation. This is a many day conversation with a lot of give and take. You should even consider reading books on the topic together. Maybe even talk to someone.

 

Here's the thing dude - you get a chance to really define what marriage is. The why's. The how's. The when's. For her, it is a chance for her to share all of her notions and expectations with you in a safe environment. For you it is a chance to try each on and see how they fit. After a while, you'll start to develop your own notions and expectations and the roles can be reversed. A few thoughts for you:

 

The Conceptual

1. Forever vs. earning each others love each day: How do you keep from taking each other for granted.

 

2. Change: you will change over the years. Drastically. How will you stay connected over all that change? Hint: it doesn't happen because of a piece of paper...

 

3. Communication: How do you want to communicate? What do you need? What does she need? Hint: it just doesn't happen magically

 

4. Trust: What are both of your expectations of trust? Does she want to be your best friend/vice versa?

 

The Practical

1. Sex: what are your expectations around sex? How important is it to you? What can both of you do to maintain a healthy sexual relationship?

 

2. Careers: what are your expectations? Does she want to be a SAHM when you have kids?

 

3. Kids: Do you want them? How many? When?

 

4. Money: What sort of life do you want to build together? What are the expectations around real estate/home? How ofter do you want to go on vacation? When do you want to retire? What sort of risk tolerances do you have? How much is each person expected to contribute financially? Does anyone want to go back to school, for what reason and when?

 

5. Families: What sort of expectations do you guys have about your extended families? Do you need to live close to one or the other? Does anyone expect to spend certain holidays with one or the other?

 

6. Location: Where do you want to live? Where might you live in the future? Who "leads"?

 

7. Religion: What role, if any, does religion play?

 

Look. Marriage can be whatever you want it to be. You guys get to decide. I know people who have defined their marriages as five year commitments with an optional renewal. I know people who have defined their marriages as something straight out of the 1950's. I also know people who have defined their marriages straight out of a 1970's polyamorous hippie commune. Everything in between. And here's the thing - you may not be able to see eye to eye on all of those topics. Even if you do, your respective positions WILL change over time on those topics. That's natural and normal. But the thing is when you have actually engaged in this conversation you can more easily revisit these expectations when circumstances or minds change. You may be have some "I don't knows" for some of these topics. That's cool too. At least you now both know what you don't know. That's a big thing.

 

It is all about voicing expectations.

 

Above all dude, don't approach this like a negotiation or deal per se. You're not trying to get to "yes". What you're trying to do is make sure you're on the same page so you can know what you're saying "yes" to.

 

I hope this makes sense. Best of luck!

 

Mrin

[VeveCakes]

My advice is to live together BEFORE marriage. There is so much you learn from that step alone that you might not survive. A divorce is a huge headache from the depths of hell... Take your time. There is no need to rush into marriage.

[Bufo]

If it wasn't for marriage, most women would have no use whatsoever for men

[TaraMaiden2]

If it wasn't for marriage, most women would have no use whatsoever for men

 

What makes you think marriage makes any difference?

 

(That was a joke.)

[mikeylo]

No offense Mrin but if I had thought so much before getting married , I would have never married ! I guess this is one of the reasons many people DONT want to get married ! This makes it so fearful !

 

OP, you are either ready or you are not. Everyone has their own preferences. There are some who don't want to have sex before marriage. It's not right or wrong. It's about individuals accepting the other and being on the same page.

[nom_de_plume]

I was young when I got married and in a very bad place in my life. While I loved my husband, it wasn't the mature type of love and I was looking for him to rescue me. In retrospect, I should have waited. I was not in the right place in my mind and I never got a chance to grow up and be an independent adult. This is a big regret of mine. Emotionally, I feel like I'm no better off now than I was before and now I've built a life with this individual for the past 10 years and to unravel and uncouple would be difficult on both of us. My advice is to wait. You're so young and you're going to change so much between now and 30. Just have fun and enjoy your life and her pressuring you is only going to lead to resentment down the line.

[Miss Peach]

I'm another who got married too young. I married someone I really wasn't compatible with. So I do agree with the others about waiting until you are older and have a sense of what you want and how you're moving through life. I didn't find that stuff myself until my late 20s. I changed a lot between 20-30. Most people I know have. It's hard to pick someone at 20 you would have chosen at 30.

