Women in their 40's ...

[ChocolateRain]

Newbie here and Hello to all ...

 

i am a woman in my early 40's and i have a hard time finding a suitable Partner . Matter of fact , my problem is , it is always the young guys asking me out or falling in love with me . According to my friends i should feel flattered but i am not . it is to the point i get angry lol , really .... i wish a older mature man while they wish younger immature ( not that all young women are immature )women hhhhh ... Are women in their 40's the forgotten ones ??? Anyone else can relate ?

Edited May 10, 2016 by ChocolateRain
correction

[Mrin]

Early 40's dude here. I just posted something about this on the "are you attracted to younger women" thread.

 

Cougar Hunting: So let's just leave the young cougar hunters out of the conversation since you find them annoying.

 

One of the things I've noticed is that when you get to be about our age an natural overlap starts to occur. Men start to date/be attracted to women about 5 to 8 years younger. A lot of my female friends have all ended up with guys that fit into that overlap.

 

Not sure if you dig older guys, but consider adjusting your aim by about 5 to 8 years and see what happens.

[ChocolateRain]

Early 40's dude here. I just posted something about this on the "are you attracted to younger women" thread.

 

Cougar Hunting: So let's just leave the young cougar hunters out of the conversation since you find them annoying.

 

One of the things I've noticed is that when you get to be about our age an natural overlap starts to occur. Men start to date/be attracted to women about 5 to 8 years younger. A lot of my female friends have all ended up with guys that fit into that overlap.

 

Not sure if you dig older guys, but consider adjusting your aim by about 5 to 8 years and see what happens.

 

okayyy , well i have to check out your thread then ...

[LookAtThisPOst]

I am noticing women in their early 30's will have a 50/50 split on their dating age ranges for men they seek go as high as mid 40s, and the other split no older than MID-30s.

 

Like a 32 year old woman won't go beyond 35 or 37...while there are some 32 year old women that will date men as old as 45.

 

*Shrug* So there's an overlap there.

 

I HAVE noticed MORE women in their early 50s to desire men in their late 30s, i.e. - 38 yrs old....usually this is prominent in women in their 50s that age well and/or just look young for their age for a blessed gene they had received.

[edgygirl]

Welcome to the club... Last guy who wanted to marry me was 32.

 

I should feel flattered probably... but I'd prefer a guy my age or a little older.

 

I was married to a younger guy once, it didn't work out in the end... conflicting interests due to our stages in life.

 

Now, men my age are either: boring / crazy / look 15 years older than they are / are commitment phobics / want women who are 30 / and so forth... Not sure where to turn.

 

Newbie here and Hello to all ...

 

i am a woman in my early 40's and i have a hard time finding a suitable Partner . Matter of fact , my problem is , it is always the young guys asking me out or falling in love with me . According to my friends i should feel flattered but i am not . it is to the point i get angry lol , really .... i wish a older mature man while they wish younger immature ( not that all young women are immature )women hhhhh ... Are women in their 40's the forgotten ones ??? Anyone else can relate ?

 

[Toodaloo]

I managed to find guys who were "age appropriate" but I did have a lot of young guys wanting me to be their cougar or their mistress when I was OLD... I just laughed it off. I mean how can I possibly take a guy younger than my step children seriously as a partner?

 

I find you get loads of really screwed up people in our age group who are single and panicking about being alone or who are so hurt they just don't want to try any more.

[Imajerk17]

What @Toodaloo said.

 

Meanwhile, I can't help but notice...6 emoticons in your opening post. Even worse, for two short paragraphs. It comes across a bit immature to be blunt, the way a teenage girl may write. I know this is an online forum, but typically there is some carry over between one's writing style on here and how that person comes across in real life, and if you are coming across this way to the men your age, I can see why they'd be turned off.

Edited May 24, 2016 by Imajerk17

[Michelle ma Belle]

Yes I can relate BIG time.

 

I felt the same way as you in the beginning but have decided to embrace the young love and it's been great for what it is. I mean, why not? If men our age are too blind and daft to take notice of a great catch like me then so be it. Who the hell wants to sit around growing cobwebs while waiting for the perfect age appropriate man to show up? I've got to much life in me to to do that.

