A Weird Situation: Should I Be Worried/Uncomfortable?

[Tk123]

Hello Loveshack! Its been awhile since I've posted here but I'm glad to be back.

 

I've been in a great, loving relationship with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years now. We know each-other inside and out and I truly see a bright future between us.

 

To provide a little background we are in our 20's and are both in college. She lives about 10 minutes away from me when we are both home from school, and while we are in college we are about 5 hours apart.

 

We've made the distance work over the couple of years that we've been dating and she is about to return to her parent's house for the summer where we will again only be 10 minutes apart.

 

While I'm extremely excited, there is an issue that has been making me extremely uncomfortable and nervous.

 

I'm going to try and explain this the best I can without confusing people.

 

In our town there is a local athletic team that recruits players to play for their team during the summer. These guys come from all over the country and while some are able to afford an apartment/hotel for the few months that they are playing here, some of them request a foster home to live in over the course of their schedule.

 

My girlfriend's brother is an aspiring athlete and her father thought it would be a good idea to bring in one of the players from the team this summer to live with them. My girlfriend's father has done this the previous summer while I was dating my girlfriend and while I tolerated it and kept my mouth shut, I cannot deny that I was in distress during the whole summer. I was extremely concerned and nervous all of last summer and I cannot see myself dealing with this issue for another 3 months of my life.

 

Here is where the issue is. The guest bedroom where this guy will be staying is directly across from my girlfriend's room. They will be sharing a bathroom and living literally right next to one another. Maybe part of it is jealousy but am I allowed to feel uncomfortable in this situation? I'm trying to stay cool about the whole thing because if I say anything to my girlfriend I'll receive the whole "you don't trust me treatment". Like I said, I put up with this last year when my girlfriend's father did this but I went to work worried everyday that something was going to happen.

 

Ultimately I know it's the parents house and decisions so I really have no say in this. Just the thought of all this makes me uncomfortable. This guy is a only a couple years older then myself and my girlfriend. My girlfriend naturally has a charming personality and is quite attractive to others from what I've been told.

 

I hope I can get some feedback from you guys to try and make me less nervous. How do I approach this situation? I don't think I can put up with this all summer again. I feel like I'm gonna live in competition with this aspiring professional athlete and I'm not going to be walked all over by this random guy who is living with my girlfriend's family for the summer.

Edited May 10, 2016 by Tk123

[TaraMaiden2]

Right. Hot guy moves in under same roof as my GF....

 

So:

How many times did she cheat with this guy, last year?

Did she tell you how gorgeous he was?

How ripped his body was?

How tempted and attracted she was?

What a temptation he was proving to be?

How overwhelming her desire for him was, that she could not help herself from going weak at the knees every time she saw him?

 

Unless she was actually over-awed by this stunning stud-athlete's good looks last year, and cheated on you by F**king his brains to mush - you need to understand that this crisis is all in your head.

 

You're making some pretty big assumptions about how attractive this type of guy is, and I can tell you, I personally don't fall for the muscled athletic type. Not every woman does. In fact, I think you'd be hard put to find - among all the lady members here - more than a handful whose partners are the Adonis type.

 

We might crack jokes about six-packs and how they turn us on and get us charged up - but men like that often - though not always - have an ego to match. Sensible women don't get swayed by egos.

 

I take it one of the reasons you love your GF is that she is sensible?

 

By all means air your concerns, but make it about you - not about her, or them.

Tell her, maybe jokingly, that by comparison, you feel a wimp, and you'd probably come 9th in a race of 8 people.... Kid about it.

But if your GF is canny, she will reassure you.

 

believe her.

She is far more credible and concrete, physical and present, than your insecure fears are.

[noelle303]

Hello Loveshack! Its been awhile since I've posted here but I'm glad to be back.

 

I've been in a great, loving relationship with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years now. We know each-other inside and out and I truly see a bright future between us.

 

To provide a little background we are in our 20's and are both in college. She lives about 10 minutes away from me when we are both home from school, and while we are in college we are about 5 hours apart.

 

We've made the distance work over the couple of years that we've been dating and she is about to return to her parent's house for the summer where we will again only be 10 minutes apart.

 

While I'm extremely excited, there is an issue that has been making me extremely uncomfortable and nervous.

 

I'm going to try and explain this the best I can without confusing people.