 

FWIW I have lived with more than one guy and you learn a lot living with someone you tend to not see during dating. So it would be my preference to live together before getting married but after the engagement (maybe even with a date set) at this point in my life. My personal values aren't that strict about living with a guy but I am erring on the conservative side since I am now a single mom. My BF is a don't live together until marriage guy so I'm gone into a lot about both sides of this one. I have also heard the argument about learning to compromise because you are married and can't just walk away.

 

I've been dating my BF for a year now and I am at the place where I know I could see marrying him and him being my husband but even now I would be hesitant about actually doing it until quite a lot more things have happened. Even if you are not ready to get married tomorrow, I would ask yourself can you see getting married at some point to her? If so, are there any other things that could be done like moving to the same town, for example?

[ShatteredLady]

Think about the marriage vows. I mean REALLY think about the most important promises you will ever make. What if, a couple of years after marriage she gets diagnosed with a chronic illness? Are you ready for that? What if she can't have children? Is anything a deal breaker for you? "For better & worse", sounds simple but REALLY think about it.

 

Another HUGE piece of advise... You're posting on a forum where the most used sections are about infidelity...the most tragic thing you can inflict on anyone who loves & trusts you!

 

 

I met my husbands days after my 21st birthday. We married when I was 26, him 27. We moved in together the first week that we started dating (I had different morals to your gf!!)

 

I remember being asked why I was getting married. I thought about the answer. He was my best friend. I knew that I could never leave him & I couldn't even imagine him ever hurting me. If we were going to spend the rest of our lives together it would be nice to celebrate it with all of our friends & family. Bringing them together, officially. We owned our own home & our dream wedding wasn't a financial burden. It made perfect sense to me...even though I was a young lady who swore she would NEVER marry!!

 

My parents have a fantastic marriage. True partners, passionate & best friends. They don't have the same interests really but they've always shown an interest & known about, participated in each others hobbies. They risked everything a couple of times to build very successful businesses together. Came from similar, very poor, working class backgrounds.

 

I followed their model & made huge life changing decisions based on OUR happiness & fulfillment. We lived a very exciting, varied life. Waited until my late 30's to start having children. Enjoyed the world & each-other!

 

I believed with my entire being that he was my FAMILY. To me that's so much more than being in love, partners, friends, lovers, ANYTHING! You never leave family. They are part of you & vise-versa.

 

I do believe that COMMITMENT can be the most important thing. If you KNOW that you're going to spend your whole life with someone you deal with problems & sort them out! Why be conflict avoidant & create misery for life?

 

So the end of this summer we will be married 20 years. Nothing has made me happier or destroyed me more.

 

If I don't include MY husband & the way he's treated me on occasions... Do I regret spending my whole adult life with one person? Do I regret getting married?

 

No!! Not in the slightest! I love security, family, true intimacy, holding one above all others "for better of worse". Marriage is wonderful. Growing-up together, loyal, passionate & loving is fantastic! True partners. 2 pieces of the same puzzle & all that stuff. LOVE IT!! Even when it's bad & he's driving me crazy it's great!! It's THAT GOOD because I know, truly KNOW & LOVE him.

 

I'm not mentioning his abuse or infidelity because I'm assuming that YOU are not that man. If he had never broken me, if I'd never had to survive that, I would be the biggest fan of marriage ever.

Edited May 11, 2016 by ShatteredLady

[nom_de_plume]

I'm not mentioning his abuse or infidelity because I'm assuming that YOU are not that man. If he had never broken me, if I'd never had to survive that, I would be the biggest fan of marriage ever.

 

Wait, he abused you? Infidelity I can get over. It takes two people to break up a marriage and humans aren't inherently monogamous. But abuse is quite another thing and would definitely be a deal breaker.

[MJJean]

Playing it slow never hurts anyone.

 

Not necessarily. Playing it slow can be the end of an otherwise good relationship between people who love each other and that does result in hurt. I respect that you think marriages have a better chance when the couple waits years, but a lot of us out here disagree.

 

A woman from church said it best. "I'm not a long term girlfriend." Neither am I. A lot of women who want marriage don't want to spend years on a relationship that isn't going anywhere. I don't think it's unreasonable to say "Hey, we've been together for a year. It's time to decide where this relationship is going and when."

 

I'm not suggesting OP get engaged or married right away, but I am saying that love isn't enough. Compatibility is very important. If their life goals aren't compatible, it would be best to end the relationship and free this woman to find a man who does want to marry her.