 

Ultimately, I want to settle down with a man my age but until that happens, I'm enjoying life and enjoying the attention I am getting because who knows how long it will last.

Edited May 24, 2016 by Michelle ma Belle

[mikeylo]

I'm in my 50s married guy and can tell you straight off the bat that 40s women, if they have their life together : emotionally especially, they will be well sort after by guys from 30 to 50 !

 

For long term , better to go for a guy older than you , as they say men mature later blah blah but it's true.

[amaysngrace]

I don't like them too old but a 20-something is way too young for me to take seriously.

 

It makes me feel like they don't have a mom.

[Miss Peach]

Have you read Evan Marc Katz's blog? He's a dating coach aimed at women but he he tends to offer a balanced view between men and women IMO. He has a few articles about how everyone complains about the age range they want not wanting them. It seems to be a pretty common question he gets.

[GemmaUK]

What @Toodaloo said.

 

Meanwhile, I can't help but notice...6 emoticons in your opening post. Even worse, for two short paragraphs. It comes across a bit immature to be blunt, the way a teenage girl may write. I know this is an online forum, but typically there is some carry over between one's writing style on here and how that person comes across in real life, and if you are coming across this way to the men your age, I can see why they'd be turned off.

 

I have to say OP that I thought the same as Imajerk when I read your opening post.

I'm mid forties and admittedly if a man my age mailed me with all those emojis I would likely stop responding.

 

As to your question, I find the young young just see the 40's women as experience so I just laugh them off. The older, late 30's and 40's do too though when you discover they are inexperienced..that is another subject entirely though..

 

Men my age and older I struggle with as most on OLD are way out of shape and properly old looking plus very stuck in their ways.

I grabbed a lift into town one lunchtime a few months back with a co worker who is only 7 years older than me and he bumped into someone he used to work with who said 'is this your daughter Sarah?'

 

I get attention IRL from men early 30's mostly but I wouldn't date a man that much younger than me unless it just felt right.

It hasn't felt right and my last three attempts were so cringey that I don't wish to pursue any kind of relationship/dating/flirting right now.

Life is simple, I love it!

[ChocolateRain]

What @Toodaloo said.

 

Meanwhile, I can't help but notice...6 emoticons in your opening post. Even worse, for two short paragraphs. It comes across a bit immature to be blunt, the way a teenage girl may write. I know this is an online forum, but typically there is some carry over between one's writing style on here and how that person comes across in real life, and if you are coming across this way to the men your age, I can see why they'd be turned off.

 

always funny when people judge other people without knowing them ... just because i have a sense of humor doesn't make me immature . if you base my personality on using emoticons than that sounds even more immature on your part ... i begin to notice that it is better to bitch and moan than to have a smile on ones face ... i didnt intend to come across all negative and emoticons are there to use ... should i judge you by your Name ??? That's whats wrong with people these days judging without knowing ... sad

[ChocolateRain]

Yes I can relate BIG time.

 

I felt the same way as you in the beginning but have decided to embrace the young love and it's been great for what it is. I mean, why not? If men our age are too blind and daft to take notice of a great catch like me then so be it. Who the hell wants to sit around growing cobwebs while waiting for the perfect age appropriate man to show up? I've got to much life in me to to do that.

 

Ultimately, I want to settle down with a man my age but until that happens, I'm enjoying life and enjoying the attention I am getting because who knows how long it will last.

 

TBH i have dated a few young men and was even married to a younger man ... but 11 years of age difference brings problems somewhere along the line . i started to look for men in my age range because i felt i needed an equal partner mind wise ( excuse my poor english it's not my first language ) . i have a very strong personality and need and equal or someone i can look up to . With a young man it can be exciting for a while but at some point in life things change ( my own experience ) .

[ChocolateRain]

I have to say OP that I thought the same as Imajerk when I read your opening post.

I'm mid forties and admittedly if a man my age mailed me with all those emojis I would likely stop responding.

 

Well, again ... all my life i was stuck in a very serious demanding job and to have a sense of humor shouldn't be a crime or a reason to judge someone . This is not a dating site so i dont have to worry scaring men off with 6 emoticons '' rolleyes ''

 

 

As to your question, I find the young young just see the 40's women as experience so I just laugh them off. The older, late 30's and 40's do too though when you discover they are inexperienced..that is another subject entirely though..