 

In our town there is a local athletic team that recruits players to play for their team during the summer. These guys come from all over the country and while some are able to afford an apartment/hotel for the few months that they are playing here, some of them request a foster home to live in over the course of their schedule.

 

My girlfriend's brother is an aspiring athlete and her father thought it would be a good idea to bring in one of the players from the team this summer to live with them. My girlfriend's father has done this the previous summer while I was dating my girlfriend and while I tolerated it and kept my mouth shut, I cannot deny that I was in distress during the whole summer. I was extremely concerned and nervous all of last summer and I cannot see myself dealing with this issue for another 3 months of my life.

 

Here is where the issue is. The guest bedroom where this guy will be staying is directly across from my girlfriend's room. They will be sharing a bathroom and living literally right next to one another. Maybe part of it is jealousy but am I allowed to feel uncomfortable in this situation? I'm trying to stay cool about the whole thing because if I say anything to my girlfriend I'll receive the whole "you don't trust me treatment". Like I said, I put up with this last year when my girlfriend's father did this but I went to work worried everyday that something was going to happen.

 

Ultimately I know it's the parents house and decisions so I really have no say in this. Just the thought of all this makes me uncomfortable. This guy is a only a couple years older then myself and my girlfriend. My girlfriend naturally has a charming personality and is quite attractive to others from what I've been told.

 

I hope I can get some feedback from you guys to try and make me less nervous. How do I approach this situation? I don't think I can put up with this all summer again. I feel like I'm gonna live in competition with this aspiring professional athlete and I'm not going to be walked all over by this random guy who is living with my girlfriend's family for the summer.

 

Why would you assume that this guy would be walking all over you? Have you met him and personally experienced this type of behavior from him?

 

Honestly, this is does seem like plain jealousy. And that is a normal human emotion, however, it is important to recognize that the catalyst for our jealousy are not the actions of people around us, but our own personal insecurities. Especially since I don't see you mention one situation in wich your girlfriend gave you any reason not to trust her.

 

If this is giving you such anxiety that you are unable to function and it's all you think about, I recommend that you talk to your girlfriend. But do it in such a way where you explain to her that it's nothing she did, but that it is YOUR issue and you need to work on it. Hopefully, she will be understanding and help you alleviate some of the anxiety.

 

As far as any other advice, you'll just have to pull through, control your emotions and work on tackling this problem.

[Space Ritual]

So what evidence do you have that she cheated on you last summer?

 

None?

 

What evidence do you have that she cheated on you while away in school?

 

None?

 

What evidence do you have of any of this at all other than your imagination and your insecurity?

 

None?

 

I thought so.

 

You need to simmer down now...lol

[ExpatInItaly]

I can understand not loving the idea of athletic young guy being in close quarters with your girlfriend, and you're "allowed" to feel anything you want. Bu I think it's primarily your insecurities speaking.

 

Where do you feel your shortcomings are? There's some part of you that feels you can't compare to this guy. Why do you feel your girlfriend would more interested in him than you? Has she ever given you any reason not to trust her?

[smackie9]

This is in the parents house. Like one of those guys would even dare make any attempt to get with his step daughter UNDER HIS ROOF. Any young man would know better. I bet money on it, the young house guest gets the riot act spoken to them about personal space/house rules by the brother and the father.

 

Just because there a penis across the hallway doesn't mean she's is going hop on it as they pass each other in the night to use the bathroom.

[Space Ritual]

This is in the parents house. Like one of those guys would even dare make any attempt to get with his step daughter UNDER HIS ROOF. Any young man would know better. I bet money on it, the young house guest gets the riot act spoken to them about personal space/house rules by the brother and the father.

 

Just because there a penis across the hallway doesn't mean she's is going hop on it as they pass each other in the night to use the bathroom.

 

 

For some reason this reminds me of the old "Farmer's Daughter" jokes.

[DevotedBaker54]

I'm sure her brother and father have the same concerns as you! Family members are very protective so if the guy tried anything, I'm sure her brother would be the first one to step in!

[snowbunni]

I'm sorry if this makes you more insecure, but I am VERY attracted to in-shape, athletic guys and I prefer sex with them. But before I get tarred and feathered, I would never in a million years tell you that if this second part weren't also true: I am married to a man who has gotten so insanely fat (not just "not athletic" but really, really fat!) and I would NEVER cheat on him. So if your gf is a decent person, you have nothing to worry about.