 

Why did I marry?

 

The first time I was 19 and married my baby's father in order to "do the right thing". He was basically a casual sex partner, the pregnancy was the result of a birth control fail, and I did not love him. We were also very incompatible. That ended in divorce.

 

I married my DH because I fell in love and, by some miracle, he loved me, too. I knew the minute I saw him he was "the one". It took him a few weeks to come to the same conclusion. I wanted to belong to him and for him to belong to me. I wanted us bound together spiritually, socially, and legally. We were 24 when we met and chose each other. Don't regret it for a minute. Sure, we've changed and grown over the last 16 years, but our core personalities are compatible, so it's never been a problem.

Edited May 11, 2016 by MJJean

[OneLov]

Why do people get married? Or in other words, what are your reasons behind getting married?

 

The short, over-simplified answer: The isthmus of Panama, lower than normal solar output, and the gravitational pull from the sun that causes the earth to wobble on its axis.

 

How this relates to the cultural institution of marriage, see below.

 

The Origin of Marriage (And the Evolution of Divorce) | Big Think

[AquaJake]

mikeylo:

 

Ok, I see your points here. I agree that marriage is a mutual decision that two people should make together. Being on the same page is key. And if that decision is made by one or the other I see how things can get pretty rough for the couple later down the road.

 

Here’s my perspective (or at least what I have concluded to with all my effort). I tend to be a logical person. This doesn’t go to say that I’m not emotional. I’ve very emotional (a hell of a lot more emotional that most guys to give you an idea)!! However, I have a hard time identifying and explaining my emotional states, so that’s why I turn to logic to guide me. They are too opposite traits that have been keeping me sane over the years. Now lets get to my point… Logically, I don’t see a need to get married to love someone and be with them for the rest of my life. (Again, this is just my humble opinion and what I’ve came to conclusions on after exploring my emotions on the subject) This is why I’m seeking out to everyone on this forum... for their reasons why people get married. It’s just something I don’t quite understand yet from an emotional standpoint, because I do believe the meaning of it is more of a emotional/mental/spiritual act than anything.

 

Now don’t get me wrong here. I’ve said this before and I’m going to share my opinion on it again. While I personally don’t see the need for marriage for me… I certainly have no issue getting married. Currently there is nothing within my relationship with her preventing me from doing it. I know how some people may say I’m not mature enough yet to know how I feel, or if I’m making the right decision, or if I’m ready, but I don’t care. I know this… I Love her and I want to be with her for the rest of my life. Over the past few weeks, especially since I’ve posted on this site I’ve been looking back on our relationship…

 

She’s been there for me through every step of the way, and so have I. Honestly, I never thought I would be with a girl like her, but here I am… And almost every time I’m with her I question whether she and all of this is real… The both of us aren’t a 100% match for each other and we know that (actually 91% according to OkCupid… this is a joke by the way haha), but we have great communication and a drive to make sure we find a mutual solution to any problem we’re faced with over the years. I honestly wouldn’t know what to do in the case we weren’t together anymore or even worse, something happening to her. Her personality is just so unique/special and everything I Need in a girlfriend/wife. She’s taken the time to understand me to the point where she can point out how I’m feeling before I even know how I’m feeling about something. As long as it took me to realize this, she is too everything I Want in a girlfriend/wife.

 

Here’s a recent example of how much she means to me…

The event takes place this past Wednesday… I had just got back home and settled in (keep in mind I had completed a 30 mile round trip bike ride to work that day and was exhausted). She got off work and was stressed beyond measure about some school assignment she needed to work on and other things at work (she’s finishing up her AA in Child development this semester and already works as a full time Pre-School teacher). These moments when she really needs me, yet I’m 101 miles away, are probably some of the hardest to deal with in our relationship. We are texting this whole time by the way, but I introduce the idea of me driving up there for the night. She first thought it was crazy, which it is, but I wanted to be with her as much as she wanted to be with me.

The act didn’t even phase me. I just made sure she knew I was coming up and I was off.

I leave at 7pm… no traffic takes me about 2 hours to get up there setting my ETA at around 9pm. I would then have to wake up at 4am to leave for work otherwise the 2 hour drive would take me 4 hours, if I were to leave at a non-clinicly insane hour. This whole "adventure" if you will would give me about 1 hours and 30 minutes to be with her (awake that is). Was it worth it… definitely. It’s nothing a little Starbucks coffee can’t do to keep me going.