 

Men my age and older I struggle with as most on OLD are way out of shape and properly old looking plus very stuck in their ways.

I grabbed a lift into town one lunchtime a few months back with a co worker who is only 7 years older than me and he bumped into someone he used to work with who said 'is this your daughter Sarah?'

 

I get attention IRL from men early 30's mostly but I wouldn't date a man that much younger than me unless it just felt right.

It hasn't felt right and my last three attempts were so cringey that I don't wish to pursue any kind of relationship/dating/flirting right now.

Life is simple, I love it!

 

the experience i have had is that men my age are just very relationship damaged and /or they are in their prime of their lives and wish to enjoy with younger females or they cant decide ... personally i find it tough to be in the 40's to find a suitable partner ...

[GemmaUK]

always funny when people judge other people without knowing them ... just because i have a sense of humor doesn't make me immature . if you base my personality on using emoticons than that sounds even more immature on your part ... i begin to notice that it is better to bitch and moan than to have a smile on ones face ... i didnt intend to come across all negative and emoticons are there to use ... should i judge you by your Name ??? That's whats wrong with people these days judging without knowing ... sad

 

I agreed with IMJ and for me I was just pretty surprised at someone of my age using so many emojis.

It's not 'judgemental' per say.

Honestly not.

Another thing is use of paragraphs.

 

These are all styles that equate to the perception of being mature when posting online or mailing a reply to a message on a dating website.

 

We are all 20 something at heart but writing in different ways and being perceptive about mails we receive and how the person we are chatting with writes are a BIG part of OLD!

[ChocolateRain]

Welcome to the club... Last guy who wanted to marry me was 32.

 

I should feel flattered probably... but I'd prefer a guy my age or a little older.

 

I was married to a younger guy once, it didn't work out in the end... conflicting interests due to our stages in life.

 

i can totally relate , same happened to me ... it just didnt work !

[amaysngrace]

..... i started to look for men in my age range because i felt i needed an equal partner mind wise ( excuse my poor english it's not my first language ) . i have a very strong personality and need and equal or someone i can look up to . With a young man it can be exciting for a while but at some point in life things change ( my own experience ) .

 

I think you express yourself very well for someone who primarily speaks another language.

 

I know what you mean about wanting someone more our own age than younger men. Although it can be flattering, it's just not always the best choice.

[Gloria25]

I'm confused....

 

Are you upset that guys our age aren't hitting on you, have too much baggage, and/or look "old"?

 

I have gotten hit on by younger, college guys in my hood and it doesn't offend me cuz of their age, but cuz I think that they just wanna bang you so they can go and Hi-five their buddies that they banged a cougar and/or think you're lonely and just happy to take what you can get.

 

My current guy, yes, there's an age gap and that was one reason I put him off for a while, but am glad we kicked it off. He's excellent in the bedroom and I don't consider him a "boy toy", I have more respect for him than that...I consider him a "young man", cuz yes, he is young, but he's taking the right steps in life and I see a great future for him. He's humble, yet ambitious . And, he's fit, he cooks, I mean not your typicalg20 something guy eating hot dogs off of toothpicks.

 

But I have to remember that it's not gonna last cuz of the age gap. One day he's gotta move on and marry a nice girl and have a family. I can't give him that. Ashton Kutcher left Demi Moore after like 8 years and she had a nervous breakdown...well, hello, was she delusional to think he realistically could have a family with a 50 yr old woman? Doesn't matter how hot Demi is for her age. So, now he's with Mila Kunis...who is age appropriate for him in the long run to have a family with.

 

So, yes, I am not a fan of the "cougar" club and don't consider myself one. I just am fortunate enough to have kicked it off with a younger guy and not like now I have a thirst for cubs now, but I'm more open to dating younger than I was in the past..."if" they are like my current guy; )

[Buddhist]

We're not forgotten it's just a fact of life that many of the available men out there are younger. And well if they don't mind, neither should you. But the life stages thing can get frustrating.