 

Why go through the trouble to explain this whole event… It’s moments/events like these where I personally come to realize there is something meaningful and substantial within this relationship worthy of pursuing.

 

I certainly don’t want to run away from this relationship just because I have no reason to get married. Going back to what I was saying earlier… the only thing truly preventing me from marrying Her is myself. It’s the lack of a reason to get married. Now, I don’t want to find a reason to marry her just for her… I want to do this for myself. I want my own meaning for marriage or even one that we can both share. One that drives me/us to start this new chapter in our lives with confidence and value.

 

This leads into you, Mrin! Don’t think I’ve forgotten about you!

 

Mrin:

 

First off… You Freaking Rock!! Thanks for being understanding about the whole situation. It’s just so refreshing to hear opinions from the other side of the story (my side I guess haha).

 

Secondly, I love your approach you laid out for me about understanding expectations in order to discover why you are saying "yes". I think it will play pivotal role in my next steps within our relationship. In the past, I’ve been feeling that I need to try and figure out a way to get me on the same page as her, but I know deep down that’s not the right way for approach this and I wouldn’t be doing myself any justice. Like you said, this is not a deal… it’s a two way street and we should both work together to find a meaning for saying “yes" to. (However, please correct me if I’m interpreting any of this wrong)

 

ShatteredLady:

 

Thank you for sharing your story and your meanings behind marriage. It truly means a lot! You bring up a good point about commitment being a huge part of marriage and relationships in general. I think this also plays a lot into what everyone’s been talking about when they say individuals in their 20s will most likely undergo “change” during their following years. I agree with this to an extent. Yes, I already foresee a lot of change happening within the next year to 5 years of my life and there is probably stuff I can’t foresee that will happen too. This is going to effect me and transform me in ways I can’t predict, but that’s life. How this effects our relationship is also something I can’t predict. I touch on this earlier, but I think a big part that leads to a successful commitment to someone is communication between each partner. Like you said, if you are going to be with this person and spend the rest of your life with them you sort out your problems, together. I may be naive or too optimistic when saying this, but I tend to think of problems as a way to grow the relationship opposed to holding it back. I know of countless times when She and I ran into a barrier within our relationship yet, with some communication, came out not only with a solution, but learning something new about ourselves and one another. To that extent, seeing a negative situation in a positive light may be a good way to further enhance our commitment. I don’t know how you feel about this, but I’d be more than happy to hear how you or anyone else deals with barriers in a relationship or even maintains their commitment for that matter.

 

MJJean:

 

I think She would agree with a lot of what you are saying and I’m glad to hear things from that perspective. She doesn’t want to be a “long term girlfriend” and I agree with that. I want this relationship to go somewhere too, because I know it has the potential to go somewhere.

 

Compatibility! This kinda goes back to response to Shattered Lady. Change is inevitable… but I strongly belief, same as you, that our core personalities are still going to stay the same. You just don’t wake up being an entirely different person the next day. At least I hope no one experiences that (it would be kinda shocking for the other person). I personally think She and I are pretty compatible for each other. I shared my feelings for her above just to give you an example. I never really touched on life goals, but to spare you a few extra paragraphs of explanations we share many of these too.

 

To All:

 

Well, crap… that was a lot of typing on my part haha. Again, thank you to all who have submitted a response. Your feedback, no matter what side/opinions you have, have been extremely helpful to me. I’m greatly appreciative of this information and it definitely gives me a lot to think about!

 

Cheers,

Edited May 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[mikeylo]

It's a next step in your life. That's all how I think about it. You go to school then college , etc. Yes, people do things out of the norm all the time, they home school the kids. But there is a difference between the kids coming from both the places.

 

You will reach your own conclusions in time. No one can force you to think either way and no ones opinions matters except yours and your gfs. But if you both differ in the reason to marry , then obviously you both can't be together because it's something important to her. Again , don't marry because she wants to. YOU want to as well, personally. There is no end to this discussion as many philosophical views can be added.

 

From how I read your posts , you love her immensely and she 'gets' you. You would be lost without her. Dude, that in itself is a reason enough to 'tie' her down with you. Nothing wrong in accepting it.

 

Marriage itself has its ups and downs. It's when people let it become boring by getting into set routines and taking each other for granted, the problems begin. Keep it exciting for long term satisfaction.