[Emilia]

the experience i have had is that men my age are just very relationship damaged and /or they are in their prime of their lives and wish to enjoy with younger females or they cant decide ... personally i find it tough to be in the 40's to find a suitable partner ...

Do you look for them mostly through online dating?

 

If yes, that's the main issue I think. I think when people mostly relate to the opposite sex through dating apps rather than socialising, they tend to view them much more in a one or two dimensional manner and what they can get from them.

[ChocolateRain]

Do you look for them mostly through online dating?

 

If yes, that's the main issue I think. I think when people mostly relate to the opposite sex through dating apps rather than socialising, they tend to view them much more in a one or two dimensional manner and what they can get from them.

 

i am from europe but i had this adventurous crazy idea after my retirement to move to a foreign country and the location is heavenly but i didnt consider the long term effects . i wont and cant date here due to cultural differences . So the only way for me to socialize is to go through OLD ...

[ChocolateRain]

I'm confused....

 

Are you upset that guys our age aren't hitting on you, have too much baggage, and/or look "old"?

 

iT's not the problem of men not hitting on me , no matter what their age and looks are secondary to me . i love mature looking men and some men even in their 60's can look very interesting .

 

 

I have gotten hit on by younger, college guys in my hood and it doesn't offend me cuz of their age, but cuz I think that they just wanna bang you so they can go and Hi-five their buddies that they banged a cougar and/or think you're lonely and just happy to take what you can get.

 

There are many mature younger men but yes i agree some just wish to chase a cougar...

 

 

 

My current guy, yes, there's an age gap and that was one reason I put him off for a while, but am glad we kicked it off. He's excellent in the bedroom and I don't consider him a "boy toy", I have more respect for him than that...I consider him a "young man", cuz yes, he is young, but he's taking the right steps in life and I see a great future for him. He's humble, yet ambitious . And, he's fit, he cooks, I mean not your typicalg20 something guy eating hot dogs off of toothpicks.

 

But I have to remember that it's not gonna last cuz of the age gap. One day he's gotta move on and marry a nice girl and have a family. I can't give him that. Ashton Kutcher left Demi Moore after like 8 years and she had a nervous breakdown...well, hello, was she delusional to think he realistically could have a family with a 50 yr old woman? Doesn't matter how hot Demi is for her age. So, now he's with Mila Kunis...who is age appropriate for him in the long run to have a family with.

 

So, yes, I am not a fan of the "cougar" club and don't consider myself one. I just am fortunate enough to have kicked it off with a younger guy and not like now I have a thirst for cubs now, but I'm more open to dating younger than I was in the past..."if" they are like my current guy; )

 

Exactly, the problem that will arise with dating younger men... there will always be the issue of wanting a family sooner or later . maybe now in my 40's is not a big deal of dating a younger man in their 30's but down the years it will make a huge difference .

 

My last Bf was younger than me and was the best relationship of my life. The only problem was that he voiced that he wishes children one day . So it would be selfish of me to rob him out of him being a dad in the future .

 

Another problem i have noticed that men my age often lie when on OLD sites . Many are married and /or are stuck in a unhappy marriage and they either wish to complain but not do anything about it or they just looking for a quick fix ...

 

OLD is tough lol

Edited May 25, 2016 by ChocolateRain
ETA

[Emilia]

i am from europe but i had this adventurous crazy idea after my retirement to move to a foreign country and the location is heavenly but i didnt consider the long term effects . i wont and cant date here due to cultural differences .

So you live in a place where you can't date the locals and there are no european expats? Not the smartest move.

So the only way for me to socialize is to go through OLD ...

but that means I presume contacting men outside the country you live in. How do you expect that to work?

 

Unless I have completely misunderstood your situation.

[Emilia]

My last Bf was younger than me and was the best relationship of my life. The only problem was that he voiced that he wishes children one day . So it would be selfish of me to rob him out of him being a dad in the future .

What women of a certain age don't seem to get here (and I am of that date, 43) is that those younger guys don't stick around. He would have left. You wouldn't have robbed him of anything because he would have simply left anyway.

 

When it comes to relationships with age gaps, it's almost always the younger person that leaves because they have more options (and are more motivated, I'd guess).